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Unhealthy Obsession
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Author:  Kravous [ Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Unhealthy Obsession
(Currently in a relationship)

This is about my ex
I can't get over her, there hasn't been a day since we broke up that she didn't pop up in my mind.
That relationship ended nearly 5 months ago, I thought it would get better in time but its not. Its not getting worse, but its not getting any better.

I jumped into my current relationship to get over my last one. Everyone thinks this girl is way better for me, and I do too. She's smart, funny, down to earth & even hotter.

But yet still, everywhere I go, I would look around & compare most girls to my ex, or I would think that I just saw her drive by, or I'd see her last name somewhere in the middle of a huge text or a book or whatever. All those little weird tricks ur mind can play on you.

This isn't one sided, she texted me several times that she misses me and can't get over me & what not. But the way I feel is getting unhealthy and out of control.
The thing is, she has NO idea that I'm feeling this way. I've been reading and learning about women for years & I know the way i'm acting is pathetic. Everything I have done with/to her is through research and preparation to keep her obsessed with me. I know I'm playing a sick game but this is just the way I rock my boat. I dont get in love, either I don't feel shit or either I'm obsessed, there has never been a balanced feeling.

I've been trying to avoid opening a topic about this to convince myself I have it under control. but I DON'T.
Right now I'm with this "perfect" girl, she does everything for me & everything is going great. Yet my stupid MIND cannot get over the ex.

I need some guidance, thanks.
Author:  osyn [ Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
Well, you need to tell the other girl what's going on in your head, as well as the girl that you're in a relationship with. She's clearly wasting her time on you if you don't feel that way about her. The rebound trick clearly didn't work.

If the girl you're obsessed with rejects you, just back away. Either way, therapy can help.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
Who did the dumping in your old relationship? You didn't mention if it was a cheating situation or what... there are some details missing here which would be needed for the best advice possible.

If it was her that did the dumping - that could be your answer. It didn't end on your terms and you wonder "what if?". If it was YOU that did the dumping - then you probably did it for a reason... Can you remember the reason? Was it valid? Is it still valid?

You don't mention your age either - so I'm not sure what stage of life you're at... but your new girl sounds like a keeper.
Author:  Kravous [ Sat Feb 22, 2014 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
She won't reject me, I can call her up right now and she would most likely come over. This won't change my state of mind tho, I need to prevent to be this obsessed in the future, it can only end badly if I stay like this.

And the reason we broke up is because she didn't get along with my friends, and I didn't get along with hers.
When we where together it was just us two, nobody else. Eventually people started sabotaging the relationship. It was constant drama & mind games and eventually she said she couldn't take it anymore.
Neither did I. So we ended it, with the flame still burning strongly.

I'm not trying to get back with her. IF anything, i'll just want to sleep with her a few more times, get it out of my system.
But my goal is to prevent feeling this way in the future, its screwing me up.
I'm thinking therapy is a good option.

Oh, and i'm 23.
Author:  Rough Operator [ Sun Feb 23, 2014 1:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
It's kind of like giving up smoking, after a few months you forget why you wanted out and your brain starts trying to justify lighting up again yet your logical mind knows its bad for you.
Author:  Semimembranosus [ Sun Feb 23, 2014 9:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
give me her number mate
Author:  fugs [ Mon Feb 24, 2014 8:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
Kravous, here's my 3 steps therapy. Worked for me anytime it was needed.
First step: you have to stop being in touch with her. Block her phone number and other media if necessary.
Second step: force yourself to think of something else whenever she pops in your mind. it won't be easy at start, but it'll get easier with time.
Third step: find someone your dick finds hotter, not your brain. My guess is you're rationalizing your current GF to be hotter but you're not as attracted as you are to your ex.
Author:  Kravous [ Mon Feb 24, 2014 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
Hi fugs,

I realised I do need to find someone my dick wants, not my mind.
Kinda sucks because I would be considered the biggest asshole if I break up with her now.
Her friends & family aswell as my friends & family are involved in this relationship & they're all more into it than I am.
She's also making "jokes" about the future saying "I know what I'm gonna get you NEXT valentine"
or "Uhh no if we live together, that side of the bed is mine". TURN-OFF.

That's another issue I got myself in, but I can get myself out, in time. :evil:
Author:  fugs [ Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Unhealthy Obsession
One thing you must understand is this: you are the most important person in your life. Not your family, not your friends, their opinion should not influence your well-being in a negative way. You can break up with her gently or go total beta on her and let her "dump" you if you don't want to be considered responsible for this.
In all fairness, her jokes about the future are kind of unhealthy.
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