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Current Situation - Mixed Signals and Childish Games
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Author:  JBM123 [ Wed Jan 15, 2014 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Current Situation - Mixed Signals and Childish Games
The Girl

Very attractive and funny. HB 8/9. Got out of a 3 year relationship about 6 months ago. Said she didn't want to commit to anything but wants to keep "this" going. High social status, always busy, getting invited places, etc.

Me

Good looking, good personality and great job. High value for sure. Needy and insecure inner game but have control over my outer response. She doesn't know how I feel.

The Relationship

Met the final week of October on Tinder. K closed first date, F closed that weekend at a party she invited me to. I kept texting to making plans and not small talk, was assertive with planning, was sexual. Had great time on dates, slept over after and great sex. Was seeing each other 1-2x/ week.
It's now 2 and a half months later and I'm starting to feel very insecure. She never asks to hang out or says she wants to so me. The only explicit invites I ever got were after our first date to a party, and to be her NYE date.

She has said "Oh, I was going to ask you to hang out but I figured you were busy, which you were." I've never asked her why she does this or told her that I was upset or felt like I was chasing her.

I admit, I like her..a lot. Planned great dates, got her Christmas gifts etc. Still, not needy. If she doesn't respond to a text or flakes, I don't double text or fret. However, might have invested too much too soon.

Snapshot of the current situation:
Bought us 2 tickets for Christmas to something very cool on January 13th. She completely forgot. We still went, had a great time and I slept over. When I try to make plans, she says she'll let me know and then doesn't. Or, she'll say yes and cancel last minute.

I've stopped asking her out to dinner, etc. It's mostly been meeting up on weekend nights after drinking. Now, seeing each other only about 1x/week. When I was last in her bed Monday, she said "Oh, I'm glad you're here. I missed this."

She still gchats me every day while we're at work and she initiates text however, I feel at this point she needs to meet me half way. She should be inviting me, and I feel like I'm still chasing.

I take the lead to invite her 9/10 times because I was trying to take the lead and she doesn't want to commit every time but she's down the other half of the times.

Other than this issue, everything is going fine. No fights, etc.

How do I get power back and make this an equal relationship? How do I get her to initiate plans with me?
Author:  fugs [ Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Current Situation - Mixed Signals and Childish Games
Seems to me she's not that interested as she appears to be. I'd say withdraw attention and stick to the 2/3 rule.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Sat Jan 18, 2014 9:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Current Situation - Mixed Signals and Childish Games
"When you cancelled plans the other evening, I had felt sad as I have a need for connection. Would you be willing to help me meet this need of mine? (figure out ways in which this need can be met)"

It's a strong statement. 1) declaring the behavior that upset you without pinning blame on her, 2) telling her how you feel, AND the associated need, and 3) how that need of yours can be met. Don't say this in a meager tone, but one where you're giving a gift to her, the gift to fullfill your need for connection.
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