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The special one vs abundance
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Author:  General Destro [ Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:49 pm ]
Post subject:  The special one vs abundance
Hey guys

Got a really deep dilemma here. Be interested to get people views, especially those of anyone who is maybe a bit older has been in a similar situation and can share what they did.

I’ve been with a girl for 18 months – she is amazing in so many ways, great body, beautiful face, sexy, highly sexed, classy, intelligent and we have incredible chemistry. She would make an amazing mother to my kids (I want to have kids at some point). I love her.

Whilst I have been seeing her in parallel I have also been running my game, picking up and full closing. At first she knew I was seeing other people but then we can to a crossroads and I had to start going covert with my on the side pick up activity.

Now the clock is ticking and eventually we’ll get to the point – are we going to move this forward (move in together) or not. We have talked about our future, getting a place, building a life and having a family.

My issue is this – as a pick up artist I am torn between A) my love of playing the game B) having found an amazing women who is really into me, having a desire to be with her long term and start a family etc

Are A and B irreconcilable? Do you stop once you’ve found an amazing one? What if you’re not ready to turn your back on the game? Is it possible to have both – be open about the fact you want to be with her but still have the token sport fu** on the side.

Views, opinions, suggestions and advice much appreciated.
Author:  MrBreeze [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Look playa, I think youre blurring some lines here. I honestly find what youre doing to be unethical and shallow. And not for the reasons you think but because youre being dishonest when you dont have to be. I call bullshit on how special you feel about her because if you were so in love you wouldnt be acting in a manner that will clearly hurt the shit out of her. You know it, I know it, she knows it. Or if you do feel that shes special you ego is out of check and youre being narcissistic.

Youre in too deep to save yourself here but Im sure the relationship will play itself out. I used to believe in the Disney fairy tale. I was a serial monogamist my whole life... searching for the one. Turns out she cheats alot. At some point I found PUA and it changed my life and relationships. My whole goal has always been to find that one amazing woman...and how can one find her if not picking from abundance is my mindset. I can see you value an amazing women but youve confused how to qualify one.

My last three GFs never got the impression that I was monogamous. The girl I an seeing now knows everything about my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. She knew I was dating seven women when we met. I was completely honest with her. I told her she stood out of the crowd and that I would give her my complete attention but never my sexuality. She accepted and has been by my side for over a year. I never act like this is forever. I dont put her on a pedestal. I just enjoy our time together. I hold the same flirty bad ass vibe with every woman I want to, in front of her or not. She doesnt get jealous because I picked a woman that likes a man. I treat her with respect at all times and she knows that shes my number one. I dont really feel the urge to sleep with a bunch of women because our relationship is healthy but it does happen. Im not cheating or being unethical because these arent "covert" as you put it I just dont repress my desires or lie about them

If you love her so much you'd be honest with her about who you are and your desires in life. The perfect woman will like you for you. Think about it this way... why would you want the woman of your dreams to love a lie. In my life, I caught "The One" cheating on me. Months later she told me that she had three abortions, had no GED at 27, and was a prostitute before she knew me. My point? I loved the shit out of this woman for four years and it wasnt even her. Just some made up shit a HB9.5 with low self worth decided to construct.

Your woman cant truly love you if she doesnt know who you are.
Author:  Brantley [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
I'm going to back up what he said. If this is even a question in your mind. You have no business being with this woman.
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
I think this will really help you....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PORhDvqXVrU

Watch that video... Make your own decision from there.
Author:  cmd [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 8:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
MrBreeze said it all. Monogamous relationships are about trust. If you can't provide trust, simply don't be in one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you sound like a guy who would be all heart broken if she did the same to you...

TheMajikalMethod, I mostly agree with this video, but wouldn't call monogamy a myth or non existent.
Author:  vhou812 [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Monogamy is not myth. It is a form of commitment. Either you are willing to accept and offer that level of commitment or you are not.

You are a cheater. You are hiding things about you because you think it's in your own self interests, or because you fear the consequences of telling her the truth. If that is how you want to live your life, it's your life. But as one who also made these mistakes, I don't advise it. I discovered that I have self esteem issues. Why? Because I knew things others did not. All my family and friends, and other women, thought I was a great guy, because they did not know what I knew about myself.

Now, after the fact, I am happier with myself. How would you feel, if as Mr. Breeze said, if you were smitten with this girl, and found out after offering her monogamy, you learned she had deprived you of the truth and led you to believe she was doing the same?

My advise? Be a man. Tell her what's on your mind, and in your heart. Give her the truth, and let her choose her own fate. You might be surprised at how she chooses, because sadly, so few men are strong enough to do this.
Author:  MrBreeze [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Quote:
Give her the truth, and let her choose her own fate. You might be surprised at how she chooses, because sadly, so few men are strong enough to do this.

I'll admit I was skeptical at first. Its scary shit, but at the time I had nothing to loose and didnt want LTRs. So I started playing around with total brutal honesty and I was blown away at the responses. Turns out women dont want this fairy tale half as much as they want honesty. Im a gentleman thats just honest...
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Quote:
I mostly agree with this video, but wouldn't call monogamy a myth or non existent.
What he is saying in that video is that EVERY concept out there... it's all concepts that neither you nor I came up with. If they aren't YOU'RE concepts, you shouldn't feel like it is necessary to follow the rules of those concepts.

Men were really not meant to be monogamous. We are designed to "spread our seed." Now, whether or not you want to actually GET MARRIED should be completely and 100% up to you. Is that something that you really want to do? What's wrong with the way things are now? Do you have this happy little vision of getting married and little babies running around and shit? If so, that's cool. But what are you going to do when that doesn't work out? BAM! The trance is over. The "happiness" is gone. Now you are stuck in a whole bunch of legal problems... I've been married and divorced bro. I'll tell you its like the fucking mob. Once you're in, it's gonna cost you pretty much your LIFE to get out. See both sides of the story.

Plus, marriage is something that has to do with the GOVERNMENT! Think about if the concept of marriage didn't exist... At all right? Would you ever, ever, ever say "Baby, you know what? This shit is so good... I think we should get the GOVERNMENT INVOLVED!" ???? Shit, I'd hope not. Just enjoy life for the present and let things unfold man. Let the cards fall where they may and don't think about all that "marriage" shit.
Author:  ChitownMaverick [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 10:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Monogamy is absolutely a myth.

It quite simply DOES NOT WORK, particularly once it hits the three-year mark.

Women are even worse at monogamy than men (they just lie about it better).

There is not a shred of evidence in human history that

A. It works
B. We're capable of it

55% of married women in this country ADMIT to cheating. Given their tendency to lie about how few sexual partners they've had, all evidence suggests that this number is far lower than the truth.

21% of marriages are open marriages. They work much better than strict Disney monogamy ones.

Again--humans ARE NOT BUILT for lifelong monogamy. I don't care what your TV told you, trying to be lifelong monogamous is going against your own nature and will cause endless dissonance (not to mention shit loads of drama once she knows she can treat you however she wants because she's your only option).

Never be in a monogamous relationship UNLESS you understand that it won't last forever and UNLESS you've been with dozens of girls, at least, before you do so.
Author:  General Destro [ Sun Oct 06, 2013 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Thanks to everyone for their input, although a number of you seem to be missing the point by a country mile. What’s done is done, in the past and all we have is the future… and hey, if it’s good enough for John F. Kennedy it’s good enough for me ;-)

Cmd – if she had been seeing/sleeping with other guys I would understand, I accept that we’re all human and people sometimes have a good reason for not telling the truth, I wouldn’t be all heartbroken because I’m not naïve

The Majika Method – you hit the nail on the head dude! But then my question is this – we’re not built to be monogamous, we are designed to “spread the seed”, but some of us want to have kids and possibly some sort of “family” construct around this – in these circumstances what is the solution?

I’d be particularly interested to get your take given that you’ve been married before and had it not work out. What do you plan to do for the rest of your life? Keep going, banging fresh chicks until the day you die?

ChitownMaverick – I agree with much of what you say. But by that token are we then saying I think she’s amazing after 18 months of not spending too much of my week with her and having my own space as well, but after living with her for another two years that’s likely to change, I’ll get sick of her and/or she’ll get sick of me?

For the record I’m not talking about getting married – I have no intention of doing this. My question relates more to what kind of scenarios work best in people’s experience? Are people intending to keep gaming and banging fresh chicks for the rest of their lives? Will they do it until they have “got it out of their system” and then settle down? Will they settle down partially but still do the odd bit of game whilst being honest with their partner about this?
Author:  ChitownMaverick [ Mon Oct 07, 2013 1:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Quote:
ChitownMaverick – I agree with much of what you say. But by that token are we then saying I think she’s amazing after 18 months of not spending too much of my week with her and having my own space as well, but after living with her for another two years that’s likely to change, I’ll get sick of her and/or she’ll get sick of me?
Absolutely, positively yes.

Womens' natural inclination for short-term monogamy runs out, very consistently and predictably, at about the three-year mark (if they make it that far at all).

You think she's amazing BECAUSE you have your own space and don't spend too much time with her. That is WHY you like her--because you have a place to retreat to at your own pace, to gather yourself, relax, etc.

The fact that you don't spend much time with her is what allows you two to MISS EACH OTHER and wonder what the other is up to. It maintains attraction and intrigue and curiosity.

If you move in with her, you immediately lose all those things. She knows your every move. You know hers. You can't get away from each other. There is no more mystery, no more missing the other person, no more wondering what they're up to.

Moving in is a GUARANTEED way to bring drama and shittiness into the relationship. Once she knows you can't go anywhere, she will have no reason not to piss you off. Even if you leave, it'll just look like you're pouting and she knows you have to come back eventually.

A wise man once said, "How you get her is how you keep her."

As to your second question, it seems that many people have different goals.

I already know that I will NEVER:

1. Get married
2. Be monogamous
3. Move in with a girl I'm dating
4. Expect long-term together forever fantasy

So that leaves me with a lifetime of short-term sexual flings and casual hookups.

Which I'm perfectly happy with.

Other guys want monogamous girlfriends or wives, which doesn't make sense to me, but it's their lives.

There is this myth that a guy just needs to "sow his wild oats" before he settles down.

Question: If I can sow my wild oats whenever I want, never compromising any part of myself that I don't want to give away...why would I ever settle down? My life is awesome.
Author:  cmd [ Mon Oct 07, 2013 2:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
@General Destro: Can I ask you why you are scared of telling her you have been seeing other girls even after your commitment to her? Can't you just man up and let her know about your desires?


@TheMajikalMethod: I understand what you're saying. Even if men were not meant to be monogamous, there are still some who obviously prefer it. There are successful PUAs who found a woman they want to be monogamous with. If it lasts, who knows. But who really cares either...
Everyone in a monogamous relationship will experience opportunities/temptations to cheat, it's just a question if you go ahead with it or resist because you value your relationship with that 1 person more than 1 fuck with a hottie...
Quote:
Quote:
Moving in is a GUARANTEED way to bring drama and shittiness into the relationship. Once she knows you can't go anywhere, she will have no reason not to piss you off. Even if you leave, it'll just look like you're pouting and she knows you have to come back eventually.

A wise man once said, "How you get her is how you keep her."

As to your second question, it seems that many people have different goals.

I already know that I will NEVER:

1. Get married
2. Be monogamous
3. Move in with a girl I'm dating
4. Expect long-term together forever fantasy
You have obviously had very bad experiences in the past... Still you can not show me any "evidence" that monogamy never works, like I can't show you any that it actually does.

It really is each to their own, and it's good you are happy with the way of life you chose. But don't make the mistake of dismissing other ways as a myth, just because for yourself it never worked...
Author:  ChitownMaverick [ Mon Oct 07, 2013 7:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
@ The last two posters:

Besides your bitchy little personal attacks and strawmen, you might actually learn something if you care to look into it.

I have never lived with a woman. I have never been married.

Google any search term similar to "the monogamy myth" and you will find scores of books written about it.

Read any book on Polyamory and open relationships, and you will see all the statistics laid out for you clearly, which are often quoted as part of peoples' motivations to be polyamorous.

Read Daniel Bergner's book "What Do Women Want?" and you'll find that scientists are hard at work inventing drugs specifically meant to cure the dried-up vaginas of long-monogamous women (the drugs are called Lybrido and Lybridos). You'll also notice that it's pretty much agreed on that monogamy itself IS THE CAUSE of the womens' boredom, seeing as how a new partner gets them wet again.

Read any femcentric site about how bored women are with their boyfriends and husbands.

Do some homework before you make assumptions.

I didn't say "it never works," even though it's nearly always true in the long run. What I said was that, based on the aggregate experiences of tens of thousands of men, very clear patterns form. Which is the basis for the seduction community.

Moving in speeds up the Betaization process by leaps and bounds. Look at ANY guy who's ever posted about moving in with a girl, and then count how many months it took before he came back on the boards asking "Why's she giving me all this drama?" and missing the point that moving in caused it.
Author:  cmd [ Mon Oct 07, 2013 10:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Quote:
Do some homework before you make assumptions.

I didn't say "it never works," even though it's nearly always true in the long run.
Hehe you didn't did you?
Quote:
Monogamy is absolutely a myth.

It quite simply DOES NOT WORK
Why would I read some books you recommend, if you can't even remember what you said 3 days ago...
Look, you have NEVER tried it, yet you are talking about it like you know it all. You can find studies who say it does work with some couples, and you can find studies that claim the opposite. Until you can prove it is a myth and simply DOES NOT WORK, don't hate people who think it CAN and does work. Yeah it might not work for the majority, I think so too.
Quote:
@ The last two posters:

Besides your bitchy little personal attacks and strawmen, you might actually learn something if you care to look into it.
Personal attacks my ass. I tell you something research has actually proven again and again: People who easily get angry/offended are not happy in life. You are sure your life is "awesome"?
Author:  General Destro [ Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The special one vs abundance
Quote:
Quote:
ChitownMaverick – I agree with much of what you say. But by that token are we then saying I think she’s amazing after 18 months of not spending too much of my week with her and having my own space as well, but after living with her for another two years that’s likely to change, I’ll get sick of her and/or she’ll get sick of me?
Absolutely, positively yes.

Womens' natural inclination for short-term monogamy runs out, very consistently and predictably, at about the three-year mark (if they make it that far at all).

You think she's amazing BECAUSE you have your own space and don't spend too much time with her. That is WHY you like her--because you have a place to retreat to at your own pace, to gather yourself, relax, etc.

The fact that you don't spend much time with her is what allows you two to MISS EACH OTHER and wonder what the other is up to. It maintains attraction and intrigue and curiosity.

If you move in with her, you immediately lose all those things. She knows your every move. You know hers. You can't get away from each other. There is no more mystery, no more missing the other person, no more wondering what they're up to.

Moving in is a GUARANTEED way to bring drama and shittiness into the relationship. Once she knows you can't go anywhere, she will have no reason not to piss you off. Even if you leave, it'll just look like you're pouting and she knows you have to come back eventually.

A wise man once said, "How you get her is how you keep her."

As to your second question, it seems that many people have different goals.

I already know that I will NEVER:

1. Get married
2. Be monogamous
3. Move in with a girl I'm dating
4. Expect long-term together forever fantasy

So that leaves me with a lifetime of short-term sexual flings and casual hookups.

Which I'm perfectly happy with.

Other guys want monogamous girlfriends or wives, which doesn't make sense to me, but it's their lives.

There is this myth that a guy just needs to "sow his wild oats" before he settles down.

Question: If I can sow my wild oats whenever I want, never compromising any part of myself that I don't want to give away...why would I ever settle down? My life is awesome.
This is really good, thanks dude.

One of my concerns. We went on holiday together in August for around 2 weeks and there were a couple of days where she was really starting to pi** me off. We got back, had few days apart, then a long weekend together and she continued to pi** me off at time. I remember thinking I need a couple of short weekends with her over next couple of weeks for the familiarity to subside and the contempt it had bred be allowed to dissipate.
Quote:
@General Destro: Can I ask you why you are scared of telling her you have been seeing other girls even after your commitment to her? Can't you just man up and let her know about your desires?
First of all it is my intention to never tell her what has happened over the last year - this would hurt her a lot. I would not have done this stuff unless I was extremely confident I could effectively manage the risk of her ever finding out, I would not risk hurting her. If she dies never knowing I "cheated" on her then she won't experience any pain as a result.

The possibility is that when the time comes I frame it as "I've haven't been doing any other sh** over the last year, but I can't stick to that going forward if we're talking about longer term".

In an ideal world we'd all tell the truth all the time. But guess what, it's not an ideal world, we all lie sometimes, you lie, sometimes to protect people or help manage a difficult situation. I'm a man. I'm flawed. I make no apology. I'm developing myself and this is a journey - the place I intend to end up is a place where everything is out n the open and people's expectations are better managed. But like I said, what's done is done.
Quote:
Everyone in a monogamous relationship will experience opportunities/temptations to cheat, it's just a question if you go ahead with it or resist because you value your relationship with that 1 person more than 1 fuck with a hottie...
It's more then that dude - it's the concept of not having that part of you restricted
Quote:
Even if men were not meant to be monogamous, there are still some who obviously prefer it. There are successful PUAs who found a woman they want to be monogamous with.
This bit is really good - so I'm wondering what's your take/your plan?

Chitown Maverick intends to never settle down and just keep banging fresh chicks. Is you plan to do this until you find an amazing girl and then be monogamous if she wants you to? If so what about the issues/problems/challenges Chitown Maverick raised about the fact attraction and spark diminishes when you move in together and it screws up the relationship? Is this something you've though about and if so how are the challenges met if at all?

Thanks
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