PUA Forum :: Relationship with sexually abused girl

Anyone had any success in relationships with a girl that was sexually abused during her childhood?

I realize that 1/3 to 1/5 has been sexually abused at some point, but some of the long term ramifications of sexual abuse make a relationship near impossible:
Trust issues
Intimacy issues
Low self esteem and associated attention / validation seeking behaviour
Inhibitions and guarded emotions
Dating aggression (emotional or physical abuse)
Withdrawal / stonewalling
And a shitload of other stuff

If the girl's been sexually abused, I hate it say it, but her sexuality has been destroyed probably for life. It is never going to be easy for her, for all the reasons you mentioned. And because of that, it is never going to be easy for anyone to be a in sexual relationship with her.

It's going to be a ton of work, a ton of drama, and only you can decide whether it's worth it to you.

Breaks my heart what happens to some young people, but the important thing to remember is how it's going to affect YOUR LIFE.

So the nice guy part of me reads the responses to this, and how in the relationship forum the advice is to completely shun someone who has some fucked up issues.

Author:	abstracted [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Relationship with sexually abused girl
Anyone had any success in relationships with a girl that was sexually abused during her childhood? I realize that 1/3 to 1/5 has been sexually abused at some point, but some of the long term ramifications of sexual abuse make a relationship near impossible: Trust issues Intimacy issues Low self esteem and associated attention / validation seeking behaviour Inhibitions and guarded emotions Dating aggression (emotional or physical abuse) Withdrawal / stonewalling And a shitload of other stuff

Author:	ChitownMaverick [ Wed Sep 25, 2013 9:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Relationship with sexually abused girl
The number you're quoting is nowhere near true. The rate of rape in the United States is less than 1 out of every 2,000 people, despite what Feminists like to shriek about. Beside the point. If the girl's been sexually abused, I hate it say it, but her sexuality has been destroyed probably for life. It is never going to be easy for her, for all the reasons you mentioned. And because of that, it is never going to be easy for anyone to be a in sexual relationship with her. It's going to be a ton of work, a ton of drama, and only you can decide whether it's worth it to you. Breaks my heart what happens to some young people, but the important thing to remember is how it's going to affect YOUR LIFE.

Author:	RealMe [ Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:02 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Relationship with sexually abused girl
Quote: Anyone had any success in relationships with a girl that was sexually abused during her childhood? I realize that 1/3 to 1/5 has been sexually abused at some point, but some of the long term ramifications of sexual abuse make a relationship near impossible: Trust issues Intimacy issues Low self esteem and associated attention / validation seeking behaviour Inhibitions and guarded emotions Dating aggression (emotional or physical abuse) Withdrawal / stonewalling And a shitload of other stuff I think you should decide this but on relevant information. That means you should date another girl in parallel who wasnt abused and compare.

Author:	Brantley [ Wed Sep 25, 2013 9:39 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Relationship with sexually abused girl
With the nickname, Captain Save-a-hoe. You can guess I've been with a few. One in particular stands out among the rest. I shacked up with a stripper for about 2 months after my divorce. She was the poster child for sexually abused young women. It didn't come out till one of our last weeks together. But her real dad was MIA and her step-dad would rape her as a young girl, mom knew but wouldn't do anything. Really fucked up ordeal. I would go as far as to say that girl was NOT repairable. She was always in need of validation. Massive mood swings. She would start fights just for the makeup session. It was a constant whorl wind of emotions around her. The sex? Some of the best I'd ever had. She was a sweet heart when she wanted to be. But damn did she have a dark angry side to her. She had a lot of hate in her heart. It's hard for someone who doesn't even value themselves to care for you too. I would be very leery about getting yourself into any kind of real relationship with someone like that.

Author:	MrBreeze [ Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Relationship with sexually abused girl
Quote: If the girl's been sexually abused, I hate it say it, but her sexuality has been destroyed probably for life. It is never going to be easy for her, for all the reasons you mentioned. And because of that, it is never going to be easy for anyone to be a in sexual relationship with her. It's going to be a ton of work, a ton of drama, and only you can decide whether it's worth it to you. Breaks my heart what happens to some young people, but the important thing to remember is how it's going to affect YOUR LIFE. ^this is spot on. I, like the others, have had a few sexual abused women. Sadly for them this is a fool's errand. Its not going to end well, shes not going to get better. I started actually asking women if they were sexual assaulted if I was considering them as a LTR. You need to pay attention to your life....

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Author:	vhou812 [ Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Relationship with sexually abused girl
So the nice guy part of me reads the responses to this, and how in the relationship forum the advice is to completely shun someone who has some fucked up issues. My decision on whether or not to engage in a relationship or continue in a relationship with someone like this would largely be determined by her actions. If she plays retarded games in the relationship much like many people here suggest posters should do, I would drop her like a bad habit. But if she communicates well that she knows about her issues, and wants her partner in the relationship to assist her in recovering or being the best person she can, then if you care for her, I say there's not a damn thing wrong with that. Just bear in mind that there is a limit to how much you can help a person, sometimes they have to help themselves, and make sure that whatever flaws or issues you have that she is returning the favor and helping you be your best self. When that is no longer true, then it's worth considering leaving the relationship, and that is true regardless of her being abused or not.

Author:	MrBreeze [ Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Relationship with sexually abused girl
Quote: So the nice guy part of me reads the responses to this, and how in the relationship forum the advice is to completely shun someone who has some fucked up issues. Because shes not the one asking for advice... If she was on the board saying I need to fix my behavior we all would have responded differently. Sounds like three of us have real life experiences that lead us to believe its not worth it. Two of us noted it was sad but true.

Author:	ChitownMaverick [ Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Relationship with sexually abused girl
For the record, I am not saying to shun them completely. I am saying to avoid RELATIONSHIPS with them completely. Women with issues (Freaks), whether it's sexual abuse, psychiatric disorders, drug issues, etc...make fantastic fuckbuddies and the sex with crazy chicks is off the hook. They'll do pretty much anything you want, and they'll love it. But keep them far the hell away from being able to influence your life. That means: NO girlfriend status NO moving in NO marriage NO spending most of your time together NO false promises that you're ever going to "be with her" You can still have fun with them, just don't give them access to your heart.

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