PUA Forum :: Girl refusing to pay on dates

Ok I have this problem... i have a few women im seeing/ meeting and most are easy to seduce and lay even on our first dates but recently I've been meeting up with this venseulan girl a few times and basically everything is running smoothly but theres a bit of a language gap. She's a bit reserved in a way that I'll do everything perfectly but she still resists eg. second time meeting her pulled her in for a kiss and she was like "we should get to know each other better"... worked around it and still kissed, touching etc. Next date went yo hers and stayed over... but after a whole night of charming the pants off her in bed (wresting, touching, kissing) all I got was to make her cum with my hand... no sex... really strong resistance. I'm wearing her down so next time I'm pretty sure it's gonna happen so that's not really the problem it's just an insight into the kinda girl she is.

The problem is.... she never pays for anything. First night I was being polite and bought her a drink but she never got another. Second night her and my friends were there and I got my drink but all 3 sat there without drinks for about an hour. I asked her was she not going to the bar and she responded with what she and her friends wanted as if I was a waiter or something. .. I ignored it and bought myself a drink. My friends noticed this too. After about 2 hours none of them had drinks still. Then her friends went home and she stayed. But after a while I caved like a bitch and got her a drink.
After staying in her house on date 3 we went to get breakfast in a cafe. When the bill came after reaching into my pocket very slowly to try hint maybe she should contribute she won out by not even reaching for her purse. Out of awkwardness I paid and I'm furious at myself for it.

I'm not used to this... usually women have some decency and at worst meet me halfway. Is it a culture thing? I'm irish and she's venseulan so I dunno. When in bed she told me she can be selfish and likes to be spoiled but thats just pissed me off more. What should I do or say to prevent this in the future without looking like a cheap ass or an aasshole and still keep the girl?

Thanks guys

Who gives a shit. But yes, the south american culture, at least ones in america pretty much want you to pay for everything, at least that is my experience. Honestly though, who gives a shit, are you poor or something?

Quote:

It's obnoxious and unattractive behavior. It's also easily correctable behavior. I don't mind paying for somebody who just doesn't have any money. However, it pisses me off when a girl just assumes they are entitled to free things just because they have a vagina.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf

I'm 27 she's 24... I'm not broke but I don't want to condition her into letting me pay for everything. From experience that leads down a very bad path. For what happens if one day you don't pay for her coffee?... she flips out at you. .. this actually happened to me so you can probably understand my point. People will take it for granted and it's chump behaviour on my part to pay for everything.

Also I'm seeing quite a few women now so paying for everything isn't practical at all.

Ok i confronted her through txt and heres the conversation:

"Can I ask you something?

Of course...
Tell me...
Busy day??

Would you still be interested if I didn't spoil you?

Spoil me in whats sense?
Like buy you things and pay for stuff

You mean interested in you?

Yeah

First of all yes I would...secondly for me spoiled means more thant that! Usually I consider the fact that a men paying for a woman if he has the possibility to do it of course is a very gentleman thing to do...I suppose that is also a part of our culture you see. But you don't have to do it if you don't feel like you want to or if is not natural for you.
How do you feel about that?
Why did you asked?
Would you like to change something about the way that you are treating me so far?
Like if don't feel comfortable with the way that you have been treating me in general so far? Do you think that you are spoiling me???

Just feel that if I do it all the time it won't be special or appreciated when I do pay for things... it will just become expected.. do I make sense?"

That's the conversation so far.. I'm a bit pissed off that she doesn't consider me paying for small things (food, drink etc) as spoiling her... I think she considers spoiling as presents and things.

Author:	Odysseus-7 [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:37 am ]
Post subject:	Girl refusing to pay on dates
Ok I have this problem... i have a few women im seeing/ meeting and most are easy to seduce and lay even on our first dates but recently I've been meeting up with this venseulan girl a few times and basically everything is running smoothly but theres a bit of a language gap. She's a bit reserved in a way that I'll do everything perfectly but she still resists eg. second time meeting her pulled her in for a kiss and she was like "we should get to know each other better"... worked around it and still kissed, touching etc. Next date went yo hers and stayed over... but after a whole night of charming the pants off her in bed (wresting, touching, kissing) all I got was to make her cum with my hand... no sex... really strong resistance. I'm wearing her down so next time I'm pretty sure it's gonna happen so that's not really the problem it's just an insight into the kinda girl she is. The problem is.... she never pays for anything. First night I was being polite and bought her a drink but she never got another. Second night her and my friends were there and I got my drink but all 3 sat there without drinks for about an hour. I asked her was she not going to the bar and she responded with what she and her friends wanted as if I was a waiter or something. .. I ignored it and bought myself a drink. My friends noticed this too. After about 2 hours none of them had drinks still. Then her friends went home and she stayed. But after a while I caved like a bitch and got her a drink. After staying in her house on date 3 we went to get breakfast in a cafe. When the bill came after reaching into my pocket very slowly to try hint maybe she should contribute she won out by not even reaching for her purse. Out of awkwardness I paid and I'm furious at myself for it. I'm not used to this... usually women have some decency and at worst meet me halfway. Is it a culture thing? I'm irish and she's venseulan so I dunno. When in bed she told me she can be selfish and likes to be spoiled but thats just pissed me off more. What should I do or say to prevent this in the future without looking like a cheap ass or an aasshole and still keep the girl? Thanks guys

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:58 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Huh? So the 2nd night you were out with friends and her and you were the only one drinking?

Author:	Odysseus-7 [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 5:38 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
I just realised I made that confusing haha... I was out with two friends and she was out with her two friends. My friends were drinking but hers weren't even tho they said they had the intention to.

Author:	Wolfwoodd [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:46 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
I dated a Chinese girl who did this. I let it go three times. Then I said (paraphrased), "Look, I was considering never calling you again, but I figured I would give you one more try. I'm a quality guy. I'm not going to keep paying for your crap every time we hang out. If you don't start contributing, then I'm going to delete your number from my phone." Her jaw hit the floor, but she started paying her way after that. Just be very direct. Tell this girl that you're not like the pussy-whipped shmucks she usually hangs out with. -Wolf

Author:	Odysseus-7 [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Ok i confronted her through txt and heres the conversation: "Can I ask you something? Of course... Tell me... Busy day?? Would you still be interested if I didn't spoil you? Spoil me in whats sense? Like buy you things and pay for stuff You mean interested in you? Yeah First of all yes I would...secondly for me spoiled means more thant that! Usually I consider the fact that a men paying for a woman if he has the possibility to do it of course is a very gentleman thing to do...I suppose that is also a part of our culture you see. But you don't have to do it if you don't feel like you want to or if is not natural for you. How do you feel about that? Why did you asked? Would you like to change something about the way that you are treating me so far? Like if don't feel comfortable with the way that you have been treating me in general so far? Do you think that you are spoiling me??? Just feel that if I do it all the time it won't be special or appreciated when I do pay for things... it will just become expected.. do I make sense?" That's the conversation so far.. I'm a bit pissed off that she doesn't consider me paying for small things (food, drink etc) as spoiling her... I think she considers spoiling as presents and things.

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Author:	TheFury [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 5:08 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Quote: Ok I have this problem... i have a few women im seeing/ meeting and most are easy to seduce and lay even on our first dates but recently I've been meeting up with this venseulan girl a few times and basically everything is running smoothly but theres a bit of a language gap. She's a bit reserved in a way that I'll do everything perfectly but she still resists eg. second time meeting her pulled her in for a kiss and she was like "we should get to know each other better"... worked around it and still kissed, touching etc. Next date went yo hers and stayed over... but after a whole night of charming the pants off her in bed (wresting, touching, kissing) all I got was to make her cum with my hand... no sex... really strong resistance. I'm wearing her down so next time I'm pretty sure it's gonna happen so that's not really the problem it's just an insight into the kinda girl she is. The problem is.... she never pays for anything. First night I was being polite and bought her a drink but she never got another. Second night her and my friends were there and I got my drink but all 3 sat there without drinks for about an hour. I asked her was she not going to the bar and she responded with what she and her friends wanted as if I was a waiter or something. .. I ignored it and bought myself a drink. My friends noticed this too. After about 2 hours none of them had drinks still. Then her friends went home and she stayed. But after a while I caved like a bitch and got her a drink. After staying in her house on date 3 we went to get breakfast in a cafe. When the bill came after reaching into my pocket very slowly to try hint maybe she should contribute she won out by not even reaching for her purse. Out of awkwardness I paid and I'm furious at myself for it. I'm not used to this... usually women have some decency and at worst meet me halfway. Is it a culture thing? I'm irish and she's venseulan so I dunno. When in bed she told me she can be selfish and likes to be spoiled but thats just pissed me off more. What should I do or say to prevent this in the future without looking like a cheap ass or an aasshole and still keep the girl? Thanks guys Who gives a shit. But yes, the south american culture, at least ones in america pretty much want you to pay for everything, at least that is my experience. Honestly though, who gives a shit, are you poor or something?

Author:	Wolfwoodd [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Quote: Who gives a shit. But yes, the south american culture, at least ones in america pretty much want you to pay for everything, at least that is my experience. Honestly though, who gives a shit, are you poor or something? It's obnoxious and unattractive behavior. It's also easily correctable behavior. I don't mind paying for somebody who just doesn't have any money. However, it pisses me off when a girl just assumes they are entitled to free things just because they have a vagina. Just my 2 cents. -Wolf

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Sep 18, 2013 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Lol, 2 drinks and a breakfast isn't "spoiling"... But if you want her to pay that's fine. How old are you 2 and does she work?

Author:	Odysseus-7 [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 7:09 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
I'm 27 she's 24... I'm not broke but I don't want to condition her into letting me pay for everything. From experience that leads down a very bad path. For what happens if one day you don't pay for her coffee?... she flips out at you. .. this actually happened to me so you can probably understand my point. People will take it for granted and it's chump behaviour on my part to pay for everything. Also I'm seeing quite a few women now so paying for everything isn't practical at all.

Author:	AFCToTheMax [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 2:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
I don't understand why you guys bring up this topic every time. If you don't feel comfortable paying for the girl then tell her. She expects it ? So what, who gives a shit it's her decision to change her behaviour or if she still expects you to be the SPAM then you are off. Chances are, if she likes you she'll pay. However sometimes it's right to take the girl out and pay for everything. Just don't make it a habit. OP what the girl told you makes sense: "Usually I consider the fact that a men paying for a woman if he has the possibility to do it of course is a very gentleman thing to do...I suppose that is also a part of our culture you see. But you don't have to do it if you don't feel like you want to or if is not natural for you." This quite clearly means to me that she accepts if you don't pay, but for her it's a nice thing if the man pays. Her preference. You can decide what to do about it. Girls expect things if you let them.

Author:	Pajo [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
In Serbia it's normaly that a guy pays for a girl. I would even be ashamed if she would pay for something, be a gentleman and pay for her. It's just culture differences

Author:	TheFury [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 7:20 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Quote: Quote: Who gives a shit. But yes, the south american culture, at least ones in america pretty much want you to pay for everything, at least that is my experience. Honestly though, who gives a shit, are you poor or something? It's obnoxious and unattractive behavior. It's also easily correctable behavior. I don't mind paying for somebody who just doesn't have any money. However, it pisses me off when a girl just assumes they are entitled to free things just because they have a vagina. Just my 2 cents. -Wolf I agree when I'm in a relationship and then I do what you said, I just tell them to start paying. But in this case it sounds like the guy has just been out on a few dates. It really doesn't matter that much. There is too much shit on these boards about how paying for girls is beta or what not and that is simply a load of shit. You can be beta and not pay or you can be beta and pay, paying for a date is not beta behavior in a bubble.

Author:	TheFury [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Quote: I'm 27 she's 24... I'm not broke but I don't want to condition her into letting me pay for everything. From experience that leads down a very bad path. For what happens if one day you don't pay for her coffee?... she flips out at you. .. this actually happened to me so you can probably understand my point. People will take it for granted and it's chump behaviour on my part to pay for everything. Also I'm seeing quite a few women now so paying for everything isn't practical at all. I agree with setting a precedent early but it's still quite early. It seems like you haven't slept with her yet? Get the relationship on your terms where you have the power (ie after sex) then it will be easier to make demands.

Author:	GamesSN [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 7:34 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Quote: Ok i confronted her through txt and heres the conversation: "Can I ask you something? Of course... Tell me... Busy day?? Would you still be interested if I didn't spoil you? Spoil me in whats sense? Like buy you things and pay for stuff You mean interested in you? Yeah First of all yes I would...secondly for me spoiled means more thant that! Usually I consider the fact that a men paying for a woman if he has the possibility to do it of course is a very gentleman thing to do...I suppose that is also a part of our culture you see. But you don't have to do it if you don't feel like you want to or if is not natural for you. How do you feel about that? Why did you asked? Would you like to change something about the way that you are treating me so far? Like if don't feel comfortable with the way that you have been treating me in general so far? Do you think that you are spoiling me??? Just feel that if I do it all the time it won't be special or appreciated when I do pay for things... it will just become expected.. do I make sense?" That's the conversation so far.. I'm a bit pissed off that she doesn't consider me paying for small things (food, drink etc) as spoiling her... I think she considers spoiling as presents and things. You sounded like a bitch. You should have been direct. I've been with South Americans and was fortunate enough to have met a girl who refused to let men pay for her. She basically told me how it was in her culture that it was expected the guy pay for everything to impress the woman. After all, latina/latinos are very physical people. Their body language is essentially pick up as a standard(They grab women, dance and grind as if it's the friendly thing to do and kiss a lot -- they're generally a very easy to lay people in comparison to Western Europeans) and they will openly discuss sexual topics and discuss it in general to both sexes. It's just normal for them. So, I guess a way for a guy in South America to show his value he has to prove he can put food on the table. It's just a thing I have where i'll pay for a drink on the first date or pay for lunch(simple €20 lunch) and then say "You can get the tip." That's just me. Generally I make it known i'm not a free meal. I know a lot of people who will take advantage of guys and only accept to go out for drinks or dinner with a guy because they know he'll pay but they never stick around for very long and easily get distracted. If a woman treated me like that I would have been direct about it and told her what I expect of her and what my culture expects of our women: Equality. Pay for your own stuff and don't be a freeloader(In a less gruff way of course).

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Author:	neo87 [ Thu Sep 19, 2013 10:49 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl refusing to pay on dates
Quote: I'm 27 she's 24... I'm not broke but I don't want to condition her into letting me pay for everything. From experience that leads down a very bad path. For what happens if one day you don't pay for her coffee?... she flips out at you. .. this actually happened to me so you can probably understand my point. People will take it for granted and it's chump behaviour on my part to pay for everything. Also I'm seeing quite a few women now so paying for everything isn't practical at all. I get that. Just saying that the word "spoiling" implies super special SPAM like gifts, and expensive things so she's right; 2 drinks and a breakfast wont count as spoiling someone.Does she work? One thing to keep in mind is how well off the person you're dating is. If she's a college student with a crappy part time job, I wont plan restaurant dates because I know her paying 50% is going to hurt her pocket so I'd do walks, ice cream movies at my place. If she's a woman with a career then you can do whatever.