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| Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=167362 |
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| Author: | abstracted [ Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
My girlfriend wrote her last final this term yesterday (not graduated yet.) It's not a big deal to me as I graduated 5 years ago and I work full time while she studies for her 3 classes. I'm also preparing to go to the burning man festival in ten days (to which she's been invited but declined) so I am very busy. Yesterday I planned to finish a burning man project in the evening after work. Loosely I thought I'd meet her at 11. So far so good. I stay in touch through the entire evening as our project is going slowly (friend is busy working on another project not helping) and I realize I will be late. At 11 I receive a text "What can I say. I thought you could've taken me for dinner and spend the evening with me since I'm done my exam." Thought that was particularly uncool not to bring it up until she was already disappointed. I call her to say so and that I am doing my best as the project needs to be completed now before my friend leaves for germany prior to burning man. She says no problem I am going out with a girlfriend and you can call me when you come back to the city if you like. No prob. I finish up as fast as possible, leave without helping my friend finishing cleaning, and rush back to the city. Arrive to the bar ten minutes before closing. Girlfriend and friend are with 2 guys. I greet my girlfriend with some arm kino and then her friend before going to the bar for a drink. Girlfriend is in intense conversation, with mirrored body language and lean-in, about one of her passions with the guy, and makes no effort to include me in the conversation or make introductions. No problem I go sit with her friend and catch up for a moment. Learn that the guys are strangers and have been buying drinks. My girlfriend gets up with the guy shes been speaking with to go for a smoke without saying anything (isolation). I am left as a third wheel. After a moment I tell my girlfriends friend that I am leaving, that I won't wait around for my girlfriend to smoke with a stranger at a bar after she made a big deal about me not paying attention to her that night. Her friend seems to understand and apologizes to which I reply don't worry about it is has nothing to do with you. Go outside, give my girlfriend some arm kino as I tell her I am leaving. She says she's leaving soon and asks why, I firmly repeat I am leaving with zero explanation. She turns her cheek as I go to kiss her goodnight (possibly she was wearing lipstick). Receive 17 calls or messages overnight. I plan to talk to her about it today. This is not the first time she has made a big deal about being together while we are apart then taking my presence for granted once we are together. I've always discussed any poor behavior with her instead of freezing her out since she has abandonment issues, but I found this terrifically disrespectful this time around and clearly being supportive and communicating verbally does not work. Any advice for me? Is my perspective reasonable or would anyone say her behaviour was reasonable since I was late (even though I clearly communicated I would be.) |
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| Author: | vhou812 [ Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
If this is a serious LTR, then I would isolate her and tell her flat out, you feel disrespected. Tell her you don't feel like you treat her that way, and ask her if she really feels like you did something wrong, and if so, ask her to explain it to you. If she has an explanation a good conversation should follow. If she doesn't, then you should get an apology. If none of the above happens, then it is up to you, but that would be a signal to me that she's not mature enough to be me. |
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| Author: | abstracted [ Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
That would have been a good action in the moment. Guess I forget that being my girlfriend I can demand her to join me for that conversation any time. Hopefully it's effective today. I am certainly realizing she is very immature in this respect. She just added another email that she doesn't remember anything (since she was drunk) and that she lost her phone too. Not cool. |
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| Author: | neo87 [ Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
Simple rule: If your gf ever isolates with a guy, leave her. |
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| Author: | n2thevoid [ Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
Wonder how she'd react if the tables were turned. I'd have a genuine convo with her, query her to see what her mindset was in the moment. She did have ample opp to introduce the two of you to diffuse any awkwardness, but hear her out before jumping the gun. |
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| Author: | Digital_Spy [ Sat Aug 17, 2013 11:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
Your biggest mistake was to say and do nothing when she sat her final exam. It pissed her off. Just because you sat yours 5 years ago and didn't think it was a big deal doesn't mean she thinks it's no big deal either. It was a big deal to her. She was getting her own back on you. You ignored her final exam, she ignored you with the other guy. Kiss and make up. You were both in the wrong. |
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| Author: | User13247 [ Sun Aug 18, 2013 12:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
Quote: Your biggest mistake was to say and do nothing when she sat her final exam. It pissed her off. Just because you sat yours 5 years ago and didn't think it was a big deal doesn't mean she thinks it's no big deal either. It was a big deal to her. She was getting her own back on you. You ignored her final exam, she ignored you with the other guy. Kiss and make up. You were both in the wrong.
For once I agree with the troll.
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| Author: | Nebular [ Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:14 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
Quote: Quote: Your biggest mistake was to say and do nothing when she sat her final exam. It pissed her off. Just because you sat yours 5 years ago and didn't think it was a big deal doesn't mean she thinks it's no big deal either. It was a big deal to her. She was getting her own back on you. You ignored her final exam, she ignored you with the other guy. Kiss and make up. You were both in the wrong.
For once I agree with the troll.It's not like he was indifferent and continued eating dinner with another girl. IMO alot of women have a misconception of male jealousy, it get's you jealous AND makes you less attractive. At least that's how it is for me. |
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| Author: | makybe [ Mon Aug 19, 2013 7:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Disrespectful girlfriend - is my approach OK? |
Quote: Your biggest mistake was to say and do nothing when she sat her final exam. It pissed her off. Just because you sat yours 5 years ago and didn't think it was a big deal doesn't mean she thinks it's no big deal either. It was a big deal to her. She was getting her own back on you. You ignored her final exam, she ignored you with the other guy. Kiss and make up. You were both in the wrong.
Totally agree with this
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