PUA Forum :: Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread

Dude, you gotta ask yourself what you want. I can tell you this, if you're beating yourself up over this to the point of posting here about it, you're better off telling your girlfriend. Why?

Because I can tell you are worried about it, and the only way you won't is if she knows the truth. Part of the issue you're dealing with is knowing that by not telling her, you're depriving her of the truth, and her ability to choose her own fate based on the truth. When you respect someone, it's a lot harder to maintain that status. If you break up with her, she's going to want to know why. Once again, if you don't tell her the truth, it will eat at you even if you're not with her.

My advice, just come clean, and be honest with her. It will probably be rough for a couple weeks after you do, but it will get better. Trust me. I had to tell my wife I cheated on her habitually throughout our entire marriage. I literally was scared the day I realized I had to tell her all of it, scared that she would pack the kids, and fuck me over for all my money, etc.

Turns out 7 months later she's done some shit back to hurt me out of revenge, and we are now looking at a divorce that really isn't all that scary, and we both agree that if we can't make a marriage work for both of us, we want to be friends and help each other adjust to single life and work together raising kids.

The moral here is that you can dream up reasons why you shouldn't tell her the truth, and you can create all sorts of bad ideas about how bad it will hurt her or what she'll do when you tell her. But once it's all behind you, you'll only wish you'd done it a lot sooner.

Give her the truth and let her choose her own fate. Worry about your own fate and you'll be good to go. If you cheated on her, try to figure out why and come to grips with it. Just might be that she isn't the one for you after all, even if she's a great girl. Happens every day to a lot of people, and they all live.

Author:	hero999 [ Mon Aug 12, 2013 10:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread
Hey all - read previous thread. cheated-on-my-girlfriend-of-3-5-years-h ... 66292.html Been a couple of weeks since posted that and I'm afraid I haven't done anything constructive apart from fucking this new hb.... I'm feeling a mixture of emotions. I'm disappointed in myself yet at the same time I'm having fun. Sex was incredible - much more passion and intensity than it is with my gf. It's horrible when I speak to my gf on the phone. All I can picture is my dick going into this hb from behind. What a sight!! I know what you guys are going to say but I'm just a bit lost and seeking validation to what I've done I guess. It's the natural way to make myself feel better. Why can I approach any girl I want but I'm too fucking scared to break it off with my gf.... ? Thanks

Author:	Semimembranosus [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:35 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread
haha sounds like you are in a big shit hole. haha

Author:	Nebular [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:55 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread
You should be more guilty if you don't tell her. It's the wrong thing to do not to talk to her about it and let her go. Banging a new girl is awesome;it's scummy going it while you're supposed to be faithful.

Author:	vhou812 [ Tue Aug 13, 2013 3:19 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread
Dude, you gotta ask yourself what you want. I can tell you this, if you're beating yourself up over this to the point of posting here about it, you're better off telling your girlfriend. Why? Because I can tell you are worried about it, and the only way you won't is if she knows the truth. Part of the issue you're dealing with is knowing that by not telling her, you're depriving her of the truth, and her ability to choose her own fate based on the truth. When you respect someone, it's a lot harder to maintain that status. If you break up with her, she's going to want to know why. Once again, if you don't tell her the truth, it will eat at you even if you're not with her. My advice, just come clean, and be honest with her. It will probably be rough for a couple weeks after you do, but it will get better. Trust me. I had to tell my wife I cheated on her habitually throughout our entire marriage. I literally was scared the day I realized I had to tell her all of it, scared that she would pack the kids, and fuck me over for all my money, etc. Turns out 7 months later she's done some shit back to hurt me out of revenge, and we are now looking at a divorce that really isn't all that scary, and we both agree that if we can't make a marriage work for both of us, we want to be friends and help each other adjust to single life and work together raising kids. The moral here is that you can dream up reasons why you shouldn't tell her the truth, and you can create all sorts of bad ideas about how bad it will hurt her or what she'll do when you tell her. But once it's all behind you, you'll only wish you'd done it a lot sooner. Give her the truth and let her choose her own fate. Worry about your own fate and you'll be good to go. If you cheated on her, try to figure out why and come to grips with it. Just might be that she isn't the one for you after all, even if she's a great girl. Happens every day to a lot of people, and they all live.

Author:	hero999 [ Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread
Quote: haha sounds like you are in a big shit hole. haha No sht ..... Quote:* Dude, you gotta ask yourself what you want. I can tell you this, if you're beating yourself up over this to the point of posting here about it, you're better off telling your girlfriend. Why? Because I can tell you are worried about it, and the only way you won't is if she knows the truth. Part of the issue you're dealing with is knowing that by not telling her, you're depriving her of the truth, and her ability to choose her own fate based on the truth. When you respect someone, it's a lot harder to maintain that status. If you break up with her, she's going to want to know why. Once again, if you don't tell her the truth, it will eat at you even if you're not with her. My advice, just come clean, and be honest with her. It will probably be rough for a couple weeks after you do, but it will get better. Trust me. I had to tell my wife I cheated on her habitually throughout our entire marriage. I literally was scared the day I realized I had to tell her all of it, scared that she would pack the kids, and fuck me over for all my money, etc. Turns out 7 months later she's done some shit back to hurt me out of revenge, and we are now looking at a divorce that really isn't all that scary, and we both agree that if we can't make a marriage work for both of us, we want to be friends and help each other adjust to single life and work together raising kids. The moral here is that you can dream up reasons why you shouldn't tell her the truth, and you can create all sorts of bad ideas about how bad it will hurt her or what she'll do when you tell her. But once it's all behind you, you'll only wish you'd done it a lot sooner. Give her the truth and let her choose her own fate. Worry about your own fate and you'll be good to go. If you cheated on her, try to figure out why and come to grips with it. Just might be that she isn't the one for you after all, even if she's a great girl. Happens every day to a lot of people, and they all live. Dude - that would kill her. From where I'm sitting there is just no way I could tell her the truth. I thinks that's unnecessary.

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Author:	Tr@veler [ Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread
If you cannot even tell her the truth at least break up with her for another reason, true or not. She doesn't deserve this kind of SPAM, especially if she truly cares about you. Stop being an asshole and just do it. Something is wrong with the relationship if you are seeking other women anyway, save her the trouble of being led on.

Author:	n2thevoid [ Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:23 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Cheated on gf of 3.5 years - update to previous thread
Its not her, rather the attachment that you're afraid to lose. We perpetuate attachment patterns learned form childhood, and with each one is a new opportunity to 'right' a wrong from earlier dysfunctional attachments. Figure out where this pattern originates and what you may need to do to heathfully work through it to its resolution.

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