PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=165890		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  CharlosCarlies [ Wed Jul 17, 2013 11:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
Been talking to this girl for about 4-6 weeks and we have been hanging out practically every weekend now. We're still technically not in a relationship, or at least haven't had any conversation as to such, but I think she's dropping hints and am curious what the best course of action is now. For what it's worth, this is where I've normally fucked things up in the past, so it's extremely likely I'm just over-thinking things.

She texts me this morning about this huge thing I have going on for my business this week (point for her for remembering), and after a few exchanges she randomly texts: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?

Weird question for sure, but I'm wondering if she's just trying to figure out where we stand exactly. I just responded with "If it's like Brad Pitt or a hot chick (and I can watch), then it's fine with me". FWIW, she definitely is at least semi-interested in chicks, so mentioning me watching shouldn't be weird at all to her.

Thoughts on what her motives are here?
Author:  Nebular [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
Either she asked if you guys were official in a really dumb/disturbing way, or asked if you want to have an open relationship.

Either way do not take this girl seriously.
Author:  CharlosCarlies [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
That was kind of my first instinct which sucks because she's really cool to hang out with otherwise. I became buddy-buddy w/ her best friend this past weekend and she was acting like this girl's never been in a serious(ish) relationship before. This plus a few other minor things she's done are starting to look like a red flag.

Thanks for the feedback even if it isn't always pretty.
Author:  krular [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
instead of beating around the bush. maybe you should have replied with a straight forward question like: "Are you wanting to be in a committed or open relationship with me?"
Author:  CharlosCarlies [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
Good point...maybe I should have been more straightforward, but the question threw me a bit and honestly I'm still not sure if I even want to be in a committed relationship with her yet.

We're supposed to hang out this weekend. Should we sit down and have a more straightforward convo about it?
Author:  krular [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
yes, even if you are not sure if you want to be in a committed relationship, at least you will know where she stands.
Author:  pumpington [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
she can't really cheat on you, not a relationship

how ever you frame it, is how it will be perceived so,

''If it's like Brad Pitt or a hot chick (and I can watch), then it's fine with me''

translated into girl : Yes you can cheat on me, as long as they are attractive

now she can justify what ever action she takes as your fault as long as they are attractive
Author:  ArtistOfLife [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 4:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
Maybe she had sex with someone and felt she wants to be in a relationship with you. My advice to you is to look at it in a positive way. Dont have all these thaughts going through your head. Feeeeeeel, and keep moving on, dont stick on this moment and make it a big deal because it might freak her out? Were all here for you man and we believe in you, to believe in yourself.
Author:  vhou812 [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 6:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
This could mean way different things depending on the girl and the nature of your involvement.

For sure she is checking with you to see where you stand.

Your response was fine I think if she is light, kidding, joking a lot with you. If she is more serious, then it's less great. A chick that digs sarcasm will take your response, if you've been sarcastic a lot and say, that's what I thought, of course it's acceptable......right. :)
Author:  ChitownMaverick [ Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
You accepted her Frame. You're in a monogamous relationship now, with the fun caveat that she can fuck other people.

Her asking "am I allowed to cheat on you?" is really her asking "are we in a committed relationship?"

By giving your cocky-funny answer, even though I like your answer, you bought into her frame of "conditions which make it OK to sleep with other people," which implies that "if you didn't ask you couldn't sleep with other people," which implies that "we're in a monogamous relationship."

Your Frame is fucked with this girl unless you want to be monogamous with her (with the condition, again, that she can fuck around...which may or may not be any indication of what's happening).

You should have asked, "are you asking whether we're in a relationship?" and then told her your thoughts based on what YOU want and her answer.

Also, this girl's kind of stupid or inexperienced. Or both.

What do YOU want?
Author:  thedwiggit [ Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
I'm going say this now and I know this sounds harsh but the reason she asked you that is because she already fucked a guy while her state of mind was in the fact the she sees you and her dating each other already. That is a major red flag my friend and its best to ask her straight forward. I don't want you ending up like me.
Author:  Quiche [ Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
Shouldn't have gone with her frame. Reframe into something that you can work with. There really was no good answer to that question.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
She's trying to determine where she stands with you.

You aren't in a committed relationship with her, so technically she can do what she wants, why ask a guy if its "ok to cheat" on him?

LOL So obvious
Author:  ModernShaman [ Sat Aug 10, 2013 1:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
Maybe, She is also saying that she wants you(" if you don't hurry up I'll find someone else" )
. But it could mean a number of things . Maybe she saw an attractive man and it was a spontaneous text to nag you with something totally innocent. We don't know ... how old is she, did you have sex with her? What type of girl does she look like to you? What is your experience Without this context and more like other texts and what she replied to your answer I think it's really difficult for us to guess what her motives are.

It could be ofcourse that she wants to know where she stands but maybe it's really clear to her? You probably know best.

If I where you I would at least show more dissinterest after that text so she knows that if she wants to know how you feel she should be more clear about her motives , soft next?
Author:  Nu K Konnect [ Sat Aug 10, 2013 8:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Weird text: "Am I allowed to cheat on you?"
Quote:
You accepted her Frame. You're in a monogamous relationship now, with the fun caveat that she can fuck other people.

Her asking "am I allowed to cheat on you?" is really her asking "are we in a committed relationship?"

By giving your cocky-funny answer, even though I like your answer, you bought into her frame of "conditions which make it OK to sleep with other people," which implies that "if you didn't ask you couldn't sleep with other people," which implies that "we're in a monogamous relationship."

Your Frame is fucked with this girl unless you want to be monogamous with her (with the condition, again, that she can fuck around...which may or may not be any indication of what's happening).

You should have asked, "are you asking whether we're in a relationship?" and then told her your thoughts based on what YOU want and her answer.

Also, this girl's kind of stupid or inexperienced. Or both.

What do YOU want?

And this is the problem with trying to learn / be ALL PUA, ALL THE TIME. He learned this without unclear instruction on WHEN he should use it and now it probably backfired. This is probably one of those cases when he should've just been himself and said what he felt without trying to "game it up" verbally.

Also, while he (the original poster) is getting some good advice to his question, some of these replies are also hurting him since I'm sure that he's taking every reply to heart while a lot of people posting here are acting as if they are psychic and know EXACTLY what the girl is doing and thinking. Now he will act and react based on everyone's assumptions about the girl, which may or may not f*ck him up (more).

I've learned that sometimes it's ok to just be straightforward with a girl without mixing in any PUA material. Some girls appreciate that. It doesn't have to be all cocky funny mysterious indifferent witty gaming lines all the time. Mix up some direct straightforward honesty with the PUA stuff and it may actually help your chances. But in the end it all depends on the type of girl. Is she religious? Does she have anything like Autism Spectrum Disorder or Bipolar Disorder or anything like that? Is she used to a different culture / lifestyle? What kind of things has she been through in life? Does she live on her own? How much experience does she have? etc. All these and much more are factors when it comes to how a girl will personally act, interpret, and react to things. I could see someone on the autism spectrum asking/phrasing questions like "Am I allowed to cheat on you?" since us folks on the spectrum tend to have odd/unique ways of expressing ourselves, but this doesn't mean she's autistic. I'm not her and I wasn't there, so I cannot just assume I know what exactly she's doing or what's in her mind.

Anyway, good luck.

If you've been running game techniques on her all the time, then, if you want her, you need to tell her straight up that you either want to take her on a date or that you want her to be your girlfriend. I can't show you *how* to do this properly since I'm not there to demonstrate examples, but I know some folks who are straightforward and just tell the girl what they feel and straight out say what's on their mind and ask for what they want. I asked one guy how he got his girlfriend (I saw the entire build of their relationship from strangers to hooking up) and he told me he just straight up asked her "would you be my girlfriend?"

BUT HE DID IT WITH CONFIDENCE AND DIRECTNESS. NOTHING CHEESY.

Just to give you a little bit of info on that guy and girl: The girl is Asian I believe. She's short, light skinned, and from a culture where you're only supposed to date within your race. They guy is a tall, super thin (skinny) black dude who's slightly YOUNGER than she is and tends to act weird a lot (I always assumed that he was on the autism spectrum at some level with some of the things I've seen him do).

HE ALSO DOES NOT STUDY ANY PUA, BUT IS 100% HIMSELF AND CLAIMS TO BE CLUELESS ABOUT WOMEN.
Although he tends to NATURALLY display many PUA traits with the girl and it literally makes her want him more (I actually "interviewed" them and asked what attracted them to each other, how, and why).

So yes, there are other ways to be successful than just straight PUA all the time, although I wouldn't recommend trying EVERYTHING on your own if you don't know what you're doing. As you can see here, there are so many different possibilities and probabilities with everything. That also goes for whatever reason she asked you the question she did. If you really want to know why she asked that, ask her. I would've probably teased her a bit about how she asked the question then taken her in my arms and had a brief serious conversation with her and made things official. I guess you could throw in a kiss upon making it official if you want as well.

That's my two cents.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/