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Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
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Author:  PUAzilla [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
Last night I saw my gf as usual. Really good night, ended well until she told me she was going out clubbing and had to cancel me on Monday.

I tell her it's fine and then leave.

I'm lying in bed later that night and my stomach is doing flips. I hate it when she goes clubbing. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. I text her to see if she's awake. She is.

She calls me and I confess to her that I don't like it when she goes clubbing.
Up until now I have done a great job of hiding it. She was suprised when I told her.

She reassures me that she just wants to be with her friends and that she's faithful.
I make sure she knows I completely trust her but I'm just uncomfortable with it.

We hang up and I immediately regret telling her.
I feel like and idiot for sharing my insecurity with her.
All I feel it has done is indicated to her that I don't trust her.

What do I do to recover from this?
Author:  Melodical [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
You've probably blown it now, you've come across as needy and insecure. Try and tell her you just had a really bad dream about her being attacked outside the club and you woke up in a sweat and texted her half asleep.
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
Quote:
You've probably blown it now, you've come across as needy and insecure. Try and tell her you just had a really bad dream about her being attacked outside the club and you woke up in a sweat and texted her half asleep.
Looool, dude. I think my relationship is deeper than that. I know we can recover in time but I just wanted something to kick start that process - something to show her the real, secure, happy guy she has been with for 2 years.
Author:  Melodical [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
Dude you've been hiding your insecurities for two years. She's probably faithful if you've managed that long. I just hope you haven't blown it.
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
I thought I could deal with them myself. I didn't want to come across weak.

It's only recently that she's started going out.
Author:  Melodical [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
It's no big deal and an irrational fear. Seriously dude there is nothing you can do about her going out without you messing things up. You need to go out yourself with your friends when she's out with hers; that should balance things out as she will feel the same insecurities as you. Sometimes you just gotta take it on the chin like a man.
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
It's cool, I know it's an irrational fear.

I'm not massively keen on going clubbing myself.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Sun Jun 23, 2013 10:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
Chill out. You're worried she'll slip under the spell of some other guy while she's out, the truth is this can happen any time (e.g, Facebook, pof etc.). Work on your core confidence, meaning have a life outside of the relationship, tend to your own needs without the reliance on others rather than sitting being consumed as to whether she'll cheat or not. Worrying about this will only drive her away, stay calm and trust her if she's never given you a reason not to.
Author:  PUAzilla [ Mon Jun 24, 2013 11:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
Quote:
Sharing insecurities is part of being in a relationship.

How you respond to those feelings is what makes or breaks a relationship.
You're right. I should be open about them so we can both move forward together.

I think in this instance the best way to respond is to get over my feelings!
Author:  AFCToTheMax [ Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
You've done nothing wrong. I bothers you, you told her. That's it. You don't have to hold it in you anymore which is a good thing for your relationship. Now she knows what's up and if she has respect for you she will try not to make you insecure. That's what a normal girl does instead of breaking up.
Just don't go overboard with voicing your concerns over and over or making a scene or anything and you'll be fine.
Author:  vhou812 [ Mon Jun 24, 2013 7:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Showed my isecurities, how do I recover?
You did nothing wrong. Nothing to recover from.

You shared with her an intimate part of you. Nothing AFC or wrong with that at all. What is AFC is to let that insecurity consume you and control your life.

10-1 says that if you never bring it up again, she will. And when she does, if you deal with it right you can say, well, I was uncomfortable with it. But I realize that it's just an irrational fear, and that I should be worrying about myself and what I'm doing when you're out doing those things, and we will be fine. At that point, you're an emotionally mature, alpha male who loves his woman, but also knows he has to have a life too.

If clubbing isn't your thing, do something else that you enjoy with friends when she does this. Don't be afraid to flirt with women, etc. Doing so only helps reassure that you if she ever does cross the line, it's her loss, her problem, and you will be fine.

Keeping that frame will serve you well, and it will keep her from doing anything to put your relationship in jeapardy.
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