PUA Forum :: shit tests from gf are back

She isnt too clingy, but though you may think that's excellent, i'd prefer attachment.

I mean, balance is ok, friends and all that, but how comes shes not jealous or insecure? Aren't girls like that? Or she is too secure and comfortable.

She goes out often with her girl friends,every day now during summer break, which i was introduced with, but im rarely invited anywhere. Now she just sent that she 'is going' again, and kisses. How to react? Why do they feel so free and 'secure' sometimes, when we men don't?

Why do you want her to be clingy? Are you afraid you'll lose her otherwise? It's a common insecurity, but often one that is often unfounded and unfortunately - one that is often also a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change your mindset bro. You don't need a needy woman. You are man enough to attract independent, secure women.

Again, why do you want a woman to be jealous or insecure? I, for one, am only attracted to high quality females who don't NEED me. You might think it's nice now to have a woman who is insecure and needy, and simply can't do without you, but this will only come back to bite you in the ass if you get into a long-term relationship.

I am not familiar with the situation, but just based on what I've read and previous experience - it sounds like she is looking for fun elsewhere or maybe just testing you. The worst thing you can do when this happens is get mad or call her out for it ("How come you don't hang out with me anymore?" "How come that guy is so sexy, but you never call me sexy anymore?"). She will definitely freak out if you do this because it demonstrates that you are insecure - not a quality she wants in her boyfriend.

You need to remind her that you are a fun, great, alpha whose company she will enjoy. Change up the routine, surprise her, TAKE INITIATIVE instead of sitting back and relaxing now that you've 'got' her. Women (especially those in longer relationships) crave that kind of thing. I don't mean something superficial or trite like getting her flowers one time then expecting her to be nice to you and needing you again. I mean surprise her by treating her to that one restaurant she loves, or going for a spontaneous evening walk downtown/ etc... it doesn't really matter as long as you get a chance to be 1 on 1 with her. Put in a little more 1 on 1 effort and initiative and you might be surprised at how that works out.

But remember, when you're trying to remind her of how great a guy you are, DO NOT put her on a pedestal - that will kill attraction almost as fast as if you're insecure. Tease her, flirt with her, don't be available 100% of the time for her (I like the 90-10 rule for relationships) - remind her that she'll have to keep working to keep you just as much as you have to keep working to keep her.

Well, now you do give me grounds to be insecure....we do hang 1 on 1, its not un-existent, just what she's often doing with her free time can concern me, because 6 months is not enough for females to earn any kind of trust,

and fuck that bullshit that women always need to test us. What about their qualification? Thats why she needs to WORRY a bit.

When I said 'looking for fun' I didn't mean looking for another boyfriend/hookup/fwb - I actually meant looking for fun. If you really don't trust her by now to not cheat on you, then there's something wrong with what's going on and maybe you need to check out other girls who will at least give you that basic respect. Ideally it would just be you worrying over nothing and she really wouldn't cheat on you.

And regarding this 6 month rule - are you talking about THIS female or females in general? Because I assure you that I've been in relationships with independent, secure females for less than 6 months where I haven't been once worried about them cheating on me.

You can hate it, you can love it, but you can't ignore it.

She will definitely not WORRY even a bit about you if you start telling her that she should be more clingy or more focused on you. I feel like that's something you earn by being secure and confident in yourself rather than something you demand out of someone you don't really trust. I mean she might freak out initially if you come off upset/angry enough but after that she'll get bored and move on. Don't let her tests phase/annoy you.

Again, not trying to be mean but this is DISGUSTING hearing a MAN worried about a GIRL.

A "girl" that is "out of my league", right?
Well, she is, physically. Just physically. I'm not so attractive obviously.

So I should be confident and man enough

to leave her searching for physically superior men

Why are you not attractive? Thinking this way will reflect in your body language and the way you carry yourself - have the mindset of you being a prize and it will drastically change the way you view yourself and subsequently.. how others view you.

Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:34 pm ]
Post subject:	shit tests from gf are back
So basically, we're in the 7th month of dating and relationship almost. Some of you remember me from other topics. Im here with typical problem, when honeymoon wears off. Until now its not that we were glued, we talk a lot but from the start have been seeing each other like every third day. She isnt too clingy, but though you may think thats excellent, i'd prefer attachment. Also she varies, she proved to be sure and secure about this relationship, however there are those moments when she is aloof. Just because i'm supposed to lead, doesnt mean that i will ask to hang out. Now its been 3 days and she just chatted, i dont feel her need to see me at times. I mean, balance is ok, friends and all that, but how comes shes not jealous or insecure? Aren't girls like that? Or she is too secure and comfortable. She goes out often with her girl friends,every day now during summer break, which i was introduced with, but im rarely invited anywhere. Now she just sent that she 'is going' again, and kisses. How to react? Why do they feel so free and 'secure' sometimes, when we men don't? Is this worrying? As for the shit test, they stopped for a while, but today she again commented 'sexy' on celebrity +maybe smaller provocations. She felt before that its normal,but i know shes provoking with this. Also, when i called her out on other behaviours as shes inexperienced with relationships, she paniced and thought i'm making a drama for nothing. Is she too comfortable,that type of character,or what? Should you give 3 day interval of space to women when youre 7months in rs, because it is pattern from the start,or is it dysfunctional? To be continued..

Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 7:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Now to explain myself better, when typing on PC keyboard. Its not that much has changed, this was a typical pattern with her, I'll give you an example: we spend great intimate time, usually one weekend day with great sex, and then the the following 2-3 days after, I feel like she needs other distractions from me, even though she contacts me just for the sake of small talk. I can now already feel her emotional states, and detect monthly phases(I don't mean just menstruation/ovulation ) - in other words - the patterns. Two times I have called her out on her clumsy behaviours, and she got silently mad because I was mad. Then later on she admitted her overreaction. See the way she is functioning? I know you can't be emotionally crazy for relationship all the time, I have my own hobbies and distractions of course, but I still think all my girls have always been more unstable/inconsistent than myself after infatuation stage. And I learned to not show beta behaviour in this relationship, even when I'm insecure or actually in beta mood, I've hold myself not to show it. But when in relatively established RS which is 6+ months long, just here and then insecurity will pop out. I also have to deal with her slutty experience in past, presented in other topics, and take the risk to be her first bf. The thing is, I have my own friendships, and much more concrete hobbies than she does, but these three days when we only contact on chat - my friends were busy, and I couldn't hold within 4 walls 24h, but she didn't even ask me to hang out, about what I'm up to, whereabouts, so I've gone to walk alone, while she is once again hanging with her girl friends(I certainly hope so, haven't caught her with men really). Maybe it's a mistake, but once I was stoned and had a bad day, I told her she doesn't give a crap about me. Then she acted stunned and said she thought "we were already having that high level of communication, understanding and trust". And she thought that I was making uncalled drama. However, the effect being - afterwards she first time started to invite me to hang with her friends outside, and generally was more conscious. Nevertheless, it lasted shortly. Now again its like: "I'm going now " to end our conversation, not mentioning our time priority, like she takes it for granted. She knows I'm having an exams, but I don't think thats the reason. Maybe we talk too much online, but it was her initiating always. Since she's a summer type, and has the free time, while I get to work on college exams, now I have to handle her going out like crazy. She's objectively good looking, and gets hit on often. Monday she called me to hang out together, next day she was gone to exam to another city, had free time fun afterwards all day, the next one just contacted me on chat, and today the same story. If she continues to act like this in matter of days, would you even ask her to come along on weekend when its time for two of you, or would you start freezing her out? And when I do show just small weakness by being suspicious or openly calling her out, I get the feeling that she'll pull the shit tests in return at one point. And I don't want to be hard-tested all the time, if this lasted certain amount of time already. She shows the want to be serious about this, but still acts idiotic at times. Now what about space, going out separately, having this amount of individual time, is it natural or a problem? Somehow, my relationships always start to fall apart during summer, when they start to hang out so much. Since now its obvious that I am not well built and I'm skinny, could it be that they loose attraction, though I techically function well in psychological/PUA sense? I plan to continue working out and stop smoking soon, but until results the relationship may quickly break if this is the reason Could someone discuss this question of line between acting like you're single and normally having life outside of relationship? Is it really the problem that she is 18yr old, and I am 24? I should cut the following suggestions immediately: "see other girls" - No. "Start not giving a shit" - No, if she doesn't change drastically, then I won't as well, I-am-who-I-am, and don't consider myself needy, but I won't forcefully change my deep inner psyche to adapt. "I'm over-analyzing". I know, but life is hard enough without relationships, I analyze when I'm confused or afraid to waste the time on something. I'm just trying to understand dynamics. Conclusion is, she always made my insecurities look misplaced, thus later on I would usually see I overreacted, but sometimes she amplifies them perhaps unconscously. I can't be the one to speak: "I think we are not spending enough time together and you don't seem to want for some reason". So what is the right thing to do Leave it where it is? Many details here.

Author:	Mayhem_ [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 7:55 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
I honestly dont see this as a shit-test from your girlfriend, i see it more as an insecure person trying to hide his true feelings. Women are not supposed to be insecure, there's lots of 'em, but it's not that it has to be there. For me, situations like these are easy to handle, if she doesn't invite you, then sure, it's cool.. there's other people out there waiting for you. Go and set something up with your mates. Don't try and make her feel like shit or jealous, call her from time to time and see if she's available. If she's not capable of sharing her time with both you and her friends then you do have an issue. All in all, have fun, enjoy it, and if you see any red flags, call her out on this and make your decision.

Author:	Preston87 [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Sustaining relationships is definitely an inner-game intensive issue, and I see some inner-game issues based on what you've typed. Quote: She isnt too clingy, but though you may think that's excellent, i'd prefer attachment. Why do you want her to be clingy? Are you afraid you'll lose her otherwise? It's a common insecurity, but often one that is often unfounded and unfortunately - one that is often also a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change your mindset bro. You don't need a needy woman. You are man enough to attract independent, secure women. Quote: I mean, balance is ok, friends and all that, but how comes shes not jealous or insecure? Aren't girls like that? Or she is too secure and comfortable. Again, why do you want a woman to be jealous or insecure? I, for one, am only attracted to high quality females who don't NEED me. You might think it's nice now to have a woman who is insecure and needy, and simply can't do without you, but this will only come back to bite you in the ass if you get into a long-term relationship. Quote: She goes out often with her girl friends,every day now during summer break, which i was introduced with, but im rarely invited anywhere. Now she just sent that she 'is going' again, and kisses. How to react? Why do they feel so free and 'secure' sometimes, when we men don't? I am not familiar with the situation, but just based on what I've read and previous experience - it sounds like she is looking for fun elsewhere or maybe just testing you. The worst thing you can do when this happens is get mad or call her out for it ("How come you don't hang out with me anymore?" "How come that guy is so sexy, but you never call me sexy anymore?"). She will definitely freak out if you do this because it demonstrates that you are insecure - not a quality she wants in her boyfriend. You need to remind her that you are a fun, great, alpha whose company she will enjoy. Change up the routine, surprise her, TAKE INITIATIVE instead of sitting back and relaxing now that you've 'got' her. Women (especially those in longer relationships) crave that kind of thing. I don't mean something superficial or trite like getting her flowers one time then expecting her to be nice to you and needing you again. I mean surprise her by treating her to that one restaurant she loves, or going for a spontaneous evening walk downtown/ etc... it doesn't really matter as long as you get a chance to be 1 on 1 with her. Put in a little more 1 on 1 effort and initiative and you might be surprised at how that works out. But remember, when you're trying to remind her of how great a guy you are, DO NOT put her on a pedestal - that will kill attraction almost as fast as if you're insecure. Tease her, flirt with her, don't be available 100% of the time for her (I like the 90-10 rule for relationships) - remind her that she'll have to keep working to keep you just as much as you have to keep working to keep her.

Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Mayhem, In this half year relationship I've had my outgoings as well, I still do. Back to winter/spring, she had her obligations for education and now after that, she has free time for herself, while I am having key exams at the moment. I understand the need to balance, but we always did. We never ever had 24/7 sticking around each other. And she introduced me to her girl friends and to join them few times, formally, but we're having that separately, and I don't think these women will want her bf hanging around always. However, now she really puts them as priority, though she said when she gets this free time she will "be all mine". Thats what all ex girls said, but acted opposite, started to go out in summer time, which is the worst period for moments of even little possesivness, if you get my point Equation is - for every intense moment with me, she seems to seek few days off by herself and her friends. What I don't know yet - if its normal and I'm too concerned, is it edgy, or juvenille from her side. You know, I can offer her variety in spending time together, but she just has so many unchanging patterns.

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Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:25 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Quote: Why do you want her to be clingy? Are you afraid you'll lose her otherwise? It's a common insecurity, but often one that is often unfounded and unfortunately - one that is often also a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change your mindset bro. You don't need a needy woman. You are man enough to attract independent, secure women. What I don't understand is that PUA forums are full of clingy/careful/insecure/whatever, men, but females seem to be confident because they can, because of their vagina. Despite them admitting they're also insecure(usually for stupid reasons if HB 7+), like mine did. Shouldn't the roles be reversed, females to be clingy? Quote: Again, why do you want a woman to be jealous or insecure? I, for one, am only attracted to high quality females who don't NEED me. You might think it's nice now to have a woman who is insecure and needy, and simply can't do without you, but this will only come back to bite you in the ass if you get into a long-term relationship. Well, same as the line above. Why are men often jealous? I don't mean to extreme, but still look at the statistics and topics here. Because its hardwired. However, females should be hardwired to seek security. Should you interpret her non-jealousy as "she trusts you". Fuck the trust. We all know trust has to be earned, so insecurity and neediness should be natural in, at least - fresh, relationships. Quote: I am not familiar with the situation, but just based on what I've read and previous experience - it sounds like she is looking for fun elsewhere or maybe just testing you. The worst thing you can do when this happens is get mad or call her out for it ("How come you don't hang out with me anymore?" "How come that guy is so sexy, but you never call me sexy anymore?"). She will definitely freak out if you do this because it demonstrates that you are insecure - not a quality she wants in her boyfriend. You need to remind her that you are a fun, great, alpha whose company she will enjoy. Change up the routine, surprise her, TAKE INITIATIVE instead of sitting back and relaxing now that you've 'got' her. Women (especially those in longer relationships) crave that kind of thing. I don't mean something superficial or trite like getting her flowers one time then expecting her to be nice to you and needing you again. I mean surprise her by treating her to that one restaurant she loves, or going for a spontaneous evening walk downtown/ etc... it doesn't really matter as long as you get a chance to be 1 on 1 with her. Put in a little more 1 on 1 effort and initiative and you might be surprised at how that works out. But remember, when you're trying to remind her of how great a guy you are, DO NOT put her on a pedestal - that will kill attraction almost as fast as if you're insecure. Tease her, flirt with her, don't be available 100% of the time for her (I like the 90-10 rule for relationships) - remind her that she'll have to keep working to keep you just as much as you have to keep working to keep her. Well, now you do give me grounds to be insecure. But paradoxically I should not show it and keep silent. Then it becomes a worry, and affects other important aspects of life, I'm living in a country where you have to piss blood in order to succeed in this expertise, now I have to swallow her supposed "tests" every now and then? EDIT: we do hang 1 on 1, its not un-existent, just what she's often doing with her free time can concern me, because 6 months is not enough for females to earn any kind of trust, and fuck that bullshit that women always need to test us. What about their qualification? Thats why she needs to WORRY a bit.

Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Ironically, when I stopped worrying in past relations, I was always cheated on or fucked. And if men shouldn't relax and always lead psychological warfare, what are female excuses? I read her mind?

Author:	Preston87 [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Quote: Well, now you do give me grounds to be insecure....we do hang 1 on 1, its not un-existent, just what she's often doing with her free time can concern me, because 6 months is not enough for females to earn any kind of trust, When I said 'looking for fun' I didn't mean looking for another boyfriend/hookup/fwb - I actually meant looking for fun. If you really don't trust her by now to not cheat on you, then there's something wrong with what's going on and maybe you need to check out other girls who will at least give you that basic respect. Ideally it would just be you worrying over nothing and she really wouldn't cheat on you. And regarding this 6 month rule - are you talking about THIS female or females in general? Because I assure you that I've been in relationships with independent, secure females for less than 6 months where I haven't been once worried about them cheating on me. Quote: and fuck that bullshit that women always need to test us. What about their qualification? Thats why she needs to WORRY a bit. You can hate it, you can love it, but you can't ignore it. She will definitely not WORRY even a bit about you if you start telling her that she should be more clingy or more focused on you. I feel like that's something you earn by being secure and confident in yourself rather than something you demand out of someone you don't really trust. I mean she might freak out initially if you come off upset/angry enough but after that she'll get bored and move on. Don't let her tests phase/annoy you.

Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
She now goes out dialy for 5 hours until midnight(not Las Vegas type of outgoing lol), we live 5 minutes apart and its all relatively near. But I noticed one more thing: she times me until 11pm evening, 00:00 in rare occasions. Never did sleepover at my place, I was told she will when she solves college applications. But when she was out with friends at weekend, it was until 2:00 am. Once, as far as I know. But maybe always when its girls night out. She really thinks I don't notice that kind of bullshit?

Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Quote: When I said 'looking for fun' I didn't mean looking for another boyfriend/hookup/fwb - I actually meant looking for fun. If you really don't trust her by now to not cheat on you, then there's something wrong with what's going on and maybe you need to check out other girls who will at least give you that basic respect. Ideally it would just be you worrying over nothing and she really wouldn't cheat on you. And regarding this 6 month rule - are you talking about THIS female or females in general? Because I assure you that I've been in relationships with independent, secure females for less than 6 months where I haven't been once worried about them cheating on me. I was always fucked at about 7-8th month of relationship with every female. During summer. During their "going out" stage. Quote: You can hate it, you can love it, but you can't ignore it. She will definitely not WORRY even a bit about you if you start telling her that she should be more clingy or more focused on you. I feel like that's something you earn by being secure and confident in yourself rather than something you demand out of someone you don't really trust. I mean she might freak out initially if you come off upset/angry enough but after that she'll get bored and move on. Don't let her tests phase/annoy you. I never showed myself insecure, as said. I reflected stupid shit tests and her dumb commenting on hot celebrities, or similar things. At first I ignored it, but when she repeats it then I'll be annoyed. She maybe does it with no disrespect, and tries to do reverse psychology regarding female celebrities. But I don't fucking care I'm not so desperate to have crushes on Megan Fox. Also, I think she holds physically hot men/or whatever you call it, in high regard from her early age. Now, I'm totally opposite, not having physical appearance for women to drool upon, l already mentioned that And as she's completely new to relationship aspect, I had to call her on certain behaviours.

Author:	Stephen B. [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
And all these so called recent shit tests are maybe because I made a scene about few things. I don't care if I came off as insecure. First because we crossed upon each other one weekend, both with our own group of friends, and she sent messege asking if thats me sitting few meters across, but ignored me when I said 'yes'. Later on she admits she's socially awkard, especially in front of my friends. In next scenario I called her out because her friend's bf hinted something internally about her slutty past experience TO ME in front of her. I think it was that. And she got defensive denying it and got irritated as well, while I was showing a little bit irritation, and accused me to make drama when relationship becomes great. So if her friends are having this information about her past, in sense they are talking about it, she is proud of it, then it's impossible to let it go. She's good at hiding anger when I go 'too' far, and won't communicate, resulting in this situation.

Author:	neo87 [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
So you're 24, she's 18 in high school. You're 33% older than her. What do you expect? You're a grown ass man getting troubled by a girl who needs 3 more years to drink in the U.S. Not trying to be mean. Maybe she just likes her time with her friends, maybe she doesnt care, maybe you're insecure. Sounds like mostly the insecure part. She aint testing you. This is how she acts. It could mean something about herself, it could mean nothing. Anytime you have 3 or more threads about a relationship in 7 months, it's time to go. It's just not working. Do you think she is reading articles on figuring out your relationship? It's sad that you're grown and even stressing over this teenager with a slutty past to boot. I'm 26 and even if I mess with a chick who is 22 they know how shit will go. You're stuck on a girl who is crushing over Beiber. Admit it: this chick is out of your league and you're clinging onto her trying to make it work. She knows it. The thread where you were disgusted about her slutty past, sounded like you were a chooser, but in the end it was revealed that you were already losing her interest and thats what it was about. Again, not trying to be mean but this is DISGUSTING hearing a MAN worried about a GIRL.

Author:	Stephen B. [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Quote: Again, not trying to be mean but this is DISGUSTING hearing a MAN worried about a GIRL. A "girl" that is "out of my league", right? Well, she is, physically. Just physically. I'm not so attractive obviously. So I should be confident and man enough to leave her searching for physically superior men, even though she for some reason commited to me, but was probably deluded during the bleak winter lights, and made a wrong choice. Is it that all about?

Author:	Preston87 [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:17 am ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Quote: A "girl" that is "out of my league", right? Well, she is, physically. Just physically. I'm not so attractive obviously. Why are you not attractive? Thinking this way will reflect in your body language and the way you carry yourself - have the mindset of you being a prize and it will drastically change the way you view yourself and subsequently.. how others view you. Quote: So I should be confident and man enough Yes Quote: to leave her searching for physically superior men No

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Author:	Stephen B. [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:34 am ]
Post subject:	Re: shit tests from gf are back
Quote: Why are you not attractive? Thinking this way will reflect in your body language and the way you carry yourself - have the mindset of you being a prize and it will drastically change the way you view yourself and subsequently.. how others view you. Because I weight only 121 pounds and thats below normal in ratio with my height. Its just my type of physique, and hard to change, I was always like that even before I started smoking. I'd have to put efforts like maniac to normalize, let alone develop to visible aesthetics. You can't be confident all the time this way. I think women put emphasis on this unconscously and hate it the same way as they hate too much fat. That's why I only got relationships up to 9 months long, and they all broke during or after summer. Now, besides that, I'm interested if I should freeze her out when she wishes to just chat online on particular days without expressing desire to see me and proceeds to hang out a lot with friends instead? Like at the moment, I won't reply to her, I won't be available anymore, and if she's fine with days not seeing me, so be it. But when she does, would you reject her once in a while?