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How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
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Author:  James87 [ Mon Jun 17, 2013 4:06 am ]
Post subject:  How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Been exclusive with a girl for 1 and a half years. Got along great and love each other.

She had a bad childhood and would sometimes get into these moods where she would all of a sudden feel depressed and then she would go into isolation for a bit. This started to seem to me like it could be bipolar. I asked her and she said she had thought about it many times. But after a few days she would always come around and contact me and come see me.

A few weeks ago she writes me a text saying "I'm coming over Monday to attack you!" obviously flirting and was a normal thing for us. Monday rolls around and no text. I call her, no answer. I try a few days later and no answer. I ask her if she's ok. No answer. I text her next day asking if she's alive and she says that she's sorry for not texting but that she's been feeling nuts and all over the place. So I tell her i understand.

A few days later I see if she wants to come hangout and no answer. Since then no answer at all. So the last text she wrote to me was 11 days ago. So some of the friends I've talked to say that she's just going through something and she'll come back. But Somehow in my mind I'm looking at it like she's never coming back.

At this point I feel physically sick and can't stand being in my own head. I've been crying a lot and can't believe this is happening. I must admit that I've felt really intense thoughts about how to end my suffering but I wouldn't carry them out in reality. I just can't imagine the thought of going back to this lonely depressing life after having a great pretty girlfriend. I don't want to live like that and can't stand the thought of this. I'm really all over the place. I would like any advice. Thanks
Author:  n2thevoid [ Mon Jun 17, 2013 7:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Take comfort in knowing this will pass sooner than you think.

Its very much like grieving the death of a loved one, the loss of an important relationship can be equally as painful. Try to keep yourself surrounded by loved ones during the time, perhaps get back into activities you previous enjoyed - even though it may feel a bit unnatural to begin with, soon the joy will return. Understand that just as this beautiful opportunity came to you meeting this person, you will have other such opportunities, perhaps even more enriching and lasting.

In the end be gentle with yourself, exercise compassion, care for yourself, don't berate yourself or feel bad for having these thoughts but understand they are just that, thoughts, feelings, and emotions and are transient, and allow yourself to let go.

You'll be a better person having gone through this, with newfound wisdom and experience to behold, I promise you that.
Author:  cmd [ Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Awesome reply from n2thevoid, nothing much to add...

You got to experience this, it will make you only stronger in the end. You've had 1 1/2 years with her, so it's not a lucky coincidence. You CAN be in a relationship with a beautiful woman again. You can have someone like her easily. And you CAN experience similar, hell even stronger feelings for someone else.

She does seem at least to have a slight form of borderline personality disorder, as you know this is not uncommon with bad childhoods.
What makes it so difficult is that people with BPD can still be very loving and caring. It's not uncommon for them to appear "helpless" and vulnerable. You might just want to help and protect her, but change can only come from herself.
Please do get out of this roller coaster, you can't fix her. You have to start looking after yourself now.

Quite often you can read of people "giving up" on finding a nice, caring, relationship material woman. They DO exist however and it's on youself if you want to find one - or stay in your comfort zone and accept second-best, always on your toes and never have peace of mind. You are your own creator of happiness.
Author:  Monsignor Crisanto [ Mon Jun 17, 2013 2:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Get busy. Start here: the-newbie-mission-vt41556.html

No amount of emotional babysitting from us will help you but when 3 or 5 hot girls are whispering "I love you" in your ear while stroking your cock, then you're cured.

:twisted:
Author:  n2thevoid [ Mon Jun 17, 2013 4:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Quote:
Get busy. Start here: the-newbie-mission-vt41556.html

No amount of emotional babysitting from us will help you but when 3 or 5 hot girls are whispering "I love you" in your ear while stroking your cock, then you're cured.

:twisted:
Jumping into new relationships, even if they're fwb is counterproductive, unless of course you're doing so to try and fill some sort of perceived lack within - in which case its illusory anyway and no amount of girls you bed will 'fill' that hole.
Author:  Monsignor Crisanto [ Tue Jun 18, 2013 4:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Quote:
Jumping into new relationships, even if they're fwb is counterproductive, unless of course you're doing so to try and fill some sort of perceived lack within - in which case its illusory anyway and no amount of girls you bed will 'fill' that hole.
Reinforcing an emotional weakness will not help the OP. Helping him regain emotional strength by getting him out of the intrusive thinking mold will. When you're fucking hot chicks with tight vaginas, that's what you'll be thinking of every 3 minutes or so even while working instead of thinking about a girl who broke your heart.

:twisted:
Author:  Broseidon55 [ Tue Jun 18, 2013 5:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
My bro, you will be fine. Trust me. I know its hard to realize now, but your mind is a powerful thing. Your mind has evolved to care for ones you are close to and will do everything in its power to make you keep someone that you care about. But you need to let it go. This intense pain you're feeling is just a survival mechanism to keep your genes alive.

The best cure for this is to talk to beautiful girls. Don't get in the broken heart trap, where your confidence never recovers. It destroys some guys for life. There are so many hot, awesome girls out there, that worrying about this one is not worth it. I know you care about her, I know you miss her. Just keep sarging, dude. It really does cure everything. We're here to help you every step of the way.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Jun 18, 2013 7:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Quote:
Quote:
Jumping into new relationships, even if they're fwb is counterproductive, unless of course you're doing so to try and fill some sort of perceived lack within - in which case its illusory anyway and no amount of girls you bed will 'fill' that hole.
Reinforcing an emotional weakness will not help the OP. Helping him regain emotional strength by getting him out of the intrusive thinking mold will. When you're fucking hot chicks with tight vaginas, that's what you'll be thinking of every 3 minutes or so even while working instead of thinking about a girl who broke your heart.

:twisted:
Actually its about processing through emotional anguish, not reinforcing emotional weakness. Your logic is kinda wayward.
Author:  Mayhem_ [ Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
I have been in the exact same situation, or actually am then you are, it is very painful.. If you let it become painful. I think the way you handled it was wrong, you let her suck you into the situation, got hope when she was having her good times, felt like you lost everything when she bailed on you. The problem is, that in your head you cannot live without her and that mindset is wrong. She has these problems, and they wont go away unless she manages to lose some of the habits that get her into this state.

When i went into a relationship with my girlfriend, i noticed this ''red flag'' pretty early. Instead of confronting her about it, i confronted her parents and they told me she has these issues because of her past father experience(s). I knew i had to deal with this appropriatly or i'd get screwed over big time. What i decided to do was tell her in situations like these that I'll be around for her, but i wont participate in them. I would take my leave and go somewhere else instead of contanstly ask her if she's okay, how she feels etc...

Girls like these need a man, you have to be supportive, and the way to be so, is that the girl realises that you are strong. Strong in my eyes means that you will be around if she needs you, but you will still be able to live your life at fullest potential. It might seem hurtful in your eyes to hers, but she needs stability, a man with a strong backbone and no ''saviour''. Leave her be, eventually she'll realise that you truely are a worthy person and she will come back to you.

About dealing with an extreme heartback.. Do not isolate yourself, some griefing is definatly normal, you'll feel like shit, it'll hurt, but you got to realise that life has more options for you then this. Start building/rebuilding your social network and be available, it's definatly a border you have to cross, but it will help you regain yourself. Do things you love, with other people and dont be afraid to share your feelings.
Author:  Monsignor Crisanto [ Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Quote:
Actually its about processing through emotional anguish, not reinforcing emotional weakness. Your logic is kinda wayward.
Nah. We're helping the OP move forward from the Despair and Depression stage to the Recovery stage. It doesn't help to keep the status quo where it is right now.

So what is step 4 of this process that you're rooting about, hmm?

:twisted:
Author:  evilknievil [ Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Hold tight. I know how it feels, I broke up recently with such a woman and it is still very painful even if I am now with a new one who is a sex bomb and does for me whatever I like and tell her to do. Be patient, you'll see the pain will go away suddenly at some point all by itself. Just make your normal everyday activity and look for new girls even if they don't mean anything to you. The two first answers were good, follow them and you'll be OK.
Author:  James87 [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 6:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
Thanks for the replies.

She texted me yesterday and officially broke up with me. She's 32 and I'm 26. I know she was always stressed out about her job situation. She said in the text that she has to make big life changes and one of them involves us...and that she has to make these changes on her own, alone.

I was in shock and still am. I feel like I can't go on. That was the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't want to live without her. I can't believe it. We were so close and had such a connection. Everywhere I go reminds me of her. I can't live like this. I have had thoughts of killing myself but I know that I wont. It's just a nightmare and torture. Every second. I can't eat, sleep, or play music. I can't escape this.

I didn't answer her text because I didn't even know how to respond. I know I probably sounds really crazy now and emotional but I want her back. Is there a way I can get her back? I need her back in my life. It was so much better like that.
Author:  RangerJeremiah [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 10:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
That's it bro. At least that gives you some closure. DO NOT contact her from here on out. Trust me on this one.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
The pity train has just derailed at the corner of suck it up and move on. We all have problems at the end of a good thing. Be a man and get the fuck over it.

Pain is a lesson.
Author:  James87 [ Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Deal With Extreme Heartbreak
RangerJeremiah,

Why shouldn't I contact her? It still makes no sense to me. It went from going really well to nothing. I didn't push for her to explain it. I want to get her back. She still have my pictures up on instagram so I don't know how she's feeling. Maybe if I get her to meet up with me I can change her mind?
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