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Relationship boredom
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Author:  Brawndo [ Thu Jun 13, 2013 3:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Relationship boredom
If I'm not in the right section, redirect me.

I've noticed that 4-5 months into a relationship, I feel boredom setting in. Sex tends to get boring, I resort to porn at times and I flirt with women a bit more. I've been dating a girl for a few months now (not official) and she's very attractive but just not feeling much anymore. I've heard people say you have to try and put effort into it but I kind of believe that if you're right for each other then it should just flow and happen.

I have ADHD as well and I watched a documentary which showed people in ADHD having relationship issues because they get bored and lost interest (like myself). I'm wondering if that's the reason or if it's just me.

I enjoy meeting new people in general, especially women, but I'd rather settle down with 1 woman soon (just turned 29) and I don't know if I'm really meant for that. I get a couple new numbers every couple months so it's not like I'm hooking up with chicks left and right or getting multiple numbers a week or anything. I want to settle down, have a few kids and be with a woman I love but I don't know if I'm predestined for that...
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Thu Jun 13, 2013 4:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
Have you considered finding a girl who's up for having a serious open-relationship / marriage (involving swinging and/or the option to go on dates with other people)?

You need to figure out what your LTR needs are and make sure that they are fulfilled. If you require variety, then you need to get yourself in the type of relationship that will provide you with endless variety.

/poly-honesty FTW

-Wolf
Author:  Brawndo [ Thu Jun 13, 2013 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
I've thought about that but the thought of me being with other women and her being with other guys doesn't really appeal to me. Yea I like chatting with other women but in all honesty, I just wanna see em naked lol. Sex isn't appealing to me much anymore. Some of this is because of the porn "unexpected results" which I'm cutting back on. But I see a girl and I think "man I just wanna see em naked. Don't care about sex or hooking up". In my results, whenenever I have high expectations of a beautiful woman, the sex isn't great/subpar/decent and it blows the fantasy away.

I think differently...I realize this lol
Author:  Brawndo [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
So update. We broke it off couple days ago but can't help thinking about her. It feels like I'm making a mistake doing this. We only "dated" for 3 months but she's got a lot going for her, we connected well, didn't fight over much and she can cook/clean/buy groceries for me ;)
I think the problem with the boredom is a combination of fapping 1-2x a day and watching porn for an hr a day...both causing unrealistic expectations of sex and little interest in actual sex. I've been refraining from fapping but I've had sex with 2 chicks since we broke it off and while the sex was great, it left me emotionally blank afterwards. When I got with her and my ex before her, it was because I was sick of the dating games and BS that goes with it. Yet when I was with her, I was flirting with chicks online, talking to other girls, etc. We weren't technically bf/gf but we grew from a "no sex with anyone else, let's just date" to a committed thing.
I still want to flirt with girls and such but at the same time, I want the emotional part of it too. I'm 29 yrs old and thinking if I should just try to man it up and forget the fapping/flirting thing and concentrate on her, which is what I should've been doing all along. She's got a lot going for her and I can see us together for a long time. I just don't know if I'm ready for commitment but I at least want to try again with her.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to not want to flirt with chicks and meet them? Sounds stupid but I'm wondering if there are any hints/suggestions anyone has. I have this idea that if the right chick came along it would fall into place...but this is something that I need to work on. If not for/with this woman, at least help me prepare down the road.
Author:  Betamax [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 6:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
You and I are in the same boat. I'm just as old as you are and I too would like a family. I've gotten bored of my relationship which I worked hard to earn. Yet I know I love her. This isn't the first time it happens to me. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. This woman would make the perfect wife. Not to mention she's attractive and guys endlessly hit on her. But I've lost my sex drive for her, and I often wonder what else is out there. However, out of respect for her, I don't flirt with other girls at all. In fact, I only talk to girl friends... Never new girls out of fear I'll find myself attracted to another girl. I often find myself reflecting on my past girlfriends and my past flings. Why? I feel like I'm messed up.

But to comment on your ADHD, I don't believe it's a factor at all. ADHD is an in-the-moment type of disorder if I'm not mistaken... I don't think it would necessarily affect how you feel and how you behave over the long run. As for your boredom... Wish I could help but I'm not any better off than you are.
Author:  Brawndo [ Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
Yea I don't get it man. I'm always looking for other people or seeing who's better when I need to learn to be happy with whom I have. Tough part is I have a couple new girls I've been talking to who I don't see as relationship potential but more sexual. I need to figure this sh*t out.....I've even tried reading about how to be more committed but not much I'm learning.
Author:  vhou812 [ Wed Jun 26, 2013 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
You need to find out what it is you're looking for. I was like you. I ended up "settling" and decided to marry. Had a couple kids. But I still kept seeking. Eventually I "found" and had an affair. Fucked it all up, not just for me, but for everyone.

If you are still seeking, you need to work out what it is you're looking for. When you know, if you like this girl and just want some other things, then you need to explain that to her. If nothing else, maybe her knowing allows her to help you.

For instance, let's just say you love her, but really have a problem with wanting to game other women or fuck other women. If she is aware of this, maybe she will allow you to flirt and game. Maybe she would be open to swinging or something else that allows you to satisfy the desire. Maybe not. At that point, at least you know you are making a conscious decision about whether to commit to her or follow your desires. Maybe she can help you rid yourself of the feeling? Who knows. But if you're in a serious relationship, and it's committed, she deserves to know what you're dealing with. Make her part of the solution, don't isolate her from it. Doing the latter insures an end to the relationship, one way or another.
Author:  Dragula [ Wed Jun 26, 2013 9:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
I feel your pain bro.
Author:  Betamax [ Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
vhou812, allow me to play the devil's advocate for a second here. What if I told you that you felt the girl you were cheating with were the "right" one only because the circumstances of an exciting love affair made it so? After all, what's more right than something that's wrong?
Author:  vhou812 [ Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Relationship boredom
Quote:
vhou812, allow me to play the devil's advocate for a second here. What if I told you that you felt the girl you were cheating with were the "right" one only because the circumstances of an exciting love affair made it so? After all, what's more right than something that's wrong?

I'd tell you that's probably how a lot of people feel when they have an affair. I cheated on my wife tons of times, in tons of different ways. What I refer to as my "affair" is the one that actually was with someone that if I were not married, and at the time not a train wreck, she'd have been LTR material.

I'm not sure what the point of the question was here, but that's my answer to it.

My point to the OP was that when you're in a committed LTR and you feel something, telling your partner what you are thinking and feeling is what gives you the best chance to improve the relationship and make it what you want it to be. When you feel that way, it's because something is lacking. Failing to make your partner privy to the problem is essentially denying them the opportunity to be part of the solution. And as I learned the hard way, failing to allow them the opportunity to help solve the problem is a death punch to the relationship. It's a sure bet that either you, or her, will eventually want to leave the relationship to find something better.
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