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"We are moving too fast..."
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Author:  johnnypua1 [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 3:23 pm ]
Post subject:  "We are moving too fast..."
A very interesting scenario... and I need your good avice.

I'm 32 and live in LA, and I met a 24 yr old girl living about two hours away on a dating site. We texted/called non-stop for about two weeks before she visited me for a full day, during which we ate, drank, and hooked up. During that initial visit, she invited me to a family wedding a week later (which is now this past weekend). We both knew it was a pretty fast/crazy idea, but we wanted to have fun with each other.

The wedding weekend was great - got along with her whole family and all. Complicating our situation even further, I will be moving to San Fran in two months, and there's a chance she could move up with me if we wanted to, but it would take a lot. Overall, we really like each other, but our logistics suck.

Now after the wedding, she told me that although she had fun that she is worried that things are "moving too fast." And I know they are! I do not want to be in a long distance relationship at all. However, if she'd eventually move up to SF, I would date her. In response to what she said, I told her I agreed with her and that if she wanted to stop talking as we have been, that'd be fine with me. I told her I'm not looking for a girlfriend and had wanted to be single all summer (also true). She said this was a relief to hear, that she overanalyzes everything, and wants to keep talking now that she's sure we're on the same page.

My question is this: I can already feel our momentum crushed by this little convo, and with my ultimate outside goal of having her move up to SF, what should I do? Please save all the "go find another girl" advice cause I am actively dating several other girls and don't have volume trouble - I just kinda like this one and want to take a crazy shot here. So should I pull away, and how hard, or should I take some other route?

Thanks!
Author:  Mr. Marville [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 10:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
Been through the same - will inevitably lose her. It's called the "to live Epically" thread. As a result I'm now with a different girl than intended.
Author:  Testicles [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
One word. Space. This is a big issue I believe the majority of us had/have, depending on the circumstance.
Do something with, then give her space. You're not an old married couple that knows everything about one another. She said that she analyzes everything. It's true. That's why you ought to give her space. To sort out her shit.
After that period of time, if she's not interesting in contact, means you've done something you shouldn't have.
There are times when things can get rather suffocating. For the both of you. Even though none of you recognize it.
"We're moving too fast." It's possible it's true. But it's probable it's something else.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Wed Jun 05, 2013 4:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
I suggest you take heed of her advice and slow your movements down, like literally.

When you're walking together, take much shorter steps, like a foot apart, eat slower, take much longer in the washroom, etc. (you get the idea), slow down your speech too (big one) and make slow gestures to things (think anchoring) its like NLP plus this way you're slowing everything down for her and showing her you're a man of compromise which is very hot to females.
Author:  johnnypua1 [ Wed Jun 05, 2013 6:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
Follow up question...

We live two hours away, and currently do not even have a next planned time to see each other. Went nearly two days before hearing from her, and her text simply said "I hope your week has been going well so far".

So the advice about moving slow when with her is great, but how about for text/phone now???
Author:  Betamax [ Wed Jun 05, 2013 6:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
Ignore her shitty and meaningless text. Wait for her to ask a question. And when she does, take your time to answer. When she asks why you haven't been answering, simply say you've been busy.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Wed Jun 05, 2013 7:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
Quote:
Ignore her shitty and meaningless text. Wait for her to ask a question. And when she does, take your time to answer. When she asks why you haven't been answering, simply say you've been busy.
Games.
Author:  johnnypua1 [ Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
if i can do better than games, I'm all ears...
Author:  n2thevoid [ Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
Quote:
if i can do better than games, I'm all ears...
The fact that you're moving in 2 months has created a time constraint hence "moving too fast" where under normay circumstances the relationship would likely unfold more organically in the absence of this reity.

2 months, you like her I say continue things and see where it goes. Lots can happen in that time. Heck you may even realize you two aren't good for each other S romantic partners or that you've become madly deeply in love with one and other and are ready to make a deeper commitment by that time. For you to have any sort of a healthy relationship with her I suggest learning to be present with each other, that means putting out of your head that you ll be moving and instead focusing on just being. Life's full of surprises, why count this one out before its had time to flourish.
Author:  johnnypua1 [ Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "We are moving too fast..."
thanks... so how do I pick things back up after about 3 days of NC? or when do I?
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