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I am a drama queen in LRT
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Author:  Valdemar1 [ Thu May 30, 2013 7:05 pm ]
Post subject:  I am a drama queen in LRT
I have been with my girl for 7 months now.
My imagination of the perfect relationship has always been intense and lovely. So when we started out dating, i thought we would never fight and we would have romantic intense moments all the time.

I made the rookie mistake and made her the center of my universe, which i am still dealing with, she did not make this mistake so she is fine, she also new that theres i a difference between LRT and when starting out dating.

Problem is, that i am insecure and often creates problems that is not really there, when i see a problem my world start falling apart, and i start seeing all our past problems as reasons for us not fitting together.

I am tired of my mind being overfilled with irrationel thoughts and sadness, but i have tried to fight this ever since the third month but am finding it really hard.

When i get these irrationel thoughts, i sort of can spot them, but i find it hard to handle since I (in the situation) feel like i am in every right to have them.. it really makes me overreact often.
I wish there were some magic pill i could take in the situation to relax and focus and believe in every good sign in our relationship..
i sometimes try to say, okay how can i analyse this situation to something good, but i never believe in it, so it doesn't really help.

please help! and feel free to ask questions :)
Author:  User13247 [ Thu May 30, 2013 8:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I am a drama queen in LRT
In psychology there is something called the ABC model. Basically, the idea is that your thoughts influence your emotions and actions in a circular feedback loop like this: Thoughts -> Emotions -> Actions -> Thoughts -> Emotions etc.

You are describing a situation in which your thoughts are negatively influencing your emotions, which negatively influence your actions, which negatively influence your thoughts, etc. It is a vicious circle. If you want to solve your problem, you have to find a way to break that circle. There is no magic pill, but the solution is actually not that difficult: change your thoughts at the beginning of your vicious cycle. You have taken some steps towards solving the problem already: you have recognized it, and you have tried (though unsuccessfully) to change it. You are on the right path. Perhaps it will help you if you ask yourself whether the thoughts that you are having a really rational, whether the concerns you are having are really that important, and, ultimately, if you are really happy in the situation that you are in. Check the link above for some other helpful advice.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Fri May 31, 2013 9:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I am a drama queen in LRT
Quote:
In psychology there is something called the ABC model. Basically, the idea is that your thoughts influence your emotions and actions in a circular feedback loop like this: Thoughts -> Emotions -> Actions -> Thoughts -> Emotions etc.

You are describing a situation in which your thoughts are negatively influencing your emotions, which negatively influence your actions, which negatively influence your thoughts, etc. It is a vicious circle. If you want to solve your problem, you have to find a way to break that circle. There is no magic pill, but the solution is actually not that difficult: change your thoughts at the beginning of your vicious cycle. You have taken some steps towards solving the problem already: you have recognized it, and you have tried (though unsuccessfully) to change it. You are on the right path. Perhaps it will help you if you ask yourself whether the thoughts that you are having a really rational, whether the concerns you are having are really that important, and, ultimately, if you are really happy in the situation that you are in. Check the link above for some other helpful advice.
Rational Emotive (Behavioral) Therapy, and yes it'd be a good fit to dealing with the poster's problem.
Author:  vhou812 [ Sat Jun 01, 2013 4:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I am a drama queen in LRT
I also took note that the OP stated he made the girl the center of his universe.

I've had some issues before as well, and someone here gave me the answer in a single sentence.

You're relying too much on a single relationship for your happiness.

Diversify yourself, and you will be less insecure. Make new friends, or reestablish connections with old ones, get back to taking up some of your old hobbies or new ones you really like. Know that your girlfriend's role in your life is to give you some support in your challenges, fullfill a sexual need, and be one of several friends in your life.

when you know you can be happy without her, you will have a healthy relationship. You shouldn't NEED her, you should WANT her. Anything other than that and you are not an asset, you are a liability. Relationships are not sustainable if one party is a liability to the other.
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Thu Jun 27, 2013 1:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I am a drama queen in LRT
Quote:
I also took note that the OP stated he made the girl the center of his universe.

I've had some issues before as well, and someone here gave me the answer in a single sentence.

You're relying too much on a single relationship for your happiness.

Diversify yourself, and you will be less insecure. Make new friends, or reestablish connections with old ones, get back to taking up some of your old hobbies or new ones you really like. Know that your girlfriend's role in your life is to give you some support in your challenges, fullfill a sexual need, and be one of several friends in your life.

when you know you can be happy without her, you will have a healthy relationship. You shouldn't NEED her, you should WANT her. Anything other than that and you are not an asset, you are a liability. Relationships are not sustainable if one party is a liability to the other.
A really good advice. I have trouble enjoying other things.

Like i dont really like to go out and drink, most of the time i by far prefer to stay home and watch a movie... I can't see how I can do other things and enjoy them, therefor it is hard for me to believe this although it sounds logical
Author:  vhou812 [ Thu Jun 27, 2013 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I am a drama queen in LRT
Quote:
Quote:
I also took note that the OP stated he made the girl the center of his universe.

I've had some issues before as well, and someone here gave me the answer in a single sentence.

You're relying too much on a single relationship for your happiness.

Diversify yourself, and you will be less insecure. Make new friends, or reestablish connections with old ones, get back to taking up some of your old hobbies or new ones you really like. Know that your girlfriend's role in your life is to give you some support in your challenges, fullfill a sexual need, and be one of several friends in your life.

when you know you can be happy without her, you will have a healthy relationship. You shouldn't NEED her, you should WANT her. Anything other than that and you are not an asset, you are a liability. Relationships are not sustainable if one party is a liability to the other.
A really good advice. I have trouble enjoying other things.

Like i dont really like to go out and drink, most of the time i by far prefer to stay home and watch a movie... I can't see how I can do other things and enjoy them, therefor it is hard for me to believe this although it sounds logical
If you don't really like to go out and drink, then don't do it. If you like to stay home and watch a movie, then do it. Do it alone. Or invite a buddy or two over. Just do whatever it is you like to do. You can't imagine having fun doing other shit, and that is your problem. If you are doing things you enjoy, eventually you WILL realize that you are enjoying yourself, and at that point, the logic will make sense.

Don't let your emotions tell you that doing something you like without a specific person being there will not be any fun. You may have thoughts like "I wish so and so was here" but the facts are that if you continue to force yourself to do those things, eventually you will learn that you enjoy them because you enjoy them. There may be some things that are more fun to do with your girl. That's ok. But there are things you won't mind doing on your own or with a different group or person. You need to find those things and get into the routine of doing them.
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