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dealing with her past
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Author:  supersonic69 [ Fri May 24, 2013 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:  dealing with her past
Hey guys, I have a topic here that I can't really discuss with any of my friends because its a bit embarrassing. Im with a girl right now, been together about a year, everything about the relationship is great, great sex, great chemistry, she is beautiful, she has great social skills and gets along fantastic with all my friends.

Problem is her past...she has had sex with 20 something guys before meeting me, lots of these were casual, lots of these were one night stands...kind of makes me nauseous every time I think about it. I told her she must discontinue all contact with these people, and she did this, but recently I noticed she has alot of pics on her facebook with dudes at parties (and I figured odds are, she had sex with some of these...) so I asked her to also remove all these and unfriend everyone she has had sex with. She notified me that she did this, and I checked out her facebook today, and indeed, she did it for me, but I am kind of feeling upset at the moment because she had to take down the great majority of the pictures, again reminding me of all the sex, and also putting faces and names to those for me...yuck.


What do guys think of all this? is it normal for a girl in her late 20s to have had this many sexual partners? With our society being how it is, are all girls like this now? or do you think I could find a girl that doesn't do this kind of thing and maybe has had sex with only a few others?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri May 24, 2013 7:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
It's a lot more "normal" than any man wants to think about "his" woman.

But you need to understand, she cannot undo her past.

You need to get past it or it will never last.

It's now your issue! She has done her part. A real man WILL get past it.
Author:  Themagicalone [ Fri May 24, 2013 7:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Quote:
It's a lot more "normal" than any man wants to think about "his" woman.

But you need to understand, she cannot undo her past.

You need to get past it or it will never last.

It's now your issue! She has done her part. A real man WILL get past it.
THIS, trust me I know its bad but if she's agreed to your terms which she really didn't have too, it shows that she's changing for you.
Author:  slurp812 [ Sat May 25, 2013 4:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Well, she has been up front with you about it. And has gotten her ya-yas out of her system, and seems to be ready for a LTR. At least that's how I'd look at it.
Author:  JuanAntonioB [ Sat May 25, 2013 10:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
the only real issue you should be concerned about is with who her heart and emotions lie with currently.

if you are 100% certain and comfortable that it is with you, then get over the past quick or you will lose her.

I had a similar issue with my ex, (not sleeping with many guys but divulging her entire sexual history with her ex to me) and it was difficult not because she did those things with her ex, but because she was still NOT OVER her ex made me feel it day in and day out for months. this was a deadly combination for me and drained me of all my energy and focus.

so if shes a keeper, keep her. if shes a broken girl, you dont want to deal with that baggage trust me
Author:  cmd [ Sat May 25, 2013 11:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
You should be proud that someone with her experience chose you to be in a LTR with! That shows you are great relationship material ;)

For a LTR I personally prefer girls who have lots of experience, and not only because of the sex.
These girls have seen it all and are later on less likely to feel they haven't lived when they were young. You don't want a girl who starts wondering how it is when you're already emotionally invested and have future plans...
Author:  supersonic69 [ Sun May 26, 2013 9:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
well, seems we have a pretty solid consensus here! I think what you guys are saying makes alot of sense. I do indeed have every confidence that she is only into me now and that she will be loyal, she has proven herself to me consistently in this way as she has cut ties with every man that I have asked her to. Also, she just is a great and stable person. I have done some reading on this subject in other places the last couple days too, and it seems that her having a promiscuous past by itself doesn't indicate that she can't be loyal in a long term and loving relationship. One thing that was suggested too was that it is better for me not to be judgmental towards her about this, which I never knew. I'm going to apologize to her about the judgement and we are going to move forward. That will make her feel great, so I am excited. Its only been a couple days since I posted on here, but I am already feeling much better and very peaceful about this whole thing. Thanks for the helpful comments guys, its very useful to know how other people are thinking about and dealing with this stuff, its my first LTR in a while, so its kind of new to me at this point.
Author:  valleyplaya [ Mon May 27, 2013 12:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Dude, wow. I'm sorry but these other posts have it all wrong. Trust me, if her past bothers you even a little now it will ALWAYS bother you. I cannot stress it enough that you TRUST ME ON THAT! Even if she is a great woman, if her past still upsets you at all, I'm sorry but you will be better off finding someone else. Don't settle, man. You're obviously on here trying to become a better person so why would you want to stay with a woman who has that many partners? Just wait until you run into one of those guys with your girl. It will make you sick. Not worth it. Plus, brah, she obviously liked having that many partners. Unfortunately it's true that once a slute, always a slute. Break up and find a new.

Happy playing.
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Mon May 27, 2013 3:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Accepting a girl for a promiscuous past does not make anyone a real man. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you should walk away. Knowing what works for you and what doesn't is key. It's not one size fits all.

I'll say this, though: most girls have 20 notches on their belt and won't tell you about it. Who knows if it's 20 or 60 or 100? Studies show that the more partners a woman has had, the greater likelihood of her getting divorced. http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/201 ... -risk.html Women are good for different things.

My point: if you know you're not going to marry this girl, what difference does it make?
Author:  supersonic69 [ Mon May 27, 2013 8:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Valleyplaya, running into one of those guys with my girl WOULD make me sick, but, she has cut off all contact with those guys, and that was actually easy for her because she has moved around several times over the course of her education/life and none of them live in our area. I don't think I will have to worry about running into them.

I appreciate the idea that I shouldn't settle, but Dr. Jones makes a point that gets to the heart of it for me: he says most girls my age have 20 notches on their belt or they are lying about it anyway, so I guess the question would be, am I settling really? or maybe, the truth is that to have a beautiful woman who is my age and who has great social skills it might be necessary to just accept that they are likely to have many partners.

I guess that is part of the reason I was also asking people what their experience dating in this age range is. Anyone finding quality girls in their late 20s that haven't been with many people? it just seems unlikely to me...
Author:  valleyplaya [ Mon May 27, 2013 10:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Dude, most chicks in their mid to late 20s do NOT have that many notches. Only slutes do.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Tue May 28, 2013 12:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Quote:
Valleyplaya, running into one of those guys with my girl WOULD make me sick, but, she has cut off all contact with those guys, and that was actually easy for her because she has moved around several times over the course of her education/life and none of them live in our area. I don't think I will have to worry about running into them.

I appreciate the idea that I shouldn't settle, but Dr. Jones makes a point that gets to the heart of it for me: he says most girls my age have 20 notches on their belt or they are lying about it anyway, so I guess the question would be, am I settling really? or maybe, the truth is that to have a beautiful woman who is my age and who has great social skills it might be necessary to just accept that they are likely to have many partners.

I guess that is part of the reason I was also asking people what their experience dating in this age range is. Anyone finding quality girls in their late 20s that haven't been with many people? it just seems unlikely to me...


it is unlikely you will find a girl of that age that doesn't have that "varied" number of notches.
Doesn't matter.

Valley, didn't completely read, or take in the context.

The point is, whether YOU can put up with her past or not.

You have to ask yourself if you can get past it.

When I said a real man will get past it, I should have included ,"or move on." to make it more clear.

It's YOUR problem.

If you desire to keep her, you MUST get past it.
If you can't get past it you MUST move on.

But the reality is Hot girls PLAY!
Author:  valleyplaya [ Tue May 28, 2013 1:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: dealing with her past
Quote:
Quote:
Valleyplaya, running into one of those guys with my girl WOULD make me sick, but, she has cut off all contact with those guys, and that was actually easy for her because she has moved around several times over the course of her education/life and none of them live in our area. I don't think I will have to worry about running into them.

I appreciate the idea that I shouldn't settle, but Dr. Jones makes a point that gets to the heart of it for me: he says most girls my age have 20 notches on their belt or they are lying about it anyway, so I guess the question would be, am I settling really? or maybe, the truth is that to have a beautiful woman who is my age and who has great social skills it might be necessary to just accept that they are likely to have many partners.

I guess that is part of the reason I was also asking people what their experience dating in this age range is. Anyone finding quality girls in their late 20s that haven't been with many people? it just seems unlikely to me...


it is unlikely you will find a girl of that age that doesn't have that "varied" number of notches.
Doesn't matter.

Valley, didn't completely read, or take in the context.

The point is, whether YOU can put up with her past or not.

You have to ask yourself if you can get past it.

When I said a real man will get past it, I should have included ,"or move on." to make it more clear.

It's YOUR problem.

If you desire to keep her, you MUST get past it.
If you can't get past it you MUST move on.

But the reality is Hot girls PLAY!
I agree with this.
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