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Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
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Author:  gelicious [ Tue May 21, 2013 10:47 am ]
Post subject:  Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
So my girlfriend who lives long distance tells me that her old friend who lives 3 hours away is coming in to her town to pick up his brother from the airport and so she is taking the day off work to hang out with them to "get em high, and drink some booze".
Do I give a shit, freeze her for a few days or what? Is this a shit test fishing for a reaction or what?
Which is the best recommended reaction? I'm leaning towards not giving a shit reaction. Help out plz
Author:  pumpington [ Tue May 21, 2013 12:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
pretty much it is what it is, you either trust her or you don't trust her, and without trust a LDR is probably not that great of an option and if you have a great deal of trust for her then you could be in an LDR for a long time and everything will be fine

it's a tough call but you know this girl better then anyone on the forum, just got to trust yourself
Author:  Stephen B. [ Tue May 21, 2013 12:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
Quote:
So my girlfriend who lives long distance tells me that her old friend who lives 3 hours away is coming in to her town to pick up his brother from the airport and so she is taking the day off work to hang out with them to "get em high, and drink some booze".
My two cents: I don't think this is a shit test at all. As far as I know, shit tests are unconscious psychological tools designed to test how much alpha/beta you are. But what exactly is so called "alpha" position about alcohol and drugs? Forbidding? Forcing to change her lifestyle?

So I'm confused as well, for example, when a girl tells you she goes out drinking with friends, should you establish boundaries about the matter, or let her be responsible? First option can come out as insecure AFC. It should be her responsibility to control herself. On the other hand, if you don't express yourself, then you are maybe too passive, giving her green light for risky behaviour.

I really can't see a safe, single answer to this.

But that's the problem with most of the young women today, alcohol has always been a red flag to me. Not mentioning drugs. When they started drinking more frequently, it ended badly. In 100% of cases.

When its on occasions, you can't really see, how much she gets stoned, how does she act, is there any kind of control, and so on. And you can't always have her on radar. Fucked up, I say.
Author:  Stephen B. [ Tue May 21, 2013 12:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
Quote:
pretty much it is what it is, you either trust her or you don't trust her
Trust has to be earned.
When she strictly mentions that alcohol (even worse for OP, drugs) is coming into play, she's been honest about her whereabouts, but in translation it's like spitting out: "I will be in a situation where control is reduced". And you never know how much control will go away. Why would they mention it otherwise if they are not aware of the fact? Better question, why do they gamble? Should we really consider stimulants normal in every aspect of life?
Author:  Themagicalone [ Tue May 21, 2013 9:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
To the OP it be smart to keep some people on the bench, if this guy is decent at all with pick up he'll have your girl naked by midnight.
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Wed May 22, 2013 8:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
Do you like your girl to have a lot of guy friends?

If it bothers you, you need to tell her you can't be with someone with that many guy friends. You're not telling her to lose the friends. You are conveying that you know what you like and this just won't work for you. Mean it when you say it.

Treat your relationships like you're a free agent and don't sign a contract unless it's to your specifications. What you want. Settle for no less. Your time, your emotional investment- it's worth that much.

To anyone who says, "It's beta to even ponder this...", you're missing the point. It's anything but alpha to mentally coerce yourself into being okay with something that clearly will always bother you. If someone said eating asparagus was alpha and you clearly hated it, would you eat it anyway?

This girl is putting herself into a vulnerable situation when you're nowhere in sight and she rationalizes that telling you about it will make it less immoral.
Author:  User13247 [ Wed May 22, 2013 11:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
Quote:
To the OP it be smart to keep some people on the bench, if this guy is decent at all with pick up he'll have your girl naked by midnight.
Then again, most guys are total tools when it comes to picking up girls.

On topic, I can only give the advice to break up before going long distance.
Author:  Themagicalone [ Wed May 22, 2013 11:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend says she's hanging out with guy friend
Quote:
Quote:
To the OP it be smart to keep some people on the bench, if this guy is decent at all with pick up he'll have your girl naked by midnight.
Then again, most guys are total tools when it comes to picking up girls.

On topic, I can only give the advice to break up before going long distance.
True but the OP's girlfriend is giving the guy a lay up (impaired judgment and probably a lot of 1 on 1 time)
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