PUA Forum :: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.

Fucking her good is not a bad thing at all when it comes to getting her back.

That said, what you're doing I think is likely to just condition her to you being lower value in the way that you will allow her to ask you not to fuck other people and then just let her use you for sex, to the point that you will initiate it with her every time.

At this point, if you had to work to get it, I would just make the break, take control of the situation and tell her, this isn't working for me. If we're not getting back together, then you don't want to spend the rest of your life begging your ex girlfriend for sex when you don't have to live that way. Tell her you're sorry, but it just doesn't work that way, and then wait for her to come to you.

If she doesn't, then let it go. And don't sit around waiting for her to come to you. Make her win you back.

In your original post you said you turned into a wuss, I assume this lowered your value in her eyes. Even a good girl is susceptible to lacking enthusiasm for a great guy if they do not act like a great guy long enough.

Gaming is something used when there is no feelings. It CREATES feelings of attraction when successful. If you think emotionally she is completely OVER the relationship, then game on. But she isn't. Clearly she isn't, because if she was, she wouldn't care who you fuck, when you fuck them, or why.

You see the power move of saying you will not continue to comply with her requests of not fucking other people, yet having to ask and work to fuck her at the same time as counter productive because you want a certain outcome. Whoever cares less about a relationship has the power. Remember this. It is a universal truth, because whoever cares more will work harder to save it.

The best thing you can do to make yourself look attractive to her after being close to her like that is look like you don't want to get over the relationship, but you can and will if you have to, and you will do it your own way. There was another post in which Hunter Foxe said "if you're not all in, you're all out." At 2 years, you were committed to each other. If you aren't any more, and there are no kids or anything else to consider, then all you have to worry about is yourself.

My advise to you is the same. If you only want her as a FWB, then feel free to continue what you're doing. If you want more, then make your play for it, and be ready to not get it. Keep in mind too that when you make your play, she may reject you and say she doesn't want you. Keep calm, tell her you understand, and just remind her that you will do your thing. Then proceed to do your thing, with whomever you choose. She may very well reconsider, and when she does, you then have the power again to lead the relationship. And if not, well then, you're already well on your way to your next positive experience in a relationship.

Just because she's concerned about you fucking someone else does not mean she cares. It means she doesn't want you to move on and find a replacement before she does. In her eyes, that means you "won".

She's giving you sex to satiate your sexual drive, while she's on the lookout for a bigger, better deal. If you want her back, you have to give her an ultimatum, but not a spoken one.

You need to see other women. She'll give you the "What? I thought we were sorting things out..." shtick. Do not let her guilt-trip you with that. She knows you two broke up and she also knows if she wanted you for real, she would flat-out tell you, "Let's get back together." She's enjoying the privileges of being in a relationship with you, without the responsibility. Enough.

I know you're busting a nut in her every once in a while and that feels good, but you know that's not enough. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. All this is only temporary if she doesn't fear losing you

Quote:

Well said.

Since she didn't answer your text, if I were you, it would be NC and start meeting other women.

Author:	hendu89 [ Sun May 12, 2013 11:43 pm ]
Post subject:	ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
ok so my ex and i dated for 2 years in june. We had a great relasionship, i was on my game for at least the first year of us dating. long story short i started slacking, getting lazy, really just turned into kind of a wuss agian. Well she mentions it like 5 months before we finally break up, i knew something was off with her. She geared up to leave me by starting to hang out with old friends or really trying to make new friends, working out, working more etc... So she catches me a little off guard with the final break up because we talked a week before about our relasionship and how we were both going to work on ourselves for each other. O well didnt work cause she said it was time we did it. I was crushed cause i love her but it reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal ly helped that i already knew the signs and kind of saw it coming. Well i did a pretty good job of framing the break up as a mutual thing, i agreed that we should prob break up and have our space for a bit, even told her i was thinking about doing it (this completly shocked her)... Here is where it gets pretty interesting. She says to me "can i ask just one thing, i know it is alot to ask but can you please not go Hook up with girls for a while. it would just crush me and i am not breaking up with you to hook up with guys i am doing it for myself". so i tell her that her "request was absolutly rediculous to ask, that i am a man and i have my wants. I like having sex" went on to tell her that we could still hang out and do our thing (refering to sex) and in exchange i would not hook up with any girls for a while.... This has worked twice so far, she has came to my apartment to hang out twice and we have hooked up both times, although it took some significant effort on my part. I saw this as an accomplishment at first but now that i am reading through this i am not sure. How do you guys think i handled the situation? What should i do from here as far as getting her back? i do not see too many people pulling this off so i am wondering is this a smart move?

Author:	vhou812 [ Mon May 13, 2013 2:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Fucking her good is not a bad thing at all when it comes to getting her back. That said, what you're doing I think is likely to just condition her to you being lower value in the way that you will allow her to ask you not to fuck other people and then just let her use you for sex, to the point that you will initiate it with her every time. At this point, if you had to work to get it, I would just make the break, take control of the situation and tell her, this isn't working for me. If we're not getting back together, then you don't want to spend the rest of your life begging your ex girlfriend for sex when you don't have to live that way. Tell her you're sorry, but it just doesn't work that way, and then wait for her to come to you. If she doesn't, then let it go. And don't sit around waiting for her to come to you. Make her win you back.

Author:	Jay (Majik) [ Mon May 13, 2013 3:10 am ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Quote: Fucking her good is not a bad thing at all when it comes to getting her back. That said, what you're doing I think is likely to just condition her to you being lower value in the way that you will allow her to ask you not to fuck other people and then just let her use you for sex, to the point that you will initiate it with her every time. At this point, if you had to work to get it, I would just make the break, take control of the situation and tell her, this isn't working for me. If we're not getting back together, then you don't want to spend the rest of your life begging your ex girlfriend for sex when you don't have to live that way. Tell her you're sorry, but it just doesn't work that way, and then wait for her to come to you. If she doesn't, then let it go. And don't sit around waiting for her to come to you. Make her win you back. x2

Author:	hendu89 [ Mon May 13, 2013 3:33 am ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Quote: Fucking her good is not a bad thing at all when it comes to getting her back. That said, what you're doing I think is likely to just condition her to you being lower value in the way that you will allow her to ask you not to fuck other people and then just let her use you for sex, to the point that you will initiate it with her every time. At this point, if you had to work to get it, I would just make the break, take control of the situation and tell her, this isn't working for me. If we're not getting back together, then you don't want to spend the rest of your life begging your ex girlfriend for sex when you don't have to live that way. Tell her you're sorry, but it just doesn't work that way, and then wait for her to come to you. If she doesn't, then let it go. And don't sit around waiting for her to come to you. Make her win you back. Damn bro! you bring up a good point i didnt think of before. She could just be using me for sex. I think in this situation its even worse though now that you brought the part of value up. She could be thinking that i am lower value because i will wait for her just to give it up then i am happy for a day. "this isnt working for me if we are not getting back together." I see this and feel like it is counter productive (no offense,,, i am asking here), arent i supposed to be gaming at this point? So like not showing her i am interested in a relasionship cause i am having fun without her. We did just break up almost a week and a half ago if that makes a difference. So basically if it becomes harder for me to get her to come over and fuck then i need to cut the cord? I know i asked alot of questions but i am interested in why, plus i mean this does only effect my LIFE lol!! Thanks ahead of time

Author:	vhou812 [ Tue May 14, 2013 5:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
In your original post you said you turned into a wuss, I assume this lowered your value in her eyes. Even a good girl is susceptible to lacking enthusiasm for a great guy if they do not act like a great guy long enough. Gaming is something used when there is no feelings. It CREATES feelings of attraction when successful. If you think emotionally she is completely OVER the relationship, then game on. But she isn't. Clearly she isn't, because if she was, she wouldn't care who you fuck, when you fuck them, or why. You see the power move of saying you will not continue to comply with her requests of not fucking other people, yet having to ask and work to fuck her at the same time as counter productive because you want a certain outcome. Whoever cares less about a relationship has the power. Remember this. It is a universal truth, because whoever cares more will work harder to save it. The best thing you can do to make yourself look attractive to her after being close to her like that is look like you don't want to get over the relationship, but you can and will if you have to, and you will do it your own way. There was another post in which Hunter Foxe said "if you're not all in, you're all out." At 2 years, you were committed to each other. If you aren't any more, and there are no kids or anything else to consider, then all you have to worry about is yourself. My advise to you is the same. If you only want her as a FWB, then feel free to continue what you're doing. If you want more, then make your play for it, and be ready to not get it. Keep in mind too that when you make your play, she may reject you and say she doesn't want you. Keep calm, tell her you understand, and just remind her that you will do your thing. Then proceed to do your thing, with whomever you choose. She may very well reconsider, and when she does, you then have the power again to lead the relationship. And if not, well then, you're already well on your way to your next positive experience in a relationship.

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Author:	hendu89 [ Wed May 15, 2013 3:39 am ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Quote: In your original post you said you turned into a wuss, I assume this lowered your value in her eyes. Even a good girl is susceptible to lacking enthusiasm for a great guy if they do not act like a great guy long enough. Gaming is something used when there is no feelings. It CREATES feelings of attraction when successful. If you think emotionally she is completely OVER the relationship, then game on. But she isn't. Clearly she isn't, because if she was, she wouldn't care who you fuck, when you fuck them, or why. You see the power move of saying you will not continue to comply with her requests of not fucking other people, yet having to ask and work to fuck her at the same time as counter productive because you want a certain outcome. Whoever cares less about a relationship has the power. Remember this. It is a universal truth, because whoever cares more will work harder to save it. The best thing you can do to make yourself look attractive to her after being close to her like that is look like you don't want to get over the relationship, but you can and will if you have to, and you will do it your own way. There was another post in which Hunter Foxe said "if you're not all in, you're all out." At 2 years, you were committed to each other. If you aren't any more, and there are no kids or anything else to consider, then all you have to worry about is yourself. My advise to you is the same. If you only want her as a FWB, then feel free to continue what you're doing. If you want more, then make your play for it, and be ready to not get it. Keep in mind too that when you make your play, she may reject you and say she doesn't want you. Keep calm, tell her you understand, and just remind her that you will do your thing. Then proceed to do your thing, with whomever you choose. She may very well reconsider, and when she does, you then have the power again to lead the relationship. And if not, well then, you're already well on your way to your next positive experience in a relationship. Thanks for the advice man! Yea it is not looking good for us keeping the FWB thing. I think she was uncomfortable with it maybe or there is some other guy in the picture. I did see some flirting back and forth on twitter with her and some guy on her birthday which is when i took a vow not to look at twitter anymore because seeing this guy make her laugh made me a little upset!... I also sent her a text later that night that said "Happy Birthday agian how was filing for social security?" (she is 20) i figure it would get a laugh but i got no response so i am debating whether to go no contact here or keep fighting somehow ... Any quick advice on that would be greatly appreciated!!?

Author:	Dr. Jones [ Wed May 15, 2013 9:33 am ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Just because she's concerned about you fucking someone else does not mean she cares. It means she doesn't want you to move on and find a replacement before she does. In her eyes, that means you "won". She's giving you sex to satiate your sexual drive, while she's on the lookout for a bigger, better deal. If you want her back, you have to give her an ultimatum, but not a spoken one. You need to see other women. She'll give you the "What? I thought we were sorting things out..." shtick. Do not let her guilt-trip you with that. She knows you two broke up and she also knows if she wanted you for real, she would flat-out tell you, "Let's get back together." She's enjoying the privileges of being in a relationship with you, without the responsibility. Enough. I know you're busting a nut in her every once in a while and that feels good, but you know that's not enough. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. All this is only temporary if she doesn't fear losing you

Author:	vhou812 [ Wed May 15, 2013 5:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Quote: Just because she's concerned about you fucking someone else does not mean she cares. It means she doesn't want you to move on and find a replacement before she does. In her eyes, that means you "won". She's giving you sex to satiate your sexual drive, while she's on the lookout for a bigger, better deal. If you want her back, you have to give her an ultimatum, but not a spoken one. You need to see other women. She'll give you the "What? I thought we were sorting things out..." shtick. Do not let her guilt-trip you with that. She knows you two broke up and she also knows if she wanted you for real, she would flat-out tell you, "Let's get back together." She's enjoying the privileges of being in a relationship with you, without the responsibility. Enough. I know you're busting a nut in her every once in a while and that feels good, but you know that's not enough. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. All this is only temporary if she doesn't fear losing you Well said. Since she didn't answer your text, if I were you, it would be NC and start meeting other women.

Author:	hendu89 [ Thu May 16, 2013 1:02 am ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Quote: Just because she's concerned about you fucking someone else does not mean she cares. It means she doesn't want you to move on and find a replacement before she does. In her eyes, that means you "won". She's giving you sex to satiate your sexual drive, while she's on the lookout for a bigger, better deal. If you want her back, you have to give her an ultimatum, but not a spoken one. You need to see other women. She'll give you the "What? I thought we were sorting things out..." shtick. Do not let her guilt-trip you with that. She knows you two broke up and she also knows if she wanted you for real, she would flat-out tell you, "Let's get back together." She's enjoying the privileges of being in a relationship with you, without the responsibility. Enough. I know you're busting a nut in her every once in a while and that feels good, but you know that's not enough. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. All this is only temporary if she doesn't fear losing you I kind of had a feeling she was just keeping me in check while she was out looking. good stuff.

Author:	hendu89 [ Thu May 16, 2013 1:08 am ]
Post subject:	Re: ex girl now, friend with benifits.. interesting stuff.
Quote: Quote: Just because she's concerned about you fucking someone else does not mean she cares. It means she doesn't want you to move on and find a replacement before she does. In her eyes, that means you "won". She's giving you sex to satiate your sexual drive, while she's on the lookout for a bigger, better deal. If you want her back, you have to give her an ultimatum, but not a spoken one. You need to see other women. She'll give you the "What? I thought we were sorting things out..." shtick. Do not let her guilt-trip you with that. She knows you two broke up and she also knows if she wanted you for real, she would flat-out tell you, "Let's get back together." She's enjoying the privileges of being in a relationship with you, without the responsibility. Enough. I know you're busting a nut in her every once in a while and that feels good, but you know that's not enough. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. All this is only temporary if she doesn't fear losing you Well said. Since she didn't answer your text, if I were you, it would be NC and start meeting other women. Well that was definetly the plan... This was day two of no contact and here we are 9 oclock and after a witty fb status i posted, she suddenly comments on a picture of some unmatch socks and said "yea cause some of them are mine" I thought about saying "keep track of your shit,, slob haha" jokingly ... i dunno guys i am gaming other girls and my game is getting back to tight with them, but my ex i dunno if that is a good line or not, i always second guess myself with her, i am sure i am not alone... Also as far a no contact, she just now sent two videos of her dogs with her talking in a goofy voice like she used to do... I feel like no contact is working but at the same time i leave myself wondering the only chances i have left is to try to talk to her into a few more "visits" Thoughts??? Noone needs to hold my hand here, i am just wondering if i am looking at this clear.. usually an outside opinion can see things clearer. Thanks so far guys i hope i can get some more input.

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