Hi, I haven't been here for a long time because I thought I'll figure out the rest myself. But I'm back again
I'm in a relationship with a girl for 2.5 months. We're both studying at the same uni, but otherwise live at opposite ends of the country. Perhaps it was quite early for that, but since it's the Easter break, I went to visit her for a week to meet her family etc. They liked me, and the overall impression of the trip is positive I think, but it seems that we have a little crisis now.
The first 4 days were awesome. But later she started making remarks about stuff like e.g. that it takes long for me to put my shoes on, etc. (which I know it does and I'm working on it
). Since we have this policy of a total openness - which I think is a very good thing, as long as it's not misused - finally she told me that these are symptoms of the fact that she's having an "overabundance of myself" - she loves me, but she's never had a partner next to herself non-stop for such a long time, and she's tired and lacking the space.While I understand that, and it's an important lesson for next visits - to provide more space to each other - now my question is what I should do get the proper chemistry back?
I admit these remarks did make me upset, since I want her to be my gf, and not a second mommy. I told her exactly that.
We're meeting next Thursday at the uni already (it's my birthday). We've been briefly texting today (she initiated). I thought I would keep any contact to the minimum until Thursday (to give her enough space or perhaps a bit more), and see what happens. Should that be enough? Any other ideas I could try?
Also it's probably worth adding that she's a good girl, who really cares about people, and I know she wouldn't be playing any games with me, and won't dump me for no serious reason. She also told me she's got just enough space when we're at the uni. But I know the reason why she dumped her previous boyfriend, was exactly because he wasn't giving her enough space, and was controlling her.
And a more theoretical question: to what extent should I work on stuff she doesn't like in me? Surely I don't want to be irritating to her, and stuff like putting shoes on I can change with a bit of work
On the other I can't allow her to change me since I am a man, I am who I am, and if she loves me she should also accept at least some of my defects. If she doesn't then maybe we just don't suit each other? So where should the line be drawn?