PUA Forum :: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??

I've been dating this girl for close to five months now. She's about a 7. She says she loves me all the time, is very affectionate and loyal and caring. She comes over and she's met all my family (by her insistence), we sleep together almost on the regular. And yet, she doesn't want to be "official".

She left her previous bf whom she had been with for two years for me. He treated her like crap and she had had enough and she had fallen in love with me (we worked together and hung out a lot). But she's still friends with him and his entire family (she lived with all of them and was basically a part of their family, so I can't really get mad when she continues to hang out with them).

And yet she says we're not totally together. I mean she texts me good morning every day, talks to me throughout the day, says we're seeing each other, but doesn't want to say we're in a relationship. She says it's because she doesn't want to just jump right into another relationship and doesn't want to hurt me.

She said technically if I wanted to I could go hook up with another girl and she couldn't get mad at me because she's the one saying she doesn't want to be official. And yet she says she has no interest in being with other guys. She even told me about a guy who asked her for her number on the bus and she was like no I have a boyfriend.

And yet she doesn't want me to meet her ex or his family because she doesn't think we'd get along. Because I"m very driven and all they do is stay at home and smoke pot and live off the government and I"m very much against that. She said she was trying to make them less a part of her life for me, but then complains that she has trouble making friends and it's not exactly fair of me to just ask her to sit at home by herself all day long. I agree.But I don't know what to do.

Why does she have such a problem with putting us as in a committed relationship. She says well we are in one but we don't label it as that and it gives her the illusion of freedom as she puts it. She said it's like candy and if you eat it all and you want it all too fast you get a stomachache from it and don't want to eat it anymore. And she doesn't want to get sick of me she wants to make sure before she dives in. And like slowly I"ll meet her mom or meet her sister or we'll go away for a weekend, but she hasn't let me meet her father yet, she hasn't let us "become official' or "exclusive" yet. Is this normal? Is she just being extra precautious? Or am I being played for a fool? I asked her and she said I would never just use you or keep you as a back up because all that does is hurt people. And she's typically too honest, to the point of almost being mean, so I don't see why she'd be lying. But then again I don't know.
Advice?

I'm not saying dump her. But sleep with other girls. You have the permission. This will help you a lot to see clearly what is happening.

This is not pua related but you mentioned the pot and I would just stay away from people who does that.

Also think about this. Why would she not want you two to be exclusive when she states that she is not interested in other guys ? Well not yet, but she wants to keep her options open and maybe just using you as a time filler for her not to be alone.

She left her previous bf whom she had been with for two years for me. He treated her like crap and she had had enough and she had fallen in love with me (we worked together and hung out a lot). But she's still friends with him and his entire family (she lived with all of them and was basically a part of their family, so I can't really get mad when she continues to hang out with them).

Quote:

How do you know he treated her like crap? She told you? The same girl who still hangs out with him and his family from time to time? You may think she's over him because she speaks of him with such contempt. That's an indicator that he's still on her mind. When she's indifferent about it, you can relax.

Sound advice on here so far. She doesn't want to be exclusive, so see other women.

Quote:

This is a really good point that only just occurred to me...

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I've dated a girl who wasn't over her ex and eventually wanted to leave for him, spoke about them with venomous contempt. "He's such a prick!" etc.

They've also compared me favourably, saying how much kinder and nicer I am, my last gf told me that her ex forced her to have unprotected sex and go on the pill whilst I always made sure we used condoms. She couldn't stop going on about how much she hated him. Then we break up and she's with him a month later.

I texted her and said: "You could have just been honest with me. All the best

"

And she still told me I was a better person but you don't choose who you fall in love with, which is true.

But i guess the purpose of this post is to alert people to another red flag.

Author:	2young2bcaring [ Tue Apr 09, 2013 7:00 pm ]
Post subject:	LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
I've been dating this girl for close to five months now. She's about a 7. She says she loves me all the time, is very affectionate and loyal and caring. She comes over and she's met all my family (by her insistence), we sleep together almost on the regular. And yet, she doesn't want to be "official". She left her previous bf whom she had been with for two years for me. He treated her like crap and she had had enough and she had fallen in love with me (we worked together and hung out a lot). But she's still friends with him and his entire family (she lived with all of them and was basically a part of their family, so I can't really get mad when she continues to hang out with them). And yet she says we're not totally together. I mean she texts me good morning every day, talks to me throughout the day, says we're seeing each other, but doesn't want to say we're in a relationship. She says it's because she doesn't want to just jump right into another relationship and doesn't want to hurt me. She said technically if I wanted to I could go hook up with another girl and she couldn't get mad at me because she's the one saying she doesn't want to be official. And yet she says she has no interest in being with other guys. She even told me about a guy who asked her for her number on the bus and she was like no I have a boyfriend. And yet she doesn't want me to meet her ex or his family because she doesn't think we'd get along. Because I"m very driven and all they do is stay at home and smoke pot and live off the government and I"m very much against that. She said she was trying to make them less a part of her life for me, but then complains that she has trouble making friends and it's not exactly fair of me to just ask her to sit at home by herself all day long. I agree.But I don't know what to do. Why does she have such a problem with putting us as in a committed relationship. She says well we are in one but we don't label it as that and it gives her the illusion of freedom as she puts it. She said it's like candy and if you eat it all and you want it all too fast you get a stomachache from it and don't want to eat it anymore. And she doesn't want to get sick of me she wants to make sure before she dives in. And like slowly I"ll meet her mom or meet her sister or we'll go away for a weekend, but she hasn't let me meet her father yet, she hasn't let us "become official' or "exclusive" yet. Is this normal? Is she just being extra precautious? Or am I being played for a fool? I asked her and she said I would never just use you or keep you as a back up because all that does is hurt people. And she's typically too honest, to the point of almost being mean, so I don't see why she'd be lying. But then again I don't know. Advice?

Author:	Themagicalone [ Tue Apr 09, 2013 7:08 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Quote: I've been dating this girl for close to five months now. She's about a 7. She says she loves me all the time, is very affectionate and loyal and caring. She comes over and she's met all my family (by her insistence), we sleep together almost on the regular. And yet, she doesn't want to be "official". She left her previous bf whom she had been with for two years for me. He treated her like crap and she had had enough and she had fallen in love with me (we worked together and hung out a lot). But she's still friends with him and his entire family (she lived with all of them and was basically a part of their family, so I can't really get mad when she continues to hang out with them). And yet she says we're not totally together. I mean she texts me good morning every day, talks to me throughout the day, says we're seeing each other, but doesn't want to say we're in a relationship. She says it's because she doesn't want to just jump right into another relationship and doesn't want to hurt me. She said technically if I wanted to I could go hook up with another girl and she couldn't get mad at me because she's the one saying she doesn't want to be official. And yet she says she has no interest in being with other guys. She even told me about a guy who asked her for her number on the bus and she was like no I have a boyfriend. And yet she doesn't want me to meet her ex or his family because she doesn't think we'd get along. Because I"m very driven and all they do is stay at home and smoke pot and live off the government and I"m very much against that. She said she was trying to make them less a part of her life for me, but then complains that she has trouble making friends and it's not exactly fair of me to just ask her to sit at home by herself all day long. I agree.But I don't know what to do. Why does she have such a problem with putting us as in a committed relationship. She says well we are in one but we don't label it as that and it gives her the illusion of freedom as she puts it. She said it's like candy and if you eat it all and you want it all too fast you get a stomachache from it and don't want to eat it anymore. And she doesn't want to get sick of me she wants to make sure before she dives in. And like slowly I"ll meet her mom or meet her sister or we'll go away for a weekend, but she hasn't let me meet her father yet, she hasn't let us "become official' or "exclusive" yet. Is this normal? Is she just being extra precautious? Or am I being played for a fool? I asked her and she said I would never just use you or keep you as a back up because all that does is hurt people. And she's typically too honest, to the point of almost being mean, so I don't see why she'd be lying. But then again I don't know. Advice? Slow down and analyze the situation man, I think your jumping into this wayyyy to fast. For one thing she left her ex for you which isn't a good sign(red flag), so what happens after you've been together for a while and someone goes at her? Another red flag is friends with the ex, this typically doesn't work out as the guy will usually make a move on her, so if he really treated her like crap why would she want to stay friends with him? Doesn't really make sense. You need to game other girls because its obvious you have oneitis over this girl and from the information in this article I could see her doing something that would definitely hurt you because your so far invested in her emotionally when its not the same on her part. Bottom line I'd take her advice and game other girls and whenever she finds out her reaction to it will tell you how she really feels about you.

Author:	Rough Operator [ Thu Apr 11, 2013 1:58 am ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
ABORT

Author:	2young2bcaring [ Thu Apr 11, 2013 2:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Can you give me your reasons you say to abort?

Author:	AFCToTheMax [ Thu Apr 11, 2013 9:58 am ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
I'm not saying dump her. But sleep with other girls. You have the permission. This will help you a lot to see clearly what is happening. This is not pua related but you mentioned the pot and I would just stay away from people who does that. Also think about this. Why would she not want you two to be exclusive when she states that she is not interested in other guys ? Well not yet, but she wants to keep her options open and maybe just using you as a time filler for her not to be alone.

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Author:	Themagicalone [ Thu Apr 11, 2013 8:20 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Quote: I'm not saying dump her. But sleep with other girls. You have the permission. This will help you a lot to see clearly what is happening. This is not pua related but you mentioned the pot and I would just stay away from people who does that. Also think about this. Why would she not want you two to be exclusive when she states that she is not interested in other guys ? Well not yet, but she wants to keep her options open and maybe just using you as a time filler for her not to be alone. Exactly

Author:	Rough Operator [ Fri Apr 12, 2013 2:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
If you want a relationship with all the bells, whistles and commitment that come with it and she won't give it, then I would say don't settle for less than what you want. It's tough sometimes, but walking away when you can't get what you want is what a man of confidence and self respect would do. Clinging on to ANYTHING, any compromise so long as you can be in this woman's life to some extent is beta and needy. I said "abort" because it sounds like you're being taken for a ride a little bit and that you're a convenient vehicle until she finds a faster model.

Author:	Dr. Jones [ Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:37 am ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Quote: She left her previous bf whom she had been with for two years for me. He treated her like crap and she had had enough and she had fallen in love with me (we worked together and hung out a lot). But she's still friends with him and his entire family (she lived with all of them and was basically a part of their family, so I can't really get mad when she continues to hang out with them). How do you know he treated her like crap? She told you? The same girl who still hangs out with him and his family from time to time? You may think she's over him because she speaks of him with such contempt. That's an indicator that he's still on her mind. When she's indifferent about it, you can relax. Sound advice on here so far. She doesn't want to be exclusive, so see other women.

Author:	Wizzay [ Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Guys I agree with you, but for the sake of discussion, isnt it possible he adopts a state of , i will also use her to kill time till I find someone better? then he can just continue like they are, until he finds someone better or she does.. but he has to be ready for that.. always hope for the best but prepare for the worst

Author:	Rough Operator [ Sun Apr 14, 2013 1:02 am ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Quote: Quote: She left her previous bf whom she had been with for two years for me. He treated her like crap and she had had enough and she had fallen in love with me (we worked together and hung out a lot). But she's still friends with him and his entire family (she lived with all of them and was basically a part of their family, so I can't really get mad when she continues to hang out with them). How do you know he treated her like crap? She told you? The same girl who still hangs out with him and his family from time to time? You may think she's over him because she speaks of him with such contempt. That's an indicator that he's still on her mind. When she's indifferent about it, you can relax. Sound advice on here so far. She doesn't want to be exclusive, so see other women. This is a really good point that only just occurred to me... EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I've dated a girl who wasn't over her ex and eventually wanted to leave for him, spoke about them with venomous contempt. "He's such a prick!" etc. They've also compared me favourably, saying how much kinder and nicer I am, my last gf told me that her ex forced her to have unprotected sex and go on the pill whilst I always made sure we used condoms. She couldn't stop going on about how much she hated him. Then we break up and she's with him a month later. I texted her and said: "You could have just been honest with me. All the best " And she still told me I was a better person but you don't choose who you fall in love with, which is true. But i guess the purpose of this post is to alert people to another red flag.

Author:	Dr. Jones [ Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:35 am ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Quote: Quote: Quote: She left her previous bf whom she had been with for two years for me. He treated her like crap and she had had enough and she had fallen in love with me (we worked together and hung out a lot). But she's still friends with him and his entire family (she lived with all of them and was basically a part of their family, so I can't really get mad when she continues to hang out with them). How do you know he treated her like crap? She told you? The same girl who still hangs out with him and his family from time to time? You may think she's over him because she speaks of him with such contempt. That's an indicator that he's still on her mind. When she's indifferent about it, you can relax. Sound advice on here so far. She doesn't want to be exclusive, so see other women. This is a really good point that only just occurred to me... EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I've dated a girl who wasn't over her ex and eventually wanted to leave for him, spoke about them with venomous contempt. "He's such a prick!" etc. They've also compared me favourably, saying how much kinder and nicer I am, my last gf told me that her ex forced her to have unprotected sex and go on the pill whilst I always made sure we used condoms. She couldn't stop going on about how much she hated him. Then we break up and she's with him a month later. I texted her and said: "You could have just been honest with me. All the best " And she still told me I was a better person but you don't choose who you fall in love with, which is true. But i guess the purpose of this post is to alert people to another red flag. Yup. It's not just women either, though. If your best buddy tells you, "I'm so over such and such", you know he's bullshitting you. You'll know when he's stopped bringing her up that he's truly moved on.

Author:	2young2bcaring [ Wed Apr 17, 2013 3:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: LTR she doesn't want to be "official"??
Well update, she told me she doesn't think we should see each other anymore. She said she's just not in love with me anymore. Then after talking to her about it, just telling her she's scared (it's the third time she's 'left'), she said she needs to give it more thought and that we'd talk when I get back from school. Her go to move is to run and hide and she's done this all her life with everything. She keeps on leaving and coming back and leaving and coming back and I don't know why. She's never had any stability in her life, I suppose.

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