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No contact with GF for a day
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Author:  sanchito [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 7:22 am ]
Post subject:  No contact with GF for a day
Hey guys, I'm wondering if someone could give me some advice in this situation...

I started dating this girl from the end of last year and she recently brought up being in a more committed relationship and i agreed. One thing she wanted more of was me getting in touch with her, and that's fair enough. In the past, we weren't getting in touch with each other daily, and I was thinking that was going to change because of this new phase that we're in.

Anyway, there was one day recently where I didn't hear from her and i initially didn't think much of it. I texted her the next day and everything was cool, nothing out of the usual and she was still sweet.

Do you guys think I handled this right? or should I have told her that you can't pull that on me. If you want to hear from me more, then you also have to get in touch with me. It can't be just me getting in touch with you.

Opinions?
Author:  smushed [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
Oh these big existential questions of life.

Did it bug you? If so, then you handled it wrong.

However, if it did bug you then you probably need to work on your game. The right approach is: it didn't bother you, so you feel no need to make a big deal about it. It shouldn't have bothered you because you were so busy having an interesting life that you didn't notice.
Author:  sanchito [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
Quote:
Oh these big existential questions of life.

Did it bug you? If so, then you handled it wrong.

However, if it did bug you then you probably need to work on your game. The right approach is: it didn't bother you, so you feel no need to make a big deal about it. It shouldn't have bothered you because you were so busy having an interesting life that you didn't notice.

Thanks for the reply smushed. Yeah it did bother me, and I guess it's a little bit of insecurity seeping through. I'm planning on just hanging back and waiting for her to get in touch with me. Would that be the right approach?

Any help is appreciated, I'm trying to do the right things to form the right habits.
Author:  smushed [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
There are two issues: First: your insecurity. Work on that. Upgrade your life.
Second, you are in a relationship. Something bothers you (even if it shouldn't). Tell her. Don't be scared of your emotions. If I was bothered (which I wouldn't be) I'd say, "You know babe, when I don't hear from you the whole day I feel like you don't care about me. It's not a big deal but I thought I should let you know."

Then, of course, she'll play emotional judo on you, but everyone has to learn somehow. :)
Author:  sanchito [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
Quote:
There are two issues: First: your insecurity. Work on that. Upgrade your life.
Second, you are in a relationship. Something bothers you (even if it shouldn't). Tell her. Don't be scared of your emotions. If I was bothered (which I wouldn't be) I'd say, "You know babe, when I don't hear from you the whole day I feel like you don't care about me. It's not a big deal but I thought I should let you know."

Then, of course, she'll play emotional judo on you, but everyone has to learn somehow. :)
Emotional judo does not sound fun at all. hahahaha

Also, do you think my reaction now of waiting for her to get in touch with me is correct?
Author:  smushed [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
It doesn't really matter. I wouldn't wait. I personally don't like sitting on something that bugs me. I have better things to do. I'd see her and tell her it bugs me (if it actually did).
Author:  sanchito [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
Quote:
It doesn't really matter. I wouldn't wait. I personally don't like sitting on something that bugs me. I have better things to do. I'd see her and tell her it bugs me (if it actually did).
What i meant was I'll just wait for her to get in touch with me, and just continue on as normal. I wasn't planning on bringing it up anymore. I've thought about it and it isn't a big issue or worthy of making into an issue. After typing it out and going back and forth with you, I actually think it's a bit needy to expect to hear from your girl every day even if it seems like it would be nice. It's obvious we're not there yet in this new committed relationship, but eventually, if the relationship happens to move that way, we'll that get to that level.

I realize it might be my insecurity that caused it to bother me. Because I think of it that way, I want to work on that and show myself that it really isn't a big issue in the relationship.

Am I on the right track here?
Author:  smushed [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
Yeah, that's the right track. It isn't a big deal and it shouldn't bother you. Welcome to the land of emotional awareness.

Just to hammer the point. Don't let stupid shot bother you, but if it does then confront the problem an let the girl know you're not happy.
Author:  sanchito [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
Quote:
Yeah, that's the right track. It isn't a big deal and it shouldn't bother you. Welcome to the land of emotional awareness.

Just to hammer the point. Don't let stupid shot bother you, but if it does then confront the problem an let the girl know you're not happy.
Thanks smushed. Like I said earlier, going back and forth and just talking about this helped. I'll take note of your advice.
Author:  solrac [ Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
Well you never know what could have happened she could have lost her phone or had the next day vibrating in a rice bowl because it was out all night due to getting water in it from her sink. But I do know where you are coming from. You should not be the one putting all the effort towards communication and that is true. I noticed that from one of my ex's when I was doing this was I guess lack of interest maybe. What I did though was not text her and see how long it would take for her to text me back. And we almost we two days without texting until I did. We broke up. But remember that if she doesn't seem interested. Call her out on it and ask her about her feelings. If she says she isn't sure or anything lower. Break it off.
Author:  kller [ Mon Apr 01, 2013 6:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
1. You don't need to be in contact with her every day. Me and my LTR have very little contact between meets. Long phone conversations and frequent texting is for CHICKS. I'm too busy for that shit. My LTR leaves me alone sometimes for days at a time and i like that. Thats right, DAYS, no contact, and we've been together for 3 years.

2. Stop being so needy. Its incredibly unhealthy to get upset from something like this. Its a sign that you value the relationship way more than anything else going on in your life. She will sense this and walk all over you while losing all attraction for you.

3. Stop letting her control the pace of the relationship. Just because a chick says she wants you to be more "committed" doesn't mean you take her seriously. Never listen to what a chick SAYS she wants. What she ACTUALLY wants is a strong, confident alpha male who LEADS and DOMINATES her and is ready to let her go at ANY moment.
Author:  smushed [ Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No contact with GF for a day
It's a good post kiler, but I don't agree with everything.

That's cool that you don't talk to your LTR for days and if you are both comfortable with that and like it, then perfect. Frequent texting isn't for chicks it's for whoever likes it. Also, the amount of contact that one has changes over the course of a relationship. So, it's more important if you and your partner are extremely happy in your couple, then how long you've been together. Still, you make a good point.

I am not sure if you read all these posts, but he is definitely not being SO needy. He posted this to an anonymous board and after typing it out he realized he doesn't care that much. It bugged him a bit, mostly because she made demand, he went along and then she didn't follow through. Classic girl and classic guy behaviour. So while it's a good comment that you make, it doesn't really fit the crime here.

Your third comment is really good (except the last sentence, which is misguided, IMHO)
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