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Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=157572		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  letsgojoe [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 6:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
Been out of the game for a very long time and clearly forgot all the important lessons in establishing a foundation for a relationship that would make ME happy, not her. Although I started off as the clear alpha in the relationship (she chased me, texted me all the time, etc.), I somehow became the chaser and not the one being chased. I did not punish her when she would perform inappropriate behaviors in front of me (texting with others on the phone, not accepting escalation in physicality). Bottom line was that I have become the beta in our fledgling 5 week relationship. She recently soft nexted me for being too needy (texting her way too much if she didn't respond in a reasonable time).

First off, SERVES ME RIGHT. After having ejected from a two year relationship, all of these basic skills seem to have been long forgotten.

So she has asked me that our relationship should be put on a pause, and that she would call me in a week to talk about things. Since that text message, I pulled an AFC move and texted her back seeking another chance. I have called her a few times too (all within 24 hours of her initial text), and she did not pick up. At this point, I have cut off any interaction with her (its been 4 days now). Clearly, I should have cut off interactions from her after her initial text.

Unfortunately, it was her soft next that led me to delve back into the forums and recognize all the things that I did wrong. At this point, I think that I should probably cut my losses and move on. It would be a challenge to reframe the relationship as me being the alpha. I really do like this girl, and I would like to try again.

So my thoughts were to give her the time she needs to think about things and hopefully recognize that I mean a lot to her. If she calls back, should I ignore her call for a day or two? She I call but tell her that if we are going to get back together, that she needs to contribute more to the relationship? Because however much I like her, I do not want to continue being the beta.

Also, if she does not call back, how best to let her know that I am moving on? Say nothing at all? Send her a message telling her that is was a good thing that we broke up, as it allowed me to see all the things that I was not getting in the relationship?
Author:  Rough Operator [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
It's hard, but just move on and don't contact her. Telling her or explicitly letting her know you've moved on is a really obvious and transparent move that she will see through.

It's easy to sit and type this, but I would just leave it and hope she comes back to you, or even better, don't hope and genuinely move on.

I'm in a situation where a potential relationship is going cold because she's working all the time. It's really hard to just leave it, but there is no real other play available to me.
Author:  krular [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 7:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
Quote:
It's hard, but just move on and don't contact her. Telling her or explicitly letting her know you've moved on is a really obvious and transparent move that she will see through.

It's easy to sit and type this, but I would just leave it and hope she comes back to you, or even better, don't hope and genuinely move on.

I'm in a situation where a potential relationship is going cold because she's working all the time. It's really hard to just leave it, but there is no real other play available to me.

Agree with this. I leave it where it is and move on. Approach other women, to keep your mind busy and not thinking bout her. If she comes back then great, but if she doesnt then you have a fall back plan with some other women.
Author:  letsgojoe [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
Thank you, I knew that this was the right move, just needed it echoed. If she does call, is there any benefit to not picking up immediately? Call her the next day?
Author:  User13247 [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
Quote:
So she has asked me that our relationship should be put on a pause, and that she would call me in a week to talk about things. Since that text message...
She sends you a text message about putting your relationship on pause, you call her to talk about that, and she ignores the call. Friend, I think you are already broken up, I think she just didn't have the stones to tell you to your face. And I'm sure your better off this way. I mean: she doesn't even care enough about you to meet you, and tell you that she doesn't care enough about you. She appears to have about as much respect for you as a for a doormat. My advice: don't let her walk over you anymore, move on now and GFTOW.
Quote:
If she does call, is there any benefit to not picking up immediately? Call her the next day?
If she does call, pick up, and tell her it's great that she called because you wanted to do her the courtesy of breaking up with her face to face. Maybe she will apologize for her extreme rudeness, but she doesn't sound like the type of girl who would even realize that her behavior was extremely rude.
Author:  letsgojoe [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
Good advice, time to work on a good mindset and move on.
Author:  letsgojoe [ Thu Feb 28, 2013 7:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting the soft next from the GF, need advice
As an update, she called me back. I ignored her first call. She called me back 30 minutes later. She wants to get back together with me, and I was distant with her. I did agree to meet up.

I am really pissed at her at this point. As of now, I am going to treat my encounters with her from hereon in as a social experiment. I bet my anger with her will allow me to keep emotionally distant and non-needy, and I would be interested to see if I can reframe the whole situation. I will repost here more to keep myself on track and to receive punishment from the community when I slip back into beta.

I can already critique myself and say that I should have not agreed to meet with her. I SHOULD have said that I am glad that we took a break, and I need more time to think about things. At least I was able to keep my communication with her ice cold, so I will give myself a C- instead of an F.
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