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So I told her about a fault of mine, now I am depressed
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Author:  Adapting Love [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 4:57 pm ]
Post subject:  So I told her about a fault of mine, now I am depressed
So I told her two days ago that I had a alcohol problem, and now I feel weak and unmanly. I feel i blew my chances by telling her my one, big secret. My one, big fault. I feel depressed and irritated, and can't talk properly to her. I feel distant from her, and feel like i drive her away. I am scared I will lose her.

What to do? How to maintain interest? How to act? What the fuck is going on...

(We've been together for three months)
Author:  Rough Operator [ Wed Feb 27, 2013 7:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So I told her about a fault of mine, now I am depressed
Is it just you that makes you feel that way? Or has she been distant?

Or alternatively, since telling her your "big one" are you reading into perfectly normal and justifiable behaviour from her as her distancing herself?

As long as you don't turn into a wuss, I find showing women a little vulnerability can strengthen your connection. I'd suggest acting normally, don't bring it up again, don't keep chasing her etc.
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Thu Feb 28, 2013 2:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So I told her about a fault of mine, now I am depressed
Quote:
Is it just you that makes you feel that way? Or has she been distant?

Or alternatively, since telling her your "big one" are you reading into perfectly normal and justifiable behaviour from her as her distancing herself?

As long as you don't turn into a wuss, I find showing women a little vulnerability can strengthen your connection. I'd suggest acting normally, don't bring it up again, don't keep chasing her etc.
i know what you are experiencing, i am experiencing it my self but in a different way, i told my gf about how i feel afraid that i am gonna lose her, and now every message i am over analysing into whether or not she likes me..
example from yesterday
Her: sweety you have got to know, that if i wanted to leave you, that would be my lost and not your's cause you are really fantastic.

this sentence only made me think that the thought of leaving me has actually been in her head ... wtf is wrong with me...
Author:  Rough Operator [ Thu Feb 28, 2013 5:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So I told her about a fault of mine, now I am depressed
Quote:
Quote:
Is it just you that makes you feel that way? Or has she been distant?

Or alternatively, since telling her your "big one" are you reading into perfectly normal and justifiable behaviour from her as her distancing herself?

As long as you don't turn into a wuss, I find showing women a little vulnerability can strengthen your connection. I'd suggest acting normally, don't bring it up again, don't keep chasing her etc.
i know what you are experiencing, i am experiencing it my self but in a different way, i told my gf about how i feel afraid that i am gonna lose her, and now every message i am over analysing into whether or not she likes me..
example from yesterday
Her: sweety you have got to know, that if i wanted to leave you, that would be my lost and not your's cause you are really fantastic.

this sentence only made me think that the thought of leaving me has actually been in her head ... wtf is wrong with me...
You're reading into things too much. I do this A LOT. But I am aware of it and its not abnormal and there isn't anything wrong with you as long as you do not let it rule you.

I'm a pretty emotional and sensitive person, it's how I am and I have to accept it. Forcing yourself to harden isn't going to happen, but you can definitely learn to control your emotions. Insecurities and sometimes being needy are perfectly normal things to experience, but if you're not careful they will fuck up your relationships.
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Thu Feb 28, 2013 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: So I told her about a fault of mine, now I am depressed
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Is it just you that makes you feel that way? Or has she been distant?

Or alternatively, since telling her your "big one" are you reading into perfectly normal and justifiable behaviour from her as her distancing herself?

As long as you don't turn into a wuss, I find showing women a little vulnerability can strengthen your connection. I'd suggest acting normally, don't bring it up again, don't keep chasing her etc.
i know what you are experiencing, i am experiencing it my self but in a different way, i told my gf about how i feel afraid that i am gonna lose her, and now every message i am over analysing into whether or not she likes me..
example from yesterday
Her: sweety you have got to know, that if i wanted to leave you, that would be my lost and not your's cause you are really fantastic.

this sentence only made me think that the thought of leaving me has actually been in her head ... wtf is wrong with me...
You're reading into things too much. I do this A LOT. But I am aware of it and its not abnormal and there isn't anything wrong with you as long as you do not let it rule you.

I'm a pretty emotional and sensitive person, it's how I am and I have to accept it. Forcing yourself to harden isn't going to happen, but you can definitely learn to control your emotions. Insecurities and sometimes being needy are perfectly normal things to experience, but if you're not careful they will fuck up your relationships.
So the question is, how do i take control on my emotions, because to be honest, i frankly havent been very good at it lately...
Author:  Rough Operator [ Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So I told her about a fault of mine, now I am depressed
Quote:
So the question is, how do i take control on my emotions, because to be honest, i frankly havent been very good at it lately...
I think of it as having two entities in my head... My logical human mind who thinks rationally, gathers evidence and is calm and avoids jumping to conclusions.

Then there is my emotional mind who is driven by self-preservation and survival, jumps to conclusions, thinks irrationally, gets paranoid and jealous etc. It's your emotional mind that is seeing the threat and finding fear in your girlfriends actions.

I trained myself to recognise when my emotional mind is taking over, which it often does because its far stronger than your logical mind. Once you can recognise it, you need to exercise it by letting it vent. Do this by allowing these thoughts to go through your brain until it tires itself out, maybe write them down, or express them to a close friend. But don't act on the feelings your emotional mind is giving you, think to yourself "Do I want to feel this way?" and if the answer is "no" then you need to exercise your emotional mind.

You need to genuinely start to think of two entities in your head between the logical and emotional. Obviously not in a schizophrenic kind of way...

Its the emotional mind that kicks in in times of "danger" but obviously as we are no longer living in the wild as hunter gatherers, often it can be out of whack and inconvenient. I used to be jeopardised heavily by my emotions and still am often, but I can help control it using this method.

When the needs of your emotional mind aren't met in other areas outside of relationships is usually when the most unrest will occur.
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