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I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=156352		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  myriad90 [ Thu Feb 07, 2013 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
I have a girlfriend who is currently abroad.
She has not been contacting me much recently when she was abroad.
I was not scared of her going out with other guys and doing shit.
I don't even worry about that.
However, I noticed a change in her tone and all that.
So that got me slightly worried and insecure ( scared of losing her basically ).
I think I was very pussy to try get validation from her by telling her that I love her a lot, and asked why she wasn't contacting me much and stuff which got us into a fight.
However, when i was reviewing my messages, I realised I was being a total wimp.
I got pissed at myself.
So I talked to her and said she and i should not contact each other for a week ( she is coming back in about a week or so ). She was like ok fine whatever.
Then the very next she suddenly sent me a text calling me baby and telling me to have a good day and everything.
I ignored this obviously because I was going to be firm on myself about the week of no contact.
However she messaged me again saying Oh you read my message but you are not replying huh? Fine do whatever you want.
At that point, I sent her text telling her," Lets keep the orginial agreement and not contact each other for a week. it is for the best."
She just replied ok.
After that, She changed her facebook profile picture ( before this it was a picture of she and I ), and posting a status about getting ready for an end.
I was terribly shaken, but I stuck to my guts and didn't contact her. It has been two days now since I didn't contact her. I won't initiate contact her with her but what should I do if she initiates first? And what if she doesn't contact me at all?
I am not sure what to do, I hope someone can help me on this one.
Please don't give me the same old advice about banging ten different girls and see whether I still feel the same.
Author:  puaninja [ Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
Ok, so you guys are in a battle of wits right now. Neither want to fully relent or submit to the other. But you need to keep in mind that your motivations behind this whole thing are different. She was probably exposed to other guys and a different way of life that got her thinking about not being with you anymore. Then you essentially got mad at her and she got defensive, and she probably feels guilty too, adding to the complications.

All I can say is don't contact her until she contacts you. That is the only way you'll retain the upperhand. I usually tell guys that the girl isn't going to contact them so they'll have to reach out to her eventually. But I can say that I'm about 90% certain that she'll contact you first if you just keep your resolve and hold out long enough. She's not quite ready to dump you yet.
Author:  User13247 [ Thu Feb 07, 2013 7:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
Quote:
I think I was very pussy to try get validation from her by telling her that I love her a lot, and asked why she wasn't contacting me much and stuff which got us into a fight.
Picking fights is what people do to make it easier to break up with someone.
Quote:
So I talked to her and said she and i should not contact each other for a week ( she is coming back in about a week or so ). She was like ok fine whatever.
Was this some misguided attempt to freeze her out? You freeze a girl out if she offended you in some way, you stop it when she re-initiates contact or when she apologizes. Either way, you don't tell her about it and you certainly don't set a time limit. Going no contact for a set period of time like you did, is what people do to make it easier to break up with someone.
Quote:
Then the very next she suddenly sent me a text calling me baby and telling me to have a good day and everything. I ignored this.
She shows interest in you and you ignore it? This is what you do when you break up with someone.
Quote:
She changed her facebook profile picture ( before this it was a picture of she and I ), and posting a status about getting ready for an end.
Obviously, she expects you to break up with her on short notice. You've given her all the signals except the final 'We have to talk'.

Perhaps you are simply misguided, but I personally feel you have a very dishonest way of dealing with this relationship. It seem to me like you are effectively taking out your insecurities on her. You say you want to stay in the relationship, but if you don't want to break up with her, then why do you treat her like that? Maybe you still can save this, because she still seems invested. Call her and say that you still want to be with her. I would suggest you do it quickly, before she throws caution in the wind and fucks some other guy.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Feb 07, 2013 7:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
Facebook status change and photo are an attention call / reaction to your actions.

Being abroad she's re-descovering a sense of 'single life'. Don't overflow her with attention.She's enjoying herself.It's normal,you'd do the same. That doesn't mean she's fucking every other guy she meets.

Anyway,you made a mistake by 'braking contact' until she comes back. Rather , you should've let her have a good time. Contact her little or not at all in these cases , let her have her good time and you get busy with your own stuff. Consider it a 'brake' from each-other. Like a 'vacation'. Again,this doesnt mean you should go fuck around. Just do something with your spare time and don't obsess over what she's doing.When you talk,be cheerful and supportive of what she does. Keep it light , don't make things feel like a cage.It can and should be refreshing. You'll miss her , she'll miss you and when she comes back you'll be all sweet and candy to eachother.

Be careful though , you're walking a thin line.
Quote:
Perhaps you are simply misguided, but I personally feel you have a very dishonest way of dealing with this relationship. It seem to me like you are effectively taking out your insecurities on her. You say you want to stay in the relationship, but if you don't want to break up with her, then why do you treat her like that? Maybe you still can save this, because she still seems invested. Call her and say that you still want to be with her. I would suggest you do it quickly, before she throws caution in the wind and fucks some other guy.
True.
Author:  myriad90 [ Fri Feb 08, 2013 1:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
Thank you so much guys. After reading all your advices, I know what my next steps should be.
It is touching to see how amazing this community with all you good people willing to help.
Thank you! :D
Author:  myriad90 [ Fri Feb 08, 2013 2:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
Quote:
Maybe you still can save this, because she still seems invested. Call her and say that you still want to be with her. I would suggest you do it quickly, before she throws caution in the wind and fucks some other guy.
When you say this, do you mean i initiate contact although i asked for this short interval?
Isnt that lowering my value to her?
My instinct is for to contact her like NOW, but if I do so, I feel it will backfire on me.
I am very confused...
Author:  R.C [ Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
You already lowered your value by taking out your insecurities on her. Now it's time to be the man. The 'let's not talk till you get back' was a mistake.

Remember, PUA's or AFC's people make mistakes. If they stand up for them and take responsibility they show integrity. Saying "I know I fucked up" with a confident voice and determination to not do it again will do exponentially more good than going all defensive about it. Pretending you're perfect does NOT make you anything close to it. Acting like a past mistake never happened won't erase it.

Careful though,you don't wanna be the nice guy:"Oh baby Im so sorry I promise it will never happen again please forgive me you're my night and day I love you so much plssss don't go have sex with someone else". Don't do that...obviously.
A simple "Hey girl , sorry for being a bitch. That was stupid" is enough. Say it with pride too.Be proud that you realized what a bitch you were. Take every mistake as an opportunity to learn. It's a good thing.

These traits lead to character. Every woman wants a man with a strong sense of character.
Author:  myriad90 [ Fri Feb 08, 2013 5:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
She wants a break up. She says her feelings for me are much reduced. Should have listened to the first advice. I should not have initiated contacted first
Author:  R.C [ Fri Feb 08, 2013 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need help! WAS A pussy and NEED damage control.
Quote:
She says her feelings for me are much reduced.
That's something that doesn't happen overnight. The only reason you feel you shouldn've re-established contact is because of your hurt ego.

In actuality , I doubt it would've mattered.

The real mistake was braking contact with her in the first place over something so insignificant. That's the mistake you have to learn from.
Your insecurities took over and it cost you your relationship. Valuable lesson here.

I suggest you walk away with pride and don't beg. I assume you know a few things about brake-ups and how to handle them if you ever want to have a shot with that person again.
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