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Fear of commitment
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Author:  worldy [ Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Fear of commitment
Hi all,

I think I have a serious fear of committing to a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be in a relationship but the girls I date, just end up fizzling out as I don't commit.

My main feelings for not committing are:

- Something better might come along
- Feel like I have a long list of what I am looking for, Miss perfect, she hasn't come along yet.
- I only fancy her 65%
- Not committed to sex with one person
- I like my own freedom.


Let me know your thoughts
Author:  Rough Operator [ Wed Jan 23, 2013 12:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Well those are things you have to deal with, or maybe just take some time until you really do want a relationship. There is nothing wrong with the way you are imo.

I want commitment and a loving relationship, but I am riddled with insecurity and trust issues that usually cause me to self sabotage my own potential happiness. So often I will either get too attached and "in love" and constantly overthink everything expecting her to leave me which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, or I refuse to let myself get attached and mess up a potentially good relationship because I am scared of the above happening. Weird I know.
Author:  worldy [ Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Thanks for your input. How long have you noitced this behaviour? Did you have a bad experience in a previous relationship?
Author:  R.C [ Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Trust me,when you'll find a girl you really like all those problems will go away and everything should come natural.

When you find her , there won't be freedom issues and no fears of commitment.You'll simply want it.

Obviously,this is rare. But it happens :)
Author:  Apocalyptica [ Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Quote:
Trust me,when you'll find a girl you really like all those problems will go away and everything should come natural.

When you find her , there won't be freedom issues and no fears of commitment.You'll simply want it.

Obviously,this is rare. But it happens :)
I agree.

Nevertheless, it didn't happen to me so far and i have been with quite an amount of girls. This is what is worrying me.

All i want is a stable and healthy relationship. "All" i get is complicated stuff, girls who are into me but i'm not into them as much i would like, one night stands, etc....


Too much sex, lack of structural happiness.
Author:  R.C [ Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Out of all the girls I've ever known / been with I've only ever really liked one.

I gave it my all,happiest time of my life.


All in all,it comes down to luck. Some people never find their 'one'. Others find her more than once.

In my case,it happened too fast :).

Also,great things tend to come to great people. Be the greatest you you can be.
Author:  fleetersamuelli [ Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
i feel like I am in the same boat. I feel suffocated by being in a relationship, as if they are demanding too much of my time (id prefer to see them once a week maybe, but they always want more). Makes me wonder how other people are so happy to be in relationships
Author:  Rough Operator [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 3:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Being 23, pretty goodlooking and having my own place gives me a lot of success with 18 - 20 year olds. I haven't been able to sarge in any cities recently due to bad snow, and recurring illness (hence why I am posting so much here) so the only women I have been meeting are barmaids and waitresses in my small town. These always lead to drama filled relationships full of jealousy shit tests of which I am not always able to pass with flying colours, which turn me into my old AFC self.

I think my problem lies in the kind of women I am attracted to and the kind of women I date. I met one awesome 21 year old American girl a year ago and had a great relationship with her, during which I was never insecure whatsoever and felt good and happy. Since then its just been endless headfucks
Author:  sb89 [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 4:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
that just means you are not ready for a relationship. when you meet the girl you love being around, you won't have these fears. Enjoy your relationship with your fun and freedom.
Author:  worldy [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Quote:
that just means you are not ready for a relationship. when you meet the girl you love being around, you won't have these fears. Enjoy your relationship with your fun and freedom.
This really annoys me though, I know I shouldn't care what other people are doing, But...... I can think of 10 guy mates I know which are in a relationship with a women and they have not had loads of options but just settled for her and now they are bf/gf.

I find this quite interesting how this comes about, as most people don't have endless dates with different people or have the ability to pickup loads of women and have options. So do they just settle for her? or learn to love someone or do they just fall in love a lot easier than me?

Cant imagine they've all met "the one"
Author:  worldy [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Quote:
i feel like I am in the same boat. I feel suffocated by being in a relationship, as if they are demanding too much of my time (id prefer to see them once a week maybe, but they always want more). Makes me wonder how other people are so happy to be in relationships
I feel your pain, I want a relationship but whenever I am close, I feel like I am about to be locked up and almost panic! Having that conversation or the thought of it concerns me.

I think the panic comes as I know I am not 100% interested, and something better will come.
Author:  Rough Operator [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 1:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Quote:
Quote:
i feel like I am in the same boat. I feel suffocated by being in a relationship, as if they are demanding too much of my time (id prefer to see them once a week maybe, but they always want more). Makes me wonder how other people are so happy to be in relationships
I feel your pain, I want a relationship but whenever I am close, I feel like I am about to be locked up and almost panic! Having that conversation or the thought of it concerns me.

I think the panic comes as I know I am not 100% interested, and something better will come.
Why not discuss that with them?
Author:  Apocalyptica [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 8:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Quote:
Quote:
that just means you are not ready for a relationship. when you meet the girl you love being around, you won't have these fears. Enjoy your relationship with your fun and freedom.
This really annoys me though, I know I shouldn't care what other people are doing, But...... I can think of 10 guy mates I know which are in a relationship with a women and they have not had loads of options but just settled for her and now they are bf/gf.

I find this quite interesting how this comes about, as most people don't have endless dates with different people or have the ability to pickup loads of women and have options. So do they just settle for her? or learn to love someone or do they just fall in love a lot easier than me?

Cant imagine they've all met "the one"
I have exactly the "same" question

this whole PUA shit, which gives me more options and made me able to date and fuck the hottest woman makes me to throw away all possible great girlfriends, because i know i can easily replace her.

i wonder when i will meet "THE ONE", if i won't feel like this and will say to myself: "i can't find anything better"
Author:  G@briel [ Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
I would be interested to hear how you guys discuss this topic with the girls you meet.

I've been in a situation where the girl asked me about "us" and upon learning that I didn't intend for us to be a couple our friendship fell apart.

I would have preferred to keep in touch, have fun together, and spend time as we had up until that point, but obviously I didn't manage to keep it at that stage.

How would you handle such a situation?
Author:  Rough Operator [ Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Fear of commitment
Quote:
I would be interested to hear how you guys discuss this topic with the girls you meet.

I've been in a situation where the girl asked me about "us" and upon learning that I didn't intend for us to be a couple our friendship fell apart.

I would have preferred to keep in touch, have fun together, and spend time as we had up until that point, but obviously I didn't manage to keep it at that stage.

How would you handle such a situation?
If a girl has strong feelings for me, wants a committed relationship etc. But it isn't what I want, then I tell them and usually end the interaction. I'm not the kind of person to string someone along and cause them pain, I've been on the other end of that and it hurts.
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