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Two Girls and I'm stuck
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Author:  ChiCub [ Sat Dec 29, 2012 6:51 am ]
Post subject:  Two Girls and I'm stuck
First post on this forum, I have lurked as a guest for awhile just reading interesting stuff. Now I am in need of some help.

The Situation:

It all goes back to the start of Uni. I moved away and left behind a girlfriend of two years. We had a great relationship( both physical and emotional) with very few problems. I met a lot of new people this year at Uni and I developed this mentality of "there is more out there than girlfriend." I went from texting my girlfriend everyday to EOD. I was hoping this would be sort of a sign that the relationship was dwindling. It worked. We talked and my girlfriend told me she wasn't going to hold me back any longer and broke it off.

A few months pass. I had a really good friend that had also gotten out of a relationship at the start of Uni. We madeout a few times. Had some foreplay and eventually I took her virginity. She said when she first saw me she instantly had this attraction to me but knew she couldn't do anything to a man in a relationship. I didn't think much of this until we started dating. She became extremely clingy and loveydovey. I got caught up for a month and half in her manipulation. Then we left for home for break (we live far apart). She constantly contacts me and won't stop telling me how much she misses me. I made a promise to her while I was with her at Uni (under the spell of her manipulation) that I would visit her over break. I leave pretty soon to visit her. I am not angry or nervous about going to see her. I have gotten to know her family and I do enjoy this new girlfriend's company but the clinginess is a turnoff and I am seeing that this girl is maybe just a friend and could have been a rebound.

The Problem?:

I am missing my old girlfriend now. I probably have one-itis, but I really do see qualities in her I would want in a wife. And the fact she "sacrificed" for me by breaking up so I can have a chance to explore just shows how much she actually cared. So do I go back to this old girlfriend, stick it out with this new girlfriend, or move on and explore some more?

Side notes:
I know that you all have limited information and are not here to tell me what to do, I need to do what ChiCub wants to do. I am asking for some advice, possibly based off your experiences.

Also a few Qs:
~How bad is it breaking it off with a girl that thinks you are the one?
~Getting back with an Ex - is it a bad move in all situations?


Thanks all for at least reading my post and an extra thanks to those who give advice or just words of encouragement.
Author:  vhou812 [ Mon Dec 31, 2012 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Two Girls and I'm stuck
Breaking up always sucks.

Best way to do it is in person, and be straight. Don't let her reactions get to you. Recognize that you are doing what you are doing because it's the right thing to do and don't let go of that.

And then get out of there as soon as you feel like you've said what needs to be said. The more you try to help her move on, the more you'll prolong her grief.

Oh yea, and be prepared to want her too when you go back to Uni and see that she got over you and is attracting attention from other guys.

If the clingyness bugs you, then you could also try to tell her this and explain that you want a relationship with her, but not to be stuck to her hip all day every day. It's nice to know you're missed, it's another to feel like someone is clinging to your leg like a child who doesn't even want you to go to work.
Author:  ChiCub [ Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Two Girls and I'm stuck
vhou812,

Thanks for the advice. I haven't taken any action yet, but I definitely see what you are saying. I do have a question still, if I have feelings for my old girlfriend still do I get her back or do I completely move on with both girls? I have been reading over other threads and it seems like one is never to go back to the old girlfriend. I know the relationship wouldn't be the same as before, but has anyone done this and had it be successful?
Author:  Rough Operator [ Tue Jan 01, 2013 8:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Two Girls and I'm stuck
Quote:
Breaking up always sucks.

Best way to do it is in person, and be straight. Don't let her reactions get to you. Recognize that you are doing what you are doing because it's the right thing to do and don't let go of that.

And then get out of there as soon as you feel like you've said what needs to be said. The more you try to help her move on, the more you'll prolong her grief.

Oh yea, and be prepared to want her too when you go back to Uni and see that she got over you and is attracting attention from other guys.

If the clingyness bugs you, then you could also try to tell her this and explain that you want a relationship with her, but not to be stuck to her hip all day every day. It's nice to know you're missed, it's another to feel like someone is clinging to your leg like a child who doesn't even want you to go to work.
When feelings are involved, it can be hard to really consider what is actually best for you. Usually it is a bad idea to get back with an ex girlfriend, but it can be just the hardest thing not to get sucked back in.
Author:  vhou812 [ Wed Jan 02, 2013 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Two Girls and I'm stuck
Rough is right here. Emotions influence decision in a bad way. That's why women will cheat. Their emotions in a situation make them do things that minus the emotions they feel at the time, they would not otherwise do.

I personally do not subscribe to any hard and fast rules. I use things more as a rule of thumb. I say this because I have changed, and grown as a person. Therefore, it's possible that my exes could have done so as well. In general, and ex will have a harder road to climb with me, but if you broke up before, you should know what the flaws or things in them were that you don't like. And if you can see improvement or change in those areas, then I wouldn't be afraid to count anyone out.

I am also wary of an ex who just puts on a facade too. E.G. You break up with a chick and say she is too jealous and it won't work. 1 year later you see her, etc, and she talks about life, etc, and keeps mentioning how carefree she is now and how good it feels to not care what anyone else is doing, etc. This would be a classic example of her compensating for what she knows is not true, that being that she still is the jealous type. I would be more prone to get back with an ex who told me she realized that I was right and that she is working on the problem, could explain why she thinks she struggles with it, how she thinks she's improved, where she still trips up, etc.
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