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| Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=152293 |
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| Author: | wenzel [ Fri Dec 07, 2012 6:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
Hey, I'm in happy relationship with girl for about half an year. I'm still young and inexperienced in matter of relationship and life (22 years old, 3 girlfriends in total). The girl I'm with made some things in her past, but so did I. I find it hard to accept few of her deeds, ex. cheating on her last bf for about 2 months, and sleeping with random guy because she thought he'll help her with her financial problems, or being with violence-abusing bf because "she loved him.". She told me that nearly right away from our relationship's start, she's young (20) hb8. I'm 99.99% sure she won't cheat on me because I find myself strong and prospecting young student, I don't feel insecure. I just hate her for what she's done to her, how to fight that feeling? I know she's a good and caring person (and I would gladly like to marry her in the future) yet it's hard for me to accept her past. I, on the other hand, did some worse things, like slept with mature women for money, or slept with hookers. I didn't tell her that because I know she'll feel something similiar to what's devouring me now. Did you guys had similiar feeling about your girlfriend past expiriences? How did you accept it? Is there a way to fight it? Or am I just broken inside? |
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| Author: | vhou812 [ Fri Dec 07, 2012 6:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
This is a problem you need to work on. It's not about her, it's about you. If you like this chick, then her past isn't a problem. It is part of what made her the person she is, and you like that person right? So what if she cheated on her last bf. If she tells you about it and opens herself to you and tells you her problems, that's a good sign she's not in denial and owns up to her own imperfections. That is a good thing. It should be rewarded and reciprocated in a relationship. Fix the problem you have yourself, and this will not be an issue. |
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| Author: | wenzel [ Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
Yeah I know it's my problem and I know I have it. I just wanted to know is it common, does it have a name, and how to fight it better, any advices? |
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| Author: | andyredsox [ Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:48 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
Some guys really find it hard to accept a girl's past. But if you can't work it out on yourself, DO NOT STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP. The thought of her past will poison you and the way you handle the relationship with her. She sure is a good person by the way she admit her past. She is owning the experience and she moved past it. It made her a strong person. It does take a great courage to admit your mistake. If you hold her past against her- let her go man. It will affect you as a person. |
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| Author: | vhou812 [ Sun Dec 09, 2012 6:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
Quote: But if you can't work it out on yourself, DO NOT STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
Very solid advice here. I missed this point in my response. As to the OP question how to deal with this, yes the problem is common, and all it means is that you need to work on your inner game. Personally, I would have more reservations dating a chick who has never cheated, or says so, and chastises anyone else who has repeatedly than one who admits she did and can explain why she considers it a mistake or regrets the decision. The latter is someone who is less likely to repeat a mistake with me because they know first hand the hurt, problems, and regret that comes with the mistake. A healthy you and a healthy relationship will look like this: You aren't disgusted by the fact she cheated before because you know she admits the mistake and can tell you what she learned from it. You aren't disgusted with it because you know that you've given her no reason to cheat on you. I would guess that this chick will never cheat on you. What she will do is dump you if you she feels like it isn't working out or she isn't really invested in the relationship. That's not a mistake, it's the right thing to do, and from what little you've told us, is what is likely to happen long before she cheats on you. |
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| Author: | Dr. Jones [ Sun Dec 09, 2012 11:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
Quote:
I would guess that this chick will never cheat on you. What she will do is dump you if you she feels like it isn't working out or she isn't really invested in the relationship. That's not a mistake, it's the right thing to do, and from what little you've told us, is what is likely to happen long before she cheats on you.
I disagree. You say she went behind her last boyfriend's back for two months? I applaud her honesty, but this is very telling. I know someone will say, "Now, just a minute!..." But she told you the cheating was a one-time thing. Yeah, that she indulged in for eight weeks. That's a long time spent lying to one person and fucking someone else. Guilt is 20/20 in hindsight, but at the time of this indiscretion, I'm sure things were hazy and things felt good. Honestly: how much guilt do you expect a 20 year old girl to feel? It is great that she was honest with you. I'm not advising you to next her. Hire her, enjoy her company, and if you deem her fit for a LTR once she's proven herself, go for it. Just realize she's the most in-demand sexually than she will ever be in her life and saying she would never cheat will bite you in the fattest part of your ass. |
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| Author: | wenzel [ Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
I'm not afraid of cheating, she won't do it. Her parents love me, all her friends are jelaous of me. We had some accidents in bed (forgotten pill, no condom etc) and she said like he's not afraid of being pregnant with me because I'm the best father she would dream of. I think that I'm handling it. "It is part of what made her the person she is, and you like that person right?" That made me think, and I think it's truth. She did some things, but thanks to that she won't do it again, right? There are much worse women in the world and people love them anyway. I'm strong enough to handle it, I'll give her chance to make up for me. I don't want to lose her, so I'll try to accept her past. |
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| Author: | vhou812 [ Tue Dec 11, 2012 5:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Feeling of disgust, how to accept it? |
Dr. Jones made a good counterpoint. One can never say never. But I'm a believer that a woman who hides her past is likely to repeat it. Those who don't run from it are far less likely to. Yes, if you like this chick, you should try to figure out a way to make her past a good thing to you. For instance, does she regret cheating like she did? If so, why? You knowing the answers to these things does 2 things, it proves to you what she learned from her mistakes, and also reinforces the idea that without that mistake in her life, she would not know what she now knows. I'm also less judgemental because I once cheated with a woman for 4 months. And at the time it felt so right to me. 6 months later, I could see it was one of the biggest mistakes I'd ever made. Anytime I see anyone toying with the idea, I give them my perspective now, because it does nothing to solve any of the problems a person or couple might have, and generally just makes them worse or adds more problems on the pile. If you like her, learn from her. |
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