PUA Forum :: Fixing my mistakes.

We've been together for over a year and half.

When I first got into my relationship I made big mistakes.
I was clingy, needy and put my girlfriend on a pedestall.

Since I discovered PUA, my relationship changed and now I'm not clingy or needy.
I'm a solid, confident, high-value male.

The problem I still have, is that my girlfriend acts as if I'm still the guy I used to be.

-She sometimes disrespects me by cancelling our plans and making arrangements with her friends.
-She never compliments or praises me.
-She wants affection, but doesn't give a lot back.

I don't mind being an affectionate guy, but I want my girlfriend to be equally affectionate back.

At the moment it isn't happening.

How can I fix these things and make up for my old ways?

Do I need to next her when she cancels our plans?
How do I get her to acknowledge that I'm a good looking guy and appreciate me?

Author:	PUAzilla [ Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:53 pm ]
Post subject:	Fixing my mistakes.
We've been together for over a year and half. When I first got into my relationship I made big mistakes. I was clingy, needy and put my girlfriend on a pedestall. Since I discovered PUA, my relationship changed and now I'm not clingy or needy. I'm a solid, confident, high-value male. The problem I still have, is that my girlfriend acts as if I'm still the guy I used to be. -She sometimes disrespects me by cancelling our plans and making arrangements with her friends. -She never compliments or praises me. -She wants affection, but doesn't give a lot back. I don't mind being an affectionate guy, but I want my girlfriend to be equally affectionate back. At the moment it isn't happening. How can I fix these things and make up for my old ways? Do I need to next her when she cancels our plans? How do I get her to acknowledge that I'm a good looking guy and appreciate me?

Author:	TrippAdvice [ Thu Dec 06, 2012 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Quote: We've been together for over a year and half. When I first got into my relationship I made big mistakes. I was clingy, needy and put my girlfriend on a pedestall. Since I discovered PUA, my relationship changed and now I'm not clingy or needy. I'm a solid, confident, high-value male. The problem I still have, is that my girlfriend acts as if I'm still the guy I used to be. -She sometimes disrespects me by cancelling our plans and making arrangements with her friends. -She never compliments or praises me. -She wants affection, but doesn't give a lot back. I don't mind being an affectionate guy, but I want my girlfriend to be equally affectionate back. At the moment it isn't happening. How can I fix these things and make up for my old ways? Do I need to next her when she cancels our plans? How do I get her to acknowledge that I'm a good looking guy and appreciate me? I will be honest, this is a sign of a bad relationship bro. This sounds like she doesn't have any respect for you. You're letting her stomp all over you. The next time she does something that makes you upset or pissed off, SAY SOMETHING. The #1 factor in a successful relationship is communication. As much as you are liking this girl, it's not healthy if she doesn't care about your feelings. If that's the case you may need to let her go. Relationships are 50/50 and shouldn't be dominated by one of the people. I urge you to say something next time and if that doesn't work then you need to sit her down and have a long talk about what you want. Blech, I know feelings right? Well, that's the way it has to be done. Don't sit there any longer settling because she maybe hot or it's nice to have a gf. I'll tell you what's even better...having a hot girlfriend who respects and appreciates you.

Author:	Junglepimp [ Thu Dec 06, 2012 4:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Well, I wouldn't blame you, but I wouldn't blame her totally either. Here's what happened. (And I consider the worst-case scenario). You were a nice guy who would put her on the pedestal. You were OKAY with non-mutual-investment in the relationship. You were okay with 1.Affection 2. More affection 3. A bit of sex. Now your self esteem has boomed. You don't feel like investing without the prospects of a return. But she's not aware of this change in you and you cannot really blame her for that. For the initial bit of your relationship, you've treated her to believe that she can have the good things without giving them back to you. And it'll take some work for you to fix things. Now either you can passively wait for her to give you compliments/do nice things for you and then do them in return, which will be a slow and uncertain process, or you can tell her openly about the changes you've felt were necessary in you and which you've brought about. (You needn't disclose the intricacies, however, i.e. PUA). Tell her she needs to adjust and that she needs to invest in the relationship because you have a healthy self esteem which does not allow you to be the only one making the effort where both of you should be making it. And of course, appreciate it when she learns to adjust. It is very important that your woman knows how to put in the effort and make you feel like a man, instead of being passive aggressive. But the motion of change needs to be set by you here.

Author:	PUAzilla [ Thu Dec 06, 2012 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Quote: ...she needs to invest in the relationship because you have a healthy self esteem which does not allow you to be the only one making the effort where both of you should be making it. This is such a great line. Thanks for the insight guys. But I can't exactly say to her 'Hey, I want more compliments, compliment me more!' I don't think she'll get it if I ask her to 'invest in the relationship'.

Author:	PUAzilla [ Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Bump.

PUA Forum https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Fixing my mistakes. https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=152195	Page 1 of 1

Author:	Junglepimp [ Fri Dec 07, 2012 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Oh no, you needn't be that specific. Just ask her to make effort in the relationship. She'll realize what you're saying. Chicks are insightful like that. (Save for the bimbos).

Author:	PUAzilla [ Fri Dec 07, 2012 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
The problem is she'll ask for specifics. I tell her that's for her to work out.

Author:	Junglepimp [ Fri Dec 07, 2012 3:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
If you verbally tell her it is for her to figure it out, she'll be tell you she's confused and again ask you for specifics. A smart way out might be to carefully explain things in the most abstract manner possible, substantiating them with hypothetical illustrations. Ex: "Like, suppose I take time out to talk to you, I expect you to do the same at times. When you don't do that, I don't feel like doing it for you either". You've to make her realize that she WILL be rewarded if she does good things for you and that she will not be if she doesn't. That'll set the motion right.

Author:	andyredsox [ Sat Dec 08, 2012 9:08 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
You can't blame her to act that way man. That's the tone of the relationship when it first started. I'd say you talk to her about it. Say things like, "Lets' make this relationship more fun... Why don't I do this ---- for you if you do this for me----. Relationships are meant to be like that, right?" She'll eventually get it when you actually start doing it. She may address the way she responds to you right away for the threat of losing grip on you. Most women act accordingly when they feel that the relationship is in jeopardy. Relationships defines most of them, so they will do extra effort to keep it. If she doesn't? Well, you've learned a lot from PUA now ....

Author:	PUAzilla [ Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:29 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Quote: If she doesn't? Well, you've learned a lot from PUA now .... You're right. Thanks a lot guys, it's been great to have you help.

Author:	Dr. Jones [ Sun Dec 09, 2012 11:00 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
I believe communication can only solve so much. You can convince her to not flake on you as much, but telling her she doesn't show you enough affection? That she isn't proud of you? These aren't quirks she has, they are flaws. Most people don't resort to change when their flaws are addressed; they get defensive. If she isn't inspired to change on her own intuition and fueled by her own determination, it won't stick. The title of this thread is "fixing MY mistakes". There are three, and they are her mistakes. Somebody wiser than me once said, "If your girlfriend doesn't make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That's what girlfriends are for." Best of luck.

Author:	PUAzilla [ Sun Dec 09, 2012 5:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Thanks Dr Jones. Solid advice.

Author:	dark one [ Mon Dec 10, 2012 4:25 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Its very simple, you have to make it clear what you are and what you are not willing to accept. If you both can't agree on this then move on and dump her....its not an easy thing to do but why be with someone who does not respect you? be prepared for her to call your bluff and be willing to walk, and I bet when you do she will agree with you and start treating you better. One thing that most guys are not able to do is be willing to walk if your values are compromised...it usually take a breakup and a lot of pain before they realize that they need to grow balls and stand for what they believe in. Even as I'm telling you this you probably won't listen to my advice because you will be to afraid of her leaving you...but in all honesty she will leave you any way if you continue on the path your on. Its very simple! Know what you want out of life and out of a relationship and don't compromise! Yes you have to do some compromising in a relationship but your core values and beliefs should never change! A good relationship is based on trust, respect, and communication. Right now you have non of these three things...

Author:	Junglepimp [ Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:00 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
And besides, you don't just have to communicate "You're not putting in enough effort". You've to communicate "IF you don't put enough effort, you're not going to get the same back either". So, right communication here is actually the key.

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Author:	andyredsox [ Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:00 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Fixing my mistakes.
Well after all that's been said and done, if she still the same... I like what Dr. Jones' firing part. Boyfriends and girlfriends are there to make us a better person- if not, at least we feel good about being in the relationship. When that's not even in the relationship anymore, consider the one next in line to make you happy!