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Anyone have any experience with open relationships?
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Author:  Samurai209 [ Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:56 am ]
Post subject:  Anyone have any experience with open relationships?
So my girlfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship for the last 6 months. Things were going great (and I guess they still are), and we seem really compatible.

Since very early on in the relationship she was very open to the idea, (and was telling me), that I could sleep with other people when she wasnt around. She seems so totally in love with me that she would do anything to keep me happy. Cool I thought, but not necessary at the time, maybe sometime in the future however. I'm pretty relaxed with these things, I dont feel the need to tie her down out of insecurities, and so, provided certain rules were followed, I extended her the same opportunities.

Recently, maybe around a week or so ago, we had a discussion regarding this, laying down ground rules and such for each of us, should the desire ever strike us. So,we thought, we had rules established for sometime in the future should we be drunk and something just 'happens' or whatever.

And so, she went out with a friend last night, ended up getting drunk, and going home with him. Should I be annoyed that it was so soon? She felt really bad about it but Im pretty ok.

Anyway what Im looking for is any kind of tip or information that would help us both make it work :)
Author:  vhou812 [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 3:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would only say this, you probably are uncomfortable because she benefitted, and thus far, you have not.

I wouldn't do anything too hasty in terms of judgement. Hang tight, and see if the opportunity/urge comes along for you to benefit. And then see what happens. If you find yourself not really interested in anyone else, then I'd tell her you aren't sure you like the arrangement as much as you thought. If you do benefit, you might find that you feel just fine with it.

Also, if you decide after a bit that you aren't interested in other girls at the moment, there are manly ways of saying so. Don't go all AFC and whine about how she got some and you didn't, etc. Just tell her in the face of the opportunities, you found yourself thinking about how you would rather fuck her than fuck someone else.

That's how I'd play it. Good luck.
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anyone have any experience with open relationships?
Quote:
So my girlfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship for the last 6 months. Things were going great (and I guess they still are), and we seem really compatible.

Since very early on in the relationship she was very open to the idea, (and was telling me), that I could sleep with other people when she wasnt around. She seems so totally in love with me that she would do anything to keep me happy. Cool I thought, but not necessary at the time, maybe sometime in the future however. I'm pretty relaxed with these things, I dont feel the need to tie her down out of insecurities, and so, provided certain rules were followed, I extended her the same opportunities.

Recently, maybe around a week or so ago, we had a discussion regarding this, laying down ground rules and such for each of us, should the desire ever strike us. So,we thought, we had rules established for sometime in the future should we be drunk and something just 'happens' or whatever.

And so, she went out with a friend last night, ended up getting drunk, and going home with him. Should I be annoyed that it was so soon? She felt really bad about it but Im pretty ok.

Anyway what Im looking for is any kind of tip or information that would help us both make it work :)
Don't be annoyed. Reward her for being honest. It is a really good sign that she was upfront and honest with you. She is the type of girl you want to be in long-term open relationship with. If you really want to throw her for a loop, ask her about the details (did she have fun? Was the sex good? etc.) Be happy for her that she had a good time and/or make jokes about the guy if he sucked in bed. This kind of thing is the key to solid communication in an open relationship.. getting the whole story and not being judgmental. It's okay to feel a little "left out" since she was out and having fun while you were not, but curb any reactions due to jealousy.

Rules? The less rules, the better. Good, non-judgmental communication trumps rules. Your girlfriend should never want to lie to you because you should never give her a reason to want to lie to you. Her honesty should always result in your positive feedback. If you react negatively when she's honest with you, then she will be much more likely to want to lie or hide things in the future.

Tips? When you do pick up a serious secondary relationship, you will each go through a period where you get really excited about the new person. This reaction is biological. Poly groups refer to it as NRE (new relationship energy). Be patient when your girlfriend goes through this and try and keep it contained if/when you do.

Let me know if you have any questions. I've been in a pretty excellent open relationship for 2+ years now. It's the best relationship I've ever had and I don't really see myself ever going back to being monogamous.

-Wolf
Author:  playfulelation [ Fri Oct 26, 2012 12:24 am ]
Post subject: 
The key to successful open relationships is having clearly defined rules and boundaries. I am in one right now mainly because we live in different states. We always tell each other when we've slept with someone else. it is up to the other person if they wants details. Any details asked must be answered. It's actually amazing when there is open communication how the jealousy goes away.
Author:  raymunds02 [ Sat Oct 27, 2012 5:30 am ]
Post subject:  uncom
uncomfortable
Author:  T.Sterling [ Sat Oct 27, 2012 1:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
They don't work, at least in my experience. Usually if a girl asks for one, she's already got her mind set on some other guy. You could still manage a FWB from the situation, but I wouldn't reccommend getting too attached.
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