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What about orbiters?
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Author:  ~LEVIATHAN~ [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 2:53 pm ]
Post subject:  What about orbiters?
I just kicked my gf out because she was keeping in touch with 2 of her ex's on a regular basis. We had discussed our relationship and agreed to be exclusive, but in my opinion her engaging in emotional relationships made me feel like she wasn't really committed to what we had.

In certain circles "guy friends" or "female friends" are called orbiters, and to me the only reason to keep orbiters around is to a) Create jelousy... or b) have a back-up plan in case the current relationship fails.

Now here comes the crux of the situation. When I started dating I decided to take my pua skills and become an an entertainer since I am and author and market my books by working as a Mentalist and telling fortunes, ie. Palm Readings, Tarot Cards, and a Magic Show... (yeah, I took the Mystery stuff to heart and am really working it... ;) So I am constantly bombarded by attractive women who come on to me. I can easily keep orbiters around, but I feel that doing this, in and of itself is just the first step down the road to cheating. I've never been "friends" with a woman I didn't want to sleep with...

When I pointed this out to my gf, and asked how she would like it if I was texting other women and talking to other women on the phone, she said that she would have no problem with this... Do you think this is true? Is it fair for me to keep super hot women around as "friends" and maintain relationships with ex's..?

It has taken me 4 years to figure out how to attract women into relationships, but what is permissable and not permisable in relationships is still a mystery to me. If I have women around who I maintain friendships with, I will sleep with them... and conversely I feel that if my gf is keeping her ex's around she is, at some point, going to sleep with them... What say you all?
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 3:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Are you seriously going to police who your girlfriend does and does not talk to? In my humble opinion, this is the epitome of beta male relationship behavior. This is a big DLV in my book. You are broadcasting that you are INSECURE ABOUT OTHER GUYS your girlfriend has dated. Stop it. Just be confident that you are more awesome than any of the guys in her past. That's why she's dating you and not still dating them.

If she wants to be friends with her ex's, then be the bigger man and have her introduce you to them. Make friends and you it'll help you realize you don't have anything to be worried about.

Just my 2 cents.

EDIT: Unless your girlfriend is/was a "freak" type. They are definitely more prone to cheating and you probably shouldn't be in a long-term relationship with them anyway if you are looking for drama-free monogamy.

-Wolf
Author:  Decessum [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 3:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi
I´ve been struggling to find the true reason behind this. To a point I agree to what you have said: creating jealousy or having a back up plan to not be alone. It could be both if she sees she gets attention from you, she will keep doing it.
Maybe, I feel the same way about you having girls around: IN my past, if a girl was a friend of mine, I would try to sleep with her, not just friends, maybe thats why I see her talking to ex boyfriends or guys so threatening.
Girls also like the attention, no matter how much you give them, its nice to feel wanted by other guys.
Some like to give them false hopes.
I am still trying to figure this out on my own so it stops affecting me so much!
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 3:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
I hope you didn't jump the gun Bro! Unless there were other issues with her not divulged in your post.

Very hot women will ALWAYS have orbiters, that doesn't mean they will fuck them!

But they will use them to get a free brake job on their car!
Author:  TheSeagull [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 3:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
ex boyfriends are a big huge NO-NO.
it's my number 1 rule in a relationship.
I see you keeping in touch with your ex, you're gone.

there is no way that an ex can be "just a friend". there is sex & emotional connection.

whether it's alpha or beta, it's my way. and since I feel it that way, it ends up being alpha because I set my rules.

you should do the same.
Author:  ~LEVIATHAN~ [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Can I have orbiters?
Is it fair for me to keep orbiters around? She ran back to an ex the minute we split, but I, who was for some reason trying to be ridiculously moral, didn't have anyone to fall back on. I can surely go grab up a new gf... they are free aside from the price of admission, but is it fair for me to keep a few girls around as a backup plan?
Author:  Crypto [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Fair? This is your life bro, you decide what is right or wrong in your world! If you made the move to dump her, stand by it and go get the easily obtained replacement player. The Ex will try to get you back if she was really ever there in the first place, if she does not, then you know you did the right thing.


Peace...
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Can I have orbiters?
Quote:
but is it fair for me to keep a few girls around as a backup plan?
YES! I used to think "morally correct" was the way to go on this, but let me clue you in; they always have a back up plan, and are not afraid to use it!
Author:  TheSeagull [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Can I have orbiters?
Quote:
She ran back to an ex the minute we split
this speaks volumes. "If they are not ready to let go of their exes, they are not ready for me".
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 7:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
ex boyfriends are a big huge NO-NO.
it's my number 1 rule in a relationship.
I see you keeping in touch with your ex, you're gone.

there is no way that an ex can be "just a friend". there is sex & emotional connection.

whether it's alpha or beta, it's my way. and since I feel it that way, it ends up being alpha because I set my rules.

you should do the same.
Okay, I've dated a lot of girls and I am good friends with nearly all of my ex's. They are good people and I enjoy their company. Furthermore, I have a lot of good female friends. If any of them (friends or ex's) start dating a guy who has a problem with them hanging out with or talking to me, then I tell her that the new guy is an insecure asshole and a hater and that she can do better. "Make it alpha" all you want.. I still think guys who do this are just shooting themselves in the foot (unless they are dating freaks, in which case.. don't date freaks and/or carry on).

The whole "Ex's can't be friends" is bullshit. Why wouldn't guys befriend their ex's? You all definitely should, if you're not already. They are great social proof when you bring a new girl around to meet your friends. A healthy social circle can never include enough hot women. Why burn bridges? I always try and end relationships on a good note or, at least, re-initiate contact to bring them back into my friend-group after about a month.

-Wolf
Author:  TheSeagull [ Fri Sep 14, 2012 8:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
then I tell her that the new guy is an insecure asshole and a hater and that she can do better.
confirming my point. I do not need any ex boyfriend judging me in front of my date. it my GF's ex tried to mutter those words about me, and she did not kick his ass for it, it would be so blatantly disrespectful it's not even funny. I'd rather much skip the drama.
Quote:
I still think guys who do this are just shooting themselves in the foot
Let's agree to disagree on this.
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Sat Sep 15, 2012 1:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Three things to consider here:

1. How long ago did they break up?
2. How frequent is their contact?
3. Did your girlfriend favor the idea of you meeting him?

I've met exes, and it's no big deal under the right circumstances. I dated a girl once and her ex (whom she dated 10 years ago) was moving out of town and she wanted to grab a drink with him. She invited me to go, and I didn't even need to. He ended up being a pleasant enough guy and I demonstrated high value by being mature about it.

However, if they broke up within the past two years say, they talk and/or text time to time, but she does not want you to meet him, then you have a problem.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Sat Sep 15, 2012 4:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Okay, NONE of that shit matters, what he said to her, what she said to him....fucking bullshit!

It's about action!.....did she?

Tonight I was out with an HB10...by any standard!

I got a text and a call from the girl I'm going to bang tomorrow night. I told her it was pre selected.

She got like 10,000 text from her ex.

We agreed to meet on Sunday.....and then thursday.

We made out on the couch. She went her way, I went mine!

And she Will be there Sunday...Why?

Because I care less.....and she knows that

Bros I gotta go charge my phone.....Heywood out
Author:  dark one [ Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok HOLD UP BOYS! I need to debunk some myths here

First of all its not AFC to tell your gf you are not comfortable with her hanging out with her ex's or text with them....it is AFC however to act like it doesn't bother you when it does.

Here is the deal, If your girlfriend truly loves you and you are the number one man in her life she should have zero problem letting go of her ex's. It is AFC for you to say "you can't hang out with your ex's anymore!" she is a free women, she can do as she chooses, BUT your a free man and you can leave a relationship if you don't see eye to eye. It is very selfish for your gf to talk to these guys! if you are not comfortable with it she shouldn't do it and usually it is just common sens that talking to ex's can lead to nothing good, she is putting her self in a bad situation even if she has no intention of cheating...we are all capable of cheating but we don' t have to put out selfs in a situation where it could happen.

First of all it is very rare! for a male to talk to a women just to be friends, let alone an ex. I am almost positive that her ex's have hit on her, they have probably brought up the past (all the good times) and they have probably thought about sleeping with her....there is no other reason to talk to an ex.

There is nothing insecure about letting a gf or wife know your uncomfortable with them hanging out with men alone or hanging out with ex's. Its very beta to lie to your gf and act like you are cool with it when you are not! If you do that you are letting her walk all over you....women respect when you are honest, they don't respect when you are controlling, there is difference!
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Sun Sep 16, 2012 3:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Ok HOLD UP BOYS! I need to debunk some myths here

First of all its not AFC to tell your gf you are not comfortable with her hanging out with her ex's or text with them....it is AFC however to act like it doesn't bother you when it does.

Here is the deal, If your girlfriend truly loves you and you are the number one man in her life she should have zero problem letting go of her ex's. It is AFC for you to say "you can't hang out with your ex's anymore!" she is a free women, she can do as she chooses, BUT your a free man and you can leave a relationship if you don't see eye to eye. It is very selfish for your gf to talk to these guys! if you are not comfortable with it she shouldn't do it and usually it is just common sens that talking to ex's can lead to nothing good, she is putting her self in a bad situation even if she has no intention of cheating...we are all capable of cheating but we don' t have to put out selfs in a situation where it could happen.

First of all it is very rare! for a male to talk to a women just to be friends, let alone an ex. I am almost positive that her ex's have hit on her, they have probably brought up the past (all the good times) and they have probably thought about sleeping with her....there is no other reason to talk to an ex.

There is nothing insecure about letting a gf or wife know your uncomfortable with them hanging out with men alone or hanging out with ex's. Its very beta to lie to your gf and act like you are cool with it when you are not! If you do that you are letting her walk all over you....women respect when you are honest, they don't respect when you are controlling, there is difference!
bingo

passive-aggression in the name of being "alpha" (aka: acting like you are okay with something that you are not) is AFC

like said above, there is a difference between being weak and having standards.
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