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I have fucked up BIG...
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Author:  2:35 [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 2:52 pm ]
Post subject:  I have fucked up BIG...
I will try and be as succinct as possible with this guys:

Last night I am out with my GF and some of her friends and my bros. The girls finish drinks in this bar and head to the next spot. My GF stays with us.

A group of guys enter the smoking area we are standing in, they over hear our groups conversation (it was in reference to a script my GF is working on for college) and open the set a little bit.

This particular dude says he works for a popular television company. He is speaking to my GF quite a lot about this script idea - he says he has a similar idea blah blah.

I was getting pissed off but didn't show it - I guess it was jelousy. He number closes with my gf on the premise of the script idea/working for a television company. I am now really annoyed...this douche speaks to her for 5 minutes and under the guise of his job/similar idea he is number swapping.

- Should I be right to be pissed off here? -

Anyway one of my friends senses Im a bit uncomfortable and tries to poke fun "ha that guy is way better looking than you man" and I get pissed off. We leave pretty much there and then.... my GF sees I am annoyed and asks me what is up - I sort of get pissy and speak my mind...she says it was harmless and I shouldnt get annoyed with her because my friend has tried to tease me.


Long story short - I then make a fucking ass of myself...I kept storming off from the bars we were in and coming back 10 minutes later, to the point where my friends are all cheering when I come back.

We ended up, the two of us, arguing in the street and getting a cab back to her place. I am crying the way home (drunk, upset I have acted like a dick and hoping I havent fucked us up long term).

We argue some more at her place and she asks me to leave...I go home circa 3am last night...

Today we are going for a meal and talk things through. I will post next her text messages to me.

I really really need help here, I think my main faults are:

Jelousy

Insecurity

Being fickle in an argument "LETS JUST SPLIT UP THEN THATS WHAT YOU WANT?" was mouthed plenty of times by a drunk me.
Author:  2:35 [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
GF: What I meant to say is - I dont doubt that you love me, and I dont want to split up, despite you suggesting so last night (ridiculously) but I do have a lot less confidence in our relationship going forward. You acted like an idiot, you embaressed yourself in front of your friends when you could have easily made a joke out of the situation, and I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall trying to reason with you.

I thought you had a lot more sense than you displayed last night, but you came across really insecure. Ive never given you reason to feel insecure have I? And it hurts me so much because I thought our relationship was better than that. Obviously not. The fact that you walked off and came back abou 10 times made you look like a fucking joke. Having an argument is ony of those things,but if thats how youre going to behave in future then believe me you'll get your wish of "DO YOU WANT TO SPLIT UP THEN?" it was a stupid thing to be arguing about anyway, and if you had just LISTENED to me in the first place it wouldnt have snowballed the way it did. I dont know whether to feel pissed off or sad or dissapointed or what right now.

Im not splitting up with you because Im not that fucking fickle and I just hope it was an absolutely crazy one off.



:(
Author:  Snarg [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've been in the same situation before. Not for the same reason, but the drunk/crying/threatening is definitely something I've done a few times. Fucking alcohol, it ruins everything.

Here's how to solve it:

When you meet up with her to talk things over, give her the most sincere apology you can possibly give. Look her straight in the eye, tell her you have no idea what came over you and there's no excuse for what happened. Tell her that you appreciate her willingness to look past it, and assure her that it will NEVER happen again. Say it with confidence and sincerity, then let her speak her mind. She'll probably say some things that hurt, but just nod and agree. Let's face it, you deserve it anyway. :) After that, do not bring it up anymore. Do not try to apologize again. In fact, try not to think about it ever again.

You need to make sure this kind of thing does not happen ever again. One thing that I think you should know is that people who hold in their anger tend to explode when they're drunk. That was the case for me, and every time I'd get drunk I would absolutely erupt on my girlfriend because she treated me so poorly when we were sober, but I tried to hold it in to show her that she couldn't shake me. Are you truly happy with your relationship? Drunk or not, those emotions were hidden in you somewhere and the alcohol helped them surface. I'm not accusing anyone of anything since I have no clue about your relationship's dynamics, but give it some thought.
Author:  P1nkstar [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey,

Let's start with the beginning.

You acted like an ass, it's your own fault you let this happen, and you will make sure this won't happen again in the future. You can be glad this happened, because now, you can learn from it and move forward.

This, has happened to me too. As a guy, you know he wants to fuck your girlfriend. Girls don't see this, he can be usefull, she's not going to cheat on you. It's a means to an end (as a pua you think, nice under the radar, nothing you can do)

The solution to this, is be solid as a rock. Not fucking react on it. But when the snowball starts to roll in ur head, it's getting bigger and bigger by the minute.

If this happens, know that it's happening, and stop it. it will only turn out a 500% bigger chance of you losing your gf.
Author:  Jambi [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 4:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
She said everything there is to say. Awesome girl fair play.

After this talk never bring it up again, as far as you communicating with her, *this never happened*.

Quote:
When you meet up with her to talk things over, give her the most sincere apology you can possibly give.
Agree 110% but don't just say 'sorry'. Sorry isn't an apology.

Acknowledge how tshe feels! This means you need to take some time putting yourself in her shoes.

Be careful not to say…'I know how you feel'…because this will likely offend her right away and it doesn’t really acknowledge her feelings in any way. It’s a cop out and the easy way out to just say “I know how you feel”…

what you want to do is:
Say…You must feel so______ and __________.
Nobody will ever be mad when you are exploring how they feel. In fact, many times they will try and help you.
In fact, if a person is mad and you say…
You must be so angry…
They may say… Well, I wouldn’t say angry… maybe just a little upset
Or…
They may say…I am beyond angry…I am hurt…

Either way you both come out ahead BECAUSE you have a better understanding of their feelings and they feel heard and acknowledged.


The Why? This is usually first and foremost on their mind. She wants to know why you acted like a dumbass.

This is very dangerous ground if you are not in the right mindset .
You have to take responsibility for the rift! Let me say that again…You have to take responsibility for the rift.
You do this by examining your feeling or behavior that was responsible for the rift.

"You must have felt (feel) ________ and unloved. (step 1) * more conversation may ensue.
I felt_____. I totally done the wrong thing and left you alone to fend for yourself emotionally.

Let her talk and vent to you at this point. Bascially calling you an ass and blaming you for everything. Tell her you understand and you have learned from it.

1. Acknowledge (their feelings)
2. The Why? (your feeling or behavior that was responsible for the rift)
3. You are affected too. (by what you did, not them)
4. Apologize without defense.




Obviously it did happen and you have learned lessons from it yes?
So tell us the lessons you have learned and why you were a dumbass for doing these things and why you will never do them again.

There is nothing wrong with being jealous and insecure. It happens it's healthy and perfectly normal BUT being fickle and acting like a whiney little bitch about it is a big no no.

"LETS JUST SPLIT UP THEN THATS WHAT YOU WANT?"
"I kept storming off from the bars we were in and coming back 10 minutes later,"
This is cringe worthy shit man but hey just laugh it all off with YOUR girl.

She's still YOURS and she even said it herself you should laugh it off.
You and her are on the same team, and there is no way in hell she should see your point of view as far as your actions are concerned. She already sees your point of view as far as your emotions are concerned and she says so. Seriously she is one awesome chick.

Easiest and best thing to do acknowledge you've been a dumbass laugh at yourself WITH HER and learn from your mistakes
Author:  ryou [ Sat Aug 25, 2012 4:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Problems/What I would have done:
Dont acknowledge him. If he approached your gf or even your friends, then you should have AMOG'd him already.
"Woah sick you do? Where do you work man? *give him a friendly shoulder pat*"
and let him in the circle/group of friends.

Also, when you said one of YOUR friends was poking fun at you and you're not cool with it. Tell him or her. If they are YOUR friends, they shouldnt hv done that. You should be pissed at that. (ofc if they are her friends just acknowledge, and say respects ;)

What you can do now:
Ignore what happen and dont even acknowledge it happened. Dont let it happen ever again. If she brings it up then stay cool and said yeah cause I care about you and keep it that short.

HOWEVER, Im an AFC, and thats just what I think. Feel free to correct me
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:00 am ]
Post subject: 
mistake #1 - drinking and clubbing with your gf

it's a horrible environment where things like that are destined to happen

that never would have happened if the two of you were hiking somewhere out in a park with you grilling her food over a campfire or something

drinking/clubbing/bars fucking suck

i avoid them like the plague

WHY would i want to go to a place where an endless stream of drunk, horny guys are going to hit on my girlfriend?
Author:  league [ Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've learned the hard way with a previous gf that you never ever ever let your girl know that you're pissed about another guy, all you do is make him look better

Its happened a few times with my new gf, she used to get texts all the time from a few different guys, I acted like I didn't give a shit (without actually saying it) and bam, these guys suddenley went away

If a girl is gonna cheat then she will do it, don't make it easier by acting all pussy about another guy, you're the better man so if she wants to lose you to someone less then bye bye I'll go find someone more intelligent
Author:  Snarg [ Sun Aug 26, 2012 5:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I've learned the hard way with a previous gf that you never ever ever let your girl know that you're pissed about another guy, all you do is make him look better

Its happened a few times with my new gf, she used to get texts all the time from a few different guys, I acted like I didn't give a shit (without actually saying it) and bam, these guys suddenley went away

If a girl is gonna cheat then she will do it, don't make it easier by acting all pussy about another guy, you're the better man so if she wants to lose you to someone less then bye bye I'll go find someone more intelligent
Exactly.

Just make sure you actually vent to your guy friends about it, otherwise the anger will build up and you'll explode when you get drunk again.
Author:  TheSeagull [ Sun Aug 26, 2012 7:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
I will assume this is the first time such huge shit hits the fan in your relationship
If so, I have a piece of good news from you. The more a girl is invested in you, the harder it is for you to fuck up.
Your GF seems very invested in you. In spite of that, you did a very good job of fucking it up. Regardless, she is still willing to give you a second chance. It means she is very very very invested in you. She won't break up with you over this. But follow the good advice, and make sure to keep your calm.

On to the other guy. Yes, he wants to fuck your GF. Yes, he is number-closing her so he can get laid. Will he? Probably not. To your GF, he is a networking thing, a potentially useful work contact. He will only get laid if you pretty much push your girl in his arms. Which you were dutifully doing the other night.

I have gotten a similar lecture from my GF early on in our relationship. It was much less dramatic because my outbursts of jealousy were much less stormy. But I still got a very interesting lecture about jealousy, insecurity and self-fulfilling prophecies. I got the hint, and stopped being a whiny insecure jealous. Do the same favor to yourself.
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Sun Aug 26, 2012 9:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
mistake #1 - drinking and clubbing with your gf

it's a horrible environment where things like that are destined to happen

that never would have happened if the two of you were hiking somewhere out in a park with you grilling her food over a campfire or something

drinking/clubbing/bars fucking suck

i avoid them like the plague

WHY would i want to go to a place where an endless stream of drunk, horny guys are going to hit on my girlfriend?
So true. Clubs are for single people looking for something more. My friend and her boyfriend go to clubs together, and while there's very rarely an argument at closing time, it just seems like work NOT to have a bad night, you know?

Every guy on this site knows what that guy was doing, and so do you. She will probably never admit it, but your gf does too. But you know what, from here on out, she's going to calibrate how you react around other men, especially those with a semblance of order in their lives. Be the awesome guy she knows you are and wants you to be.
Author:  vhou812 [ Mon Aug 27, 2012 7:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, you fucked up, but she clearly is a cool chick, so it's worth investing the energy to fix it if you want to keep her.

I'd suggest maybe working on your problems. The rest will fall in place. For instance, what are you going to do next time you get jealous? What are you going to do to keep from becoming jealous? Etc. If you're a bf, why not inject yourself into the game he's playing next time? After all, she's your girl right? If it's legit, you should be happy about it, interested in what he can offer her, etc. If he's gaming her, surely there'd be opportunities to show it. Learn how to keep your emotions in check and be cool. Do that, and you've got nothing to worry about.
Author:  do8 [ Tue Aug 28, 2012 9:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
OK.. I get everything you guys are saying.
But once and for all. Should you just ignore the other guy and pretend being 100% secure so they talk until he number closes the conversation without any sign of jealousy OR
you AMOG the another guy from the very start of their conversation?

I do not have problems with jealousy (i have some other insecurities though) but I am new to AMOG thing.
Author:  Snarg [ Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:09 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
OK.. I get everything you guys are saying.
But once and for all. Should you just ignore the other guy and pretend being 100% secure so they talk until he number closes the conversation without any sign of jealousy OR
you AMOG the another guy from the very start of their conversation?

I do not have problems with jealousy (i have some other insecurities though) but I am new to AMOG thing.
I prefer to AMOG lightly when it's most convenient for me. If you can innocently ask a question like "where do you go to school?" when it's obvious he isn't pursuing a college education and is destined to live out his days working as a warehouseman at Toys R Us, that's huge and absolutely destroys him with no chance of recovery. Otherwise, if you are unable or unwilling to AMOG, just sit back and let things happen. At the very least, it's far more beneficial than lashing out. It's all in your frame of mind. I would have thought it was funny that such a pathetic rat was trying to pursue my woman and would have made a joke about it afterward. If you show any sign of disdain, you've fucked up.
Author:  Sly_Wolf [ Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Great technique Jambi. That would create a stronger emotional connection which would make a stronger relationship by a lot. It's something I should consciously incorporate more into my game cause I know how powerful it really is.

...Snarg is right on AMoging. If you can do it with wit where it shows you are not at all threatened and you can reveal the guy's true intentions by calling him out on shit he's lying, it will make him look stupid, less experienced and not good enough to game your girl. Amoging is definetly a skill people should work on once in a relationship.
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