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Don't think I'm in the wrong here?
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Author:  SirJoseppi [ Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Don't think I'm in the wrong here?
So my GF of 8 months and I were trying to schedule a weekend getaway that we saw on groupon. It is only valid Sundays-Thursdays however and they are already booked of course for Labor Day. The place where we would be going has an outdoor pool, is by a winery, etc, so we wanted to try to go while it is still somewhat warm out (we live in the Seattle area so we do not have a very long window to do this). The groupon expires at the end October anyway so no matter what it isn't like we would have a really long time to use it.

She just got a new job and will be starting it on Sept 4th. So she can't really ask for time off anytime soon after she starts since she is a brand new employee. She is getting laid off from her old job and as such can't really request vacation time there either (she hasn't gotten her formal 30 day lay off notice though so I'm not sure why she cant, but that is what she said).

Haven't heard back from her since around 1PM on Friday. Our last conversation via text went like this:

GF: "Looks like I'll hear about being laid off on 8/23"
Me: "Oh ok. So does that leave us the last week of August to plan something?"
GF: "Hopefully, if I'm not working."
Me: "Hmm ok...our window is shrinking lol"
GF: "God it would be awesome if they just let me go on 8/23 (pay her out at her old job instead of 30 days notice). "Should we plan on something for that last week in August?"
Me: "Yah but that last week in August is tough for me. Pool league starts back up that Monday and I have plans thurs and friday evening. But Tuesday and Wednesday would work".
GF: "It's not gonna work out".
Me: "Not looking like it :("


The plans that I mention on the last thurs/friday in August are fantasy football drafts with my buddies. I realize some people would view this as a stupid reason for not scheduling a mini vacation with your GF, however these dates were set several weeks ago and coordinated amongst 10-12 other people in the league. So regardless, it is a commitment.

Anyway, haven't heard from her since Friday, and I haven't contacted her again either. I'm pretty sure when she said "it's not gonna work out" that she was referring to our trying to schedule something for the last week in August and not the relationship in general.

I don't feel like I did anything wrong that would warrant her trying to freeze me out (we usually text/talk multiple times throughout the day), especially since I suggested two days during the last week of August that would work.

Should I just text or call her today just to say hi? Maybe she is shit testing me or something?

Any advice much appreciated.

Thanks
Author:  dark one [ Mon Aug 20, 2012 2:59 am ]
Post subject: 
You did nothing wrong, you were right not to cancel your plans if they are important to you and can't be changed, if it was something you could do on another day and could be changed then I would say you were in the wrong but since the date was already set, she would have lost respect for you for if you canceled, also you should not drop everything in your life just because your gf wants you to.

Now as for contacting each other I am surprised that after 8 months you are still playing "games" like this. You are in what I would consider to be a pretty serious relationship at this point and you are no longer gaming this girl, give her a call or text her and say "Hey have not heard from you in a few days, seems odd, hope everything is ok?" If she does not text you call I would call her or show up at her house to see if she is ok, but chances are she will msg you back.

Seems to me like you are both holding out on contacting each other to gain the upper hand which at this point is ridiculous! If you want to call her then call her....she's your gf. No need to be a winy bitch just simply ask her if everything is ok? if she says yes then w.e let it roll of your shoulders like you don't care.

How old are you guys by the way?
Author:  dark one [ Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:05 am ]
Post subject: 
p.s perhaps it is time for the both of you to have serious talk about were the relationship is going, what you both want from each other, what you both expect (like not ignoring each other for 3 days), and if there if anything that bothers either of you so far. The 6 to 8 month mark is when a relationship starts to become pretty serious and you are both acting like your have been together for a couple weeks...people who are together for 8 months should not be ignoring each other for days at a time, or be afraid to contact each other for fear that you look needy. That's just common sens and part of a healthy relationship, If my gf did not contact me for 3 days I would be a little worried that perhaps she was dead lol
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Aug 20, 2012 10:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
you could have handled it better.

the 'aloofness' in your text smells of passive-aggression (not the mean type, just the "i have an issue but am acting like i don't have an issue type).

and that is never good in a relationship.

seems to me that her reasons are valid.

she has work-related issues why she can't meet up with you. you have fantasy football?

to be honest, i could see if SHE was a little pissy and taken aback that you would pick that over her. i understand why it is important. so my point is not to bust your balls.

my point is that the best way to handle this would have been to show understanding and actual feelings of regret about not being able to hook up (make her feel "good" that you want to see her), to show that you understand WHY she can't make it happen, to relate about how important your football is, and MOST IMPORTANTLY to say "it's all good, we will totally make other arrangements right away so you have something to look forward to".

girls want you to be the problem-solver and the go-getter. leaving the conversation as "well, yah, looks like it" and then not responding was a bad decision. because even if it doesn't seem needy or butthurt, it does seem indecisive and sort of weak.

remember, be dominant.
Author:  Snarg [ Mon Aug 20, 2012 11:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
you could have handled it better.

the 'aloofness' in your text smells of passive-aggression (not the mean type, just the "i have an issue but am acting like i don't have an issue type).

and that is never good in a relationship.

seems to me that her reasons are valid.

she has work-related issues why she can't meet up with you. you have fantasy football?

to be honest, i could see if SHE was a little pissy and taken aback that you would pick that over her. i understand why it is important. so my point is not to bust your balls.

my point is that the best way to handle this would have been to show understanding and actual feelings of regret about not being able to hook up (make her feel "good" that you want to see her), to show that you understand WHY she can't make it happen, to relate about how important your football is, and MOST IMPORTANTLY to say "it's all good, we will totally make other arrangements right away so you have something to look forward to".

girls want you to be the problem-solver and the go-getter. leaving the conversation as "well, yah, looks like it" and then not responding was a bad decision. because even if it doesn't seem needy or butthurt, it does seem indecisive and sort of weak.

remember, be dominant.
I agree completely. I was actually shocked to read that you're handling it this way after being with her for 8 months. Furthermore, it looks like you're still trying to game her even though you're in a serious relationship at this point, as dark one said. I understand your rationale that your plans shouldn't be canceled because of her, but come on, it's fantasy football. That's like saying that you can't go on vacation with her because you promised a friend you'd play Call of Duty with him a month in advance. Yeah, you had plans, but really?
Author:  SirJoseppi [ Tue Aug 21, 2012 1:43 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
you could have handled it better.

the 'aloofness' in your text smells of passive-aggression (not the mean type, just the "i have an issue but am acting like i don't have an issue type).

and that is never good in a relationship.

seems to me that her reasons are valid.

she has work-related issues why she can't meet up with you. you have fantasy football?

to be honest, i could see if SHE was a little pissy and taken aback that you would pick that over her. i understand why it is important. so my point is not to bust your balls.

my point is that the best way to handle this would have been to show understanding and actual feelings of regret about not being able to hook up (make her feel "good" that you want to see her), to show that you understand WHY she can't make it happen, to relate about how important your football is, and MOST IMPORTANTLY to say "it's all good, we will totally make other arrangements right away so you have something to look forward to".

girls want you to be the problem-solver and the go-getter. leaving the conversation as "well, yah, looks like it" and then not responding was a bad decision. because even if it doesn't seem needy or butthurt, it does seem indecisive and sort of weak.

remember, be dominant.
I agree completely. I was actually shocked to read that you're handling it this way after being with her for 8 months. Furthermore, it looks like you're still trying to game her even though you're in a serious relationship at this point, as dark one said. I understand your rationale that your plans shouldn't be canceled because of her, but come on, it's fantasy football. That's like saying that you can't go on vacation with her because you promised a friend you'd play Call of Duty with him a month in advance. Yeah, you had plans, but really?
Thanks for the replies guys. Mack I agree I should have replied differently. Eventually I texted her yesterday and got the communication going again. I was not trying to game her or be passive aggressive thought it certainly appears that way. I figured she was upset and I did want to give her space. And normally I hear from her saturday mornings once she gets to her job. And the part about fantasy football..she doesnt know thats what it was for. Are work reasons more legit than a football draft? Absolutely. But this was something planned weeks in advance that i cannot change.

Anyway today I suggested we find another groupon getaway thing, she didnt respond to it.

I should have been more assertive in my response in trying to find something that would work for the both of us.

We'll see how it goes..things may be on the outs anyway
Author:  Snarg [ Tue Aug 21, 2012 1:49 am ]
Post subject: 
If she didn't know what the plans were for, that's not so bad then. Either way, while you didn't respond as well as you could have, there's absolutely no reason why she should be blowing you off now. Keep us updated on whether or not she talks to you because it seems like there's probably something negative going on beyond the difficulty in making vacation plans.
Author:  Bezy [ Wed Aug 22, 2012 10:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
You are being mad selfish yo. Girls absolutely hate bull shit like fantasy football or any activity that they dont get, which are probably most things with your friends.
If shes getting laid off I would go out of my way to take her on vaca, she probably needs it and it makes your stock plummet if you choose a "stupid activity with your buddies" over her.
Think it through and evaluate your priorities
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