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Not ready for a relationship... but she asked for it
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Author:  Kaher [ Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Not ready for a relationship... but she asked for it
Dear Friends,

I need your help, because I have no f*cking idea how to solve this.

Let met explain (sorry for the long post):

I met this girl in a club in December.

She had a BF, we had a nice talk and had lunch together few days later and exchanged somes txts but nothing happend (too in love with her BF).

Two months later, I saw her again at the same club. She told me that her relationship was pretty bad, so we meet a few times, basically it was easy to make her break with her BF.

At the beginning, for me it was only a one shot, nothing more.

But we used to see each other, to txts and kiss at partys. We both decided to be together when we are at the same party, but both were free the rest of time. That's was perfect for me, I had only what i wanted (regular sexe)

When she was talking about the guy she kissed during the week end, I was not upset at all, but her was when I talked about the other girls.

Everything change when we were at the same party. She was totally drunk, but a guy kissed her in front of me. So I took a girl next to me and did the same and told her "never try to play with me, I always win" and left the club.


Next morning at 9:00, she came at my place, crying, saying how much she was sorry and how she discovered she had feelings for me, how lucky she is to have me. She said few days later that

she cant anymore accept to think of me kissing other girls, and she wanted to start a real relationship.

She was scared because she knew I always cheated on my ex GF, I told her that if she does everything perfectly, I had no reason to cheat on her.

So after 3 months, we were officially in a rltshp, and everything was perfect, it was like a dream but I did want to tell her how happy I was, I wanted to keep her in the fear of loosing me (I meet her parents twice, she took a flat near to mine, so on).

But two weeks ago, everything change. I was a little bit too drunk, got nervous and we had a our first fight about the fact she is always tired (she has to deal with schools and works all week long). She said she had to take time to think about her and she went back to her parents place. I told her that I freaked out because I started having feelings for her. she told me she feels the same but does not want to fall in love.

This week was a nightmare, I could not sleep, eat, but never told her. she always texted me, asked me what I was doing and finally came back apologyse. I thought it was the end of this shit.

But last monday, she was crying and called me because she had some financial issues, I told her to calm down, I would come at her place to be there for her. But when I left work and called her, she told me she planned to see her best girl friend to change her mind, but I was cold and did not answer to her txts (I wanted to see her so much).

During the week, she was cold, always the first to text me but it was not the same (no smiley, love, just cold message). We came at my place friday, she was drunk (like the 3 last days) and was cold "I know you are not happy with me, I see you're sad, I dont understand why you stay with me". At this moment I knew it was the end.

Sunday, she came at my place and told me she was sorry but did want to be in a rtshp, saying she is not ready, has a lot of problems to solve and want to do it by her self. I answered that for me it's better to stop, she was not the same girl as I met.

But guy I have to admit : I lover her so much, she is everything I want, she is perfect, I was waiting for someone like her for 7 years, I can't let her leave.

This week, I already have 3 dates (girls that were texting me when I was with her). I know it's gonna help me to feel better, but what I want is to get her back, but I have no fucking clue how to proceed (all my female friends think she will come back by herself because she is just lost).

Please brothers, help me.
Author:  pumpington [ Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
this is a really tough choice to make, it is never easy dealing with problems that are standing in the way of a really good relationship, I understand that this sucks, it is one of the hardest things ever to deal letting something go that has had such a huge impact on your life, just thinking about it can leave you feeling stressed out and depressed

what's the best way, how do you get her back?, what will leave her better off, whos to say, how can we even be sure of what is better for her in the first place, how to make it last?

all things seem to be transient, the girl you met, is no longer the same girl, and the boy she met, is no longer the same boy, you both have changed, if you can't be certain of yourself just because you are afraid of loving her and losing her, then how can you progress and stay stable? with so many problems how can this be right?

there are so many obsticles here, are you willing to navigate through them? why? are you sure that's why or is there a deeper reason that you are hiding from yourself that you are too afraid to admitt? what you respond with is irrelivant, these questions need only be answered to yourself, and there is no point in lieing to your self

it seems there is neediness comming into play here, maybe some time away from each other will help you clear your mind, once your mind is clear you can see things more objectively, you are extremely focused on this, what about the rest of your life? if she is meant to be, then she will be, she does not have to be
Author:  dark one [ Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Alright man well first off it would be nice to get more details about your gf? her back round? family life, age? past relationships...this way we have an idea of what you are dealing with?

Your attitude about not showing how much your care is all wrong! this is a myth among the pua community. It is perfectly fine to let a girl know how you feel as long as you do it in an alpha manner, and she deserves it. If you really care about a women you should let her know! but she should also know that you are not willing to put up with shit and if she starts to treat you poorly its over! no amount of love will make up for a lack of respect.

How should you handle this situation? I would tell her you agree that you both should not be together, tell her that you care about her a lot! and so you would rather not be "just friends" because you know you two could never be just friends, tell her you need some space for a bit, and then go live your life. she will probably contact you and if she doesn't then who cares? if after a couple weeks you feel like contacting her go ahead but make it casual!

Its hard to give advice unless I have more about her back round? her relationship with her father and mother ect ect....
Author:  dark one [ Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Always remember that alpha males don't care what anyone thinks! I tell my gf I lover her all the time, I tell her she is my girl, she my number one, but I also stand up to her when she shit tests me, and If she ever gives me an inclination or ever suggested breaking up I would tell her "there's the door, if your not happy go head and leave". I don't hide how I feel ever! but I also don't put up with shit!
Author:  Kaher [ Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
First of all, I want to thank both of you for your quick answers.

She is 20, juste before me she had a 2 years long relationship and just before that guy, she was in a relationship for 1 year and half. Both of them treated her like a dog, she told me so many times how perfect I was, how she was lucky to have me when everything was wrong.

What I clearly dont understand is that everything was perfect during the 3 months of our open rltshp and the 3 months when we were officialy together.

It's only for two week now that she behave stange. She told me that she was afraid of being in love, it was too fast between us, even if everything is always perfect, if we broke, she ll have to deal with our past (family, friends, memories), she said "i dont want that WE find solution for all my problems, I want to find them by my self".

It's only 48h that we are no longer together, even if I know I cant have the three other girls, they're not her.

What do I have to do to get her back?

Any idea of txt I could send to her?
Author:  tostrong [ Tue Jul 31, 2012 7:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Women will give all kinds of bull shit excuses, the bottom line is if her interest level is high then she will make it work. You should tell her you agree and think you both need time apart and tell her that its too bad because you too have such a great time together but that you are not going to wait around.

Go have fun, go party and live your life. don't talk to her for a couple weeks unless she contacts you, distance is your best friend at this time! if she does contact you act slightly distant and make her work for it! It sucks I know! you probably feel like crap! but get out of the house, go to the gym, have fun at night with buddies and try not to think of her.

After a couple weeks if you want to contact her day something like "hey rock star, just thought I would see how you have been?" if she does not respond or gives you one word answer then don't respond back and move on!

Chances are though that after a few days she will start to miss you, she will look on your facebook at all the fun you are having and call you.

I had almost the same problem with my current gf and got this advice from a lot of the vets in here! I was didn't think it would work but to my suprise it worked like a charm! she texted me about a week later telling me she misses me and wants to see me ect ect...listen to the guys in here!
Author:  Kaher [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 9:17 am ]
Post subject: 
So basically you tell me to do nothing, to do not send her txt, just try to forget her and live my life ?

But doing nothing is like giving up from my point of view, and this does not look like a solution to get her back.

I'm no able to decide if she'll come back or not, I understand that probably if she knows that I'm moving on, seeing other girls, and she has feeling for me like she said, she'll come back.

But it's painful to wait for a sign that may never come...
Author:  Kaher [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 7:46 am ]
Post subject: 
No idea, any one ? :(
Author:  eating_chicken [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 4:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
hey buddy, these feelings of yours towards her are perfectly fine, they are part of your human nature, you can't fight it. however, don't let those emotions take over you, you'll end up pushing her away (whether it be right now, tomorrow, next month, year) because girls hate clingyness, they hate men who are not a challenge.

realize that if you could get a girl like her, then you can do it again. there are 3.5 billion women in the world, she's not special, they all have vaginas, tits and the feminine energy which we can't get enough.

so, go fuck 10 other women, go on your dates, see other girls and get your dick sucked by them. it will help you realize that you have so many other options. if one doesn't work out, so what? there are thousands of other girls like her (quite literally).

then, if you still want her, then go for it. just remember that you have so many other options as well if she doesnt work out.

best of luck
Author:  KevanSnow [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Your girl
Hey man, hope things are going alright.

You got some nice advice earlier about trying to channel your frustration into other areas. That's what i do whenever i find myself in a difficult situation like that. I do sports, martial arts and go out with friends etc.

Earlier you were wondering about what kind of texts you could send, and got some advice on not sending any at all, which i think is wrong if u really want to do it (but only if there is something to say).

Women like guys who project value and it sounds like you have that pretty much going for you already with all the other chicks and so on. Personally i wouldnt take eating_chicken's advice of going wild and doing all sorts of fucking around (you can if u want to of course, but not on spite imo)

To me it sounds like she has a lot to deal with right now, like family issues or financial issues like you brought up. This can make things confusing for her.


In the end i will give you the advice of going out with friends and have fun, just to clear your head. Dont send a lot of SMS, tell her you understand that she wants time apart and that you agree. This way you will give her time to realise what she's lost and possibly make her understand that you two together isnt such a bad idea.

My two cents
Author:  Kaher [ Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Dear Friends.

Thank for your message: here is a little update of my situation.

I did not send her any mesage, after all she broke with me, I did want her to see me as a man who come back a week ago.

I went out with friends all week long, practiced sport or went to new clubs (mostly to avoid seeing her). All my friends knew how sad I was, there were there for me and it was exactly what I was looking for.

About my dates, it does not went well : even if I bring the girl at my place, I do not want to kiss of f*ck her, I'm like stuck (maybe because obviously I dont want them at all).

What's the most surprising is that she did not text me, I mean she used to send me like 20 to 30 txts per day, and now nothing. I was not expecting this at all.

Last detail: just after we splited, I unfriend her on Facebook & Twitter, because I knew I was not ready to see her having fun with other guys. But most of my friends have this girl on FB, and they told me that she's acting weird, posting a lot statut, pictures and so on, like she has to prove she is totally ok. I know this does not help me at all but I always hope she'll come back.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
it's time to move on.
Author:  Kaher [ Tue Aug 07, 2012 8:02 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
it's time to move on.
I saw that you edited your message ;)

I think you're right.

Thanks.
Author:  eating_chicken [ Tue Aug 07, 2012 8:19 am ]
Post subject: 
just a tip, don't 'get drunk to drown your sorrows'. it will only make you feel even worse, and you might end up doing something you'll regret.

if i was in your position i would immerse myself in my hobbies and spend time with friends, it will help you take your mind off her. anything like sport, reading music etc will go a long way in getting over a break-up.

best of luck mate.
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