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Growing apart?
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Author:  SirJoseppi [ Sun Jul 15, 2012 4:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Growing apart?
I'll try to keep this as concise as I can.

Haven't seen my GF since July 5th (after we hung out on the 4th). We've been together over 7 months now.

She works 3 jobs to pay off student debt and build her savings back up (she's 33).

She has a crazy schedule but despite this most weeks we hang out 2-3 times. I think this is a good amount to maintain a healthy relationship (for us at least) while still giving each other space.

But last weekend and this current weekend we just haven't been able to get on the same page. Either she is working or one/both of us have previous plans with our friends.

This past Friday I went to a Mariners baseball game, which started at 7pm, and wound up finishing about 10. Originally I was planning on going over to her place after the game and spending the night, but I recently started in a new department at work and needed to go in to work yesterday so I wanted to sleep at my house (we typically don't sleep well next to each other - she's a light sleeper and tosses and turns a lot).

So I proposed stopping by her place for a couple hours and then heading home, which she wasn't really keen on. I realize most girls wouldn't be, but she herself in the past has suggested that since we both sleep like shit next to each other that we don't have the obligation that the other person has to spend the night.

So we didn't hang out Friday. Last night I went to a bbq and she had her own separate plans. Got asked a lot "so where's your GF?" at the bbq...I didn't tell anyone that she was or wasn't gonna be there, but my friends like her so they always ask. Gets kinda old with her rarely being around. Yesterday I asked what time she worked today, hinting that we hang out. She works tonight but said that she would probably be hung over today, as if to say that she won't be up to hanging out. So that pretty much rules today out...this might change but I doubt it.

Anyway, over the past week and a half or so I feel like her and I are growing apart. She is going out of town with some friends for 3 days this week and she will probably have to work either Friday or Saturday night so there's a good chance I won't see her until next weekend, if at all this week.

I feel shitty about it and do miss her. But this is a situation where neither one of us is to blame really, just our schedules keep getting in the way.

So I guess my question is if anyone else has had similar experiences and how they approached them. I don't love her yet...neither one of us has said that to each other. I do want to stay with her, but at the same time I just sense that we are growing further apart.

Any advice much appreciated.

Thanks!
Author:  Kaher [ Mon Jul 16, 2012 5:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
It happened once, it was a nightmare to find a moment when we both had free time.

Let be honest here: you & me know that when you want to see some one, you find the time to.

If she isnt free or available when you are, it seems she is loosing interest in you.

The best you can do is the push pull card. she has to know that other girls are looking for you. If you succeed into pushing fear of loosing you in her head, she'll find free time to seduce you again.
Author:  Crypto [ Mon Jul 16, 2012 6:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would talk to my GF and basically say: "I enjoy your company, but we never see eachother. I think we should take a break so I can decide what I want"

I have a suspicion that she is already gone, but did not tell you yet. Many girls will find someone they think is interesting and start pulling away from the old as they get closer to the new. The reason they don't just end it with the old is because they don't know if the new guy will work out so they keep a safety net. You need to yank her net out from underneith her and see how she reacts.

My 2 cents!

Peace...
Author:  TheSeagull [ Mon Jul 16, 2012 7:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Growing apart?
Quote:
So I proposed stopping by her place for a couple hours and then heading home, which she wasn't really keen on. I realize most girls wouldn't be, but she herself in the past has suggested that since we both sleep like shit next to each other that we don't have the obligation that the other person has to spend the night.
I agree with that other people above said. She might be vetting a replacement candidate for the boyfriend position. Or simply, she is losing the feelings for you and is distancing as a side effect. With some girls, it's very obvious when they are going away.

Your honest chance is to anticipate that move, and initiate a breakup or at least a break in the relationship.

However, I will also highlight that if you cared enough yourself, you would have preferred a less-than-ideal night of sleep over not seeing your loved one at all.
The quality of sleepovers improves with practice. You become more comfortable with the other person sharing your bed, and the way they sleep/toss/...

(My first sleepover ever with a girl was a disaster: the whole night woken up. I was not used to sharing my bed, other than with my mom when I was very young. Having someone else to take into account was weird, so I could not fall asleep for fear of tossing too much/snoring/stealing blanket/...
Fast forward several years, and several sleepover partners. With my current GF, we started sleeping together very very early on. At first, she slept badly in my bed and I slept badly in hers. Now we are both adjusted to each other's place.)

I think you were not 100% invested when you thought you "had her", and now you are simply reacting to her aloofness by getting more interested. If she has played this card to get you more invested, it's good game. If she is simply going somewhere else with her life, anticipate her.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Lead.

call her up and say "get your ass over hear so i can fuck you until you go colorblind"

generate some excitement.
Author:  SirJoseppi [ Tue Jul 17, 2012 12:16 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Lead.

call her up and say "get your ass over hear so i can fuck you until you go colorblind"

generate some excitement.
I like that approach but if my girl is out doing something, she isn't gonna just drop what she is doing to come over. I don't blame her.

We finally made plans to hang out tomorrow but then she works Wednesday night and is out of town Thursday - Sunday.

Personally I don't think she is setting something else up in prep for a break up. Not trying to be naive to the situation, but in the situations where our schedules didn't mesh, it was for legitimate reasons like she had to work or we made previous plans with other people in advance and didn't want to flake by breaking them.

But from the way you guys are making it sound, I should be worried?
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Tue Jul 17, 2012 1:54 am ]
Post subject: 
the answer to your question is in my first response.

no, i don't see anything that indicates she is sabotaging the relationship.

however, she is waiting for you to "overcome" this challenge that time/space has put in front of you guys.

you do that by showing that you can persevere through the difficulty of "busy schedules" and still make a point to see her and rock her world.

you should be meeting her after work and fucking her doggie style in her car.

instead, you are thoughtfully moping and pining after her.

let us know how well that works in the long run.

;)
Author:  SirJoseppi [ Tue Jul 17, 2012 4:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
the answer to your question is in my first response.

no, i don't see anything that indicates she is sabotaging the relationship.

however, she is waiting for you to "overcome" this challenge that time/space has put in front of you guys.

you do that by showing that you can persevere through the difficulty of "busy schedules" and still make a point to see her and rock her world.

you should be meeting her after work and fucking her doggie style in her car.

instead, you are thoughtfully moping and pining after her.

let us know how well that works in the long run.

;)
Thought I don't agree with all of your advice, thanks for offering it.
Author:  Seadog11 [ Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:40 am ]
Post subject: 
My thoughts are the same as Mack's, which leads me to believe you probably don't really care for this girl as much as you think. If she's that busy all the time she's probably inherently exhausted. You need to light a fire under her ass to get up and do shit with you and then make her not regret it. Otherwise you need to re-evaluate whether or not you are okay with being her fourth job she has to work.
Author:  melomelody [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 5:57 am ]
Post subject: 
i don't think you love her enough to sacrifice for her. There will surely be time!
Author:  Crypto [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 3:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Lead.

call her up and say "get your ass over hear so i can fuck you until you go colorblind"

generate some excitement.
Much respect Mack. What you are suggesting is very true to keep a relationship exciting/stimulating but this has a different feel to it. I know we are both just reading his "view" of things but this has some pretty obvious signs to me.
- This girl is not a 18-23yo, she is 33 = typically more mature
- She is working 3 jobs which shows she is dedicated and not a flake
- If she really wanted to see him, she would not care if she didn't sleep well because she would not plan on "Sleeping" if he came over to spend the night!

Peace...
Author:  SirJoseppi [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 3:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Lead.

call her up and say "get your ass over hear so i can fuck you until you go colorblind"

generate some excitement.
Much respect Mack. What you are suggesting is very true to keep a relationship exciting/stimulating but this has a different feel to it. I know we are both just reading his "view" of things but this has some pretty obvious signs to me.
- This girl is not a 18-23yo, she is 33 = typically more mature
- She is working 3 jobs which shows she is dedicated and not a flake
- If she really wanted to see him, she would not care if she didn't sleep well because she would not plan on "Sleeping" if he came over to spend the night!

Peace...
Thanks for the post, that is kinda what I was thinking.

I get what Mack and the others are saying, more excitement is needed and I need to generate that. But comments like he is suggesting are a bit much for the reasons you outlined. At any rate, I'm prob gonna see her a few times this week so I think I'm in good shape. Plan on pounding the hell out of her when I see her too :)
Author:  nighter [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 3:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
talk to her about your needs, but racionally, dont be emotional or sound needy. propose that you together make some kind of plan to make your relationship better. maybe you could help her with something she does so you can have more time together, and she will apprieciate you more, like you more, have sex with you more intimately and passionately... most girls really appreciate help and give rewards (sexual ;)
but, dont give your self too much and unreasonably, it's a turn-off.
or if you see right away that she doesnt appreciate your efforts, she is not worth it.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 10:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
i'm 35 and i know plenty of 30 - 45 y/o women who would LOVE to be fucked in the back of their car after work. lol

in truth, my original response was a bit tongue in cheek.

but women start to feel old around that age, so it's not that far out to try to make them feel young again by doing spontaneous things.
Author:  SirJoseppi [ Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:04 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
i'm 35 and i know plenty of 30 - 45 y/o women who would LOVE to be fucked in the back of their car after work. lol

in truth, my original response was a bit tongue in cheek.

but women start to feel old around that age, so it's not that far out to try to make them feel young again by doing spontaneous things.
I get where you're coming from and appreciate the advice.

Just told her that I'm meeting at her place on Friday at 11:30 when she's off. Not the back of her car, but I might work up to that lol. Her response was "yes sir" :)
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