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Why is it so hard to let go? Too many questions
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Author:  Decessum [ Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:43 am ]
Post subject:  Why is it so hard to let go? Too many questions
Hi guys, this is going to be a pretty long message but I feel I need to let myself write it.
As you most know, almost 2 months ago, I had a "problem" with my GF .. We were in my room, when she was on FB, and she was talking with a guy, and I was seeing every message, then suddenly a message appears, but she doesn't open it, so I only managed to see part of it "Hey I already found a girl interested in ..." and when she saw that her reaction was not to hide it, it was more like *rolls eyes* *sigh* "This dude" .. as if she was tired of him.
Backtracing a few days, she had told me that this guy was drunk and told her about a proposal, WHEN THEY WERE SINGLE. and she flirtily said "Naw, lets have a threesome instead", this was, in my opinion where it all started, the "idea" of the threesome was like 1 or 2 weeks before this message.
So, what the message said was "Hey, I already found a girl interested in a threesome" .. I found out the hard way, I also saw that my GF replied, and asked him to send the facebook of such girl (He never did).
What my girlfriend's response to this was that she didn't want to tell me, because it would cause unnecesary drama (In her eyes), she apologized for it, and promised me she never had the intention of actually doing such thing.
So since that day, it was almost 2 weeks, my gf didn't established any contact with him, he would send her messages and she would ignore them, until one day, it happened something again.
We were at my house (2 weeks later) and she was chatting with him (Right in front of me), then, she playfully asked her "Hey, you never told me anything else about that girl"..
The conversation then went on something like, he told her she was a lesbian, and she didn't want to do it anymore, blah blah. But he started insisting that he would like to sleep with my GF (Alone) first, then the threesome. All to this, my gf is bisexual and it turns out that a girl she liked was friends with this guy, so she told him, to talk to her about my GF (MY GF wanted her for herself) .. but the threesome idea rose up with that, again. This is where things got out of control.
As I was arriving at my house that day, I saw she was online on FB (Green dot) she's always on mobile, to which I asked her about it and she said "Yeah right, like if IM gonna turn my computer at this time" ... it was like 2 am. Now, I don't know how or why, but on her house, around this time her internet starts failing, it disconnects etc...
So at like 3 am, we were still texting, and her facebook was left open in my iPad, so I was seeing the conversation she was having with him (Through her mobile), I don't remember exactly the time, but like at 4 am, they were still talking, BUT my GF had told me she was sleeping, I received a text from her saying that she had just gone to throw up to the restroom, I responded dry, and she was like "Whats happening, whats wrong, what did I do now?"
She had also taken some print screens from her phone from that time, how she had no Router or DNS adress, proving to me that her internet was down, so it was impossible for her to have being chatting with him. The reason I was so fucking angry was because, the guy kept insisting in sleeping with her, and she said.
"Fine, I'll tell you when, but it'll be soon" that was the last message.
But, I kept seeing her green dot on FB .. the next morning we realized her EX BF had hacked her FB, he sent her a text clearly describing "Lets see how much he loves you, with all the trouble I have now put on you".
So this left it all clear, it was HIM who had said that last message. Still, the threesome chat was her, because I later saw some emails taking about that.
On those emails the guy said again "I want only you and me" and she said "Fine"
What happened the next days was that she erased him from FB, because the other girl started asking her questions about the threesome. So she erased him, and she didn't find out, till 2 weeks later, when he sent her a message
"You're such an idiot, why did you erased me" (On FB)
Then on MSN he also told her "I dont know why you erased me but you looked like an idiot doing so"
And also sent her an email.
Then the other girl asked her
"Hey what about the threesome is it still on?" (My GF and this girl had already said they were gonna do things (the 2 of them) in my house, with me there of course)
My GF replied "No, me and him have nothing to do, I erased him because he was only causing me trouble, I only wanted to be his friend but her intentions were always others, I even sent him an email but I guess he didn't read it" (Barely paraphrased)
Then my GF got yet another message from this guy
"So I was causing you trouble huh? and my intentions? pfft, fine I wont bother you again"...
then he blocked her from FB.
EVer since, she has had no contact with him, she erased his email, his msn, everything, this was almost 2 months now. And sometimes I still think this is all to good to be true.
Sometimes I remember the one lie she told me (She hid the threesome thing from me) and go all quiet, I would have preferred to know, then I wouldn't be so angry. She lied to me once, and hid it from me, she never cheated on me nor met him, she never had the intention of doing so, so why is it so hard to let go one small lie?
Ever since, she has been the perfect girlfriend, she now has learned to say "No" when a guy invites her or hits on her on this manner.
One of her friends told me that across the years he has seen that she always tells people yes, hoping that one day they will forget, I guess, sadly, this guy didn't forget, or maybe one day he would've grown tired of so many indirect rejection (She had arranged to go eat with him, since november 2011, and they had never seen each other, she always made one new excuse) .. I mean, how much rejection could this guy have taken before he finally gave up?
Her friend even says that she "saw it close" this time, meaning that I was about to leave her, so she finally learned her lesson.
So why is it so hard for me to let go?
I know she was being flirty with this guy, who cares, acting and saying are two different things, she is a loyal girl.
Did she enjoyed the attention? (She used to like this guy)
Did it made her feel sexier, or more desired?
As to why, even she says she doesnt know why she tells them that, but that she has changed, because she was even worse before meeting me, this was nothing compared to what I would've seen a year ago, and yet, he never met up to have sex with anyone.
Why can't I full let go yet?
Sorry for the long post, but I need to let go.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
i want you to know that i only read half of your story.

not to be disrespectful, but i had already understood what was going on by that point.

here is the thing...after the part where she turns out to be a perpetrating pathelogical liar, i really wasn't interested in the specifics of her treachery.

she is a liar and a cheat.

and she is brazen about it.

next. for your own benefit and mental wellbeing: NEXT.
Author:  870 [ Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Either let this go or let her go. These are your options.

Your boy,
870
Author:  Decessum [ Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
i want you to know that i only read half of your story.

not to be disrespectful, but i had already understood what was going on by that point.

here is the thing...after the part where she turns out to be a perpetrating pathelogical liar, i really wasn't interested in the specifics of her treachery.

she is a liar and a cheat.

and she is brazen about it.

next. for your own benefit and mental wellbeing: NEXT.
So yes she lied, haven't you ever lied? .. She never cheated on me, so I don't know why you say she's a cheat.
But, I actually do feel better, she never did anything, so I'll just let go.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Jul 02, 2012 2:12 am ]
Post subject: 
tip of the iceberg with her.

i hope what lies beneath isn't too unpleasant.

good luck with her.
Author:  P1nkstar [ Mon Jul 02, 2012 1:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
i want you to know that i only read half of your story.

not to be disrespectful, but i had already understood what was going on by that point.

here is the thing...after the part where she turns out to be a perpetrating pathelogical liar, i really wasn't interested in the specifics of her treachery.

she is a liar and a cheat.

and she is brazen about it.

next. for your own benefit and mental wellbeing: NEXT.
So yes she lied, haven't you ever lied? .. She never cheated on me, so I don't know why you say she's a cheat.
But, I actually do feel better, she never did anything, so I'll just let go.
I never lied to my gf.

my gf has never lied to me.

like 870 says, that are your 2 options.
Author:  pumpington [ Mon Jul 02, 2012 2:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
hey man,

you probably have a good reason to feel something was up, that situation sounds fishy at best, it is most likely your girlfriend doesn't talk to guys she is not interested in, rather then hiding the fact she is talking to them about having threeways and setting up the logistics behind your back in secret until she gets caught, then letting you know it was all ok cause it was all the guys illaborate plan to hack her facebook and ruin her relationship, somehow though after he ''hacked'' her facebook she has it back and he is blocked, he can't ''hack'' it anymore somehow so instead he just sends her annoying emails asking her why she blocked him, instead of ''hacking'' the facebook to have more made up convos with himself, then he just gives the fine I don't care about you either and blocks her back.... yep... SEEMS LEGIT

anyways, if you don't care about your girlfriend sleeping with other guys then it's all good

but that story is fishy as fuck at best

anyways, you will probably stay with her cause you didn't leave her in the past when this was fresh, 870 is absolutely right
Author:  Wal [ Wed Jul 04, 2012 6:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
How can you be in a relationship with someone when you don't trust her? If you feel the need to snoop around with someone else's messages, you are going the wrong way super fast.

Everything else in this post is only tangential to the real problem.
Author:  vhou812 [ Tue Jul 17, 2012 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  It's called oneitis, among other things
I also couldn't read through your entire post. I've written some like it. We've all been there.

But the others said it best, you're only defending her because your emotions are clouding your judgement.

An alpha doesn't waste his time hacking and reading. Put the whole thing to bed. Tell her if she wants a threesome, you're good with fucking 2 chicks at the same time. If you're not into that, tell her it's her choice, take it and leave you, or leave it alone because you've got better things to do with better women.

Take the advice here bro. They're not all wrong.
Author:  TheSeagull [ Tue Jul 17, 2012 9:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
How can you be in a relationship with someone when you don't trust her? If you feel the need to snoop around with someone else's messages, you are going the wrong way super fast.

Everything else in this post is only tangential to the real problem.
true, he has trust issues. but they seem justified. he has been lied to. and not about a past event from before they got together, or about a minor thing ("I like your haircut" only to later find out she hated it!)
if he had snooped once, and found nothing, and snooped twice and found nothing, he would have probably gained trust from compliance, and this post would not exist. this post exists because he snooped AND found.
for me, lying about actively scheduling a threesome with another guy is enough to next.
Author:  Consequences_ [ Wed Jul 18, 2012 10:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Either let this go or let her go. These are your options.

Your boy,
870
Short, simple, and correct.
Author:  Boyo [ Wed Jul 18, 2012 11:25 am ]
Post subject: 
I remember reading somewhere.. go fish about the sea a little, sleep with 10 different girls, and see if yours is so special then!

On a serious note. All of the above is sound advise, with issues like trust.. the relationship will never been the same again, you may rebuild it, but that little niggle is always there.

Move on. Start anew,

good luck,

Boyo
Author:  madtiger [ Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
Seriously, let her go..
Author:  Seadog11 [ Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:27 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
for me, lying about actively scheduling a threesome with another guy is enough to next.
That^^^
Author:  BirdBoy [ Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Pick up a book called: New Earth

I could write and essey which will only offer you a temporary high, but that book will change you for life.
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