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| Inner game not helping long-distance situation? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=139570 |
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| Author: | Astaire [ Sat Jun 30, 2012 2:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | Inner game not helping long-distance situation? |
Basically, my girlfriend has been away a pretty long time, abroad for Uni, (2 months), and it'll be another 2-3 weeks before I see her again. As someone who prefers intimate relationships to highly quantifiable PUA results (although, it hasn't always been the case), I chose to stay with her so we can be together when she gets back. We talk via phone and Facebook chat, but as a deeply physical person with friends and significant others, I find these to be low quality interactions. Phone sex also isn't my ticket. Thus, my head and my heart agreed to replace the time I would spend on her while she was home on my inner game, as both an incentive for improving my lifestyle, and as a replacement that might well end up being permanent. I now hit the weights daily (except for rest days), have taken up a new foreign language, and started on another briefly. I have also been moving around different areas of the UK with contacts , written up a business plan for a future company, and have spent many hours a day working on my prowess as both a musical performer and composer. I've additionally gone overboard in some respects by making plans for trips abroad after she comes home. Now, I know this is all totally irrelevant to you, so here's the real issue. This isn't helping me get her off my mind. I'm pretty sure she'll be mine, in a rational sense, for a long period of time. My problem is I don't want to be a guy who's obsessed with a girl, particularly when she's not even around to reciprocate the love I feel. One particularly shocking moment was when I was with my language teacher, he asked me in an oral test to vocalise a phrase, and I imagined myself saying it to my girlfriend in a normal situation. The sentence was completely irrelevant to my girlfriend, so why did I see her? What's weirder is I know the cause of the feeling, I know why I have it, but what I don't know is how to shut it off. The fact my heart rate increases thinking about her is a purely perceptual idea really bothers me. I thought for sure more inner game in my lifestyle would help, but in some ways its made me even worse, such as when I was thinking up business prospects, I was imagining it benefiting both of us in the future. Now I know this sounds very abstract, to create a visualisation without a concious command of it, but I'm sure those who have experienced my problem know what I'm talking about. Another problem is, it causes problems on a social level too, I don't go out and celebrate, dance, or get drunk many of my friends are concerned I'm too focused on my inner game, when really, I discuss my inner game to prevent my girlfriend coming up in conversation. Any help here is massively appreciated, even with this inner game stuff, I feel so low value for not having this control over my emotional connection to this girl. I'm a naturally stoically minded person, and don't believe in wasted energy. Astaire. *Also, I know these thoughts are AFC behaviour. I should have probably used that term a lot more in my post. My problem being that the alpha and the AFC are both present, but the inner-AFC is aggravating the inner and outer alpha with his thoughts that aren't stoic or healthy. |
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| Author: | Mack 2.0 [ Sat Jun 30, 2012 3:51 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
That was a very detailed post. Don't get pissed at what I'm about to say (it is not to minimize your story, there is a reason behind it: clarity). Let me summarize your story: You have oneitis. Once you agree on that fact, then you would need to ask yourself a question to which you already know the answer... How do you get rid of oneitis? The answers may be shocking or inconvenient. But they are what they are. |
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| Author: | Astaire [ Sat Jun 30, 2012 1:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: That was a very detailed post.
I kind of already acknowledged this in my post, does this mean ruling out long distance relationships for everyone who has a successful sexual/emotional connection with someone?
Don't get pissed at what I'm about to say (it is not to minimize your story, there is a reason behind it: clarity). Let me summarize your story: You have oneitis. Once you agree on that fact, then you would need to ask yourself a question to which you already know the answer... How do you get rid of oneitis? The answers may be shocking or inconvenient. But they are what they are. |
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