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She asked me: 'Do you ever get jealous?'
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=139002		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 8:56 am ]
Post subject:  She asked me: 'Do you ever get jealous?'
She was talking about jealousy with her friends and for some reason decided to bring it up with me. Usually I'd steer away from this kind of conversation.

At first, when she asked me if I got jealous I said; 'No, I don't. You don't give me much to get jealous about. I know you're the same'.

She goes; 'Yeah I never get jealous'.

(I've always known this but I find it confusing. 99% of other girls I know have a little jealously in them, but for some reason my girlfriend never does or never shows it. In a backwards way I kinda want her to be jealous. It would give me a lot of validation and show she cares. Of course, I never ask her about this, I deal with it on the inside.)

After a couple minutes of talking and carrying on the conversation, I said to her;
'Actually yeah, occasionally I DO get a little jealous and I'm not afraid to admit it. It's not a problem, relationships need a little jealousy to keep it interesting.'

She seemed to see some logic in that but it obviously didn't hold true for her; she remained 'not jealous'.

Basically guys, I want to know two things:

1.) Did I handle that right? It felt almost alpha to be telling her that I get jealous sometimes! As if I don't care that she knows.

2.) Why doesn't she get jealous? I have tonnes of social proof, more friends who are girls than I know what to do with. She had a small party a few days ago, I made sure I talked to every girl there!

Let me know what you think guys.
Sorry for the long post!

Zilla.
Author:  Nym [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 9:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Tease her about it. Come up with hypothetical scenarios or better yet... suggest a 3some? Why not? She isn't getting jelly right? = u=

EVERY girl/human gets jealous sometimes. She just isn't showing/admitting it yet.
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 9:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Yet? It's been a year and a month.

I'm sure she has SOME jealousy. All girls do.
Maybe her asking me 'Where have you been?'/'Who were you with?' is her way of showing jealousy.

I want to know whether it's alright to tell her that I get a little jealous. I said it confidently and told her I don't mind that fact. I've always told her I enjoy the challenges a relationship brings and this is just one of them.
Author:  Nym [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 9:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Yet? It's been a year and a month.

I'm sure she has SOME jealousy. All girls do.
Maybe her asking me 'Where have you been?'/'Who were you with?' is her way of showing jealousy.

I want to know whether it's alright to tell her that I get a little jealous. I said it confidently and told her I don't mind that fact. I've always told her I enjoy the challenges a relationship brings and this is just one of them.
Oh dude, if she said things like that she is totally inner jelly. She just doesn't want to come off as the "crazy jealous bitch". Kind of like how girls don't want to be thought of as 'sluts'/'dirty'/'trashy'/'bimbo' etc as to guys don't want to be thought of as 'creepy'/'needy'/'submissive'/'spine-less' etc
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 9:32 am ]
Post subject: 
She asks just because it's conversation not because it bothers her.

Atleast, that how it feels.
Author:  Nym [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 9:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
She asks just because it's conversation not because it bothers her.

Atleast, that how it feels.
You can't really know for sure it seems. Maybe you are just treating her REALLY well that she has no need to be? :) Good job!
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry Hobbit, I'm not sure I see the problem?

My threads are never satire, I just want some help with the issues I face in a relationship. More often than not, it's about getting some second opinions to make me feel better and understand more.

Yes, I am always really honest with my threads. I don't mind that.
I'd rather explain everything then leave out a detail that could hinder getting an answer.

Thanks for your time though guys, it means a lot.
Author:  GreenGranted [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
I posted this in another guy's thread and I will post it here. I'm curious if Hobbit will agree with me.

You're looking for a sign that she is insecure, so you're actually seeking HER approval. This is purely a confidence issue on your part.
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for explaining Hobbit, much appreciated.
Yes, my attitude is often negative but only because this thing is all important to me. I want to get my relationship right. I think it's a lot about mastering myself.

I'll try and break some of those quotes down.
Quote:
PUAZilla, your threads seem like a satire of this subforum. I'm not saying this as an insult. This thread reeks of honesty. And as a result, it's easy to see some problems.

Look at the combinations below:
Quote:
1.) Did I handle that right? It felt almost alpha to be telling her that I get jealous sometimes! As if I don't care that she knows.
This was pretty positive, I felt like it was against the book but actually worked quite well to portray a relaxed, confident frame.

And:
Quote:
Yet? It's been a year and a month.
Less positive, I guess a year and a month is not a lot of time, I have all the time I need for things to get better. :)

---------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
2.) Why doesn't she get jealous? I have tonnes of social proof, more friends who are girls than I know what to do with. She had a small party a few days ago, I made sure I talked to every girl there!
I don't see anything wrong with this. I don't get an awful lot of opportunity to show my abundance of other girls so I thought it was imporant I made some good interactions at her party.

And
Quote:
In a backwards way I kinda want her to be jealous. It would give me a lot of validation and show she cares. Of course, I never ask her about this, I deal with it on the inside.)
I guess you could say this is morally wrong

---------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
Usually I'd steer away from this kind of conversation.
Should I be happy to talk about this kind of thing? I think if we talk about all our little jealousys and insercurities it will kill attraction and ruin all sense of mystery.

And
Quote:
Yet? It's been a year and a month.

---------------------------------------------------------
How's that Hobbit?

Can you enlighten me as to what you think?
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 4:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I posted this in another guy's thread and I will post it here. I'm curious if Hobbit will agree with me.

You're looking for a sign that she is insecure, so you're actually seeking HER approval. This is purely a confidence issue on your part.
I'm a really confident guy, are you saying I need to fix my own attitude.

I guess that makes sense, if I had no insecurities then I wouldn't have a problem with her not having any.
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 4:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the insight man, that's very helpful.

I don't understand how talking to other girls could be counterproductive though?
YES; the only reason I was talking to them was to demonstrate my social abundance and not because I was interested in them particularly. Are you saying this goes full circle and instead of making me look like an guy who can get girls interested, it makes me look like I'm trying too hard to get one over on my girlfriend?
Quote:
The next question becomes, why do you have these feelings? What are they? How can we go about chipping away at them?
The feelings of jealousy I get are triggered by her going off and doing stuff without me. Seeing people I don't know, cancelling stuff with me so that she can do stuff with her friends and having little contact or explination.

It's not that I don't do exactly the same for her. I'm not always available, we see each other 3/4 times a week. (Quite a lot for most of you I know but it usualy works for us!)

When it comes to solving them, I'm not sure. She'll always go off and do stuff with her friends. I know it will get better over time.

The solution is really to master myself and no be jealous of actually things that aren't a big deal.

Would I be right in thinking that?
Author:  GreenGranted [ Sat Jun 23, 2012 6:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hobbit, I was wondering if there is any blog, book or site that shaped your view on relationships. Your view on relationships is quite different than most (even experienced) people on this board. Can you send me a resource?
Author:  PUAzilla [ Sun Jun 24, 2012 1:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hobbit thanks so much for the help.

You've raised lots of points that I can work out to help me improve as a person and improve as a boyfriend.

Can you give me any advice on how to cope/improve on my jealous emotions?

(Most people would just say 'GFTOW' as a strategy to deal with jealousy, or something a little more realistic in whilst in a relationship. It seems to me that your style is very different. I like that and I'm really interested to know more.)
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