PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Having a GF = Being a loser?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=137343		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  Chief [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 8:16 am ]
Post subject:  Having a GF = Being a loser?
I'd like to ask a question to all of you for once.

I just got into an open relationship earlier this week, meaning that I am now somebody's boyfriend even though I still have the freedom to see other girls. Regardless of the type of relationship, I have a girlfriend and I'm somebody's boyfriend.

The problem is that I've gone so long living the glorious single life that I've developed a habit of looking down on guys who had girlfriends. Here I was enjoying the company of many beautiful women while these miserable men were stuck having sex with only one woman, slowly getting more and more whipped.

I want to change my mindset so that I don't feel bad at all about having a girlfriend. I know that AFCs have the opposite problem where they feel bad if they are single and think that having a girlfriend is some sort of high honor or some bullshit like that, but as you all may know, a PUA can have the opposite problem. I learned that single = good and fun and relationship = boring relationshit.

I'm at a point in my life where I think I'm ready for something a little more serious again, and I want to feel good about it. What can I do?
Author:  Chief [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:03 am ]
Post subject: 
How do we not base our identities on the skills we are good at? Is it also bad that I call myself a musician?
Author:  PSyKaD4LiC [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:04 am ]
Post subject: 
Having a GF does not make you a loser... it just means that you want to be with somebody long term at this stage of your life.

I have a GF now for the last 5 months and so far it's been a very new but rewarding experience. I miss single life but the rewards of having somebody special to share things with outweighs it I think... but it all depends on what you want.

Having a girlfriend doesn't change anything about a person. If you're still a chode, you're still a chode. If you're still an alpha, then you're still an alpha. It most certainly doesn't make a person a loser in fact I would argue that much of society would think the opposite... but fuck what they think, it just matters what will make YOU the most happy at the current place that you are at in your life.
Author:  Slywalker [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:46 am ]
Post subject: 
Chief, come on up to San Francisco so I can spank your ass! You are just being paranoid and stupid.
To use your metaphor of calling yourself a musician, imagine that you are a musician when you are single. Well sir, you just became a jazz musician. You are still doing what you are good at, you are just focusing your talent to one specific area of your expertise.
Having a girlfriend is so much more fun than being single if you have found a girl that is worth it. Everyday you get to try new routines, theories and methods to see what you can get away with, how can you woo her, how can you surprise her etc. Being in a relationship is endless fun if you are with the right girl and you know how to pull it off. Take it from me, I had so much fun once I found the right girl that I decided to marry her!

And being in an open relationship makes things even easier, because girls no longer sense that desperate feeling about you, they are all disposable to you, and suddenly they all want you twice as much. For a period of about six months I managed to simultaneously be in five open relationships.
The relationship life rocks, take advantage of it!

Once you have gotten over the shock that you are growing up, let me know if you have any more questions of how to make the most out of it!
I'll be happy to help!
Author:  JuanAntonioB [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
In the grand scheme of things, what is a 'relationship' anyways?

You think u didnt have a 'relationship' with the girls you were banging before you decided to be in a 'relationship' with this new person youre banging?

Dont confuse sex with relationships. a relationship is simply getting to know one person over an extended period of time and befriending them during the process.

Relationships exist everywhere. A relationship with one person over an extended period of time where you only have sex with that one person becomes an "exclusive relationship". i dont really like that term but it is what it is.

its just a decision by both parties to have intimacy with each other only, and not anyone else. usually both parties are of the same educational and valued background to want the same things in the first place, which is why they tend to get along and end up in said 'relationship'

in your case, an 'open' relationship means absolutely NOTHING since you are both allowed to fuck other ppl. what is the point of your relationship then? just to have a friend who is a girl who you can title your 'girlfriend'? what are titles anyways?
Author:  Apocalyptica [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
A relationship while you are seeing other girls? Seriously?

Come on man.

This is the exact illustration of your post.

If you want to have something structural then you settle down with one woman and make it exclusive. Don't be afraid.
Author:  Slywalker [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
A relationship while you are seeing other girls? Seriously?

Come on man.

This is the exact illustration of your post.

If you want to have something structural then you settle down with one woman and make it exclusive. Don't be afraid.
Nah man, open relationships are great. In many ways they are healthier than exclusive relationships.
You get to be close to a person you can rely on but you don't feel tied down. Being in an exclusive relationship is not very natural, how many animals can you think of that do that? The only reason we think open relationships are wrong is from conditioning, through out history humans have been conditioned by authorities such as church and politicians to think that an exclusive relationship is the only true path. The only real reason we want to be exclusive is jealousy and selfishness, that we want to keep the person we care about most to ourselves.

And then there are those rare and precious relationships when you meet a partner where everything just fall in to place, the two of you are just a perfect match and not only do you love each other but you are best friends, and only then can I understand and support why someone would enter an exclusive relationship.
Author:  gotcha [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
How do we not base our identities on the skills we are good at? Is it also bad that I call myself a musician?
I used to base my self-worth/identity on my favourite sport/activity. For a long time I was down on myself, because I wasn't very good at it! I thought once I 'made something' of it then I could finally be happy...

And then a few years later, I finally caught up with what were, until then, unrealistic expectations of my own performance. I was on cloud nine for a long time... But then it hit me; my abilities in sport said NOTHING about who I was or what I was really capable of. All my ability really said was : how hard I was trying; how often I was practising; how much I was willing to put into it. Ie. basing my identity on a skill was irrelevent and wholly separate to 'ME'. I could have been this happy and excited all along, without trying to become something!

Long story short is base your identity on WHO (not 'what') you are. The way I see this is to appreciate yourself as you are RIGHT NOW. This second, you are a unique individual. You have your own quirks and talents. You don't need to prove anything to yourself, per se. You are liked by your friends and family (and girls) for a reason. Just be content and go with it (In your case, this relationship).

What's the worst that can happen?? Good luck Chief.
Author:  870 [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 11:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Chief,

There's a big difference between the guy who starts a relationship with one girl because he thinks she's the only one he can get and the guy who knows he can get anybody but chooses to be with one.

Your boy,
870
Author:  SiNfUl [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 12:49 am ]
Post subject: 
There's a big difference between the guy who starts a relationship with one girl because he thinks she's the only one he can get and the guy who knows he can get anybody but chooses to be with one.

Nice one sir...
Author:  PSyKaD4LiC [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Coming from a person who had hardcore one-itis many years ago, broke the spell and learned the art of pick-up, learned social dynamics and the general framework of how people operate, had my fun as a single bachelor and experienced many different beautiful women, and now am happily back in a relationship, I advocate 110% to only be in a relationship if you know you can get a wide variety of different beautiful women, but choose to be with a single woman that you are particularly fond of. Otherwise, I advocate being single for a little while longer as you learn the game better and break the disease of neediness.

Relationships are basically a long term game of pick-up with a single woman, but at the same time, it's about a lot more than that - you get to know who somebody really is on the inside and become their friend, offer advice, be honest & create trust, learn about the female perspective, but only do this if the woman is truly worthy of you. You have to deal with the annoying mood swings that inevitably will occur - these double as shit-tests, and the way you handle them when they inevitably occur will show your true value, so be prepared, but that's all a part of it.

This guide written by jRad at the Real Social Dynamics forums has helped me a lot:
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/193591/forum
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 2:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
A relationship while you are seeing other girls? Seriously?

Come on man.

This is the exact illustration of your post.

If you want to have something structural then you settle down with one woman and make it exclusive. Don't be afraid.
I strongly disagree! I'm loving my very serious open relationship. It's pretty much the best relationship I've ever been in. Chief, just redefine your ego trip. It's not that guys who are in long-term relationships are losers.. it's guys that are in MONOGAMOUS long-term relationships who are losers. :twisted:

/half kidding.. I fully admit that some guys can rock a monogamous relationship and avoid all the pit-falls. However, it's not my cup of tea.

-Wolf
Author:  bella [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
just from a girl's perspective, guys who are able to have relationships are a million times more attractive than ones that don't so they're winners not losers. it shows value and discipline. they can work for something- the relationship. they can keep a girl happy. i think this is why when a guy gets a girlfriend other girls start wanting him more. it shows you have skills and that you have the maturity to value quality over quantity.
Author:  Reo [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 5:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
it's guys that are in MONOGAMOUS long-term relationships who are losers. :twisted:
No it's the guys in Monogamous LTR with ugly and/or fat women who are the losers.
Author:  dark one [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 5:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
haha You must be in your early 20's? the older you get the less it and less this is true...at 30 if you have no gf people assume your either a looser, or gay haha

Its funny you bring this topic up because last weekend I went to a dinner with about 30 to 40 people from highschool....it was kind of like a reunion since I had not seen many of these people since highschool or at least in a few years (we are all 25 now). Any way I looked around and noticed about 70% of the guys had gf's, about 20% of the guys who were not with a girl were sitting alone in the corner talking to each other, most of these guys in highschool were the typical awkward shy guys who were never really good with women, and you could classify them as "losers", and they seemed to have still been "losers", the other 10% were guys who had not grown up yet, were wasted and making fools of them self's, hitting on anything that walked and just embarrassing them self's, one of the guys actually tried hitting on my gf lol and the 70% of us who had gf's seemed to be better dressed, we all have really good or adequate jobs and you could say for the most part we were all" successful" in our own way, and seemed to be pretty happy and having a good time!

My gf said to me after the dinner how much of a douche some of these single guys were at the dinner, the one who hit on her was dressed in flashy peacock type clothes, with a mullet lol he would look cool to a group of 16 year olds but to adults he looked like an idot! lol

I think we all go threw stages in our life's, and im not saying all people who are single are loosers, but when you get to a certain age there is usually a reason someone is still single. At 20 I was at a much different stage in my life then I am at 25, and at 30 im sure il be in a much different place then I am now!

20-25: all I cared about was partying, the weekend, and getting my dic% wet

25-30: I care more about growing my career, building my life, I still like going out but the who party til 5 a.m and sleep with freshmen college chicks is old! My hobbies have changes, my style has changed, and I look at things completely different!

and at 30 il prob be thinking about starting a family or only god knows what!
Page 1 of 2 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/