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| Being too passive in a relationship https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=134050 |
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| Author: | mattyman [ Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Being too passive in a relationship |
I'm a pretty chilled out guy. I don't generally initiate very much by nature, I let the girl do the work. I make firm decisions when I want to make them and at other times I just don't care. I have a feeling that it works well most of the time. However, I'm dating a girl at the moment who sometimes complains that I don't tell her enough that I like her, miss her, etc. She usually is the one doing the initiating. I sometimes tell her some peachy fluffy stuff but it's not often. She's not the most confident kind of girl, so she does need some soft and sensual stuff every now and then, which I do give her. Is it healthy that she complains occasionally about it? Or should I make an effort to be more verbal about my feelings? I'm not really good at that kind of thing... It also appears to have shit test written all over it. Reason I'm asking, I had a similar experience years back, probably my first serious girlfriend. I was totally casual and laid back about stuff but eventually it appeared that she either lost hope (she always complained that I didn't seem to care), or perhaps that it appeared that I wasn't "wearing the pants"? I never really figured out for sure what I did wrong in that one. Can you appear to be too laid back and have a girl lose interest? Do I need to try to be more direct and open about my feelings? |
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| Author: | mattyman [ Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Oh another question, and sort of unrelated. How do you feel about it if a girl is on an interstate work trip and has to share a room with another guy? We've only been dating a couple of months, but we're exclusive. |
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| Author: | pumpington [ Sun Apr 22, 2012 2:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
if it is not you, it is not you how ever if your girl is feeling insecure there must be a reason for it, beyond just randomly not feeling loved enough, do you feel you neglect to give your girlfriends attention? if the answer is no then don't worry about it, if she leaves she leaves and it wasn't meant to be because that is just who you are, if you feel the answer is yes then put some more effort into your relationship and the attention you give your girlfriend, you don't have to be desperately needy just to give a girl some attention, but you don't have to bend to her will and shower her with compliments and affection at the snap of a finger, she doesn't own you, and you don't own her, you will have to use your best judgement here only you can choose what feels right for you and going on some trip with another guy... that seems fucking fishy at best |
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| Author: | mattyman [ Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Yeh i definitely don't snap to her every need. It does feel like she's wanting more more than I want her, which is a good thing, and I dont' think i neglect her (i spend a lot of time with her). As for the work trip, it's a team of girls and one guy, and they have to share rooms. I don't know wat to say to her really... The guy has a girlfriend also. |
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| Author: | Romaniac [ Mon Apr 30, 2012 11:24 pm ] |
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The good: this will potentionally turn into a great relationship when she slightly needs you more than you need her. Which means you can smartly and carefully use her insecurity as a leverage point to always remain in control The bad: if you ignore this girls call for more love and dont do anything , she will turn controlling trying to get you to show more affection and appreciation to show her that you care. I see where ur girl is coming from because she is stressed out and worried that you dont care as much as she does and hat you dont want to improve that. She will stress you out by doing that, you will stress her out, and the relationship will turn into a cloud of dust. Take my word for it, it has just happened to me. The remedy: you might be too passive in a relationship. Type 'being too passive in a relationship" into google, and read an article from the soko. It will instantly help you get a better insight on her side of the deal. just show her thatyou care, simple as that. I can tell that this girl cares about you because she is brought to the point of having to ASK for approval, care, affection, and appreciation. So do her a favor, take some weight off her shoulders and do those things. They take next to zero effort, and its SO easy to satisfy her. Just respond to her needs. She is desperately trying to be validated by you so validate her. Even if it takes a silly sweet text or whatever. You gotta learn to calibrate to your partners needs and then the relationships will be alot healthyer. Im not saying "go AFC on her, crawl up her ass and buy her flowers everyday." thats not what im saying at all. All im saying, is KEEP HER HAPPY, respond to her needs , and KEEP HER ASKING FOR MORE. That s how you remain in control An analogy to this is, you are the master and you decide when to give your puppy a snack. Dont feed it too much, or else it will never want it. Dont feed it too little, it will starve and look elsewhere. Every puppy is different. Now go tell your girl you want to show her you care about her and appreciate her. Good luck bro |
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| Author: | Romaniac [ Tue May 01, 2012 2:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
http://www.thesoko.com/thesoko/article3204-0.html |
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| Author: | Romaniac [ Tue May 01, 2012 2:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
http://www.thesoko.com/thesoko/article3204-0.html this is a really insightful article. Anyone struggling with having someone constantly complain about your affection, care or appreciation, read this article. Even if youre struggling with someone who you think is way too unafectionate and you feel is detached. Get them to read this article |
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| Author: | Romaniac [ Tue May 01, 2012 2:32 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
http://www.thesoko.com/thesoko/article3204-0.html |
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| Author: | mattyman [ Tue May 01, 2012 2:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for the reply Romaniac, very insightful. I guess I need to respond more to her in just a few occasions and everything will be swell. |
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| Author: | Romaniac [ Tue May 01, 2012 4:17 am ] |
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No worries man. I was stuck in a relationship with a really passive and stubborn chick, (this was an extreme) and because she was so ignorant, it fell apart because i need affection in a relationship. It fuels me to make my girlfriend happy and if im not happy then i cant make her happy. Thats just the type of person i am. If this girl really makes an effort with you and tries to go out of her way to make you happy then she s worth the effort too. All It usually takes is that little extra step. Spontaneous affection and cute little texts once in a little while if she s behaving will keep the fire burnin bright man. Good luck with her |
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