PUA Forum :: Girlfriend acting weird and distant

So gf of about 6months is acting very distant and uninterested..it's been happening for about 4 days now..her formal is coming up in a couple days and she says she's just really stressed over it..I know she is but she hasn't been initicating any contact and when I do she doesn't seem herself.. I told her last night that I know something's wrong and if she doesn't want this she should call it off..she said she doesn't want too its just a really bad time SPAM and well be fine after the formal..I've been giving her heaps of space just wondering what else I need to do? Or should I be worried

We ended up breaking up [...] but wants to be together in the future when its a better time, i told her i did too..

Quote:

We ended up breaking up [...] but wants to be together in the future when its a better time, i told her i did too..

so basically she told you that she wants to break up and was shit testing you with "i wanna get back together with you later" and you just miserably failed this test by saying "yeah baby, dont worry, i ll stick around like a lil puppy and will be waiting for you, and also i am a huge AFC".

i don't mean to be rude but this is what just happened. you can fix this by becoming more distant and reducing comminication to begin with. don't let her play with you. also force yourself and go out pick up other girls, coz otherwise you ll be thinking about just this one girl all the time which doesn't help at all.

Relationships fail. Odds are, at this age, the girl you are dating now will be dating some other guy in the not so distant future.

Why do relationships fail? Plenty of reasons. I could give you a list. But you know what the main reason is? Communication.

Based on this thread, let's see how we should avoid communicating with our girlfriend.

GF: I'm acting distant.
BF: I know something's wrong and if she doesn't want this she should call it off.
GF: I don't want to break up, its just a really bad time SPAM
BF: Ok cool. I'll give her heaps of space
GF: I'm leaving for a week.
BF: I'm just going to make up something so I don't see you.
GF: its really bad time SPAM with shit going on at home and some other things (are things repeating or is my CTRL V stuck?)

Now let's look at advice to make this situaton worse:

Quote:

you can fix this by becoming more distant and reducing comminication to begin with. don't let her play with you. also force yourself and go out pick up other girls, coz otherwise you ll be thinking about just this one girl all the time which doesn't help at all.

Now please re-read BF's responses to GF. Was BF listening? Did BF effectively communicate? Was he there for her to help her get through things, or was he constantly talking about breaking up. Is giving her space in her time of need the best way to be supportive? Is talking of break ups while she is stressed supportive?

Who knows if not playing games + learning to communicate would save THIS relationship. But learning these lessons will improve and hopefully save the relationships that matter.

1) Stop playing games. They aren't healthy, relationships aren't cold approaches.
2) Communicate problems. I bet there were signs earlier on that you ignored/avoid.

That's my two cents. Hope it helps you or someone else in a similar situation.

Quote:

After breaking up though, isn't it bad to still stay in contact for the first bit? i know she wants me to still be her friend and talk to her, but is this early stages to get friend zoned?

I really can't talk about friend zone stuff, as myself and those around me rarely seem to encounter it. What I can say is I think its extremely exaggerated chance, especially with someone you've already dated. If she friend zones you, it's probably because you haven't gotten great at the attraction part of dating OR have inner game issues that need addressing like neediness, insecurity, etc.

What kind of stuff are you texting? WHo sends the first text?

Author:	MisterRon [ Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Girlfriend acting weird and distant
So gf of about 6months is acting very distant and uninterested..it's been happening for about 4 days now..her formal is coming up in a couple days and she says she's just really stressed over it..I know she is but she hasn't been initicating any contact and when I do she doesn't seem herself.. I told her last night that I know something's wrong and if she doesn't want this she should call it off..she said she doesn't want too its just a really bad time SPAM and well be fine after the formal..I've been giving her heaps of space just wondering what else I need to do? Or should I be worried

Author:	doclift [ Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:45 pm ]
Post subject:
If you've talked to her about it already, then there really isn't much else you can do. You can't force somebody to communicate with you. All you can do at this point, is continue being the guy you were when she was initially attracted to you. Don't be pushy or whiney. Just physically remind her why you are the great guy that she took you for in the beginning. Don't stress. It'll all come together. If she splits, you have the skill set to go out and find another girl to interact with.

Author:	jdilla1 [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:28 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend acting weird and distant
Quote: So gf of about 6months is acting very distant and uninterested..it's been happening for about 4 days now..her formal is coming up in a couple days and she says she's just really stressed over it..I know she is but she hasn't been initicating any contact and when I do she doesn't seem herself.. I told her last night that I know something's wrong and if she doesn't want this she should call it off..she said she doesn't want too its just a really bad time SPAM and well be fine after the formal..I've been giving her heaps of space just wondering what else I need to do? Or should I be worried give her time. she may be stressed over the formal, but theres almost always something more to it. its good that youve picked up on this because many guys dont and when they finally do, it's too late.

Author:	MisterRon [ Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:32 pm ]
Post subject:
What should I do?

Author:	Snarg [ Thu Apr 19, 2012 2:52 pm ]
Post subject:
They already told you what to do. Don't stress about it and give her time. Be her emotional support.

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Girlfriend acting weird and distant https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=133630	Page 1 of 2

Author:	Hakuna [ Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:11 am ]
Post subject:
I wouldn't say you should just "be there for emotional support," because this type of thinking often ends up in massive beta backsliding. And if you continue rationalizing her behavior for practical reasons (as reasonable as they may sound), you MIGHT miss signs of decreasing interest. From what I have seen from girls with HIGH INTEREST and in extremely stressful situations - they will limit contact with you but when they finally DO talk to you, they unwind completely, are super affectionate, demand to be fucked, and otherwise yearn to be with you. They find your presence to be a breath of fresh air. If along with the time constraints, you also notice her getting COLDER and plainly more distant, she is also losing interest. The answer is NOT to pull for her back harder, nor to be at the sidelines like an emotional tampon. Relationships are counter-intuitive. If she pushes you away, you must give her space. Move back, throw in a bit of jealousy, work on yourself, and be LESS AVAILABLE. Pick up a project yourself so it's not just YOU waiting for HER all the time. That shit never works. I find a favorable dynamic is always reached when you are SLIGHTLY busier than her no matter what. And in general, never freak out or act like you "Don't understand" why your girlfriend is doing something. That attitude is self-defeating in and of itself. Women are not mysteries nor confusing, but when you assign them that label, you indirectly pedestalize them. If you knew what a girl was thinking, it wouldn't be a mystery right? Thus by freaking out over something being "weird," you are only worshipping your own ignorance, not the nature of the phenomena itself. Women are slaves to an attitude of amused mastery. Never act like you are caught-off guard by what a girl is doing. Always adopt the mentality that you have seen it all and been through it all. That you always have total frame control and nothing she does can shake you.

Author:	MisterRon [ Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:46 am ]
Post subject:
awesome advice as always Hakuna, im suppose to see her on tuesday before she goes to australia for a week but im thinking i might have something just "come up" that i have to do?

Author:	CaptainJackHarkness [ Fri Apr 20, 2012 3:35 am ]
Post subject:
Simple advice: Start gaming. This relationship is going down like the Titanic.

Author:	MisterRon [ Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:09 am ]
Post subject:
update.. We ended up breaking up, she says its really bad time SPAM with shit going on at home and some other things, but wants to be together in the future when its a better time, i told her i did too.. still been talking via text..

Author:	league [ Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:06 am ]
Post subject:
I hope its not you whos texting first all the time, if so back off a little

Author:	kaDak8 [ Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: We ended up breaking up [...] but wants to be together in the future when its a better time, i told her i did too.. so basically she told you that she wants to break up and was shit testing you with "i wanna get back together with you later" and you just miserably failed this test by saying "yeah baby, dont worry, i ll stick around like a lil puppy and will be waiting for you, and also i am a huge AFC". i don't mean to be rude but this is what just happened. you can fix this by becoming more distant and reducing comminication to begin with. don't let her play with you. also force yourself and go out pick up other girls, coz otherwise you ll be thinking about just this one girl all the time which doesn't help at all.

Author:	MisterRon [ Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:24 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: We ended up breaking up [...] but wants to be together in the future when its a better time, i told her i did too.. so basically she told you that she wants to break up and was shit testing you with "i wanna get back together with you later" and you just miserably failed this test by saying "yeah baby, dont worry, i ll stick around like a lil puppy and will be waiting for you, and also i am a huge AFC". i don't mean to be rude but this is what just happened. you can fix this by becoming more distant and reducing comminication to begin with. don't let her play with you. also force yourself and go out pick up other girls, coz otherwise you ll be thinking about just this one girl all the time which doesn't help at all. ok thats what ill do, isn't it hard to balance between "oh hes moved on ill forget it" and " why is he acting so distant"

Author:	MisterRon [ Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:30 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Relationships fail. Odds are, at this age, the girl you are dating now will be dating some other guy in the not so distant future. Why do relationships fail? Plenty of reasons. I could give you a list. But you know what the main reason is? Communication. Based on this thread, let's see how we should avoid communicating with our girlfriend. GF: I'm acting distant. BF: I know something's wrong and if she doesn't want this she should call it off. GF: I don't want to break up, its just a really bad time SPAM BF: Ok cool. I'll give her heaps of space GF: I'm leaving for a week. BF: I'm just going to make up something so I don't see you. GF: its really bad time SPAM with shit going on at home and some other things (are things repeating or is my CTRL V stuck?) Now let's look at advice to make this situaton worse: Quote: you can fix this by becoming more distant and reducing comminication to begin with. don't let her play with you. also force yourself and go out pick up other girls, coz otherwise you ll be thinking about just this one girl all the time which doesn't help at all. Now please re-read BF's responses to GF. Was BF listening? Did BF effectively communicate? Was he there for her to help her get through things, or was he constantly talking about breaking up. Is giving her space in her time of need the best way to be supportive? Is talking of break ups while she is stressed supportive? Who knows if not playing games + learning to communicate would save THIS relationship. But learning these lessons will improve and hopefully save the relationships that matter. 1) Stop playing games. They aren't healthy, relationships aren't cold approaches. 2) Communicate problems. I bet there were signs earlier on that you ignored/avoid. That's my two cents. Hope it helps you or someone else in a similar situation. After breaking up though, isn't it bad to still stay in contact for the first bit? i know she wants me to still be her friend and talk to her, but is this early stages to get friend zoned?

Author:	kaDak8 [ Fri Apr 27, 2012 6:09 am ]
Post subject:
communication does help pretty often but this is not the case here. you cannot talk girls to come to their senses, nor can you talk them into loving you! you are much better off with changing their feelings and mood - but thats done with actions, not with words. i had a similar situation when i was 19yo (i'm 26 now) and my girl was starting to become more and more distant after 4 months in. then at 5 month mark she broke up with me telling me to give each other some time and we could get back together eventually, she just has to sort out her thougths and the time was not right. i confessed my loved and told her that she could always count on me (stupid 19yo me). i kept calling her and meeting her for some time. then she started not replying my texts, than not answerig my calls. than she was always too busy to meet. months later i found out that this whole thing was because she was already fucking some other dude and she needed time to decide between us. so she used this time to test out this other dude, keeping me around as plan b. i of course was trying all communication methods, supporting her, but at te end me being a complete afc didn't help. it won't help you either. i would cut all contact with this girl for now. she will wanna meet you anyway sooner or later. give her the impression that you are not hurt, and that you are desired by other women. be seen with mixed groups, and especially with girls. get party pictures of you tagged on facebook where you are with other girls. this will make her think differently about you, not direct verbal communication.

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Author:	MisterRon [ Fri Apr 27, 2012 9:38 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: After breaking up though, isn't it bad to still stay in contact for the first bit? i know she wants me to still be her friend and talk to her, but is this early stages to get friend zoned? I really can't talk about friend zone stuff, as myself and those around me rarely seem to encounter it. What I can say is I think its extremely exaggerated chance, especially with someone you've already dated. If she friend zones you, it's probably because you haven't gotten great at the attraction part of dating OR have inner game issues that need addressing like neediness, insecurity, etc. What kind of stuff are you texting? WHo sends the first text? When we first broke up i said i wasn going to stick arond but one of her frinds told he i did want to get back later..she asked me about it and i agreed..Just casual kind of stuff been asking about her family and a little about us and the weekend..but I seem to be making most the effort with it..