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Becoming a cynic - I turned my girlfriend into a fuck buddy
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Author:  intrigued101 [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:30 am ]
Post subject:  Becoming a cynic - I turned my girlfriend into a fuck buddy
10 months together. She had a wobble at the start of the year, said she couldn't do this. I told her to go away and think and we would talk on the weekend. Four days later we are back together. One and a half months on she breaks up with me. Again she says she has commitment issues. Tells me she still wants to see and have sex with me. I don't contact her for 6 weeks. Went into a bit of a slump. Felt like a bereavement. Contact her, go for a 'date' back to mine sex. See and fuck 5 times in the next week. 2 weeks later I get the courage together and tell her I love her. Next week she tells me she loves me which I wasn't expecting.

Her parents come over from the other side of the world. She doesn't introduce. I am away on holiday and she is in same area with mum. Say I'm happy to meet them. She says she can't. 1 hour phone call later in week. Her weeping down phone. Telling me she wants to be with me, doesn't want to be with anyone else, hates the idea of me being with someone else. Says she needs to work on herself. Work out her issues and find out why she can't commit. Says she stills wants to have sex. At this point I become bored of the situation. I've been patient for 3 months and she isn't any closer to really being able to verbalise why she can't commit. Zzzzz.

Last night. I text her 'Fancy a fuck, buddy? Lingerie a must, handcuffs optional. No us talk. No sleepovers. Just sex'. She comes over looking a bit stressed. I tell her I'm not interested when she started offloading onto me. Am pretty rude to her. She tells me she has been writing me a letter to explain. I say I'm not really interested and have become bored of it all. She goes to toilet comes back in a long jacket. Takes it off and is wearing sexy lingerie, and knee high boots. Long very dominate, aggressive and rough sex. Make her cum 10 times. Her screams wake up housemates. I send her on her way back to her Mum at midnight, smelling of pussy, cum in her mouth, love bites of her neck, stinking of fags and alcohol. Job done.

So she's now my fuck buddy. Our time will be confined to the bedroom. No dates. No meeting friends. I'm not going to expend any emotional energy on her. I'm not going to allow her access to any of my resources. Whenever I am in town and fancy a fuck I'll give her a call. If she doesn't want to, which is doubtful as she seems addicted to sex with me, then that's that.

It's a shame because I was totally willing to give her everything. I wanted to build a life with her. But it's like a light has switched and I just no longer care. I put myself out there was totally vulnerable. I was so selfless and you know what? I got burnt bad. I feel like I won't be trying that again for a while. The foreseeable future is about me, my adventure sports, my company, travel.

I made contact with a girl I dated last summer who has been calling me recently. I'm thinking about asking another girl out who's been flirty all the time I've been in a relationship. Have I become a cynic? I never wanted to turn into a selfish player. I felt cold and detached last night but I am surprisingly happy today. I've realised I've emotionally moved on from this girl.

Two relationships down. Two love stories. Part of me has closed down. I feel like a bit of a dick but you know what, sad as it is girls seem to get off on that attitude.
Author:  tkercher [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Usually the girl is the one with commitment issues, lol.

I somehow think you're more trying to rationalize your behavior than accepting it. But I understand your logic and why you acted that way.
Author:  intrigued101 [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Usually the girl is the one with commitment issues, lol.
I'm presume this is a typo and you meant to type 'man' not 'girl'...

It makes us laugh how our 'issues' are a complete reversal of the gender stereotypes. She has commitment issues (damm feminist movement), cums too soon, and I used to to be the one with problems reaching orgasm (delayed ejaculation).
Author:  tkercher [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm defining commitment issue as, wanting commitment before sex.
Author:  AznPersuasion [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Objectively, you've got it made. She wants to fuck, you want to fuck and so you fuck. Hooray!

Subjectively, however, you must evaluate what it is you want. If you have to, write down your short and long-term goals for yourself (they can be anything, not necessarily just pick-up related). Next, figure out the means to achieve these goals and write that down, too. Now get to work! It's really that easy. You don't have to write everything down, but be aware of your wants and needs and put them first.
Author:  intrigued101 [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm defining commitment issue as, wanting commitment before sex.
Nope. We've had sex 100's of times. I'm talking about being in a committed relationship. Note monogamy, i.e. wanting to sleep with other people, is not the issue here.
Author:  tkercher [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
So what's in the commitment for you? As long as you've got her coming over, where's the need?
Author:  intrigued101 [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
So what's in the commitment for you? As long as you've got her coming over, where's the need?
I'm kind of amazed by that comment :) It suggests you only think of women in terms of sex.

I'm referring to being in a relationship, which necessarily assumes a certain level of commitment. Meeting and hanging out with each other's friends, prioritisation of free time, going on holiday together, meeting family, emotional support, sharing resources. Essentially sharing our lives and working to make them better for one another.
Author:  intrigued101 [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Objectively, you've got it made. She wants to fuck, you want to fuck and so you fuck. Hooray!

Subjectively, however, you must evaluate what it is you want. If you have to, write down your short and long-term goals for yourself (they can be anything, not necessarily just pick-up related). Next, figure out the means to achieve these goals and write that down, too. Now get to work! It's really that easy. You don't have to write everything down, but be aware of your wants and needs and put them first.
Very good advise. I'd agree, objectively this is great. No strings sex with a hb8. Subjectively of course it's not what I'm ultimately after. Nobody ever says they want to grow old with their fuck buddy. Short term though I guess it suits my lifestyle.
Author:  tkercher [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
I actually asked that question to see how you'd react.

Truth is I'm pretty confused myself. If sex isn't the point of life, what is?

It's the only point where we don't want anything else....

You know I had a chick ask me to go to Europe with her and I turned it down basically, because I didn't see the point in going on a trip when I was going to be with that one girl the entire time. She's cute too, but, been there, done that I guess...
Author:  intrigued101 [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
If sex isn't the point of life, what is?

It's the only point where we don't want anything else....
You could say that about many hedonistic pursuits. Is heroin the point of life? It might feel like it in the moment but it is a fleeting sensation.
Author:  tkercher [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
And I've hashed that out with a lot of girls, none of them brought up a valid counter-argument. lol

True, but sex feels like an accomplishment to me, people respect men who have sex with a lot of women but sex with the same woman over and over, that's just normal. Getting drunk or high doesn't do anything for your character.

True, it's hedonistic, but unlike other hedonistic pursuits it requires positive traits to indulge in. We're forced to be more attractive and that pushes us in a generally positive direction.
Author:  intrigued101 [ Fri Apr 13, 2012 10:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
True, but sex feels like an accomplishment to me, people respect men who have sex with a lot of women but sex with the same woman over and over, that's just normal.
Again I can't believe your comment. Man who finds a great woman to settle down with and is working towards building a life together (think cohabiting, children) and as you say has 'sex with the same woman over and over' versus a player who works his way through all the horny 19 year olds in town?
Quote:
And I've hashed that out with a lot of girls, none of them brought up a valid counter-argument. lol
Reproduction may have a good shot at being the meaning of life but that's not the aim of the majority of sex :)
Author:  tkercher [ Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Again I can't believe your comment. Man who finds a great woman to settle down with and is working towards building a life together (think cohabiting, children) and as you say has 'sex with the same woman over and over' versus a player who works his way through all the horny 19 year olds in town?
Well, I can't believe that you have so much against horny 19 year olds. Many of them are perfectly reasonable, intelligent people. I find many people beautiful in their own way and I don't want to judge who's better or worse.

Granted, if I'm having kids I'm going to make a big investment and half the genes are going to come from the woman. I'm going to start looking for traits that'll make good offspring like intelligence, looks, whatever.

But until then, why would I deny myself good experiences with interesting people by committing?
Author:  intrigued101 [ Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Well, I can't believe that you have so much against horny 19 year olds. Many of them are perfectly reasonable, intelligent people.
I found 19 year old girls immature even when I was 19 :)
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