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breaking up by email vs phone/person
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Author:  NYCguy [ Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:26 am ]
Post subject:  breaking up by email vs phone/person
So I need to get out or at least take a break from this girl but just wondering how weak it looks to send an email explaining things vs a phone call/meeting. She has been taking me for granted and I am not happy. She is busy with work/studies right now but she set up dates a couple of times and re-scheduled or cancelled. She might be meeting other guys but we're not steady so that is not something that I can object to. We tend to text more than call, especially on her side. Just think the explanation will come out better by email but i don't necessarily want to close the door or come across as looking like a wuss by sending an email.

Any thoughts
Author:  Sly_Wolf [ Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you don't want to close the door then meet other women and let her contact you whenever. If you want closure then I would meet her in person.
Author:  NYCguy [ Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey Sly_Wolf,

I was of that mindset as well but a friend of mine suggested this weekend a path that gives both of us space and also is a mature out clause that leaves the door open for a later approach. He thinks if I just stay quiet there is no real approach to later and a message now would show her i can give her space and am not obsessed.

Let me know what you think of the following (too AFC ? or you prefer the no contact route):

Hey (her name),

How have you been? How was your weekend? I was out of town and just got back last night.

I wanted to talk to you over the phone or in person, but since its so hard to coordinate our schedules, I thought it best to talk via email. I've been thinking about you and me, and came to some conclusions. Timing is key to any relationship- and right now I don't think either of us can properly invest the time because of work or studies. I think we should do a reset on our relationship and take a break; that'll give us time to re-evaluate if this is what we are looking for. Maybe, if we are both free in a couple of months we can give this fresh shot. If you want to talk more about this either in person, or over the phone, give me a shout.

I'd wish you luck with your exam, but don't think you will need it :)

Hope all is well.
Author:  Sly_Wolf [ Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
hmm well at least your response is mature and not needy. Now it really depends what makes you happier. If you go the no contact route, it might stress you out if she doesnt call for a while. If you email her without calling or trying to meet up, there's a chance she might think it's cowardly, then again maybe not since you don't show any bad emotion or pressure. You know her better so I'm sure you can imagine how she will take it.

She might wonder you got laid on the weekend. Also, if she had a legitimate reason for not calling, like family emergency, then this might blow up on your face.

I don't know what the best route to take for this is. You might want to wait for other people's advice, but hopefully it works out for you.
Author:  NYCguy [ Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's already been over a week since I heard from her so I'm pretty sure this is intentional. If I add on the flake from that friday, and not a peep since saturday last week, it's pretty clear she's distancing herself from me. I'm the freakin idiot who doesn't get the message or doesn't want to accept the message. Trying to beat a dead horse I suppose. I don't know why I can't just move on, whether it's my ego or one-itis or all of the above. Rationally I know that I am showing a lot of weak AFC crap here by pining over her, but it's just weird how this is all playing out. If I do go completely silent, do I really think I'm going to get a call from her a month from now? Probably not. We don't necessarily role in the same circles so the likelihood of running into her with a chick on my arm is not high.

To be honest, I would like to just send her a message saying, can I assume we are done and the flakes were just an elaborate way to push me away instead of just telling me it's not working for you. Of course, it would be pretty pathetic to do that.

Even as I respond and line up other chicks, my head is still stuck on this one and why she is fucking so silent now and can't just be straight with me for once.
Author:  NYCguy [ Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
AMAZING!!!

I just sent the last message and by sheer coincidence I just heard from her. Gotta catch a flight soon so will respond later and will be laid back.
Author:  NYCguy [ Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Tables have turned my friends! Thanks to Sly_wolf for convincing me not to contact her. I waited like five hours to reply to her as my flight was in between anyways. Then sent her a very short reply. She writes back, thought you were ignoring me :)

I can feel like the self respect I was SPAM over the last 4 weeks being a chump is coming back. On the plane the illusion that I can't live without her slowly got lifted. She's gonna realize now I ain't her lap dog anymore.

My friend said continue with the talk and suggest a break anyways now. The power of that move would be huge now. Though am thinking just be a a bit aloof for now and if she wants to meet say am busy for a while.

Any suggestions on how to play it from here. I don't want to hurt her and do still care for her, but just want some balance back

What a crazy turn of events!!!
Author:  Algorythm [ Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:14 am ]
Post subject: 
The only AFC thing I can read is thinking that breaking up via email or phone is a weak AFC move. There is no perfect moment, infact right now is the only moment man, Im not saying break up or dont break up with her, realise this is your oppurtunity to do so, its only weak if you think its weak.
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:51 am ]
Post subject: 
If you email her, you'll be looking over your shoulder the rest of your life.

Plus, how many emails are there where the context is lost?
Author:  NYCguy [ Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:27 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah I have to admit, I think I still want to take a break from her. It's very strange because when she was ignoring me I just wanted to hear from her. Was in no contact mode and was very tempted to send a message but just posted them on here instead. Now that she's contacted me I felt a lot of anger towards the whole situation coming out. One of those, i'm not gonna take it anymore michael douglas falling down moments (except that I'm not going to go ape shit like he did in that haha). Just want to set some boundaries for myself and make sure I don't let her or anyone else break them.

I totally agree that now a talk in person or on the phone makes most sense. Don't want to break up, just want to take a break. If I let her take over again she will because she's a very confident woman. But I have found my moment to get back some balance. Don't want to fuck it up nor do I want to continue the way things have gone.
Author:  danger42 [ Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: breaking up by email vs phone/person
Quote:
Any thoughts
A couple weeks ago, I broke up with one of my girlfriends via email. I was soundly criticized by my friends (male and female) for such a shitty move.

Not only that, but she responded with a "Can I call and talk to you?", so I didn't escape the uncomfortable conversation anyway.

Turns out she was very cool -- but also thought that breaking up via email was a bit of a douche move. We parted as friends, both able to talk about why things didn't work out, and I have nothing but good things to remember her by.

Man up and at least call her if not see her in person.

nick
Author:  jdilla1 [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
break up with her face to face. breaking up via email or online is for junior high. its the pussy way of doing it. be a man
Author:  NYCguy [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
already broke up with her by phone dudes. it went alright but can't say i love my decision to do so, but that's a different topic
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