PUA Forum :: Girlfriend of 6 months says she needs "me" time

In the 1st 3-4 months, my goal was to keep things casual and not get too attached or emotional. She was always pushing for a relationship and inserting herself into the official girlfriend role. I would keep telling her that I am not ready for a serious committed relationship. Sometime around November, she dropped the LOVE word on me. I am not going to lie, it almost made me leave her because I was not even close to that level.

But relationship continued anyway and things were starting to get better and better. We were becoming more passionate and the sex life was incredible. We were doing everything and spending most of our time together. Everything felt so right. I let down my barriers and finally started feeling that I might actually love this girl back. And after a little more time I could confirm those feelings for her.

So then last week happens. We spend the night together and it was great. There did not seem to be any problems until the morning. When we woke up, she says "I think I need to take some 'me' time" . She said it was because she was becoming so consumed by the relationship and was obsessing over me so much that she was neglecting to do the other things in her life. I am thinking that this is fine and that we will just limit the amount of time we are spending together and problem solved.

We continue to talk in her kitchen and the "me" time begins to turn into "I need a break". She starts saying that she is losing her individuality and that it is something that happens to her in relationships. I am thinking WTF? everything was going so good and there were no warning signs.

I know that over that past month or so she would be very negative towards herself and would also say things like you could do better than me and I don't deserve you. I was just taking these comments as her fishing for compliments and reassurance.

So now we're on this so called break. We have talked during it, but the communication is hot and cold. 2 nights ago we talked on the phone and it was all positive. She was talking about how she missed me and was reminiscing on the things we do together. She said she wanted me to come over and cuddle, but that I couldn't because we would end up having sex and it would further confuse her.

So after that conversation I am starting to feel better. She was showing that she is still interested in me, so I was thinking that it would be okay to keep communicating with her. So yesterday I texted her "Hey" with no response. A half hour later I happened to drive by her and I texted her "Hey I drove passed you on main st" with no response. I could see that she was talking on her phone too. Then a couple hours later I texted her "thanks for texting me back meanie" with no response. So then a couple hours later I decided to call her instead and she didn't pick up. Then I texted her "Hey if you don't want to talk just say so, it's not a big deal." with no response.

So I don't get how one minute she is calling me and being all lovey dovey and the next completely ignoring me. Does anyone have any insight or advice for me? I really love this girl and want to make things work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:33 am ]
Post subject:	Girlfriend of 6 months says she needs "me" time
In the 1st 3-4 months, my goal was to keep things casual and not get too attached or emotional. She was always pushing for a relationship and inserting herself into the official girlfriend role. I would keep telling her that I am not ready for a serious committed relationship. Sometime around November, she dropped the LOVE word on me. I am not going to lie, it almost made me leave her because I was not even close to that level. But relationship continued anyway and things were starting to get better and better. We were becoming more passionate and the sex life was incredible. We were doing everything and spending most of our time together. Everything felt so right. I let down my barriers and finally started feeling that I might actually love this girl back. And after a little more time I could confirm those feelings for her. So then last week happens. We spend the night together and it was great. There did not seem to be any problems until the morning. When we woke up, she says "I think I need to take some 'me' time" . She said it was because she was becoming so consumed by the relationship and was obsessing over me so much that she was neglecting to do the other things in her life. I am thinking that this is fine and that we will just limit the amount of time we are spending together and problem solved. We continue to talk in her kitchen and the "me" time begins to turn into "I need a break". She starts saying that she is losing her individuality and that it is something that happens to her in relationships. I am thinking WTF? everything was going so good and there were no warning signs. I know that over that past month or so she would be very negative towards herself and would also say things like you could do better than me and I don't deserve you. I was just taking these comments as her fishing for compliments and reassurance. So now we're on this so called break. We have talked during it, but the communication is hot and cold. 2 nights ago we talked on the phone and it was all positive. She was talking about how she missed me and was reminiscing on the things we do together. She said she wanted me to come over and cuddle, but that I couldn't because we would end up having sex and it would further confuse her. So after that conversation I am starting to feel better. She was showing that she is still interested in me, so I was thinking that it would be okay to keep communicating with her. So yesterday I texted her "Hey" with no response. A half hour later I happened to drive by her and I texted her "Hey I drove passed you on main st" with no response. I could see that she was talking on her phone too. Then a couple hours later I texted her "thanks for texting me back meanie" with no response. So then a couple hours later I decided to call her instead and she didn't pick up. Then I texted her "Hey if you don't want to talk just say so, it's not a big deal." with no response. So I don't get how one minute she is calling me and being all lovey dovey and the next completely ignoring me. Does anyone have any insight or advice for me? I really love this girl and want to make things work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:38 am ]
Post subject:
I am so confused by her actions. Especially when she would go out her way to show me how much she loved and cared for me. All of this really came out of nowhere.

Author:	Wolfwoodd [ Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:57 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend of 6 months says she needs "me" time
Quote: In the 1st 3-4 months, my goal was to keep things casual and not get too attached or emotional. She was always pushing for a relationship and inserting herself into the official girlfriend role. I would keep telling her that I am not ready for a serious committed relationship. Sometime around November, she dropped the LOVE word on me. I am not going to lie, it almost made me leave her because I was not even close to that level. But relationship continued anyway and things were starting to get better and better. We were becoming more passionate and the sex life was incredible. We were doing everything and spending most of our time together. Everything felt so right. I let down my barriers and finally started feeling that I might actually love this girl back. And after a little more time I could confirm those feelings for her. So then last week happens. We spend the night together and it was great. There did not seem to be any problems until the morning. When we woke up, she says "I think I need to take some 'me' time" . She said it was because she was becoming so consumed by the relationship and was obsessing over me so much that she was neglecting to do the other things in her life. I am thinking that this is fine and that we will just limit the amount of time we are spending together and problem solved. We continue to talk in her kitchen and the "me" time begins to turn into "I need a break". She starts saying that she is losing her individuality and that it is something that happens to her in relationships. I am thinking WTF? everything was going so good and there were no warning signs. I know that over that past month or so she would be very negative towards herself and would also say things like you could do better than me and I don't deserve you. I was just taking these comments as her fishing for compliments and reassurance. So now we're on this so called break. We have talked during it, but the communication is hot and cold. 2 nights ago we talked on the phone and it was all positive. She was talking about how she missed me and was reminiscing on the things we do together. She said she wanted me to come over and cuddle, but that I couldn't because we would end up having sex and it would further confuse her. So after that conversation I am starting to feel better. She was showing that she is still interested in me, so I was thinking that it would be okay to keep communicating with her. So yesterday I texted her "Hey" with no response. A half hour later I happened to drive by her and I texted her "Hey I drove passed you on main st" with no response. I could see that she was talking on her phone too. Then a couple hours later I texted her "thanks for texting me back meanie" with no response. So then a couple hours later I decided to call her instead and she didn't pick up. Then I texted her "Hey if you don't want to talk just say so, it's not a big deal." with no response. So I don't get how one minute she is calling me and being all lovey dovey and the next completely ignoring me. Does anyone have any insight or advice for me? I really love this girl and want to make things work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. She sounds like all sorts of drama.. she's probably a freak (which means on some level she enjoys drama and wants drama in her relationships - read my post on screening for more on this). In light of that information, everything else seems like pretty normal freak behavior. Second, a girl asking for "me time" is never a solution to a relationship problem. Asking for "me time" is girl-language for "We are breaking up" (or, in some cases, it's a shit test). You should have probably cut all contact with her for awhile and started dating other girls (to create drama and jealousy). Instead, you kept texting her, which comes off as a bit needy under the circumstances. Having said that.. immediately cut ALL contact and start dating other girls (like you should have done in the first place). It's possible that you've already shot yourself in the foot, but if SHE contacts YOU and you ignore her.. then you may still have a chance. If she doesn't contact you.. then wait a month or two and then invite her to a group activity in a situation where you have a lot of social proof. Hope that helps. -Wolf

Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Wed Apr 04, 2012 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:
Wolf, Thanks for the insight. I just have one question. It's only been a week, do you really think I could've shot myself in the foot already?? I really hope not, but if that's the case I guess I'll just have to wear it. I'll keep you updated on the situation. There's a good chance I'll see her this weekend as we frequent the same bars, and all I know is that I'm going to completely ignore her and definitely make sure I'm seen with other ladies. I already have 3 girls that I'm in talks with as we speak.

Author:	Reo [ Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:39 am ]
Post subject:
I agree with what Wolfwood said. Nines&Dimes in case you haven't realized this girl has already broken up with you. You think she's going to suddenly say oh I'm over my Me Time now and everything goes back to the way it was. She's probably getting smashed by some other guys while your sitting around waiting for her call with her BS every 2 days or so. Forget about her.

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Girlfriend of 6 months says she needs "me" time https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=132644	Page 1 of 3

Author:	vhou812 [ Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:25 pm ]
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I agree with Wolf also, but disagree with last post. Maybe she was already on to someone new. Maybe not. Point is, she did already break up with you, she just did a piss poor job of it. Hot and then cold? Sounds to me like she thought she had a better option, went for it, and dumped you. Later, less sure of it, she wants to know if she can have you back. Had you posted earlier, my advice would have been when she's all ready to reminisce the good times, you could have been busy. Instead of making her feel like dumping you was the wrong choice, you reminded her you're right there should plan A fall through. Doesn't mean she's a bitch or bad. Just means she did what every human does, chose what she thought was the best option. All your job is to make her think you're the best option. And what's really funny, you just mind find by taking Wolf's advice that she isn't even your best option. Get in the game, dude. You deserve it.

Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Fri Apr 06, 2012 7:57 am ]
Post subject:
A THING OF BEAUTY HAPPENED TONITE!!! My ex saw me out at the bar and I was dancing and talking to beautiful girls. One of the girls I was dancing with is gorgeous. She is like 5'10" and looks like a model, every guy around here wants her. My ex stands on the edge of the dance floor just glaring at me. Then she texts me this: "I really hope you don't sleep with her. EW haha but if you need a place to stay tonite come to my house." I ignored her. She waits for me to leave the bar and I walk right passed her and don't make eye contact... She follows me out of the bar and yells my name. I turn around and say WHAT?! she goes "where are you going?" I'm like "I'm leaving don't worry about it, (wave to her) BYE" She calls I ignore. She texts me and says "WTF. You can't talk to me?" I notice she drove by me twice as I'm walking with two girls on the sidewalk. Then 2 hours go by and she calls me 2 more times and I ignore the calls. Then she texts me "Call me tomorrow if you want to talk." So boys... The ball is back in my court and I have the power. What is my next course of action?!

Author:	gtdave [ Fri Apr 06, 2012 10:34 am ]
Post subject:
When you talk to her just say that your moving on and just setting up a few dates/having fun! Don't directly answer her questions about the girls... If she asks why your not texting her ect, tell her that she broke up with you so there was not much point in you trying to contact her. Say it was your way of moving on. Basically you have to make her afraid of other girls taking away her option. Don't take her back at her first attempt either

Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:40 pm ]
Post subject:
Thanks for the advice. All I know is that she has been blowing up my phone with calls and texts all day. I had to block her number. She is sending me unhappy faces, saying sorry, telling me she loves me.. I've ignored all of it. When should I start responding to her and progressing towards getting back together?

Author:	Wolfwoodd [ Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:53 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: A THING OF BEAUTY HAPPENED TONITE!!! My ex saw me out at the bar and I was dancing and talking to beautiful girls. One of the girls I was dancing with is gorgeous. She is like 5'10" and looks like a model, every guy around here wants her. My ex stands on the edge of the dance floor just glaring at me. Then she texts me this: "I really hope you don't sleep with her. EW haha but if you need a place to stay tonite come to my house." I ignored her. She waits for me to leave the bar and I walk right passed her and don't make eye contact... She follows me out of the bar and yells my name. I turn around and say WHAT?! she goes "where are you going?" I'm like "I'm leaving don't worry about it, (wave to her) BYE" She calls I ignore. She texts me and says "WTF. You can't talk to me?" I notice she drove by me twice as I'm walking with two girls on the sidewalk. Then 2 hours go by and she calls me 2 more times and I ignore the calls. Then she texts me "Call me tomorrow if you want to talk." So boys... The ball is back in my court and I have the power. What is my next course of action?! This is a brilliant post. You've pretty much won at this point. Now that you have her full attention, you can decide if/when you want to fit her into your busy schedule. You have demonstrated that she wants your attention and that you don't need hers.. so you are calling the shots. I would probably invite her over and escalate very quickly / have dominant sex. You should not have to endure "a talk" if you don't at least get laid first.. if she rejects your escalation attempts, then just tell her to go home ("yeah, you need to go home now so I can masturbate. We can talk later."). Then, ignore her for a couple days and try the exact same thing again. When you DO talk, be ready for all sorts of shit tests. However, please keep in mind that she IS a freak and there are things you need to consider if you decide to continue dating her. She can't stand the idea that you're giving your attention to hot girls, and not to her. This is why you should punish bad behavior by being indifferent and leaving her presence, rather than by talking it out. The big thing about dating freaks is how you reward them. Freaks want validation more than anything else.. they want your attention and strong emotions (both positive and negative). Keep this in mind, because they will sometimes say and do ridiculous things just to get your attention. Don't take everything she says at face value. Rewarding good behavior entails creating a bit of drama and some strong emotions. Rough sex, sex talk (if you're comfortable with it), and teasing / push-pull tactics make good rewards. -Wolf

Author:	Reo [ Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:
Good Job You've got your nuts back. Something you could do to really piss her off call her over fuck her then make her leave don't let her get comfortable and spend the night. Tell you've got to meet a friend be vague about it. That'll throw her head in a complete spin she'll think there's some other girl more important than me. If you have an android phone there's a "fake call me" app you can use to really convincingly pull this off.

Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:
So after a weekend in which she would not stop blowing up my phone, telling me she misses and loves me over and over, and that she's sorry for the hurt she has caused me, the communication has gone silent. I did finally start talking to her, but I never gave her anything. I ignored the "I love you's" and "I miss you's". I even told her about girls that want me and this and that. It just seems that since I finally gave in and started talking to her again that now she is no longer being persistent about it. So I'm thinking that this is an opportunity to use some push/pull. I gave her a little of what she wanted, now I'm going to freeze her out for a couple of days, then give her a little more. I'm not going to initiate any contact and what I will give her will be in the form of one word text responses after a long period of time and telling her that I'm busy when she calls. Also, I'm thinking that if she does try to arrange a time to meet up, I will go along with it, but then cancel at the last minute. I just have to show her how unimportant she is to me and that I don't need her. Hopefully this weekend she will be out and will see me dancing and chatting with girls again. This I think is going to take some time, but now I'm enjoying the challenge of "re-gaming" her. Ultimately it's the thrill of the chase that makes picking up girls the most exciting for me.

Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Sat Apr 14, 2012 7:25 pm ]
Post subject:
UPDATE Last nite I went out to the bars with my buddy and his girlfriend. The ex shows up and I completely ignored her. She texted me earlier in the day and I didn't respond to it. She tried to talk to me at the bar and I wouldn't even look her in the face and walked away. I made it a point to be seen talking with girls all nite. She eventually sent me a text saying "Ok ass I get the message". Me and my buddy leave the bar and head to another one. I see her and some girls walking to the same one and when she got close I told my boy screw this lets go somewhere else. I walked right past her and she tried talking to me and again I didn't even look at her. It wasn't more then 10 minutes before she showed up to the bar where I was. She followed me around and I was avoiding her to the best of my ability. I eventually gave in and talked to her, but I had an attitude in my voice and was acting as if her presence was annoying me. She asks me to go back to her house and I was like I don't think that's a good idea because we're on a break. After putting up an act like I didn't want to I ended up leaving with her. We spent the whole night having sex. We wake up in the morning and fool around some more. I left her house this morning and made it a point that we should continue to stay on this break and I never said anything about trying to get back with her. Well now she has been calling me and texting me all day telling me to come back and that she misses me. I think my next course of action is going to continue to keep my distance and limited contact. I want to make her sweat it out for awhile and really build up her desire to be back with me. So for now, I'm going to have fun playing the field and keeping her in my back pocket. What do you guys think?

Author:	Snarg [ Sat Apr 14, 2012 7:52 pm ]
Post subject:
You're stringing this out for way too long. She's going to give up eventually, then you'll see that and start chasing her instead and end up giving her the power. Why don't you reward her when she does things you like? You must not want her back very badly, and if that's the case, just move on anyway.

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Author:	Nines&Dimes [ Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:
I don't think I'm stringing it out that long. Just trying to show that I can move on from her and that I'm not needy. Girls on a break will keep their ex's attention as a security blanket and keep them around as a back up plan. I'm just trying to avoid being that guy.