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I've hurt her
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Author:  P1nkstar [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:  I've hurt her
Situation: My girl started irritating me (her party behaviour).

So basicly i've said to her, you irritate me, it's not attractive what you do (She parties alot, the drinking part irritates me).

You smell like alcohol when you come next to me, and it's getting you fat. (yea, i was high on emotion, shit)

this was about 10 days ago...

Things haven't been the same, as you could guess. She said she's hurt, and doesn't think she's attractive + thinks she's fat.

I said, i was sorry, wasn't my intention on hurting her, just wanted to get lost of my irritations.

I don't look forward seeing her... She doesn't look forward seeing me. Communication is on an all time low.

She said, it's my fault, the ball is in my court, she waits for me, becuase i've hurt her.

She doesn't want to drink anymore when i'm around (i said to her this is the behaviour of a 15yo)

She also said, she wants to try and make it work becuase she likes me. Altough, she can't act the same around me, feels insecure around me now.

my guess was give her time, she'll get over it, but after 10 days i'm a bit wondering or this is the right guess.

Suggestions? What happened here? Did i do something wrong? i dunno...

:shock:
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 5:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
For starters.. Freak, Ho or Good Girl?

A couple things I notice. First, you probably could have handled this situation better. Getting frustrated and venting to your girlfriend about her behavior doesn't show very good leadership skills (i.e. it's not very constructive criticism). Also, telling her that she's getting fat was probably not the best thing to say.

What you should have done, was just refuse to hang out with her when she's drinking or plans to drink.

Now, call her and apologize for being an ass. Then have a serious, adult conversation about what your expectations are. Be reasonable. Tell her that you're okay with her drinking, but just not on nights when she wants to hang out with you. This puts the ball back in her court.

If she's fine with all this, then you got to start leading by example. Show her that you don't need alcohol to go out and have a good time. The more time she spends with you, the less time she'll spend getting drunk. Everybody wins.

-Wolf
Author:  P1nkstar [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 6:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for replying!

She's a good girl.

I handled this very bad :)

It's not that i want her not to drink anything at all. Just on normal terms.

I've said the sorry part. She says, ok, but you hurt me, this will take time...

While she's being cold to me. I'm thinking freezing her out, since i don't want to ruin my day spending with a depressed girl. (sounds a bit hard though)

not sure... should i just stay by her side, while she's being cold? :/
Author:  ParadisePua [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 6:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
she sounds insecure and sensitive ...so with these comments you have really hurt her and made her more insecure..

-make it up to her take her somewhere or do someting cute like make her a card or buy her something cute.

-Compliment her . Telling a girl she is fat is the worst thing ever. Compliment her on het appearance - pretty eyes - lips whatever..so she will feel better about herself

-have an adult convo with her which you lead in which you talk things out and find a solution to this issue for the future.
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm actually going to agree with Paradise. Your best bet may be to go out of your way to do something extra-nice: plan a fun date or weekend get-a-way. Apologies don't really work very well unless they are backed up with actions.

On the whole, you should not hang out with her when she's being cold and/or lame. However, you are responsible for her emotional state when she is around you. You should make your best attempt to snap her out of her "coldness" and try to pull her into your frame of having a really good time. If you try and fail because she is stubbornly refusing to have fun, then you should leave or send her home.

-Wolf
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
I don't think you did anything wrong, man.

In her eyes? Yes, you did something very wrong. But why is she getting shit-faced when you're not around anyway? You didn't say "You're fat", you said "Drinking will make you fat". Cold truth, but it is truth.

I do agree you should take her out and have fun like everyone else has said. But if you put in extra effort, and she gives you a "Meh", what then? Climb a mountain for her? Lasso the moon?
Author:  P1nkstar [ Tue Mar 13, 2012 10:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for all the input guys. If i want it to work, i know i'll have to do something special for her... :/

We would've normally met yesterday, in a bar, for her friend her birthday. (in a pub)

But i really didn't want to go, and be there all happy, while she's being moody, just had it a bit, so i send her a text saying "I'm not coming, i need some time"

she: "I can't really understand, but in a way maybe i can"
me: "i'm learning to know myself here"
she" good or bad"
me "bad"
she: "i'll hear it one day?"
me "Just seeing a side of myself, that i don't know, a bad side, i'll let you know for sure"

maybe i just should've said, "don't want to come cuase it'll ruin my day?"

But 'i'm giving up, that's the side i don't like... not fighting for her.

share what you think pls!
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:45 am ]
Post subject: 
Text her and say you had something you committed to and you couldn't make it. A party, a dinner, a bris! Anything!

Why would you tell her you're getting to "know yourself"? You told her drinking will make her fat, and she freaked. You're not getting to know anything. She thinks she's dealing with a head case now.

Don't be mopey. You are the funnest motherfucker in town. You had to be somewhere where you were having fun! SHE missed out, not you.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
mm yeah
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