PUA Forum :: How to get over trust issues?

THanks for your answers. I have one more question.
There are a few guys that ask her out, and she says yes to them, but, when the day comes, she tells them she can't go. Then they would reschedule the date, and she would repeat the cycle, until they give up.
This bothered me, then I asked her, and put her in a situation, how would she feel if I did that. She didn't answered because I know that she felt how I felt.
She told me why she did it. She says she likes the attention of having guys follow her. According to her she's been doing that with a guy for almost 2 years, and with another for some months, and they never get together. I can understand it somehow, since I used to do the same.
Could it be that maybe she wants to keep her options close, in case one day we ever break up? How can I act to this? I was thinking of just letting it go and following her, like "You should see them, but you know what will happen if you mess it up" or something like that.

Author:	Decessum [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:	How to get over trust issues?
Hello everyone, I haven't felt like this in a really long time, I haven't felt jealousy or even, sometimes insecurity for years while in a relationship. I broke up a 2 year relationship a few months ago, then I started dating someone else, and eventually became a couple. We've been together close to a month, and I can say surely, that in one month, I've experienced more fun and emotion than in years of my past relationship(s). Basically, I've told her everything and she's told me everything, we both cheated on our exes (kissing, no sex) .. and, this has gotten me to not trust her 100% ... even though she has opened EVERYTHING in her life for me ... social network passwords, she even shows me what guys say to her, tells me that if Im not comfortable she can erase them anytime, that she only cares for me. But still, there is that small bit of trust that she hasn't "earned" and I think she knows it, and knows that I feel it because she told me of her cheating past, I don't care much, I cheated as well, and now I know Im a different person and Im not thinking of cheating, she says she feels the same way, that she wouldn't "dare" thats the word she used, she wouldn't risk losing me. And even when she gives me all this signs, and says it, and shows it, and gives me acces to everything, I feel still a lack of trust from my part. I think its me, she's opened everything for me. Sometimes it bugs me when I get this feelings inside me and I wish they would stop.

Author:	Dr. Jones [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 1:52 am ]
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You better make these thoughts stop, or this will end eventually. People make mistakes and they're ashamed of these mistakes. She'll open up to you about some, and you her. She told you she cheated on an ex, but then again, so did you. Are you both unworthy of commitment? You both opened up to each other about it. Turned a negative into a positive. You've only known her a few months. Build upon the trust you already have.

Author:	goodnamesaretaken [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:28 am ]
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you already sound extremely needy. just read your post. chill out before your brain causes you to lose this girl. you cant knock someone if they havent done anything wrong. its called BAGGAGE, and apparently you have some. you entered a relationship with baggage then its your job to get rid of the baggage. you have to clean up your own mess, in this case it's your mind.

Author:	Decessum [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:50 pm ]
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Thanks for your replies! We actually talked about it a few days ago, she got a text from someone, very openly hitting on her, saying that if she wanted to have some drinks and blah blah.. And she said to me that she should've like, talked with me before saying yes, about this kind of stuff... that she would get hit on by guys out of nowhere, she even said that she had insecurity moments. She knows that I don't trust her enough.. yet, I told her its something we should build up on a daily basis. I was scared that maybe she would do the same she did to her ex bf... she said she has changed, thanks to him actually... I have changed as well. Then at night she reasssured me that I need not to worry about that, that she will never do it. But I guess... like you guys said, keep the toughts out of my head, and stop them eventually... its only a month ...

Author:	MagicCaveman [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 11:47 pm ]
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Dude, youve just gotta play it cool, go in with the attitude that if she did cheat you can walk out at the door at any time and still be a man with a mission in life and get on well. If you put yourself first she will tag along and have no reason to cheat. If she does, then its her loss. End of. Don't worry about her, worry about yourself. Be a man, keep your balls. Take no shit. But play it cool

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Author:	Dr. Jones [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:17 am ]
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Other men are going to ogle her if she's hot, kid. Let them. They may be browsing the menu, but you're the one tasting the dessert.

Author:	Decessum [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:11 am ]
Post subject:
THanks for your answers. I have one more question. There are a few guys that ask her out, and she says yes to them, but, when the day comes, she tells them she can't go. Then they would reschedule the date, and she would repeat the cycle, until they give up. This bothered me, then I asked her, and put her in a situation, how would she feel if I did that. She didn't answered because I know that she felt how I felt. She told me why she did it. She says she likes the attention of having guys follow her. According to her she's been doing that with a guy for almost 2 years, and with another for some months, and they never get together. I can understand it somehow, since I used to do the same. Could it be that maybe she wants to keep her options close, in case one day we ever break up? How can I act to this? I was thinking of just letting it go and following her, like "You should see them, but you know what will happen if you mess it up" or something like that.

Author:	goodnamesaretaken [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:30 pm ]
Post subject:
These "talks" you are having will put a lot of stress on whatever the two of you have going on. Bite your lip more and observe how things pan out. If you have high confidence and self-esteem then it will be easy for you to do.

Author:	MagicCaveman [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:59 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: THanks for your answers. I have one more question. There are a few guys that ask her out, and she says yes to them, but, when the day comes, she tells them she can't go. Then they would reschedule the date, and she would repeat the cycle, until they give up. This bothered me, then I asked her, and put her in a situation, how would she feel if I did that. She didn't answered because I know that she felt how I felt. She told me why she did it. She says she likes the attention of having guys follow her. According to her she's been doing that with a guy for almost 2 years, and with another for some months, and they never get together. I can understand it somehow, since I used to do the same. Could it be that maybe she wants to keep her options close, in case one day we ever break up? How can I act to this? I was thinking of just letting it go and following her, like "You should see them, but you know what will happen if you mess it up" or something like that. If shes going to treat guys like this in general, why go out with her? shes a bitch? shes with you, but if you show any jealousy etc... or weakness she will probably go off with one of these guys.

Author:	Franc32 [ Tue Mar 13, 2012 1:03 pm ]
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Hi there, I just posted a subject in the 'general question ' section... now i see i should have posted it here... It's also about trusting issues. Maybe u like to read it. and yeah... we must not be some kind of Twat... guys here are right. Probably she is just shit-testing you over and over... my girlfriend does exactly the same things and even worse... she makes up some kind of story's and is telling me that she rather not tell me all her 'ask her outs' from 'all the guys' around her. She's what i call an attention whore. She is settled with the fact that guys run after her like a dog. If you don't do that and be yourself it will gain attraction to her. i guess.....

Author:	PelonRico [ Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:17 pm ]
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I have that problem even today also, its like i can trust her but not completly 100%. We have been with each others for a year now, and the reason why,is cause i tend to get sorduv jelous over her friends (who are guys) and i find it hard to not think that they arnt doing anything,but honestly,i just zone them out. Even though i know the friends want to be more than friends with her, i put fear in their eyes if they look at her the wrong way, or put any disrespect towards me or her.

Author:	Decessum [ Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:27 pm ]
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After long talks, we finally solved this issue. I told her how I felt about it, how I wasn't completely jealous, but I felt it more like a disrespect issue. She thought about it, and finally decided to do what was right, and what she should've done a long time ago. I trusted her, even though I couldn't trust 100% if she was doing that. I have more trust in her now, she even lets me read all her messages if I want, shows me how the guys hit on her. I think, in a way it was a way for her to have a "backup" plan should things go wrong with us. My only advice is that you can tell her dead on and straight, like I did, confront her and tell her how you feel about it. She should be willing to change if it improves your relationship.

Author:	yellowcab [ Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:39 am ]
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Hmm, open and honest. I sometimes think about being open and honest with her about these thing because i don't want to appear to needy or clingy... But knowing it didn't work out because YOU were living in aggony, would be even worse i guess...

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