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| Super Confused - Boyfriend Vs. Ex Vs. Single Playa Life https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=130599 |
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| Author: | Lips_and_Hips [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Super Confused - Boyfriend Vs. Ex Vs. Single Playa Life |
Hello all, So, some background information first off. Had a wonderful PUA boyfriend for 3 years - totally in love with him and thought we would get married and all that, but then we grew apart and I just couldn't be the woman he wanted. It would be selfish to stay with him when he can be with someone who can give him what he wants. I am not ready to settle down right now and he is. I want to travel and he doesn't. In summary, I am ambitious and adventureous and he would prefer me to be a stay at home wife and mother. I would resent him forever if I had to do that, and he would in turn resent me if I didn't. I finally had the talk with him and let him go - he was devastated and angry with me - which I can understand and it kills me to have hurt him so. I want to be friends with him, but know that with us, it will always be all or nothing. So, fast forward a couple of days after our breakup. A male friend of mine and I get drunk and hook up. This turns into a relationship and he is so keen for it and has wanted me for so long. I really like him and it's all new and exciting. Then his apartment floods so he moves in with me. He lived with me for a couple of months and then has to leave the country as his VISA expires. As he is leaving, he tells me he loves me. It freaks me out a little, but I have pretty strong feelings for him as well. The plan is for us to re-unite in a couple of months when I have saved enough money to travel. He is trying to remain in contact and sends me lots of emails and calls me a lot. I miss my current boyfriend, but I think right now I am missing my ex more. I just miss talking to him for hours on end about everything. I have changed so much in the time we were together and I guess I have changed even more since we broke up (it's been 3 months since we broke up) but I love that he knows the person I was and was with me throughout the changes I underwent. I know we still can't give each other what we need, but damn I miss him. On the other hand, sex is better with my current boyfriend (he makes me come like no-one else ever has before!) - with my ex it was just so nice and comfortable, but kinda got boring sometimes. I then think about being single. I haven't been single in over 3 years and I can't remember what it's like. I kinda want to be a playa for a while! Anyway, I guess I just need some advice. I need someone to tell me not to go back to my ex and the reasons why I shouldn't and whether I should stick it out with my man or be a playa. I learnt about all this PUA stuff whilst with my ex and I kinda want to give it a go myself. I know typically women aren't PUAs and are in fact the catch which PUAs aim for, but I would like to see how I go... I have dealt with PUAs before, but like I said, I have been in a relationship for over 3 years, so have never taken them up on their offers... |
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| Author: | _Action_ [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:27 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
You are still emotionally attached to your ex. That won't change overnight. 3 years is a long time. You love your ex, because that's what happens when you spend 3 years with someone. You became emotionally attached to him. He became a comfort to you - a constant in your life. Now that you aren't with him and your off having great sex with another guy, you're still going to feel like there's a hole in your life, because no matter how good a lover he is, you simply haven't been with him long enough to have that same attachment you shared with your ex. You love your ex. But you are not IN love with him. These feelings are completely normal. I'm actually in a very similar situation to you right now. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years a couple of months ago. I'm already seeing another girl and she's amazing. Great sex, really intelligent and funny - we clicked right away. But I still miss my girlfriend like hell, even though I broke up with her. I think about her every day. Time heals all. |
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| Author: | Dr. Jones [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:41 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Which sounds the most fun to you? I know that may seem like a simple question, but really. You may love your ex and there is still more fun times to be had, provided there isn't too much drama getting back with him. One can only put up with so much. Do you see your relationship with this guy out-of-country going anywhere? |
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| Author: | maleaco [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Flip a coin, ;p. Kidding. You know the best way to get over somebody is to get under someone else. |
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| Author: | knight_justun [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
you leave your past but learn something from it and that is what you did with your ex. now live your present and see if you can be together in the future. |
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| Author: | Snake Doctor [ Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:57 am ] |
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Its completly normal what you are feeling. 3 years is more than enough time to get attached to someone, you dont cut that connection like some people think they can. But are you sure you love your current boyfriend? Being in relantioship with someone people become addicted to that, and some way they have to continue with that addiction, like a smoker quits they ussualy tend to go fat because they have to change there addiction to food, hope you are udnersting what im saying. Think you need alone time to put your shit together. You didnt have time to mourn you just jump on a new relantioship, in my view that is not healthy. Sometimes people need to be alone so they can see the bigger picture. Like Action say "time heals" |
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| Author: | Lips_and_Hips [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for all the responses guys! Quote: Which sounds the most fun to you?
Right now, it feels like single life would be the most "fun" because I need to get my shit sorted. I would love to be able to talk to my ex though - but he doesn't want to hear from me... Quote: Do you see your relationship with this guy out-of-country going anywhere?
To be honest, I don't think so. I mean, we had fun and I really like him and all, but I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I want to travel and not be tied down to someone right now - which is one of the main reasons why my ex and I broke up!Quote: But are you sure you love your current boyfriend?
No, I'm not sure I love him. And that's a problem, because he loves me. I wouldn't be missing my ex as much as I am if I really truly loved my current boyfriend - you're right. I don't think I mourned my ex properly yet... And yes, I am probably slightly addicted to being in a relationship, which is why I am a little scared to be single...
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| Author: | Dr. Jones [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:23 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: No, I'm not sure I love him. And that's a problem, because he loves me. I wouldn't be missing my ex as much as I am if I really truly loved my current boyfriend - you're right. I don't think I mourned my ex properly yet... And yes, I am probably slightly addicted to being in a relationship, which is why I am a little scared to be single... 
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