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Does being yourself really work?
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Author:  joeyjoe42 [ Fri Jan 27, 2012 6:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Does being yourself really work?
I need some good solid advice from anyone who has read my previous posts its easy to see I'm having some conflicting issues with my girlfriend. I've found when I'm a dick to people like cocky and a little controlling people don't respond well to it, but I hate being a door mat! When I'm goofy and fun women do love it I just want a balance. And it hurt last night when I went home to see my mum and she said I had changed and that I thought I was better than everyone. My girlfriend even said just yesterday when I dropped being a controlling prick who says horrible hurtful things she was glad she had her old hoe back. I was just being myself but I know in the past when I've been myself women have either got bored of me or left me. AND IT HURTS SO MUCH! Thats how I got into pua and how I have my hot girlfriend now. She always says she could never leave me or control me like my ex did and that she wants me to be the man. I'm just so confused by everything now. I would appreciate any help because I think I'm slowly changing from a boy to man! That's why I have so many questions!
Author:  PUA-Paris [ Sat Jan 28, 2012 12:54 am ]
Post subject: 
I didn't feel like reading your whole post, but the answer to your question in my opinion is..being yourself won't work right off the bat when you just meet someone, being yourself works in a long run with someone from my experience
Author:  Rory1337 [ Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Does being yourself really work?
Quote:
I need some good solid advice from anyone who has read my previous posts its easy to see I'm having some conflicting issues with my girlfriend. I've found when I'm a dick to people like cocky and a little controlling people don't respond well to it, but I hate being a door mat! When I'm goofy and fun women do love it I just want a balance. And it hurt last night when I went home to see my mum and she said I had changed and that I thought I was better than everyone. My girlfriend even said just yesterday when I dropped being a controlling prick who says horrible hurtful things she was glad she had her old hoe back. I was just being myself but I know in the past when I've been myself women have either got bored of me or left me. AND IT HURTS SO MUCH! Thats how I got into pua and how I have my hot girlfriend now. She always says she could never leave me or control me like my ex did and that she wants me to be the man. I'm just so confused by everything now. I would appreciate any help because I think I'm slowly changing from a boy to man! That's why I have so many questions!
Don't worry about what your mother said, hey my mother says stupid shit like that to me all the time. Just because you believe that you're good doesn't mean you're a douchebag. You can be yourself, just don't do anything that conflicts with your beliefs or values. Aslong as you don't do or say anything that DLVs yourself you should be fine.
Author:  pumpington [ Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:41 am ]
Post subject: 
well, your question is slightly tricky, in my opinion being your self is the most attractive thing you can do, but that doesn't mean just going up and saying and doing anything,

when that is said, it is more along the lines of, directly expressing intent, congruently, free from outcome, while controlling your emotional state while remaining externally focused, you set an emotion, then hold that emotion and express your intent behind that emotion congruently and directly without the need for approval, with a focus on bringing value to all interactions, cutting out all the neediness you possibly can, do nothing but give while regulating your emotional state from within (as apposed to feeding off other people, and trying to get others to carry interactions)

to put it simple, be yourself without putting on a ''yourself act'' and not hiding anything negative or positive, not expecting results, just expressing feelings without reacting to other peoples emotional states, but being able to recognize other peoples emotional states and shift them into the state you want (because you are controlling your own state internally, naturally the person with the strongest emotional state eventually will shift others into his/her frame as most people tend to rely on external validation to base their state off of)

but even being yourself, you still have to lead things to what you want, it does not guarentee absolute success, but the more you can do this, the easier everything becomes as you don't actually need to do anything, except be honest and express yourself while being free from caring about what other people think about you, and the better you become at shifting people into your emotional state and expressing how you feel, the more socially calibrated you will become (basically you just turn your brain off, and blurt shit out based on emotional content, as long as the focus is external rather then internal, approval seeking should diminish and your communication should become much more direct and congruent with your intent)
Author:  MynameisFisher [ Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:31 am ]
Post subject: 
People misunderstand the concept of being yourself. Being yourself means that you do what YOU want, and as you want, not what and how it is expected from you. This is how you can express yourself, and this is what "be yourself" means. It is important to listen to other's advice. But in the end it must be up to you who makes the decision. You must be the one to think this through. How much could you have hurt someone? Was this worth it? Is this really you, or just what you think you should be?
Author:  swarly [ Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:09 am ]
Post subject: 
im not the guy who asked the q but i appreciate the comments. im going through the same thing as joey, and yes its hard to find the balance but i get better each day...especially when i practice on girls
Author:  Calamity [ Sun Feb 19, 2012 7:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you want a proper relationship and for her to love you, then yeah. But you can still slip in a few playful things along the way, teasing and playing around here and there, if its the right girl you'll be fine.
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