PUA Forum :: HELP! conversations over text are killing me!

The problem I think is not actually how often you text her, or texting as a mode of communication. From my reading of your post, I get the feeling that your problem comes from not being able to fluidly carry on a conversation, and a bit of anxiety that results from this inability that you perceive as a handicap.

I think the solution can be achieved by shifting a couple of your mindsets.

First, you need let go of the idea that you need to even converse with her successfully. If a girl is interested in you, it doesn't matter what you say, or even if you say anything. Detach yourself from the idea that what you say is important. 70% of what you communicate to a girl comes out through your body language and tone of voice anyways, not what you audibly communicate.

Second, you need to realize that you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. These mentalities are unhealthy because they make themselves true. You think you can't converse ==> You have awkward moments ==> It affects your confidence ==> She perceives you as less confident ==> Lowers her attraction ==> More awkward moments and so forth. The tangible results are direct manifestations of your mentality, not the other way around.

Third, adopt an abundance + Alpha mentality. From my experience, when guys have trouble conversing, it comes from a deeply held insecurity that they might say something stupid, wrong, insignificant, or just something that isn't "attractive." They are afraid of messing up, and in a torrent of that paranoia, they ironically end up messing up.

And lastly, I must add that being laconic can be a very attractive trait if u play it off right. Most of the best players, Don Juans, Lotharios, and successful husbands I know are exactly like you - their wives/girlfriends re-initiate most conversations and they barely talk. It's all about your FRAME - how do you UNDERSTAND that lack of communication within the context of your relationship?

Instead of "she's talking more than me because she's more social"

think

"She's talking more than me because she is MORE INTERESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP than I am.

Author:	Tubbly [ Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:	HELP! conversations over text are killing me!
Hey guys, Ive just gotten this awesome gf and we've been getting along well! We text each other every day and she starts the conversations however, because we text between 5 mins each, there will be times where I run out of things to say for like an hour and she has to re-initiate the conversation... it feels like she thinks we dont have anything in common, well thats the feeling I get and its true. We've been on one date (ice-skating)which went rather well, there were a few awkward silences but we did get on well generally. Lots of kissing etc so thats nothing to worry about.. its just the conversations I feel I lack at big time. I find it so hard to multi-thread! any tips? Much appreciated!

Author:	Txacoli [ Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:34 pm ]
Post subject:
Don't text with her all day long. Tell her you've got stuff to do and you'll talk to her later. This way if there is nothing else to talk about you can at least talk about how your day was and what you did.

Author:	Tubbly [ Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:47 pm ]
Post subject:
I'll try that but wouldn't she start feeling like we're disconnecting? gaawwd, I think im overthinking this haha

Author:	Thedutchone [ Mon Jan 09, 2012 10:53 pm ]
Post subject:
It is indeed a bit weird you don't have stuff to talk about if you are in a relationship. However you shouldn't overthink as that only creates problems. Just don't text every day, there are 2 kind of relationsships, the onces with people that are extreamly needy (mostly insecure/attentionaddicts) and good onces The second type imo are two people who like/love eachother but have a life outside the other person.

Author:	Txacoli [ Mon Jan 09, 2012 11:16 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I'll try that but wouldn't she start feeling like we're disconnecting? gaawwd, I think im overthinking this haha She won't. She will miss you and will be more eager to see you. Give her the gift of missing you Besides, won't you feel suffocated if you feel like you have to respond all the time?

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Author:	om3n [ Mon Jan 09, 2012 11:34 pm ]
Post subject:
Do yourself a favor and cut the texting on a minimum. That means setting up the next date, sex, event....or a bit of sexting (after you fucked her). If you want to talk to her, use the phone and call her. Don't overdo it! Instead, interact with her one on one, live. That is way better. You run the risk that the more you text her, the more of a girlfriend you become for her. You don't want that. Set up another date, asap. Preferrably one where you can move to your/her place later on and move things to the next level.

Author:	Hakuna [ Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:04 am ]
Post subject:
The problem I think is not actually how often you text her, or texting as a mode of communication. From my reading of your post, I get the feeling that your problem comes from not being able to fluidly carry on a conversation, and a bit of anxiety that results from this inability that you perceive as a handicap. I think the solution can be achieved by shifting a couple of your mindsets. First, you need let go of the idea that you need to even converse with her successfully. If a girl is interested in you, it doesn't matter what you say, or even if you say anything. Detach yourself from the idea that what you say is important. 70% of what you communicate to a girl comes out through your body language and tone of voice anyways, not what you audibly communicate. Second, you need to realize that you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. These mentalities are unhealthy because they make themselves true. You think you can't converse ==> You have awkward moments ==> It affects your confidence ==> She perceives you as less confident ==> Lowers her attraction ==> More awkward moments and so forth. The tangible results are direct manifestations of your mentality, not the other way around. Third, adopt an abundance + Alpha mentality. From my experience, when guys have trouble conversing, it comes from a deeply held insecurity that they might say something stupid, wrong, insignificant, or just something that isn't "attractive." They are afraid of messing up, and in a torrent of that paranoia, they ironically end up messing up. And lastly, I must add that being laconic can be a very attractive trait if u play it off right. Most of the best players, Don Juans, Lotharios, and successful husbands I know are exactly like you - their wives/girlfriends re-initiate most conversations and they barely talk. It's all about your FRAME - how do you UNDERSTAND that lack of communication within the context of your relationship? Instead of "she's talking more than me because she's more social" think "She's talking more than me because she is MORE INTERESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP than I am.

Author:	PUA-Paris [ Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:18 am ]
Post subject:
Me and girlfriend have been texting every second of the day for the past 8 months. I find it really interesting how it never gets boring or out of words for us. There's never a time where we lag texts or ignore each other or give each other boring answers. I honestly don't know how it's like this, anyone know?

Author:	goodnamesaretaken [ Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:37 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Me and girlfriend have been texting every second of the day for the past 8 months. I find it really interesting how it never gets boring or out of words for us. There's never a time where we lag texts or ignore each other or give each other boring answers. I honestly don't know how it's like this, anyone know? wow, that's something. you get an eProp from me.

Author:	temskron [ Tue Jan 10, 2012 9:41 am ]
Post subject:
When you are running out of topcis what to talk about and you are texting her. Come to this forum. Go to openers sections and pick your topcis from there. Once you get over that milestone, things are looking brighter . I have done that a few times too: asking about who lie more men or women. Or . Do you like tatoo's ? and continue. Also add funny touch to those questions or answers

Author:	Tubbly [ Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:41 pm ]
Post subject:
Big thanks on your input guys, Im gonna listen to all of you and give you an update on whats happened to far! -Tubb

Author:	Tubbly [ Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:43 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: The problem I think is not actually how often you text her, or texting as a mode of communication. From my reading of your post, I get the feeling that your problem comes from not being able to fluidly carry on a conversation, and a bit of anxiety that results from this inability that you perceive as a handicap. I think the solution can be achieved by shifting a couple of your mindsets. First, you need let go of the idea that you need to even converse with her successfully. If a girl is interested in you, it doesn't matter what you say, or even if you say anything. Detach yourself from the idea that what you say is important. 70% of what you communicate to a girl comes out through your body language and tone of voice anyways, not what you audibly communicate. Second, you need to realize that you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. These mentalities are unhealthy because they make themselves true. You think you can't converse ==> You have awkward moments ==> It affects your confidence ==> She perceives you as less confident ==> Lowers her attraction ==> More awkward moments and so forth. The tangible results are direct manifestations of your mentality, not the other way around. Third, adopt an abundance + Alpha mentality. From my experience, when guys have trouble conversing, it comes from a deeply held insecurity that they might say something stupid, wrong, insignificant, or just something that isn't "attractive." They are afraid of messing up, and in a torrent of that paranoia, they ironically end up messing up. And lastly, I must add that being laconic can be a very attractive trait if u play it off right. Most of the best players, Don Juans, Lotharios, and successful husbands I know are exactly like you - their wives/girlfriends re-initiate most conversations and they barely talk. It's all about your FRAME - how do you UNDERSTAND that lack of communication within the context of your relationship? Instead of "she's talking more than me because she's more social" think "She's talking more than me because she is MORE INTERESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP than I am. Its like you cut my head open, peeked inside and pinpointed the problem. srsly dude, I fucking love you! I understand your points and I'm gonna get into the proper frame a.s.a.p, again a big thanks

Author:	Tubbly [ Mon Jan 16, 2012 9:57 pm ]
Post subject:
6 days down the line and things have improved big time! I took her out to ice-hockey which she's a huge fan of so she appreciated it. We talked for abit while watching the match and some retarded woman kept ringing this bell so we went to a more warm and secluded area, in this case was the bar that overlooked the match. After we had been there a while, I just focused on her instead of the match and made major kino, 10 mins down the line.. her whole attention is focused on me and she couldn't keep her hands off me, nor could she stop kissing me. After what was basically an hour and a half of touching each other up we decided to head home, we both had school the next day (today) and was rather late so F-closing was out of the question however I had set up another date for 2morrow round my house and this time I plan to F-close. Will keep you guys updated. -Tubb

Author:	skyy7 [ Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:
Sounds good! Space and time can work magic!

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Author:	lovezen [ Thu May 31, 2012 10:40 pm ]
Post subject:
guys, I have the same question as well, if I don't text her, she would later blame me not missing her or call me a liar when I say I miss her. If I text her everyday, I feel like I am running out stuff to talk about, and it kills the attractions so what would you do to take on this situation?