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Loosing interest in long term gf's?
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Author:  dark one [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:52 am ]
Post subject:  Loosing interest in long term gf's?
Its one thing to loose interest in a gf but its another to loose interest in a long term relationship! Im 3 1/2 years deep in my relationship and live with my gf...I love my gf shes beautiful! fit, great gf, faithful ect ect but I feel like im loosing interest in here the last month or so...I thought I would just "get over it" but it has only gotten worse! I noticed this week it is a problem because I:

Not as interested in sex with her (sex life has never been boring!)
Im spending more time alone on purpose
worst of all Im picking apart her flaws in my head and blowing them up if that makes sens to you guys?? I mean she hot! the kind of girl most guys would love to date yet in my head Im not as attracted to her anymore.
Lastly I find my self looking at other women alot more then ever before!!!!

So my question is am I alone? what would you guys do? I really do love her shes a great person and I did plan on marrying her down the road but now Im second guessing my self....I have thought about how I would break up with her and I dont think I could bring my self to do it....feel like i might regret it and It would tear her apart! she would be devastated! plus we have a life together...we have lived together for almost two years....
Author:  LordCaine [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Loosing interest in long term gf's?
Quote:
Lastly I find my self looking at other women alot more then ever before!!!!
If everything is as great as you say it is, the key to understanding the situation may be held in the answer to the following question:

What is the difference between the women you're interested in, and the one you're with?
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:24 am ]
Post subject: 
and what precisely are YOU doing to keep the spark alive?

you are bored. i get it.

but are you "boring"?

it's easy to answer that with reactive and resounding "NO"!

but oftentimes, what i've found, is that people who claim to be "bored" in relationships, are also "boring" in relationships.

are you being proactive (being the man) and creating environments and situations (events) where you two can grow/bond/reinvigorate together?

before you dump her, make sure that you are being the best YOU, before you judge if she is the best HER.

trust me, or you will regret it.
Author:  dark one [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 8:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah I agree I dont want to throw away 3 1/2 years of a great relationship because I find other women attractive....I do miss the single life and the chase I thinks thats it but like they say "the grass is always greener on the other side". I remember when we first started dating I was crazy about her! I need to get back to that point.

I think now that we live together things are deff routine...I see other women when I go out who seem more attractive and exciting when really its an illusion. Most guys would die to be with my gf and I guess Im taking her for granted.

I really wish I could put my relationship on pause and be single a bit longer! At the time I met my gf I was in full blown party/PUA mode....picking up randoms and having the time of my life! I loved it! and I didnt have any plan to settle down but I fell and fell hard! lol and iv been locked down ever since lol
Author:  intrigued101 [ Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I really wish I could put my relationship on pause and be single a bit longer! At the time I met my gf I was in full blown party/PUA mode....picking up randoms and having the time of my life! I loved it! and I didnt have any plan to settle down but I fell and fell hard! lol and iv been locked down ever since lol
I know what you mean man. My relationship is early days, 5/6 months. After a while dating and seeing others we recently went exclusive. That felt like a big decision for me. I enjoy chatting up girls, meeting new characters etc. Now I just can't do that. However I have to remind myself of the upside, the advantages of what I have. I'm not going to be too pissed when this ends (pragmatism not pessimism - most relationships don't go the way) as I can go back to my crazy single life again :)

I think there is a bit of 'the grass is always greener'. Going out to pick up girls can become routine as well... But I guess if you really feel like you still have some 'beings single' left in you then that's not going to change. You'll always have a regret. I can see that in a friend of mine who met his chick at 18 and now lives with her at 25. That's a whole load of fucking around he missed out on.
Author:  mcare [ Sun Dec 04, 2011 9:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I think there is a bit of 'the grass is always greener'. Going out to pick up girls can become routine as well...
This!
Author:  LordCaine [ Sun Dec 04, 2011 9:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
another possibility is to work on her to adding another girl to the relationship. This can be tricky territory to navigate, and with most women you have to take baby steps, avoid suggesting it directly at first, make the idea sound attractive and sexy WITHOUT overtly making it related to the existing relationship.
Author:  Whiteness [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:07 am ]
Post subject: 
We as people are more attached with those your struggle/learn/grow with. It explains a number of things we see every day (team mate bonds, military bonds, etc) and one of the problems in a relationship is one of the mates gets comfortable and stops trying new things and brings the energy level down.

The general view of college is that it is the greatest time of your life. This is because you experience new things on a daily basis almost. Relationships tend to fail so much around the 2-3 month mark if the couple doesn't try new things. During that period, everything about the person is new, you're learning how to have sex with them, what their quirks are, yada yada yada. When that ends and there's nothing new, the attraction ends.

My strong suggestion is to take up a new hobby with her. Something difficult, outside of both of your comfort zones, and rewarding (something physical is a plus). Whether it be dancing, rock climbing, cooking courses, traveling, yoga, and get her to do it with you. After you do it for a while, move onto something else. Something new to keep that flame alive. This is why couples generally have the best sex on vacations, it's not the vacation, it's the new experience.

The best characteristic in a mate is someone excited to learn and try new things. If she's willing and enthusiastic about doing this with you, I envy you. I've had to end a lot of relationships because they refused to get the fuck up out of bed and go do something.

(hope I helped.)
Author:  Mr. Love [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 5:17 am ]
Post subject: 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[[[another possibility is to work on her to adding another girl to the relationship. This can be tricky territory to navigate, and with most women you have to take baby steps, avoid suggesting it directly at first, make the idea sound attractive and sexy WITHOUT overtly making it related to the existing relationship]]

If you do this it will end the relationship. Tried it with a gril i really like and it fucked us... but it was fun to look back at lol.

I know right where your at one this. I have been on and off with one for over 3yrs. Shes a knock out fitness chick. Oh and yes she was living with me also with her kids. Triple WAMMY! Feel in love hard. There is so much in her life and mine going on that we had to finally finished it. Neither one of us has bad feeling, just wish things were diffrent. Prob the only girl ill ever love like that, and same from her to me.It is sad to see some of them to go, but i also got to the point were i felt like i have not ran enough. And i also saw myself marring this one, but oh well. The sea is full of fish, but much emptier if it wasnt for me lol. Right now i think it was a great decison for both of us. Oh this happend last night,,,, But it all was a good experience, just made me want to be more of a PUA like back in the day.

Just look at you pos and negs and think about what you really want out of life. If you truely see this as the one you want to be with, I would say try and work issuse out before you dump it. Its what i did, but im sure my sicurmstances are a lot diffrent than yours. But Whitness is right. It turns into a bond. Something you feel like you need around for her compassion. You have some thinking to do my friend. We cant tell you excatly what to do but let you in on our stories.
Wish you the best.. Keep us filled in
Author:  dark one [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 8:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah its really hard! Shes such a great girl and I have so much fun with her! but I wish I could put our relationship on hold for a year or two so I can figure my shit out...but of course life does not work that way haha if only it was that easy!

It sounds bad but Im not 100% sure that she is "the one" I mean I love her and I honestly thought she was "the one" but the more I think about it in my head I think "well if she was the one then why would I be questioning things so much, why am I even thinking these things?" I also dont want to look back a couple years from now and think "shit! I really messed up I could have married that girl"....its a tough spot to be in and the worst part is this girl is head over heals for me! her family and I have become really close! and the other day my dad told her shes like a daughter to him...if I broke up with her she would be crushed! and quite frankly I would prob be a mess too lol

Its nice the I can come here and vent! lol I use to giving advice but sometimes its nice to get it!
Author:  LordCaine [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 3:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[[[another possibility is to work on her to adding another girl to the relationship. This can be tricky territory to navigate, and with most women you have to take baby steps, avoid suggesting it directly at first, make the idea sound attractive and sexy WITHOUT overtly making it related to the existing relationship]]

If you do this it will end the relationship. Tried it with a gril i really like and it fucked us... but it was fun to look back at lol.
THAT depends on how skillfully you manage to pull it off.
Author:  Mr. Love [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 5:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[[[another possibility is to work on her to adding another girl to the relationship. This can be tricky territory to navigate, and with most women you have to take baby steps, avoid suggesting it directly at first, make the idea sound attractive and sexy WITHOUT overtly making it related to the existing relationship]]

If you do this it will end the relationship. Tried it with a gril i really like and it fucked us... but it was fun to look back at lol.
THAT depends on how skillfully you manage to pull it off.
Skill doesnt come in play on this. I've had more than acouple of two girls at once. If you have a girl that truely loves you and you pull off, the three way it will damage the relationship. Only way she will stay around is if she doesn't have the true love. Ive had both situations.


Yea I think most guys get in the spot your in. You find a good one but don't feel like it's time to settle. I have been there and so have many of my friends. Vent anytime that brother. It all depends on what you want in life. One thing is that you can't look back and regret anything. Take the road you decide and make the best of it.
Author:  LordCaine [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 2:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Skill doesnt come in play on this. I've had more than acouple of two girls at once. If you have a girl that truely loves you and you pull off, the three way it will damage the relationship.
You're trying to say that my suggestion CANNOT work, regardless of how skillfully you pull it off. I'm saying, that I HAVE pulled it off. Your evidence that it CAN NEVER work, is that it didn't work for you.

However, a single counterexample is enough to prove that it can, and I have several such counterexamples.

Therefore, it CAN work, and you simply didn't make it.

With all due respect, your personal experience does not dictate what is and is not possible in the world.
Author:  Mr. Love [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Yes I'm going to say it will damage a strong relationship. Not say it cant be patched, but that fuck up will always b an issue at a time or another. Great for you if your experience worked. This your first? So this means that the girl u were in love with, and had a three way "with the skills" So she's still around? You two married yet? If So it sound like u got it figured it out. But is it someone you can trust with it ALL...? There's sooooo many different situations that could happen here, too much to list.

First, if the girl truly loves you, the couple is 100% ......she's not doing it. She already knows that not going to be good.

Second, if you have a girl that truly loves you, future could be 100%. And some how during a weak spot a drunkin night it happens. It Will cause issues for her, even if it never gets brought up.....the mans trust level is lowered by the female. Even! If she got thing started.....remember u the alfa male and if u loved her enough you would had stopped it.... Ha

Third, the two freaky ass B's in the back of your black book...... Duh no issues there...unless they got real nasty the night before lol. They don't care, there just crazy horny.
Author:  jdilla1 [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Loosing interest in long term gf's?
Quote:
Its one thing to loose interest in a gf but its another to loose interest in a long term relationship! Im 3 1/2 years deep in my relationship and live with my gf...I love my gf shes beautiful! fit, great gf, faithful ect ect but I feel like im loosing interest in here the last month or so...I thought I would just "get over it" but it has only gotten worse! I noticed this week it is a problem because I:

Not as interested in sex with her (sex life has never been boring!)
Im spending more time alone on purpose
worst of all Im picking apart her flaws in my head and blowing them up if that makes sens to you guys?? I mean she hot! the kind of girl most guys would love to date yet in my head Im not as attracted to her anymore.
Lastly I find my self looking at other women alot more then ever before!!!!

So my question is am I alone? what would you guys do? I really do love her shes a great person and I did plan on marrying her down the road but now Im second guessing my self....I have thought about how I would break up with her and I dont think I could bring my self to do it....feel like i might regret it and It would tear her apart! she would be devastated! plus we have a life together...we have lived together for almost two years....
your problem is in bold
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