PUA Forum :: Need help

I'm not happy right now, I don't know why, but my gf is an amazing person... I don't want to lose this great person and I don't get it why I feel so empty???? She only show her emotions when she gets scared to lose me.

nobody can decide what is good for you .. person A likes Z and person B likes X... stop being in fear. Stop the fear of losing sex or whatever...take some fucking risks with clearity

dude you are unhappy because you lack chemistry. You value her because of her habits, they are worth something to you. This is a delicate mix.

What do you value more? your happiness or someone who cleans, cooks and is great in bed.

But sometimes you can be so convinced that you're missing the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection isn't there.

Quote:

But sometimes you can be so convinced that you're missing the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection isn't there.

Did you mean that sometimes u are so convinced that you miss the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection IS there????

linebacker,

i know EXACTLY what you are going through.

i just broke up with my gf for the precise reason you explained.

always feels like something is wrong? something is off? something is missing? something is lacking?

but "chemistry" isn't really the right word. is it? no, it's not.

because the chemistry is there. she just turns it on and off when she wants to. doesn't she?

like i said, i know exactly what you mean.

it's the HOT and COLD SPAM.

and it's a powerplay. it's a powerplay that, quite frankly, i had enough of and ended it just two days ago. been seeing her for approaching two years.

it made me feel just like you said.

like one minute, i'm me.

the next, i am someone else.

i am suddenly boring, or not fun, or not worthwhile, or not noticeable.

honestly, i think it's the hallmark of manipulative women. keep you off balance.

my ex would shift gears for no reason. and i don't mean "moods". i mean "personalities".

one minute, we are cool. having fun. great connection. you could feel the electricity in the air.

the next? who the fuck is this stranger i am standing next to.

and it happened A LOT in public.

Quote:

But sometimes you can be so convinced that you're missing the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection isn't there.

Did you mean that sometimes u are so convinced that you miss the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection IS there????

not at all.

He means that you are focusing on the lack of a connection and chemistry, you focus on what is missing or not currently there.

But what you never realize, the fact that you ignore, is that there was never a connection in the first place.

======================================================================================================

realizing that there never was true chemistry between you two, and realizing the fact that you did talk to her about it previously, only means that it is time to move on and find someone else that you DO IN FACT HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH

= J Slay =

What you would do??? Especially I have met someone that I have crazy chemistry with... I'm very tempted... But she wouldn't do a good wifey like the one I got...

Quote:

What you would do??? Especially I have met someone that I have crazy chemistry with... I'm very tempted... But she wouldn't do a good wifey like the one I got...

idk, man.

i just broke up with mine.

she swore she is heartbroken, she swore she loved me, she swore she didn't know what was bothering me, etc.

but i just couldn't accept that a person could 'unknowingly' constantly switch gears and make me wonder what the fuck was going on every minute of every day without being aware of it.

she said she wasn't aware.

i didn't believe her.

maybe she was right.

maybe i was.

idk.

all i know is i couldn't live it anymore.

Again, the only thing that matters here is how you feel. If you don't feel fulfilled, get out of the relationship. You cannot base this on facts--for instance, my grandma has never "done me wrong," but no way in hell am I going to date her

I'm making light of your problem, I know, but you're getting good advice here. Mack is on the paranoid side of the coin, but he isn't necessarily wrong... The basic idea is, IF you don't like how things are going, and IF it isn't something simple that you can fix, get out of it. Not every "good wifey" gal is going to make every guy happy in a relationship.

Author:	linebacker30 [ Mon Nov 21, 2011 1:52 pm ]
Post subject:	Need help
I need serious help. I never been so confused in my entire life. I have a been in a LTR for 8 months now with a girl. Seems like my mind been playing me tricks since the beginning to find me a reason to leave her. Problem is... she is an amazing women! She has a great job that makes good money, comes from a good family, she respects mine and has a good relationship with my sisters, she cooks, she comes to my house and cleans my mess, we have great sex... but I don't fucking now why the fuck I am not happy. When I first started going out with her, she was always distant when we would go out with her friends or mine. My friends would even ask me if I was happy with her or if we were really a couple. We would not hold hands and seemed like there was a wall between us. The second we are alone, things change, the wall is down. I feel very weird sometimes. I told her that I couldn't take this distance anymore and that things had to change because I couldn't take it anymore. That was 6-7 months ago and things did change but... the distance is still here, but it's not as big as it used to be. Like we hold hands and stuff now but... still feel the distance it's weird. We go out, I meet my best friend cousin, and it's an instant hit, I have much much more chemistry with that girl then my gf and I start questioning myself, how the fuck I meet a new woman and I feel so great in her presence, we can tease each other and I feel driven to her, and out of respect to my gf I don't push it but fuckkk my mind all it wants is to find that chemistry back and it's not with my gf that I find it... How can u have great sex like that and u can have a great time with someone but u lose all of that chemistry when u go out and do any activity in public??? It's not new, it's ALWAYS been like that and it was even worse at the beginning. I look like a boring person when when we go out me and my gf... BUT I AM NOT A BORING PERSON!!!! It's like my real me gets shut down when we go out wtf is wrong can someone explain?! I'm not happy right now, I don't know why, but my gf is an amazing person... I don't want to lose this great person and I don't get it why I feel so empty???? She only show her emotions when she gets scared to lose me.

Author:	J Slay [ Mon Nov 21, 2011 1:56 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I'm not happy right now, I don't know why, but my gf is an amazing person... I don't want to lose this great person and I don't get it why I feel so empty???? She only show her emotions when she gets scared to lose me. dude you are unhappy because you lack chemistry. You value her because of her habits, they are worth something to you. This is a delicate mix. What do you value more? your happiness or someone who cleans, cooks and is great in bed. There are other women out there that can do the same things that your current girlfriend does, some can even do it better. Dont be afraid to confront your problems, you are more important than they are. I recommend being happy, but if you value material comfort more than personal comfort, then that is your choice. I wish you all the best. J Slay

Author:	Lodewijkp [ Mon Nov 21, 2011 2:30 pm ]
Post subject:
i didn't read your post .. i just looked at the title and read the first sentenc.. so this is my gut feeling speaking.. just a ;fucknig confused dude; who gets thrown around by emotions , instincts and his ego... he is all over the place.. what makes you happy ? do you want a relationship .. jsut sex .. approval .. a needy relationship.. emotional connection ? i think it's just your perpective that is the problem . you not being able to indentify what you want... like your post title .. need help ... yes you need help .. give yourself a hand and some clarity nobody can decide what is good for you .. person A likes Z and person B likes X... stop being in fear. Stop the fear of losing sex or whatever...take some fucking risks with clearity

Author:	linebacker30 [ Mon Nov 21, 2011 10:44 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: nobody can decide what is good for you .. person A likes Z and person B likes X... stop being in fear. Stop the fear of losing sex or whatever...take some fucking risks with clearity Honestly, I'm far from fearing the loss of sex, I fear the loss of someone good... Quote: dude you are unhappy because you lack chemistry. You value her because of her habits, they are worth something to you. This is a delicate mix. What do you value more? your happiness or someone who cleans, cooks and is great in bed. Ya u are right, I do value her for her habits and they are worth something... But how can she be so good, yet I miss something?!

Author:	Wal [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:37 am ]
Post subject:
Chemistry is not an intellectual pursuit. You cannot psych yourself into a fulfilling relationship based on facts. Otherwise, AFC's would have all the girls. Stop trying to define a good relationship by what the other person is, and instead focus on how you feel. If you don't feel the connection, so be it. But sometimes you can be so convinced that you're missing the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection isn't there.

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Author:	linebacker30 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:07 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: But sometimes you can be so convinced that you're missing the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection isn't there. Did you mean that sometimes u are so convinced that you miss the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection IS there????

Author:	J Slay [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:58 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: But sometimes you can be so convinced that you're missing the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection isn't there. Did you mean that sometimes u are so convinced that you miss the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection IS there???? not at all. He means that you are focusing on the lack of a connection and chemistry, you focus on what is missing or not currently there. But what you never realize, the fact that you ignore, is that there was never a connection in the first place. ====================================================================================================== realizing that there never was true chemistry between you two, and realizing the fact that you did talk to her about it previously, only means that it is time to move on and find someone else that you DO IN FACT HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH = J Slay =

Author:	Mack 2.0 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:15 am ]
Post subject:
linebacker, i know EXACTLY what you are going through. i just broke up with my gf for the precise reason you explained. always feels like something is wrong? something is off? something is missing? something is lacking? but "chemistry" isn't really the right word. is it? no, it's not. because the chemistry is there. she just turns it on and off when she wants to. doesn't she? like i said, i know exactly what you mean. it's the HOT and COLD SPAM. and it's a powerplay. it's a powerplay that, quite frankly, i had enough of and ended it just two days ago. been seeing her for approaching two years. it made me feel just like you said. like one minute, i'm me. the next, i am someone else. i am suddenly boring, or not fun, or not worthwhile, or not noticeable. honestly, i think it's the hallmark of manipulative women. keep you off balance. my ex would shift gears for no reason. and i don't mean "moods". i mean "personalities". one minute, we are cool. having fun. great connection. you could feel the electricity in the air. the next? who the fuck is this stranger i am standing next to. and it happened A LOT in public.

Author:	linebacker30 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 3:21 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: linebacker, i know EXACTLY what you are going through. i just broke up with my gf for the precise reason you explained. always feels like something is wrong? something is off? something is missing? something is lacking? but "chemistry" isn't really the right word. is it? no, it's not. because the chemistry is there. she just turns it on and off when she wants to. doesn't she? like i said, i know exactly what you mean. it's the HOT and COLD SPAM. and it's a powerplay. it's a powerplay that, quite frankly, i had enough of and ended it just two days ago. been seeing her for approaching two years. it made me feel just like you said. like one minute, i'm me. the next, i am someone else. i am suddenly boring, or not fun, or not worthwhile, or not noticeable. honestly, i think it's the hallmark of manipulative women. keep you off balance. my ex would shift gears for no reason. and i don't mean "moods". i mean "personalities". one minute, we are cool. having fun. great connection. you could feel the electricity in the air. the next? who the fuck is this stranger i am standing next to. and it happened A LOT in public. Bro that's exactly it... I'm so fucking happy someone lived through that and that I am not crazy... The thing though I don't think my girlfriend does it on purpose... It ALWAYS happen to me in public with my friends or her friends... always... I think she doesn't want to portray an image of a girl that is hooked up on me... Even when we are alone, if it's not me who creates that chemistry, there is nothing happening, she just asks me what's up? everything is good? So if I decide to not do anything, not say a word, everything dies. I feel like I always have to create the spark. If I don't, it doesn't exist. It's very weird... nonethless she's a good person and sex is great. She would make a great wifey and she's very caring... I call it chemistry, you call it hot and cold SPAM but I think it's the same thing... We just trying to put a word on a feeling which is hard to explain! What you would do??? Especially I have met someone that I have crazy chemistry with... I'm very tempted... But she wouldn't do a good wifey like the one I got...

Author:	linebacker30 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 3:25 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Quote: But sometimes you can be so convinced that you're missing the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection isn't there. Did you mean that sometimes u are so convinced that you miss the connection, that you ignore the fact that the connection IS there???? not at all. He means that you are focusing on the lack of a connection and chemistry, you focus on what is missing or not currently there. But what you never realize, the fact that you ignore, is that there was never a connection in the first place. ====================================================================================================== realizing that there never was true chemistry between you two, and realizing the fact that you did talk to her about it previously, only means that it is time to move on and find someone else that you DO IN FACT HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH = J Slay = Thx for the explanation I get it now!

Author:	Mack 2.0 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 3:34 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: What you would do??? Especially I have met someone that I have crazy chemistry with... I'm very tempted... But she wouldn't do a good wifey like the one I got... idk, man. i just broke up with mine. she swore she is heartbroken, she swore she loved me, she swore she didn't know what was bothering me, etc. but i just couldn't accept that a person could 'unknowingly' constantly switch gears and make me wonder what the fuck was going on every minute of every day without being aware of it. she said she wasn't aware. i didn't believe her. maybe she was right. maybe i was. idk. all i know is i couldn't live it anymore.

Author:	linebacker30 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:53 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: What you would do??? Especially I have met someone that I have crazy chemistry with... I'm very tempted... But she wouldn't do a good wifey like the one I got... idk, man. i just broke up with mine. she swore she is heartbroken, she swore she loved me, she swore she didn't know what was bothering me, etc. but i just couldn't accept that a person could 'unknowingly' constantly switch gears and make me wonder what the fuck was going on every minute of every day without being aware of it. she said she wasn't aware. i didn't believe her. maybe she was right. maybe i was. idk. all i know is i couldn't live it anymore. Exactly feeling the same here man... One day everything seems fine so I tell myself it's all good... the other day we go out and I'm like god damn it I got to get out of that relationship... I'm sure she loves me... I'm just not sure if I can keep living into this it's getting harder and harder with time. I think you should believe her... she probably loved you... but can you stay with her and be happy? Is it worth it??? And even if you would tell her what you don't like and she would try to correct it... it's not natural... so the day you meet someone and it's crazy natural chemistry, you are going to doubt your relationship... that's what I am exactly doing right now... It's really hard to leave someone that didn't hurt you or never did anything wrong to you. Especially if she has lots of things you like...

Author:	Wal [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:51 pm ]
Post subject:
Again, the only thing that matters here is how you feel. If you don't feel fulfilled, get out of the relationship. You cannot base this on facts--for instance, my grandma has never "done me wrong," but no way in hell am I going to date her I'm making light of your problem, I know, but you're getting good advice here. Mack is on the paranoid side of the coin, but he isn't necessarily wrong... The basic idea is, IF you don't like how things are going, and IF it isn't something simple that you can fix, get out of it. Not every "good wifey" gal is going to make every guy happy in a relationship.

Author:	linebacker30 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 10:34 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Again, the only thing that matters here is how you feel. If you don't feel fulfilled, get out of the relationship. You cannot base this on facts--for instance, my grandma has never "done me wrong," but no way in hell am I going to date her I'm making light of your problem, I know, but you're getting good advice here. Mack is on the paranoid side of the coin, but he isn't necessarily wrong... The basic idea is, IF you don't like how things are going, and IF it isn't something simple that you can fix, get out of it. Not every "good wifey" gal is going to make every guy happy in a relationship. True...

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Author:	JuanAntonioB [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:30 pm ]
Post subject:
My conclusion after years of dating different women and now being in a relationship where, guess what, the woman is the SAME AS ALL THE OTHERs.. is that this is how women are. Period. you cant really change this shit. my current gf is driving me up the wall with her personality switches. you can call it hot and cold, or chemistry, or watever you want. bottom line is you cant change them. cant live with them , cant live without em. of course the whole happiness thing needs to be adressed. but you gotta ask yoruself. are you unhappy because of how your GF acts? or perhaps understanding women better will let you feel happier with your current girl.