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Dating in the Workplace
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Author:  The Grinder [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 2:05 am ]
Post subject:  Dating in the Workplace
I'm really not looking for advice here, I'm just curious as to others' experiences with dating in the workplace. If you have any experiences with dating in the workplace that you want to share please do it here!

Here's my situation... I met co-worker and we have a lot in common (or maybe I just always am looking at the half full side of things). She does have some baggage. She has kids and I am her manager... Which could make things difficult... I look at it as being difficult because of all of the positive things we have in the workplace relationship that we have (we haven't done anything physical yet).

We have a mutual attraction and it's safe to say that we could both be in love, which is a feeling that you really shouldn't pass up. I remember thinking about the negative things about this situation in the car on the way to work and then a car identical to hers was driving in front of me and the song came one "Good love is hard to find, you got lucky babe, you got lucky babe".

It's been about six months since we met, and we get along great. I just don't know what to think... I don't think I can reject her at this point in time and I see no reason too. I just haven't heard many stories about relationships in the workplace. I'm at a job I don't intend to leave and that's that no matter what happens, but I am very curious to any experiences you may have had or have seen that you can share. Anything you can share would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 2:14 am ]
Post subject: 
i'm going to offer what you weren't looking for:

advice.

don't do it.

(unless you know that your relationship with her is going to last forever, that when you two finally hook up, the angels are going to sing in triumph, and wedding bells will begin to ring in the distance, and you will live happily ever after for the next six decades. you do realize how unlikely "this" scenario is, don't you? so, that being said, your "relationship" with her is likely to end AT SOME POINT, when it does, not only will your love life suck, but your work life will become a living hell too.)
Author:  The Grinder [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 5:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
i'm going to offer what you weren't looking for:

advice.

don't do it.

(unless you know that your relationship with her is going to last forever, that when you two finally hook up, the angels are going to sing in triumph, and wedding bells will begin to ring in the distance, and you will live happily ever after for the next six decades. you do realize how unlikely "this" scenario is, don't you? so, that being said, your "relationship" with her is likely to end AT SOME POINT, when it does, not only will your love life suck, but your work life will become a living hell too.)
Thanks for the advise. Have you had any experience with this type of situation. That is the situation that I see in my head. I don't know.
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 6:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Mack is giving you solid advice.

Don't over-think it.. just don't do it. There are a TON of amazing women out there. Do NOT try for one that could potentially mess up your work environment. It's just not a good idea.

-Wolf
Author:  The Grinder [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Mack is giving you solid advice.

Don't over-think it.. just don't do it. There are a TON of amazing women out there. Do NOT try for one that could potentially mess up your work environment. It's just not a good idea.

-Wolf
Err... Are you in love sir? Do you realize how long I've waited for this feeling. It's mutual, which I have waited so long for. I don't know what to do. I feel kind of depressed now and don't know if I should listen to you or not. I don't want to die old and alone. Why is life so hard? I feel like Im in love with her and don't know of I can turn my back on it.
Author:  SmoothOp [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I met co-worker and we have a lot in common (or maybe I just always am looking at the half full side of things).
Hmmmm...
Quote:
Err... Are you in love sir?
Hmmmm... First statement doesn't really make it sound like you are sure. You drive a compelling argument about how much you "love" this women
Quote:
I don't want to die old and alone. Why is life so hard?
You sound like you believe this is the only women and your last chance for a relationship. That's not love. It's desperation.

I'm not going to discourage you because you have already made up your choice BUT I will warn you about a few things:
1. It's not very professional
2. Brings "home" problems to the work place
3. If you guys end badly, she will make your life hell and no one will be sympathetic since you choose to date your employee
4. If it ends on a good note, there will be too many feelings floating around to have a proper work relationship
5. Most work places do not allow relationship between employees

Not trying to sound like a new job seminar, but it ain't smart to shit where you eat.

Imagine you were married to a woman, then you get a divorce but continue to live in the same house together. Sound like a good idea?

Not saying it won't work out for you, but every action has a reaction(besides getting your dick wet). You always have to think of all possible scenerios before making a decision that affects your life/career.

Good luck with whatever decision you make,

Cheers

EDIT: Real life example. During my college years I worked part time at a furniture store. Some office girl started making eyes at me. Long story short, I had sex with her we dated for 2 weeks. I didn't like her so I ended it. Work became hell(she went physco), spreading rumours, she told people she was pregant, just a really unfortable SPAM for me. I quit 4 days after breaking up with her.
Author:  The Grinder [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
You make a good point I could be desparate. I feel desparate in a way that I might not be a able to find another person like her. I know there's a lot of baggage involved. I don't know what to do at this point.
Author:  Wolfwoodd [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 9:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Mack is giving you solid advice.

Don't over-think it.. just don't do it. There are a TON of amazing women out there. Do NOT try for one that could potentially mess up your work environment. It's just not a good idea.

-Wolf
Err... Are you in love sir? Do you realize how long I've waited for this feeling. It's mutual, which I have waited so long for. I don't know what to do. I feel kind of depressed now and don't know if I should listen to you or not. I don't want to die old and alone. Why is life so hard? I feel like Im in love with her and don't know of I can turn my back on it.
Jesus, have you learned nothing from these forums?! You, sir, have one-itus. You are now attempting to rationalize a poor decision because you think "she's the only one for me" or "she's different than all the others." Bull crap. There are thousands of really awesome women out there. It's this kind of scarcity-mentality that turns men into needy, jealous a$$holes.

Learn what the hell you are doing and you'll never have to worry about being alone. That's what these forums are for. Read, practice and figure this stuff out. Put in a little effort and this material can change your life.

-Wolf
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 10:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
if you two are in love follow these steps in order:

1. one of you quits
2. plan the wedding
Author:  The Grinder [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 11:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
if you two are in love follow these steps in order:

1. one of you quits
2. plan the wedding
Hmm... Do you think it's better to go out for awhile before we get married... I don't know what to do! I feel like crap today! I'd hate to see her with someone else and I know what the answer is... Go out and fuck 12 girls. I dunno what to do. I don't want to hurt her feelings either. How did I get in this situation! Should I just start asking random girls out?
Author:  Reo [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 11:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
What has this girl done or said that indicates she wants a relationship with you?

As for dating your employee that is a conflict of interest so many things could go wrong.
Author:  The Grinder [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
What has this girl done or said that indicates she wants a relationship with you?

As for dating your employee that is a conflict of interest so many things could go wrong.
She basically said I was a tease and thinks I'm attractive. She has also given me very bold comments that indicate interest...
Author:  Reo [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
What has this girl done or said that indicates she wants a relationship with you?

As for dating your employee that is a conflict of interest so many things could go wrong.
She basically said I was a tease and thinks I'm attractive. She has also given me very bold comments that indicate interest...
I dont know about this I've seen a situation at my job between a supervisor and a girl(he wasn't her direct supervisor). He thought the girl was cool she gave him all the signals that he had a chance then one day he tried to push his limit with her and got sexual harassment file against him he almost lost his job. To this day he's still having to deal with the embarrasment of the whole situation. That is not what you want.

Seems like your girl is waiting for you to make that next move only god knows what her reaction will be to it positive or negative.
Author:  The Grinder [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
What has this girl done or said that indicates she wants a relationship with you?

As for dating your employee that is a conflict of interest so many things could go wrong.
She basically said I was a tease and thinks I'm attractive. She has also given me very bold comments that indicate interest...
I dont know about this I've seen a situation at my job between a supervisor and a girl(he wasn't her direct supervisor). He thought the girl was cool she gave him all the signals that he had a chance then one day he tried to push his limit with her and got sexual harassment file against him he almost lost his job. To this day he's still having to deal with the embarrasment of the whole situation. That is not what you want.

Seems like your girl is waiting for you to make that next move only god knows what her reaction will be to it positive or negative.
Yes, that is also something to consider too. I read into it and it seems like you have to worry more about other employees who will claim that she got "special SPAM" because we are going out or something. I'm not really sure though. I'm not an attorney.

Do you know any of the details of that situation?
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:18 am ]
Post subject: 
you haven't read enough to drop the subject?
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